TresSugar

How Do You Feel About Having Children?

TresSugar — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 04:00:00 -0700

Maureen Dowd asks why women seem unhappier today than ever in her New York Times column over the weekend. Are they unhappier? Women today seem way happier than the defeated and bitter Betty Draper on Mad Men. But the General Social Survey, which has tracked Americans’ moods since 1972, along with five other major studies, show women have become more dissatisfied while men are becoming happier. (Black women, interestingly, are a little happier since 1972, but still not as happy as black men.)

The number of distractions we have today correlated with women's rising unhappiness. The biggest distraction? Children. “Across the happiness data, the one thing in life that will make you less happy is having children,” Betsey Stevenson, professor and coauthor of a paper called “The Paradox of Declining Female Happiness" told Dowd. “It’s true whether you’re wealthy or poor, if you have kids late or kids early."

Stevenson concedes she doesn't know one mother who said she wished she never had kids, but knowing kids aren't all bundles of joy could make you feel more confident should you decide to opt out. How do you feel about having children?

Source: Flickr User Naso3

Say What? Katie Roiphe on Feminism and Maternity Leave

TresSugar — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 13:00:00 -0700

"Historically, feminists have emphasized the difficulty, the drudgery of new motherhood. They have tried to analogize childcare to the work of men; and so for a long time, women have called motherhood a 'vocation.' The act of caring for a baby is demanding, and arduous, of course, but it is wilder and more narcotic than any kind of work I have ever done."

- Writer Katie Roiphe on the conflicted pleasures of having a baby and maternity leave. At the same time she talks about the pleasures of taking care of a new baby, she says that "part of the allure of maternity leave is you give up everything you are and care about."

Wasted Women Frowned Upon More Than Messed Up Men

TresSugar — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 15:00:00 -0700

Breastfeeding moms looking to avoid jail time might want to switch their kids to bottles if they're hitting the bottle themselves. A mother in North Dakota was arrested recently for breastfeeding while intoxicated. Police said that they could have arrested the drunk mother for endangering her child even if she wasn't breastfeeding, but is it really fair to arrest a mom for being drunk? Perhaps there's something more going on here.

A visibly drunk woman seems to violate deep-seated expectations of how a "lady" should be well-behaved, fragile, or conventionally maternal. For example, the insatiable fascination with misbehaving starlets and their clubbing antics isn't extended to their male counterparts.

Do you think you judge drunk women more harshly than men who overindulge in alcohol?

Source: Flickr User nyki_m

Say What? Some Bosses Distrust Women Without Kids

TresSugar — Thu, 21 May 2009 14:00:00 -0700

Research conducted over six years shows that far from bosses and colleagues always being suspicious of a working mother, the opposite is becoming true: it is the childless woman who is regarded as cold and odd.

An outspoken mother and former boss writes in the Daily Mail that she simply cannot understand why a healthy woman would choose not to have kids. She says that women who chose to focus on their careers, instead of starting a family, make employers question their "essential humanity." ARGH! Isn't it time we stop tying how a woman chooses to live her life to her career abilities? Could you imagine describing a working man as cold because he didn't have children?

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More Harm Than Good?

DearSugar — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 11:00:00 -0700

To add more fuel to the teen pregnancy fire surrounding the Palin family, Jamie Lynn Spears thought it would be a nice gesture to send Bristol Palin, Sarah Palin's 17-year-old pregnant daughter, a baby gift with a card reading "hang in there." While I'm not one to judge these girls or their decisions to be young moms, I did think this was a little bizarre - they don't even know each other!

Jamie Lynn is no stranger to public scrutiny, so I have to ask why she'd turn the spotlight on Bristol and back onto herself. I could be overthinking this, but tell me: Do you think this is a situation where a young girl trying to support another young woman in the same position is a good idea? Or do you think her gesture caused more harm than good by bringing more unwanted publicity to her personal life?

Update - Turns out that Lynne Spears has denied any gifts were sent.

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Group Therapy: My Biological Clock Is Ticking

Fri, 20 Jun 2008 03:00:00 -0700

My motherly instinct has kicked in, but I don't believe my fiance has the same desire for children right now that I do. I am 25 years old, and I desperately want to feel the joys of motherhood. One of my cousins just found out the precious news, and as much as I'm happy for her, I'm also angry and jealous. I just wish it would be me who's pregnant. It's taken a toll on me and made me feel depressed, but every time I bring up the subject to my significant other, he changes the topic. I need advice. How do I get past this? Is there any way to silence your biological clock?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

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Good Idea or Bad Idea: Drinking Wine While Pregnant

DearSugar — Mon, 11 Jun 2007 14:45:00 -0700

Have you ever seen a pregnant woman sip on a glass of wine at a restaurant and secretly passed judgment on her? Or have you ever been on the flip side and felt the evil stares of strangers while you enjoyed a glass of wine even though you were expecting? While obstetrician/gynecologists don't recommend drinking while pregnant, most agree that a few glasses of wine after your first trimester will not harm the baby.

So how do you feel about this taboo topic? Do you think it is a good idea or a bad idea for expecting mothers to enjoy a glass of wine once or twice a week?

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Dear Poll: Do you Get Enough Alone Time with your Husband?

DearSugar — Tue, 05 Jun 2007 10:30:00 -0700

In this month's Marie Claire magazine, Angelina Jolie talked about her busy schedule, juggling her children and her career, which leaves her with minimal room in her hectic day for "mommy/daddy time".

While spending time with your children and being a vital part of their youth is as important as it is special, there is something to be said about making time for you and your husband. So for all you mothers out there, do you give yourself enough adult alone time with your husband or do you crave more romance and intimacy -- kid free?

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Are Celebrities Turning Single Motherhood Into a Trend?

TresSugar — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 04:00:00 -0700

First comes marriage? Not if you listen to statistics from the UK and US. More women, in fact, are having babies out of wedlock. Correction. It's not 1950: more women are having babies while single.

In the US, teens accounted for 50 percent of unwed mothers in 1970, but that rate is now down to 23 percent. So who are these eager moms? A lot of women in their 20s. And the UK reveals a similar trend: unmarried births are poised to become the majority in the next decade. Already, one-third of mothers are under 25.

Professor Gary Hoppenstand, editor of The Journal of Popular Culture, argues that one reason might be that celebrities are making it more and more acceptable to be pregnant in flip-flops. "Young people see their favorite actresses getting pregnant without serious commitment," he said, "and it's cool for them." Hmmm. Facile and insulting? Or not entirely false?

I don't actually know anyone who got unmarried-pregnant before 30, so help me out. Have celebrities made it more acceptable? Or, are we just so beyond unwed pregnancy being an issue for 20-somethings that the bump is moot?

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The View Ladies Have a Case of Inappropriate Giggles

TresSugar — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 16:00:02 -0800

Sofía Vergara, the young, Latina wife on Modern Family, went on The View today. Things got off to an awkward enough start when Joy asked the Colombian actress, "So you really talk like that?" but then things got worse. Like rape worse. The hosts remarked on how young she is to have an 18-year-old son, and Sherri joked that Sofía must have had him when she was 12." Then Sofía took the joke much, much further saying, "No, no, 13. I was raped." What?! Silence. Now let's all laugh and make it go away. So they did, and Barbara steered the conversation into the less-felony-ish waters of motherhood.

In all fairness, I don't think I could've handled this much better. Obviously, it was nervous laughter from bewilderment and embarrassment. But what a clip it makes!