TresSugar

Group Therapy: Maid of Honor/Bachelorette Party Pickle

Wed, 01 Apr 2009 04:00:00 -0700

I am having a mini panic attack about my sister's wedding and need some advice. I'm her maid of honor but we don't really get along - the only reason she asked me to be in her wedding is because I'm her only sister. We just had the bridal shower, which was fine except for behind-the-scenes drama with another bridesmaid, but now I'm worrying about the bachelorette party.

I am a teetotaler and will be the only one not drinking at the bachelorette party. Since I'm the MOH, I'm the one who is supposed to plan everything, but I just don't feel comfortable being around alcohol all weekend. My sister and I have a very strained relationship as it is, but I feel like she'd almost have more fun if I wasn't there. Can I back out of the bachelorette party? Would that cause an even bigger rift than we already have? I just don't know what to do!

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To read more GROUP THERAPY, click here or submit your own question here.]

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You Asked: What Should I Plan For Her Bachelorette Party?

DearSugar — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 12:30:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

My long-time boyfriend’s only sister is getting married next year and she asked me to be her maid of honor. I’m absolutely thrilled and honored to be so involved with her wedding, as she’s an amazing woman. That being said, we are friendly, but we’re not best friends. In general, the bride-to-be doesn’t have any close friends outside of her family because she and her fiancé live a pretty isolated lifestyle - I think she asked me because she didn't have anyone else to ask.

This puts me in a really weird position when it comes to planning pre-wedding activities because the bride-to-be isn’t the party type. I want this genuinely sweet woman to have an amazing time celebrating her last days as a single girl but I have no idea what to plan for her bachelorette party. Do you have any suggestions? - Maid of Honor to Be Betsy

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Dear Maid of Honor to Be Betsy,

Being someone's maid of honor is a great privilege, but it also comes with its fair share of pressure too. Since she doesn't have a large circle of friends and she's not the partying type, why don't you set up a spa day followed by a nice dinner out for her bachelorette party? Celebrating your last days of singledom doesn't need to be all about strip clubs, penis paraphernalia and alcohol; it can be just as fun to relax with family. If she doesn't want to go out at all, another fun option is to organize a potluck dinner followed by a night of girly movies in your sweatpants. Something to keep in mind: bachelorette parties don't have to be girl only events so you could always throw her a co-ed party!

The best advice I can give you is to listen to the clues she gives out and go from there. If you take her personality into play, I'm sure anything you plan will be a great way to ring in her new wife status! Have fun!

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Handle This: She Wants You to Be Her Maid of Honor

DearSugar — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 09:00:00 -0700

A friend you used to be really close to throughout high school and college recently reconnected with you after you'd both lost touch. You have nothing against this friend, but most of what made you friends in the first place doesn’t really exist anymore.

You have little in common, but she still pushes your friendship. You've been accommodating so far, but only to be nice. At a recent outing she lets you know how grateful she is for your friendship since she doesn’t have anyone else outside of her fiance. Then she proceeds to ask you to be her maid of honor at her wedding in eight months. You can’t imagine saying no, but you really don’t want to say yes, so how do you handle this?

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Where Do You Stand? Wedding Roasts

DearSugar — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 08:00:00 -0700

The rehearsal dinner night has become much more than just practicing your place in the wedding processional. It's become an event all in its own and often ends up being the most fun part of the wedding weekend. Since only the maid of honor and best man are supposed to speak on the actual wedding night, the rehearsal dinner is where the bride and groom's friends can say a few words about the happy couple. I've been to my fair share of weddings so I've heard my share of speeches, and I must say, the heartwarming ones are by far my favorite. Of course, the roasting approach gets people laughing, but there's a thin line that can easily be crossed, especially when there's alcohol involved. I'm sure you've witnessed both variations so tell me, where do you stand on taking the roast approach to a wedding toast?

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Group Therapy: Should I Even Be Maid of Honor?

Fri, 08 Aug 2008 03:00:00 -0700

My best friend and I have been friends for many years now. Over the past three years we have grown apart, but remain friends because we've always been friends. She's not someone you can openly talk to about an issue, because if you do, she will "make up" with you and then be twice as vindictive later.

Recently, she got engaged and has asked me to be her maid of honor. Since then, she has done a few things I find hurtful, like get her wedding dress without me - I really don't care what dress she gets, but being there for that moment is something I wanted to do - and she has planned all other aspects of the big day without my input. I only hear what's been planned through others. I try to call her to do things like go wedding shopping, and she repeatedly turns me down. I offer my help and send her all sorts of ideas with no response. What is the point of being her maid of honor? I don't feel wanted. Should I take myself out of the wedding?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

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The How-To Lounge: Maid of Honor Responsibilities on the Big Day

DearSugar — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 08:00:00 -0700

While many of the maid of honor’s duties revolve around wedding planning, when it comes to the big day, she still has many final responsibilities awaiting her. Although the most important job is to keep the bride as stress-free as possible, there are many other details that shouldn’t be overlooked. To see some of the most significant maid of honor duties on the wedding day, read more.

Create and bring an emergency kit that includes any potential disaster necessities, from clear nail polish to a miniature sewing kit and everything in between.
Keep a running checklist of all the things that need to be completed before and during the event. You don't want the bride to be running around trying to keep track of everything.
Manage the bridesmaids by making sure that they’re on time and ready to go. Feel free to dole out some of the maid of honor duties to them over the course of the afternoon or evening.
Assist the bride in getting into her dress and veil. Keep an eye on her dress during the ceremony and make sure to fluff and straighten her train if necessary.
Act as a go-between for the bride, the groom, and any of the wedding vendors. Again, the bride has enough to worry about, and she won't be able to interact with anyone outside of the bridal party while she's getting her hair and makeup done.
If possible, check out the reception venue and make sure that everything is as it should be. This is probably what the bride will be most concerned over, and it will be a great relief to know that you’ve seen it.
Along with the best man, sign the marriage license as a witness.
Hang on to the groom’s ring during the ceremony until requested. If you have nowhere else to put it, wear it on your thumb.
Be prepared to toast the couple at the reception unless otherwise decided.
Make sure the bride eats and stays hydrated throughout the occasion.
At the end of the reception, help the bride and groom’s families load up the gifts and any other memorabilia. Do a final walk through the venue to make sure that nothing has been left behind.

While this is no short list of responsibilities, knowing that your best friend has had as perfect a wedding as possible will surely be reward enough!

To see all of our wedding coverage, check out IDoSugar.com.

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Does my Maid of Honor Have to Plan my Bachelorette Party?

DearSugar — Mon, 14 May 2007 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I am getting married this summer and talk of my bachelorette party is starting to swirl. My maid of honor is my best friend from childhood. Our mothers have been best friends forever and we were both the only girls in our families, so we are more like sisters than friends-- she's the best! With that said, she isn't the biggest party animal. She likes to go out and have a good time, and she is always up for anything, but I want my bachelorette party to be WIlD, a weekend I will never forget.

I know the maid of honor is typically supposed to be in charge of planning the bachelorette party, but my question is does she have to? My other bridesmaids are much more wild like me and I fear that if my MOH plans it, I will be left disappointed. Do you have any advice for me to make sure my last weekend as a single girl will be fun without hurting my MOH's feelings? -- Ready to Party Penelope

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Dear Ready to Party Penelope --

Wow, it sounds like you are ready to let your hair down and I don't blame you!! You're right, typically it is the maid of honor's job to plan the bachelorette party, but that rule is not set in stone. Although she might not be as wild and crazy as the rest of the girls, that doesn't necessarily mean she won't plan a wild and crazy bachelorette party for you. Since she is your best friend, chances are she knows what you want, so have faith in her party planning abilities. If you are really concerned and are still having doubts, talk to her and make sure you are on the same page.

If there is another girl in particular you wish could plan your party or someone who knows exactly what you want, perhaps suggesting they work together, or tell your other bridesmaid to relay your desires to your MOH without you even having to get involved. Your maid of honor will want you to have fun so don't be afraid to speak up. Your friends probably know you better than you think, so rest assured they have your best interests at heart. Good luck, be safe, and most importantly, have fun! Congratulations!

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You Asked: My Bridesmaid Dress is too Pricey!

DearSugar — Fri, 27 Apr 2007 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--

I am a bridesmaid in a great friend's wedding this summer. She just e-mailed us all the information on the dresses and they are netting out to be a lot more than anticipated. Her wedding is turning out to be quite an expense and for someone like me who is struggling as it is, I am having a hard time swallowing the cost of the dress she chose.

I know I accepted the responsibility of being her bridesmaid, but is there anything I can say or do to let the bride know this dress is putting a financial strain on me?
--Breaking the Bank Beckie

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Dear Breaking the Bank Beckie--

I hate to say this, but unfortunately you are SOL about the cost of the dress. Once you accept the role of being a bridesmaid, you are then committed to the responsibilities and expenses that coincide with the honor. Brides often times don't take other people's finances into consideration when planning for their big day, so it is always smart to weigh your pocketbook before making your decision.

If this dress is going to put you over the edge financially, skip out on one of her showers, or her bachelorette party. Opt for sharing a hotel room with a friend for her wedding weekend or do your own hair and/or make up.

Some retailers have a lay away program where you can pay off your dress over time, so research your payment options. Many people avoid using credit cards, but this is a classic case where they can be quite helpful. It is never fun to be stressed out about money so I hope this won't put a damper on your role as bridesmaid or put a strain on your friendship.

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Dear Poll: What Celebrity Would you Want as your Maid of Honor?

DearSugar — Wed, 25 Apr 2007 10:30:00 -0700

When choosing your maid of honor, brides tend to extend the invitation to their closest girlfriend or sister, sometimes even their mother. The MOH acts as your right hand woman throughout the entire wedding planning process, she stands next to you at your ceremony, helps you get ready, supports you, toasts you, and plans your fun filled bachelorette party.

Trusting someone to play such a big role in your wedding is a serious responsibility, so if you had to choose a celebrity to be your maid of honor, whom would you pick? Someone you can count on to remember the little details when you forget them or someone who is going to help make your wedding come alive?

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Does My Sister Have to be My ONLY Maid of Honor?

DearSugar — Tue, 22 May 2007 13:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--

I asked my sister, who's 15 months younger, to be my maid of honor. We are best friends but I also have a best non-sister friend, who I asked to be my matron of honor. I was Jen's maid of honor- but she only has a brother.

My sister is so upset with me. She says when you have a sister, everyone else is just a bridesmaid. Did I do the wrong thing? How do I fix this and fast!

--Bride in a Bind

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Dear Bride in a Bind--

You are in a really tough spot. Just so you know, there are no specific "rules" about choosing your wedding party. Some brides choose family members, and some choose best friends, and when you can't choose - you choose both, which is what you did. I have to say that I think your sister is acting a little selfish here. This is your wedding, and your bridal party is supposed to offer you help and support. It sounds like your sister is jealous of your best friend, and she needs to realize that your wedding isn't about her and that there is room for both of your best friends to stand by your side.

Explain that a maid of honor and a matron of honor are of equal importance to you, and you want both your sister and your best friend to perform all the duties associated with those titles. She can still help you pick out your dress, plan your bachelorette party, and toast you on your wedding day, but you may want to think of a significant job just for your sister so she feels like she has a unique role on your special day. Maybe she can plan your bridal shower with your mom, or help you pick out the flowers.

You did nothing wrong here -- it's totally up to the bride who she chooses for her wedding party and you should feel incredibly lucky to have two women so close to you who want to stand by your side to offer support. Good luck and congrats!

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