TresSugar

A Generation of Male Commitmentphobes?

TresSugar — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 15:30:00 -0800

A recent Marie Claire trend piece takes on a certain species of man: the commitment-phobe. Lest you think this is but one unavoidable type of man, the writer suggests that there's a whole generation of 30-something men having early midlife crises:

These guys are part of a cause-less generation. They didn't grow up burning their draft cards or fighting the Nazis. They weren't part of the Civil Rights Movement, the Women's Movement, or any other movement. They were spoiled as kids and now they want to spoil themselves as adults. The old cliché was that a man would wake up one morning and realize that he wanted his youth back. The new version is that he never reached adulthood in the first place.

This type tends to be drawn to Type-A women who can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never let him forget he's a man . . . but the writer wonders if part of what the male commitmentphobe is thinking is that this type of woman doesn't need him at all. (Hmmm. So it's her fault?)

I don't think many would argue for a return to old-school gender roles and the suffocation that went with them, but do you think there's a whole generation of young-ish men who don't know how to commit?

Do Tell: What Was the Cause of Your Quarterlife Crisis?

DearSugar — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 07:00:00 -0800

The new NBC show Quarterlife debuted last night and I have a funny feeling people are going to be hooked. We've all heard of midlife crises, but lucky for us, we have to go through a quarterlife crisis first! It's that wavering period of uncertainty where you don't quite know who you are, what you want to do with your life, who your true friends are, or what your purpose is. I'm thankful I've already experienced mine, but what about you? If you're already past that bump in the road, do tell, what was the cause of your quarterlife crisis?

Source

Group Therapy: Am I Too Young to Be Having a Midlife Crisis???

Tue, 27 Feb 2007 11:35:45 -0800

Is it possible to be as unhappy with how things have turned out as I am right now? I'm 28, no real career, no man, no money (well not really) and I never ever thought I'd still be renting at my age!! I'm only now considering going back to school, which is a start, but by the time I'm done I'll be 32!!

Everytime I talk to my parents they make sure to remind me that I'm not doing anything and that I should try and change the situation as soon as possible cause I'm not getting any younger. Sometimes I wish I could be someone else for a day, and just have a good time.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

Source

Paul at Bed's-For-Less Is Losin' His Mind

GiggleSugar — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 11:00:00 -0700

Poor Paul. He's shooting a commercial for Beds For Less, but he seems to have mistaken it for a therapy session. In these outtakes (mattress discount commercials have outtakes?!), he pretty much has a midlife crisis right before our eyes. Caution: NSFW (Paul's got a mouth on him) and not safe for those approaching midlife themselves.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

You Asked: How Can I Tell My Mother to Dress Her Age?

DearSugar — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I have run into quite the dilemma as my mother has gotten older - she just turned 50, but she's dressing like a 15-year-old! My two younger sisters (13 and 16) are still living at home, so I guess they are the only ones she has to look to for fashion advice. On her 50th birthday, she wore a skintight sweater with black leggings to a party we threw for her. This wouldn't be so bad, but the tights she wore belonged to my 13-year-old sister, and for lack of a nice way to put it, my mom doesn't quite have the physique she used to. As guests started to arrive, it was obvious that they were shocked by her outfit choice.

She has a wonderful boyfriend who she has been seeing for about a year now, so she isn't trying to "dress to impress." He's a pretty laid-back guy who has said on several occasions that he prefers her in jeans and a hoodie rather than all "gussied up." I don't know if it's turning 50 that's spurring a midlife fashion crisis or if it's the fact that my two older sisters and I no longer live at home to give her advice on what to wear, but my mom's clothes are starting to get a little out of control. She always used to look great and put together, so how can I tell her that she isn't quite dressing appropriately for her age without hurting her feelings? - Embarrassed Elsa

To see DearSugar's answer read more

Dear Embarrassed Elsa,

As with most moms, I'm certain that your opinion means a lot, so you're going to have to tread lightly in order to avoid hurting her feelings. Since she used to dress more to your liking, you might be right - she could be having a midlife fashion crisis. Whatever the case, I think your mom's boyfriend has the right approach. Instead of harping on her for the things you don't like, compliment her on the things you do. Tell her how great she looks when she wears something you like and if she asks for your advice, be sure to give her an honest answer in a loving way. If you attack her wardrobe choices, she's bound to feel bad about herself and, in turn, she might try to dress to impress even more.

Mother's Day is just around the corner, so perhaps you and your sisters could take her shopping or pitch in to buy her a few new pieces that you'd all like to see her in. Since they'll be a gift from the ones she loves most, hopefully she'll wear them, especially when she's around you girls. In addition to guiding her in the right direction, you should talk to your younger siblings and urge them not to let your mom borrow their clothes anymore. The key thing to remember is that dressing your age doesn't mean you can't still look hip and stylish, so hopefully with some positive encouragement, your mom will be able to realize that too.

Source

DearSugar Needs Your Help: My Best Friend Is a Total Mess!

DearSugar — Sat, 12 Jul 2008 09:00:00 -0700

DearSugar and She's Gone Off The Deep End Danielle need your help. Her best friend is leading a secret life of alcohol abuse and infidelity and she doesn't know what to do. Her family is all in the know but she's in such denial that their attempts to help aren't working. She's spiraling out of control so do you have any advice to offer before it's too late?

Dear Sugar,

I have known my best friend for over 17 years. We went to junior high, high school, even college together. We live in the same town now and lately, I've become very worried about her. I’m planning a wedding (she’s the matron-of-honor, but hasn't helped at all), and we hardly talk or see each other anymore. Until her husband and mother called me on separate occasions, I would have no idea about the secret life she leads. Apparently for the past seven months, she’s been going out three to five times a week, often alone, to bars where she drinks excessively to the point of blacking out. When she drinks, she gets very flirtatious and her husband told me that she admitted to cheating on him when he was away. He even says when he goes to bars with her (to make sure she’s safe), that she kisses other guys and girls in front of him.

He loves her and says he's going to stand by her side “for better or worse.” They’re in couples counseling, but nothing much has changed. He often calls to confide in me (my friend has no idea), and I am in shock from what I hear. When I tried talking to her about it, she denied everything - said she only goes out once a week, doesn’t have a drinking problem, didn’t cheat on her husband and claims to be working through the problems in her marriage. I think she’s having a mid-life crisis, resorting back to her college-like behavior. It breaks my heart that she has changed into this person I’ve lost all respect for, and I feel so badly for her husband. I’m desperately worried about her and miss my best friend. I fear for what her future holds so I'm wide open to any advice you could offer.

Source

New Rules of Marriage?

DearSugar — Thu, 22 May 2008 11:00:00 -0700

Whether you're dating, planning a wedding, or already married, I'm sure you've gotten a lot of relationship advice from other married folks. If they've listed off any of the soft rules of marriage, you might want to do some new research. On a recent segment on The Today Show, Rosemary Ellis, the editor-in-chief of Good Housekeeping, shared some new and improved rules of marriage that you should check out below.

Old Myth	New Rule	Explanation
Never go to bed angry.	Sleep on it, but before you roll over in a huff, give your partner a six-second kiss.	If you're blood is boiling and you're frustrated with your honey, duking it out all night won't help. Though kissing before you go to bed won't necessarily solve your problems, it will remind you of your special connection so you can talk about it the next day with a clear and level head.

Want to see the other myths? Then read more.

Old Myth	New Rule	Explanation
As you get older, sex isn't as important.	There's no reason you won't grow more sexually connected.	The more comfortable you feel with a person, the more confident you'll be to ask for what you want and try new things.
As a marriage grows, you'll realize that you've grown apart and fallen out of love.	Marriages don't run on feelings - in order for them to thrive, both partners need to do their fare share of work.	Working through your differences and talking through your disagreements and issues will make your relationship stronger.
Couples who stay together have a lot in common.	It's actually the couples who don't have a lot in common who are often happiest.	You don't have to love doing everything together all the time as long as you do set aside time to be together. Also, having different interests is a plus because it'll keep you happy and secure as an individual, which can only benefit your relationship.
Every guy has a midlife crisis.	It's actually a "reinvention," and women go through it too.	Everyone's life goes through change. Maybe your career takes off in a different direction, or your children leave home, or a parent passes away. The first half of your life is different than the second half, but the second half should get better!

I don't necessarily agree with all of these "new" rules, but what about you? Is there some merit to these news ways of thinking about marriage? Share your thoughts in the comment section below.

Source

Trouble in Paradise

GiggleSugar — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 04:00:00 -0800

Barbie and Ken had a falling out. She got the dream house, he got the mid-life crisis.

Source

You Asked: He Wants a Break and I Don't

DearSugar — Wed, 29 Aug 2007 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--

I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years. He says he wants a break as he is going through some heavy therapy may be having a mid-life crisis - he even asked me to join him in a therapy session. He says he needs the break to get his head together however he says the break is not about us. I can't get over the fact that if he wanted to be with me, then he wouldn't be wanting this break. In my opinion, loved ones help each other out and get through the tough times TOGETHER.

He is still calling me and having casual conversations as if nothing has happened, but this time apart is killing me. I don't know what I should do. Walk away? Wait for him? Be in this limbo and be miserable, or cut all contact until he gives me a definite answer about our future?

--Not Wanting a Break Bianca

To see DEARSUGAR's answer read more

Dear Not Wanting a Break Bianca--

It's very sweet of you to want to support your boyfriend while he's going through a rough time. I see your point about how some couples can stay together and help each other while they're in need, but maybe he's embarrassed and doesn't want you to have to play that role. He might just want to take time on his own, get through this rough patch, and then get back to being the strong man you know.

Even though it was his idea to have a break, you get to decide what your relationship will be like from now on. If you are happy remaining friends and chatting every few days, then you can be there for him in that way. If it's too painful to "just be friends," I would insist he not call you or see you until he has figured everything out. After all, this break was his idea, so he'll have to deal with the consequences.

The hardest part about this situation is that he can't tell you when he'll be ready to commit again. It could be 1 month, 6 months or 2 years. You can't just sit around and wait for him to be ready -- it's unfair and unhealthy -- so I suggest you move on and date other people. I know it'll be hard to move on at first, but just have faith that if it's meant to work out between you two, it will. Good luck Bianca.

Source