TresSugar

Do Tell: Has Anyone Said Something About Your Looks You Never Got Over?

TresSugar — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 13:15:00 -0700

A former British Elle editor talks in the Daily Mail today about a passing comment her mother made to her at age 10 that colored the way she saw her body for the rest of her life.

When Sally Brampton was 10 years old, her mother showed her a photo of herself in a bathing suit and said, "I think you're getting a bit chubby." From that point on, Brampton would battle with a body that, although "perfect" by the prevailing cultural standards, always seemed too big to her.

Many of us have experienced a comment about our looks that stung. Although we may not have developed eating disorders or issues about the way we look, given that women are told that our looks are of paramount importance to our acceptance, we probably never forgot the comment or how it made us feel.

Has anyone ever said something about your looks you never got over? What do you think about when you remember it?

Sunday Confessional - I Canceled on My Blind Date

DearSugar — Sun, 22 Mar 2009 09:00:00 -0700

A co-worker of mine set me up on a blind date. I'm fresh out of a relationship so she was trying to do me a favor, but truth be told, she doesn't know me that well so I was a little apprehensive about the kind of guy she'd pair me with.

Once I got his name, I immediately searched for him on Facebook and lo and behold, I found him. He was an OK looking guy, but he was definitely not my type, and after reading through his profile, I knew that sitting across the dinner table from him would have just been a waste of time.

I didn't have the heart to tell my co-worker that I snooped on him and didn't like what I saw, so I called in sick to work the day of our date and gave him the same excuse. He's written me emails asking to reschedule, but I've ignored each and every one. I know I judged a book by its cover, but can I be forgiven for avoiding this guy simply based on his Facebook page?

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A Do or a Don't: Male Plastic Surgery

DearSugar — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 15:00:00 -0800

No matter where you turn, you can't escape photos from the Oscars. I love seeing what the stars wore and how they looked, but one person I can't keep my eyes off of is Mickey Rourke, who has clearly had some work done!

As double standards go, plastic surgery is typically thought of as a female desire, but men have definitely jumped on the Botox, face-lift, even liposuction bandwagon too. I don't know about you, but I like it when men grow old gracefully, so tell me, is male plastic surgery a do or a don't in your eyes?

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Ask a Bad Boy: Are Hot Men Only Interested in Hot Women?

DearSugar — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 07:30:00 -0800

Steve Santagati, the author of The Manual, is back! To ask Steve questions of your own, simply submit them here or in the comments section below. Enjoy!

Dear Steve,

I'm no Ugly Betty, but I'm not a super model either, and I'm having a hard time meeting a man. It seems like the hot men I'm attracted to are only attracted to beautiful women - regardless of their personality - and I'm starting to feel incredibly discouraged. Whatever happened to a guy being interested in a woman for her charisma, her humor, or her intelligence? I'm trying hard not to lump all men into the same category, but not one has proven me wrong. Are men really that shallow? Are looks all that matter? - Frustrated Faith

To see Steve's answer read more

Dear Frustrated Faith,

It can be argued that men are - in fact - more shallow than women. Yes, men are more visually driven creatures and we're often obvious in the reasons behind our female selections. At least with men you know what you're up against. But women are tricky in what they say versus how they execute their mating decisions. Women are often just as bad as men, though their criteria may be different, the superficial standards garner the same results; women want someone hot.

How often have you heard this, it's like a broken record; "I want him to love me for me, I want him to love me for my inside." Yea, well what if the "outside" is lazy, unkempt, and lacks basic femininity? There are women out there who will blame men for being a "Shallow Hal" when in fact it's their own fault men don't notice or ask them out. Think about it, if you saw a house covered in vines with rats running around the front yard, I doubt you'd want to take a look inside. Even if that "inside" is the Taj Mahal, you have to look good inside and outside.

The problem(s):

Many women and men try to date out of their league in looks, education, and life interests.
Many women and men don't take the time to eat properly, dress well, or take care of their bodies, yet they still expect to get a stud or a studette.
Many women make excuses and blame people - other than themselves - for their misfortune in love. Remember; whenever you point your finger, you have three fingers pointing back at yourself. Cliche maybe, but true.

The solution:

Stand in the mirror naked. Love your body type regardless of what type it is. Don't read women's magazines or let TV tell you what sexy is. Men love all types. We just don't love lazy and unhealthy. It's not more complicated than that.
Take stock of "what you have to bring to the table". Are you well traveled? Do you have a ton of hobbies? Are you funny and fun to be with? Do you like music? How smart are you? What kind of shape are you in? Are you a sex machine? Go for someone that is equal or maybe one rung up in those categories.
Be culpable and honest with yourself; we're all shallow to some degree or another. I've challenged the "love me for my inside" types by telling them I had a great guy for them. I explained that he weighed 350 pounds, didn't have all his teeth, and was balding. I also explained that he's loyal, cooks, loves sex, and adores women. To this match attempt I've received a steady breath of "no ways".

So in the end - ladies and gentlemen - we are all shallow; some of which is based in our proclivity towards following natural selection and part of which is rooted in stupidity or delusion. The news you can use is: In the beginning, we're all a bit shallow, but what keeps a relationship going is charisma, humor, and intelligence. [And a million other things, but I'll leave it at that!]

To purchase The Manual, click here and if you're wondering where Steve got that T-shirt he's wearing, click here to shop his entire assortment!

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Sunday Confessional: I Told My Friend She Looked Bad

DearSugar — Sun, 09 Nov 2008 09:00:00 -0800

A good friend of mine recently broke up with her live-in boyfriend of three years. Though it was her decision to end things, it was still a difficult choice to make; she still really cares about him. All her friends have been there for her and she's done a great job moving on. In an effort to put the past behind her, she wanted to make a change, so she committed the cardinal breakup sin of changing her look. She'd always had long, dark, beautiful chestnut hair and without consulting any of us, she went to the salon, cut it short, and dyed it blond!

She invited me over to come see her new locks and I was speechless - she looked like a completely different person! I could tell that she loved it and I could see a new sense of confidence in her face, but I absolutely hated it. In my opinion, she looked 10 times better before. When she asked my "honest opinion," I gave it to her. I told her it wasn't my favorite look on her. She got incredibly upset, told me I was an unsupportive friend, and asked me to leave her house. Now I'm feeling horrible for hurting my friend's feelings, but I didn't know what to do; she asked me to be honest! I've called her, written her emails, and sent text messages apologizing, but she won't return any of my efforts. I know I should have just lied under the circumstances, but can I be forgiven for speaking the truth?

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Dear Poll: Would You Want to Be the Better-Looking One?

DearSugar — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 16:00:00 -0700

Even if you don't like to admit it, looks matter. Both our own and those of the people we date. It deems us as shallow if we place too much emphasis on appearance, but when it comes down to it, that's what initially attracts us to one another.

I'm always fascinated by people's reaction to the looks discussion and my friends over at Smitten touched upon this topic in a fun, cheeky way. They posed some great questions and I'd like to ask all of you one of them: Would you rather be the better looking one in your relationship?

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Do Tell: Are You Always Prepared?

DearSugar — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 07:00:00 -0700

You really never know when, where, or how you will meet Mr. Right. I've offered up my fair share of advice on where eligible men could be hiding, but it's important to do your part, too. Of course being approachable is crucial, but so is being the best you at all times - you know, just in case! Now I've never been one to put on my face so to speak before leaving the house, but I have some friends that are perfectly coiffed at all times, even if they're just going to the gym or running to the store to buy eggs. So what about you? Do you aim to look your best at all times, keeping a lipstick and compact close by, just in case you bump into a possible suitor?

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Do Tell: Does Being Beautiful Make Things Easier?

DearSugar — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 08:00:00 -0700

When it comes to society’s standards of beauty, there are many common notions: beauty is in the eye of the beholder or beauty is only skin deep, to name a few. But there are sometimes negative stigmas attached to really pretty women - that they get whatever they want and they don't need to work as hard as average looking women do. I try not to think that way, but you know what, sometimes I find myself believing it too. So ladies, do tell, do you think it’s true that good looking women - by society's standards - have it easier?

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This or That: Rash or Burn?

DearSugar — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 10:00:00 -0800

You head to the salon the morning of your sister’s wedding of which you’re the maid of honor. You've been instructed to get your hair done and nails done, but unfortunately you woke up having one of those ugly days. Not a great feeling on a day when you know you’ll be taking hundreds of pictures in a short, strapless dress. At the esthetician’s urging - and probably because you’re feeling kind of down - you decide to let her throw in a treatment that you weren’t planning on getting. Would it be worse if you . . .

This: Opt to get your brows tidied up with a minor wax and end up with a bright red scabbing burn mark just left of your forehead?

Or . . .

That: Decide to splurge on the exfoliation treatment with your pedicure, which leaves your legs itching and covered in hundreds of raised red bumps?

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Dear Poll: Stacked or Slender?

DearSugar — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 08:00:00 -0800

Are you attracted to a specific body type? I like tall guys with a medium build, but I have friends that are really into the skinny, artsy type. I like bigger guys because they make me feel small, but I can appreciate why lanky men like Hayden Christensen are considered sex symbols. So ladies, since we all have such different taste in men, tell me this: Do you like guys that are stacked like Nick Lachey or slender like Adrien Brody?

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