TresSugar

Dear Poll: Have You Ever Stayed With Someone Out of Loyalty?

DearSugar — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 07:30:00 -0800

When couples marry, they vow to be loyal and committed until death do they part, but I know that most couples expect a similar commitment when they're just dating too. Many of you admit to having stayed in a relationship out of fear of being alone, but let me ask you this: Have you ever stayed in a relationship out of pure loyalty to the other person despite your lack of love for them?

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DearSugar Needs Your Help: Should I Tell Her He's Cheating?

DearSugar — Sat, 29 Nov 2008 09:00:00 -0800

DearSugar and Stuck in the Middle May need your help. She knows her friend's fiance has cheated on her, but she doesn't know if she should butt in and tell her the truth. It's a complicated situation, but what would you do?

Dear Sugar,

In the past year I have become very close with my boyfriend's friends' girlfriends. They are now great friends of mine who I talk to all the time and hang out with regularly when the guys aren't around. One of the girls has been dating my boyfriend's best friend for about seven years, and they are engaged to be married. The only problem is he has cheated on her many times over the course of their relationship and slept with numerous other women. It's been kind of a "don't ask don't tell" situation, but all the guys are in on it. I'm technically not supposed to know this information, but my boyfriend told me in confidence before she and I became close. I'm actively helping her plan the wedding but I just can't shake the guilt I feel for knowing this and not telling her.

She is a great girl and does not deserve to marry someone who has cheated on her countless times. Supposedly he has stopped, but who really knows for sure? I want her to know what she's getting herself into before she commits to marriage and has her parents spend thousands of dollars on a wedding, but I know the damage I would cause by speaking up. I want to be a loyal friend, but I don't want to stir the pot. Should I tell or not? - Stuck in the Middle May

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Do Tell: To Whom Are You Most Loyal?

DearSugar — Mon, 17 Sep 2007 07:00:00 -0700

My friends are like my family, and my family is my friends. If you're anything like me, you're pretty lucky to be surrounded by such loyal and trustworthy people. While I don't know how to answer this question myself, ladies, do tell, to whom are you most loyal?

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Dear Poll: Would you Date a Guy That Did This?

DearSugar — Fri, 13 Jul 2007 09:00:00 -0700

There seems to be a new trend in Hollywood -- men knocking up their girlfriends and then leaving them for another woman while their ex is still preggo with their baby!!! Loyal they are not. But what happens if you simply fall in love with someone else? Is it fair to say he should follow his heart? Or do you think he should finish what he has started and give his new family a shot at succeeding? While everyone is entitled to her own opinion, what I want to know is, would you date a man that left his pregnant girlfriend for you?

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Obama Tells Bush-Appointed Ambassadors to Go Home

LibertySugar — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 13:30:01 -0800

Politically appointed US ambassadors will be unemployed starting Jan. 20, joining their fellow Americans also on the job hunt. Ambassadors picked by George W. Bush received notice this week that their services will not be needed even for the usual administration transition period.

As the Washington Post points out, Obama's decision does not impact all ambassadors, as many are foreign service officers heading up America's outposts in less crucial countries. But the embassies in places like London, Tokyo, or Paris (located right by the Champs Élysée!) will soon be led by those who have shown loyalty to Obama's candidacy and worldview.

Considering US embassies act as a powerful symbol of America abroad, and sometimes as the sites of anti-American protests, it makes sense that Obama wants to appoint new faces that represent his vision. Does that sound fair to you?

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Group Therapy: I'm Engaged but Scared to Get Married

Thu, 02 Oct 2008 03:00:00 -0700

I have been engaged for about nine months to a guy I love. But I just don't think I want to get married, to anyone! I couldn't say no to him when he proposed because I do want to be with him for the long-term, and he said he wanted to have a long engagement. I have told him how I feel about all of this, and he says that we don't have to get married at all or we can just wait until I feel ready. I don't mind being engaged, but people keep asking when the wedding date is and I don't know what to say. I think my fears are related to the fact that my parents recently got divorced after a long marriage.

Or it could be because I am not sure if he is the right guy for me. I don't want to make a mistake. I keep having (sometimes explicitly sexual) dreams about my ex. We were together for several years and I loved him deeply - we had an amazing sexual connection as well - but the relationship was unhealthy and he ended up leaving me for another girl. When she broke up with him, he tried to get me back. At that point, I had met my current guy and we were really happy. Now, I am so confused about why he keeps showing up in my dreams. How can I make it stop? I have closure; I know that my ex was not right for me.

In many ways, I feel like he was more exciting and sexually compatible than my current guy, who I'm attracted to, but not to the same extent. I am worried this attraction will die out eventually because it's not as strong to begin with. I value my guy's loyalty and I feel safe with him, but my ex will not disappear from my dreams! Does this mean I am still in love with my ex? If so, why would I still be in love with someone who treated me badly? I do want to be with my guy, I am just scared about the idea of marriage. Does anyone have any advice for me?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

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Poll: Have You Ever Fallen For Your Best Friend's Love Interest?

Sponsor — Mon, 01 Sep 2008 05:45:22 -0700

Have you ever been torn between loyalty to your best friend and a strange new attraction to his or her love interest?

Check out My Best Friend's Girl, in theaters Sept. 19! Click here to view the trailer.

You Asked: Who Should I Be With?

DearSugar — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I dated this guy several years ago. We always had amazing chemistry. We've known each other for almost 15 years, but he wasn't mature enough to handle a monogamous relationship when we dated, and he cheated repeatedly until we finally split up. After the breakup, I began seeing another man who, on paper, is a perfect catch - intelligent, sweet and funny - but we never quite clicked, and he never made me feel like my ex did. Regardless, we ended up getting married several years ago, but my ex has always been in my heart. He got married as well (to the woman he cheated with), but it didn't last and they are now divorced.

After his marriage ended, he walked back into my life. My husband and I had been having some problems for about two years, and when we saw each other again, we immediately clicked. I felt like I hadn't felt in years - I found my passion again, I found my drive, and I was happy. He admitted how much he missed me and how he had always loved me. As wrong as it is, I felt giddy again, and we've been having an affair for the last three years.

Yesterday, he told me that he can no longer do this, and I'm devastated. Apparently he's having thoughts of other women and is scared that if he can cheat with a married woman, he will cheat on me again. I don't know what to do, what direction to go, or which way to turn. Please point me in the right direction. - In Turmoil Izzy

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

You sure have gotten yourself into quite a love triangle here, but even though you say you have strong feelings for your ex, it doesn't excuse the fact that you're a married woman who's been carrying on an affair for three years now. Not only are you being incredibly selfish, but you're also doing yourself a huge disservice by staying with a man you don't love, not to mention living a lie to the person you took vows with. As for your ex, it's pretty clear that he has no sense of commitment or loyalty - he cheated when he was with you and now he's allowing himself to be the other man all the while retaining his wandering eye. If you ask me, this isn't someone you want to be with regardless of the chemistry you feel. Sometimes, if things don't work out the first time, there's a reason for it.

Of course, only you can know which direction to take, but if I were you, I'd sever ties with both these men ASAP and take some much needed time for yourself to sort out your love life. Perhaps a clear head will make you realize what it is you really need and want out of a relationship. Good luck to you.

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Pictures of McCain's Vietnam Cell, Plus First-Person Account

CitizenSugar — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 00:00:55 -0700

John McCain has announced that these days, he's speaking softly and carrying a big stick, a la Teddy Roosevelt. McCain said, "I count myself as a conservative Republican, yet I view it to a large degree in the Theodore Roosevelt mold," with a nod to Roosevelt's reputation for reform, environmentalism and tough foreign policy.

Though he may be a political Rough Rider now, these new photos of McCain's POW cell show that he's already had it plenty rough for almost six long years. The pictures show that even after the cell was cleaned up for an American historical filmmaker, the Hanoi Hilton was a chamber of terror. Debra Watkins took the pictures in 1993 before the area was destroyed. The first photo shows the door to the cell. Next to the door you can see old locks probably used to hold leg irons and other torture implements. The other photo shows the inside of McCain's cell and the leg-iron contraption the filmmaker believes he was tortured with.

Though certainly his time in Vietnam is no secret, the account of his entire time as a POW, written by McCain himself in 1973 and published online for the first time this year, is a riveting read. It's long - bookmark it and read away at it this week - but the length and detail does nothing if not prove beyond a shadow that what this man survived is anything short of miraculous. To see some excerpts of his story, read more.

This started on the first day. I refused to give them anything except my name, rank, serial number and date of birth. They beat me around a little bit. I was in such bad shape that when they hit me it would knock me unconscious. They kept saying, "You will not receive any medical treatment until you talk."
"I had been reduced to an animal during this period of beating and torture. My arm was so painful I couldn't get up off the floor. With the dysentery, it was a very unpleasant time."
"Once you become a prisoner of war, then you do not have the right to dissent, because what you do will be harming your country. You are no longer speaking as an individual, you are speaking as a member of the armed forces of the United States, and you owe loyalty to the Commander in Chief, not to your own conscience."

Perhaps this experience has shaped his Rooseveltian politics. Today, McCain says, "I believe less governance is the best governance, and that government should not do what the free enterprise and private enterprise and individual entrepreneurship and the states can do, but I also believe there is a role for government. Government should take care of those in America who cannot take care of themselves."

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You Asked: Does He Love Me?

DearSugar — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,
I've been dating a guy for four months and things have been going really well. He had no problems committing, treats me like a princess, he's gone out of his way to prove his loyalty to me, and he always incorporates me into his life. I've met his friends, his co-workers, and he recently flew me home to meet his family. He's made plans with me for events months from now and I have every reason to believe he is sincere in his seriousness about me, minus one thing: He hasn't dropped the L Bomb.

While I feel very loved, I need to hear it, not just feel it. It's only been four months, so I don't think it is appropriate to bring it up, but there will come a point where it will be overtly weird for me that he hasn't said it yet. When is that magical point if I haven't hit it already, and how should I bring it up without freaking him out? - I Love Him Lydia

To see DearSugar's answer read more.

Dear I Love Him Lydia,

Since it's only been four months and you say you feel very loved, I'm confused as to why you're putting so much pressure on the L word. Keep in mind that saying I love you means something different for everyone - some people throw around the term while others keep the saying incredibly sacred - and since he's giving you every reason to believe that he's very happy in this relationship, it could just be that he's the latter.

You say that you don't feel it's appropriate to bring it up quite yet, so I'd try your hardest to just be in the moment. Enjoy getting treated like a princess for awhile without fast forwarding your relationship. If it gets to the point where you need that verbal affirmation of his feelings towards you, just ask him or tell him you love him first! Obviously scaring him is an option, but if he's not willing to talk about his feelings with you, he might not be all that great of a guy after all. I hope it all works out in the end - good luck!

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