TresSugar

New Rules of Marriage?

DearSugar — Thu, 22 May 2008 11:00:00 -0700

Whether you're dating, planning a wedding, or already married, I'm sure you've gotten a lot of relationship advice from other married folks. If they've listed off any of the soft rules of marriage, you might want to do some new research. On a recent segment on The Today Show, Rosemary Ellis, the editor-in-chief of Good Housekeeping, shared some new and improved rules of marriage that you should check out below.

Old Myth	New Rule	Explanation
Never go to bed angry.	Sleep on it, but before you roll over in a huff, give your partner a six-second kiss.	If you're blood is boiling and you're frustrated with your honey, duking it out all night won't help. Though kissing before you go to bed won't necessarily solve your problems, it will remind you of your special connection so you can talk about it the next day with a clear and level head.

Want to see the other myths? Then read more.

Old Myth	New Rule	Explanation
As you get older, sex isn't as important.	There's no reason you won't grow more sexually connected.	The more comfortable you feel with a person, the more confident you'll be to ask for what you want and try new things.
As a marriage grows, you'll realize that you've grown apart and fallen out of love.	Marriages don't run on feelings - in order for them to thrive, both partners need to do their fare share of work.	Working through your differences and talking through your disagreements and issues will make your relationship stronger.
Couples who stay together have a lot in common.	It's actually the couples who don't have a lot in common who are often happiest.	You don't have to love doing everything together all the time as long as you do set aside time to be together. Also, having different interests is a plus because it'll keep you happy and secure as an individual, which can only benefit your relationship.
Every guy has a midlife crisis.	It's actually a "reinvention," and women go through it too.	Everyone's life goes through change. Maybe your career takes off in a different direction, or your children leave home, or a parent passes away. The first half of your life is different than the second half, but the second half should get better!

I don't necessarily agree with all of these "new" rules, but what about you? Is there some merit to these news ways of thinking about marriage? Share your thoughts in the comment section below.

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Prop. 8 Upheld, While Existing Marriages Ruled Valid

TresSugar — Tue, 26 May 2009 10:25:14 -0700

Proposition 8, the same-sex marriage ban approved by California voters last November, has been upheld by the state supreme court by a 6-1 vote. The court also ruled that the 18,000 existing same-sex marriages issued between June and November 2008 are valid as well. Thanks to Proposition 8, some of California's same-sex couples will be legally married, while others will no longer have access to the privilege.

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Arnold Schwarzenegger Supports Gay Marriage Ruling

LibertySugar — Mon, 19 May 2008 06:00:56 -0700

Now that the California Supreme Court overturned the state's ban on same-sex marriage, the real question is whether the ruling will stick. California's Republican Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, who has twice vetoed same-sex marriage legislation, has decided he will be one less person standing in the way of gay couples joyously planning their nuptials.

Arnold said he supports the ruling, which overturned an unconstitutional voter-approved ban, despite his personal view that "marriage is between a man and a woman." He told the SF Chronicle:

When the people vote, people are not legal experts, constitutional experts or any of that. I think that's why we have the courts. People may vote with good intentions, but then the court says, "This is not constitutional. It's not that the court interferes with the will of the people. But the court says, "You voted for something, but it's not constitutionally right, so let's rework this.'"

But the governator's support doesn't stop the battle. To see what's next, read more.

This November, voters most likely will face a ballot initiative that amends California's constitution to include an opposite-sex only definition of marriage. If it passes, same-sex marriage will be unconstitutional.

Why is Arnold accepting the court's ruling, when he has stood in the way of a legislative path to same-sex marriage? Perhaps he has determined that this is the will of Californians. Or perhaps he respects the court's legal reasoning, and its role of addressing constitutional issues and minority rights. I guess we'll all find out the will of the people this November.

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Gender, Law, and Marriage: We've Got a Ways to Go

TresSugar — Tue, 12 May 2009 16:00:00 -0700

"How do we define legal gender? By chromosomes? By genitalia? By spirit? By whether one asks directions when lost?"

A fascinating essay written by a transgendered woman underscores the complexity of gender identities in the US along with analysis of how the arbitrariness of marriage laws ignores that reality.

Jennifer Boyland and Deirdre Finney got married in 1988, at which point Boyland identified as male. By 2000, Boyland had begun transitioning to female. Deirdre remained married to her, which meant that, technically, they were in a same-sex marriage in a state that didn't recognize them at the time. (Maine has since became the fifth state in the US recently to recognize same-sex marriages.)

Imagine, if you will, basically being unrecognized by a government you elect and pay taxes to. To find out some of the more absurd cases, read more.

Some states don't recognize sex changes. So if Boyland moved to such a state, she would only be able to wed another woman. (Try getting your head around that for a moment.)
J’noel Gardiner in Kansas, a postoperative transsexual woman, married her husband, Marshall Gardiner, in 1998. When he died in 1999, she was denied her share of his $2.5 million estate by the Kansas Supreme Court on the grounds that her marriage was invalid.
A 1999 ruling in San Antonio (Littleton v. Prange) allowed marriages only if the parties had different chromosomes. This meant that a lesbian could marry a transgendered male-to-female or a woman with androgen insensitivity syndrome. (People with AIS are genetically male, with one X chromosome and one Y chromosome in each cell, but because their bodies are unable to respond to certain male sex hormones, they may have mostly female sex characteristics or signs of both male and female sexual development.)
Her lawyer drew up this dizzying hypothetical regarding the law's absurdity with respect to her identity: ". . . Mrs. Littleton, while in San Antonio, TX," he mused, "is a male and has a void marriage; as she travels to Houston, TX, and enters federal property, she is female and a widow; upon traveling to Kentucky she is female and a widow; but, upon entering Ohio, she is once again male and prohibited from marriage; entering Connecticut, she is again female and may marry; if her travel takes her north to Vermont, she is male and may marry a female; if instead she travels south to New Jersey, she may marry a male.”

It seems about time that citizens with gender identities that don't fit into the rigid binary male or female are recognized with respect by the law. Here's to hoping we get there soon!

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Front Page: Obama Picks Sonia Sotomayor For Supreme Court

TresSugar — Tue, 26 May 2009 08:00:45 -0700

President Obama has selected federal judge Sonia Sotomayor as his nominee for Supreme Court. She is the court's first Hispanic nominee. - New York Times
Following the test of a nuclear missile this weekend, North Korea test-fired two more short-range missiles today. - CNN
California's Supreme Court will rule today whether the Proposition 8 ban on same-sex marriage is unconstitutional. Don't expect the battle to end either way. - Wall Street Journal
Mel Gibson has confirmed that his girlfriend Okasana Grigorieva is pregnant with his child. Mel has seven children with his still-wife Robyn. - Fox News
Reality show Jon and Kate Plus 8 premiered last night, but this time the show focused on the couple's marriage troubles. - lilsugar

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Have Hookups Triumphed Over Dating?

TresSugar — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 06:00:00 -0700

The hookup is spreading! First high school students were too cool to attach a relationship to sex. Then college students followed the trend. And now- working single people can't give up their friends with benefits. NPR reports: Young people can tell you all about the rules of casual sexual encounters, but they're hard pressed to describe a conventional date they've been on lately.

One 25-year-old woman told NPR:

"Going out on a date is a sort of ironic, obsolete thing."

Call me old fashioned, but I still love being invited to get to know a potential lover in a more formal context. That doesn't mean dinner and movie is the only way I will spend time with a romantic interest, but I still think it's a nice way to get to know someone first.

NPR says that perhaps because young people are more focused on their careers and friendships and less interested in starting families until much later, hooking up has more appeal for them than traditional dating.

While new priorities might encourage young people to put off marriage for a while, what's your experience? Is the date really dead?

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Do You Play Games When Texting or Calling Back?

TresSugar — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 06:00:00 -0700

There are so many silly dating games that people play in order not to look too eager or worse, desperate. I knew a married woman who carried her playing hard to get into her marriage! I was shocked when she told me that she never, ever called her husband; she waited for him to call her and took her sweet time getting back to him. (Wow.)

Most of us observe less extreme rules when dating. Your first date may call (or text) you the day after your date (maybe two days) and you may call him or her back in a few hours or even one day later, rather than right away. God forbid actually answering the phone, or texting right back!

I'm only kinda kidding. Do you play games when texting or calling back a date?

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Front Page: Gay Marriage Supporters Plan Next Move

TresSugar — Wed, 27 May 2009 08:00:48 -0700

Supporters of gay marriage took to the streets in California to protest yesterday's ruling on Prop. 8. Many also are looking forward, planning the next battle in the fight. - SF Chronicle
The makers of Slumdog Millionaire met with the film's two impoverished child actors in Mumbai today. - AP
President Obama is spending the day in Las Vegas on a fund-raising trip. - USA Today
AT&T may have swayed American Idol voting by giving phones for free text-message services and lessons in casting blocks of votes at parties supporting Kris Allen. - New York Times
Pundit Tucker Carlson has plans to start a conservative website similar to the Huffington Post. - The Hill
If you're curious, here are some pictures from inside George W. Bush's new home. - The Daily News

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Vermont Legislature Is the First to Legalize Gay Marriage!

CitizenSugar — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 09:41:52 -0700

Not even the veto of Governor Jim Douglas could stop the Vermont legislature's true love for gay marriage. Today, the state house and senate overrode a veto by 100-49 and 23-5, to become the first state to legislatively approve same-sex marriage. In other words, Vermont is the first state where the elected legislature, and not the court, legalized gay marriage.

Last week, Iowa's supreme court approved gay marriage, ruling that the state's ban was unconstitutional. Vermont joins Iowa, Connecticut, and Massachusetts as the only states in the US where all citizens can marry the person of their choice.

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Front Page: Obamas Land in France For NATO Summit

CitizenSugar — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 08:01:00 -0700

President Obama will spend the weekend in Strasbourg, France for the NATO summit. He plans to push for help in Afghanistan. - Times of London
The US unemployment rate stands at 8.5 percent, a 25-year high. - Bloomberg
The Iowa Supreme Court ruled that the states ban on same-sex marriage is unconstitutional. It will be the third state where gay marriage is legal. - Wall Street Journal
Congress has approved President Obama's $3.5 trillion budget, which emphasizes green energy and healthcare reform. - Christian Science Monitor
Media around the world reacted largely positive to leaders' efforts to take on the global financial crisis at the G20. - BBC News

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