TresSugar

You Asked: Is She a Bad Bridesmaid or Am I a Bridezilla?

DearSugar — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I'm getting married in a few months, and I asked my four closest girl friends to be my bridesmaids. Three of the girls have been amazing, but I've been having a lot of issues with the last girl. They were kind enough to throw me a lovely bachelorette party, but they had a hard time settling on the date because the girl in question was always "busy." They finally settled on a date that worked for her, and then three weeks before the party, she called to tell me that she couldn't make it because she decided to take a vacation instead. I feel extremely hurt because I knew the other girls bent over backwards to accommodate her because we all felt it was important for her to attend since she was a bridesmaid. Am I wrong to be hurt that she would miss my bachelorette party so she could go on a vacation instead? - Peeved Penelope

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Peeved Penelope,

I have to say that I'm on your side on this one - your friend is being incredibly selfish by purposely making vacation plans on the same weekend as your bachelorette party. Not only did she create a ruckus by making the date all about her, but she's clearly showing you where her priorities lie. Since she's already made her decision, there's nothing you can do now, so try not to let her absence ruin your bachelorette party or your wedding day.

Although brides are typically the ones that become overwhelmed during wedding planning time, perhaps your friend is going through something that you're unaware of. Could she be jealous that you're getting married and she's not? Could she be having marital problems if she's already married? She could also have bailed out on your weekend with the girls simply because the attention was not going to be on her.

Since your feelings are rightfully hurt, I'd talk to her about it. Let her know how she made you feel and perhaps ask if there's something bothering her that she wants to talk about. If she says no, remember that this is her problem, not yours, and hopefully by the time your wedding comes around, she can stand by your side and support you on your big day.

Source

DearSugar Needs Your Help: My Best Friend Is a Total Mess!

DearSugar — Sat, 12 Jul 2008 09:00:00 -0700

DearSugar and She's Gone Off The Deep End Danielle need your help. Her best friend is leading a secret life of alcohol abuse and infidelity and she doesn't know what to do. Her family is all in the know but she's in such denial that their attempts to help aren't working. She's spiraling out of control so do you have any advice to offer before it's too late?

Dear Sugar,

I have known my best friend for over 17 years. We went to junior high, high school, even college together. We live in the same town now and lately, I've become very worried about her. I’m planning a wedding (she’s the matron-of-honor, but hasn't helped at all), and we hardly talk or see each other anymore. Until her husband and mother called me on separate occasions, I would have no idea about the secret life she leads. Apparently for the past seven months, she’s been going out three to five times a week, often alone, to bars where she drinks excessively to the point of blacking out. When she drinks, she gets very flirtatious and her husband told me that she admitted to cheating on him when he was away. He even says when he goes to bars with her (to make sure she’s safe), that she kisses other guys and girls in front of him.

He loves her and says he's going to stand by her side “for better or worse.” They’re in couples counseling, but nothing much has changed. He often calls to confide in me (my friend has no idea), and I am in shock from what I hear. When I tried talking to her about it, she denied everything - said she only goes out once a week, doesn’t have a drinking problem, didn’t cheat on her husband and claims to be working through the problems in her marriage. I think she’s having a mid-life crisis, resorting back to her college-like behavior. It breaks my heart that she has changed into this person I’ve lost all respect for, and I feel so badly for her husband. I’m desperately worried about her and miss my best friend. I fear for what her future holds so I'm wide open to any advice you could offer.

Source

Dear Sugar Needs Your Help: My Friends Want to Party and I'm Over it

DearSugar — Sat, 19 Jan 2008 09:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar and Settled Down Donna need your help. She's married and all her girlfriends are single and ready to mingle. She doesn't want to feel like the outcast, but she's just over the party scene so what should she do?

Dear Sugar,

I have been happily married since last summer and we just moved into our dream house together. I love my calm and comfortable life with my husband, and when Friday night comes along, all I want to do is have a quiet night at home. The thing is, my girlfriends, whom I've known since high school, are still single and love to go out and meet guys. They constantly call me and try to persuade me to party with them, but I'm totally done with the whole loud, drunken bar scene.

I try to get them to come over to my house, or go out to a nice dinner together, but they're just not into it. I really don't blame them for wanting to live it up and have a good time, but they make me feel guilty for not going out with them "like we used to." They are constantly ragging on me for acting old and boring. I do miss hanging out with them, but they won't do what I want to do and I won't do what they want me to do so do you have any suggestions on how we can meet somewhere in the middle? I don't want to lose my friends just because I'm married. - Settled Down Donna

Source

Would You Call Your Future Mother-in-Law "Mom?"

DearSugar — Tue, 14 Aug 2007 11:00:00 -0700

Source

My good friend is getting married in a few weeks, and she came to me with a bit of a predicament. She was talking to her mother-in-law about some last minute wedding details, and when they said their goodbyes, her mother-in-law said, "Oh honey, you'll be married soon, you can call me "mom!!" My friend didn't know what to say, since she wasn't planning on ever calling her mom, so to avoid the situation, she said, "uh, ok, bye."

So, what would you do in this situation? Would you call your mother-in-law Mom?

You Asked: How Can I Get Over My Husband's Abusive Past?

DearSugar — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--

I have been married to my husband for almost 21 years. To many people he appears the perfect husband, and in a way he is. He can cook, will help around the house and with the children and is generally very good to me. However, I have a problem.

When we were first married, for the first few years, every time we got into an argument he would hit me. He caused black eyes on occasion, made my nose bleed and left me with bruises. Every time it happened he was remorseful afterwards and promised that it would never happen again and eventually he did stop hitting me.

He is however still quite threatening in his stance when we have an argument now, and although I do actually believe that he wouldn't hit me again, every time we fight, it brings back vile memories for me. He denies any current threatening attitude, and admittedly that is all it is really, and he gets upset when I mention the past.

He is a good husband in so many ways, but these memories have put a distant shadow over our marriage. I have five lovely children, and I want really to keep the marriage alive for them. Do you think that I can ever get rid of this ghost?

--Hurting Helene

To see DEARSUGAR's answer read more

Dear Hurting Helene--

I have to say that part of me is a little sad that you are still with him after the way he's treated you, but I do understand that he's the father of your children and it sounds like he's changed his ways (slightly). Abuse isn't just physical, and although he's stopped hitting you, it sounds like he still is holding power over you emotionally with his threatening personality. That's still a form of abuse, and it worries me, for both you and for your children.

You say that you want to keep the marriage going for the sake of your five kids, but if you are unhappy or if they see him act negatively towards you, you run the risk of them growing up thinking that is "normal" behavior, which we all know is very false. It sounds like you two need some counseling, both together and on your own. Talking about the past will make you feel better, will make him realize how wrong his reaction to anger is, and will help prevent abuse in the future.

I do believe that people can change, but if these threatening behaviors continue, for the mental health and safety of you and your five children, you have got to find a way to get away from him until he can treat you and your children with love and respect. I know that's easier said then done, but there are many women's programs available or you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224) so you don't have to deal with this alone. Good luck Helene.

Source

Do Tell: What's the Best Part of Being Husband and Wife?

DearSugar — Mon, 16 Jul 2007 07:00:00 -0700

Once the honeymoon is over, it's back to "real life" - dirty laundry, a messy house, bills, work, etc. - but the thing that makes it all not so bad is that you have your new hubby right there with you!! Since I'm not married, I can only imagine how wonderful it must be to finally call the man you love your husband, so ladies, do tell, what's the best part about being a newlywed?

Source

You Asked: What If We Have Sex Just Once?

DearSugar — Fri, 22 Jun 2007 14:20:32 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I am happily married with children - and have a huge crush on an old boyfriend. We would never date again. We would not even have an affair, but I have been toying with the idea of wanting to just have one sex session with him. What do you think?

- Thinking About it Abigail

To see DearSugar's answer read more

Dear Thinking About it Abigail -

What do I think??? Sister, I don't think this would be a ONE TIME "sex session," do you? I'm not sure what your definition of an affair is, but having sex with someone else IS an affair. Any way that you cheat on your husband and go against the vows you made on your wedding day constitutes an affair, or at least in my book.

Your feelings and desires for this old flame are by no means wrong, but because of your commitment to your present husband, you CANNOT follow through with them unless you are willing to give up your marriage. If your eyes are wandering towards other men, it sounds like something is lacking in your marriage. Talk to your husband and tell him how you feel. Maybe he can help give you what you need emotionally and/or sexually.

If you have this one time sex session, you might be risking breaking up your marriage. What if your husband finds out? How would you feel if he wanted a divorce? How will you explain that to your children? If you are unsatisfied or unhappy with your marriage in any way, then you need to address that issue first. Have you considered marriage counseling? I would advise you not to get involved with another man before you address your issues - it'll only make matters worse. Good luck Abigail.

Source

Do, Dump, or Marry? Kellan Lutz

TresSugar — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 06:00:34 -0800

Thanks to his clear blue eyes, Twilight's Kellan Lutz definitely qualifies as dreamy, and on the big screen, he's straight up vampire eye candy – in my book at least.

The 24-year-old North Dakota native might not be the biggest heartthrob to appear in New Moon, but he surely has his own set of devoted fans. And for all you dog lovers, Kellan (who is officially single) has a soft spot for canines too; he adopted his dog Kola from a local animal shelter.

Do you want Kellan to bite you?

Do, Dump or Gay Marry?

TresSugar — Wed, 27 May 2009 04:00:00 -0700

In our last Do, Dump or Marry?, a commenter had a simple and brilliant suggestion: a Do Dump or Marry for the ladies who love ladies. (And for any straight man who stumbles upon TrèsSugar, here's something for you too!)

Who better to inaugurate this one than the woman almost all young Hollywood actresses say they have a crush on. The one, the only, love her or hate her. . .Angelina Jolie. Do, dump, or gay marry?

Source

Do, Dump, or Marry? Vince Vaughn

TresSugar — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 13:00:00 -0700

Perennial party boy Vince Vaughn may be done with his bad-boy ways. In a recent interview he was quoted saying that for the first time in his life, he wants to be married and have kids.

Seeing as the Couples Retreat star is engaged, the following question is purely in the realm of fantasy, but how do you feel about this hunk of a man?