TresSugar

Pregnancy Test: Take It Alone or With Others?

DearSugar — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 07:00:00 -0700

Since I'm not married and not ready to be a mom yet, taking a pregnancy test doesn't strike me as a joyous occasion. If I did have to buy a test, pee on a stick, and wait to find out if my period was late because I was pregnant, I'd definitely want someone in the room with me. Though I'm not sure every woman feels the same way.

So if you had to take a pregnancy test, would you want someone in the bathroom with you? Would you want the support of a friend, family member, or the person you had sex with? Or is this news private and something you'd want to discover alone?

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Five Common Causes For Late Periods

DearSugar — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 08:00:00 -0700

A late period is one of the scariest experiences if you're not planning on being a mom anytime soon. It's actually pretty normal for women's periods to be delayed for several reasons, and you shouldn't just assume it's because you're pregnant. Here are a few to keep in mind.

Your cycle might be irregular from month to month. This means that last month your cycle might have been 24 days long, and this month it could be 32 days long. When your period doesn't show up when it's expected, it could be because your body hasn't finished its cycle yet.
Stress caused you to ovulate later than usual. Your body releases an egg from your ovary with the intention of becoming pregnant and if you were worried or upset about something at that specific time, your body will wait until it feels you are emotionally ready. That means you could ovulate up to a week or more later than usual or you could even skip your period altogether.
You are sick or injured. If your body is not well, then you aren't equipped to handle a pregnancy. Your body will ovulate when it feels you are healthy again. This could delay your period or stop it altogether.
You're not getting enough to eat or are exercising too intensely. This again will affect your overall health. If your body is working too hard to keep you well, then there's no way a pregnancy can occur. Your period may be late, irregular, or it may disappear altogether until your body feels that your health is in order.
You're taking new medication. Taking certain prescriptions or changing your meds can affect your cycle, so talk to your doctor if you skip your period.

Dear's Advice: If your cycle is consistently regular and your period happens to be unusually late, worrying about whether you're pregnant isn't going to make you get it any faster so take a pregnancy test to help ease your mind. Whatever the results are, you'll be able to decide what step to take from there.

You Asked: My Period Is Late - Am I Pregnant?

DearSugar — Mon, 18 Jun 2007 15:53:25 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I had sex one month and three weeks ago, while I had my period, and the condom ripped. One month later, when I was supposed to get my period, I never got it. Another three weeks have passed, and I still have not gotten it. I feel all the symptoms of pregnancy: tired, breasts hurting, lower back hurting, cramping, nausea (non-stop). Could I be pregnant even though I had sex on my period? Could there be another reason why I haven't gotten my period? I was on birth control pills for about a year but I got off about four months ago. Can that affect it? My periods have been fine and on time since then, EXCEPT NOW! Please answer and just to let you know, I'm 17 years old.

- Am I Pregnant Pam

To see DearSugar's answer read more

Dear Am I Pregnant Pam -

Technically speaking, you ovulate about 2 weeks before your period, so if you have sex while you have your period, the egg has already passed through your fallopian tube and is traveling out of your body. It is unlikely that you can get pregnant if you have sex when you have your period, but there is a rare possibility that it could happen.

The best thing to do if you suspect that you are pregnant is to take a home pregnancy test, or better yet, talk to your doctor and get a test there. I know you are under 18, and probably don't want to tell your parents, but definitely confide in a trusted and responsible friend so you are not going through this alone. They can be there when you get the results back from your test.

Another thing about periods - they can be affected by emotions, illness, or stressful situations. If you were worried or sick at the time you were supposed to ovulate last month, it's possible that you ovulated late, which would then make your period late. You were also on birth control pills for any amount of time, going off them can also affect your cycle. Again, the best thing to do is take a pregnancy test so you'll know for sure. Good luck Pam and make it a point to always practice safe sex.

Emmenagogues: Do They Really Help With a Late Period?

DearSugar — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 08:00:00 -0700

If you're not trying to become pregnant, a late period can be no fun. It's so tough to just be patient and wait for Aunt Flo to show up, so that's where emmenagogues come in. It's a long name for a category of herbs and plants that are believed to induce menstruation. Supposedly they work by stimulating blood flow to a woman's pelvic area. Some of these plants include celery, parsley, yarrow, aloe vera, mugwort, swiss chard, and hemp.

I don't want to put down herbal remedies, but scientifically speaking, the time your period comes is all based on when you ovulate. So if something affected your body from ovulating such as stress or illness then you'll ovulate later, which means your period will also come later. If you do take one of these emmenagogues, and your period comes, it's likely that it's just one big coincidence and your period would have showed up whether you sipped parsley tea or not.

Of course, this is just my opinion so what do you think? Have you ever heard about herbs, essentials oils, foods, or techniques that can induce menstruation? I'd love to hear about them and whether or not they really worked!

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Talking Trash: Smart B*tches Tell Us How to Buy Romances

TresSugar — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 06:00:00 -0700

Sarah Wendell and Candy Tan have helped romance readers discern the good smut from the bad for years with their blog Smart B*tches, Trashy Books. And now with their book Beyond Heaving Bosoms: The Smart B*tches' Guide to Romance Novels, they offer a guide through the heady world of the $6.99 novel and defend it with wit and intelligence.

What's up today? Candy and Sarah tell use how they assign grades (they're harsh) to novels on Smart B*tches, Trashy Books and how to navigate book shelves packed with romance novels.

You grade books on Smart B*tches, Trashy Books, A-F; what makes an A? What loses points?

Sarah: A grade-A book for me is one that has a strong plot that takes familiar concepts and reinvents them into something new and different, with memorable and realistic characters, dialogue that is authentic and human, and a story that stays with you long after you've finished. I also find that books that reach A level with me are impossible not to read, so if I pick up the book to look at a page I end up rereading the whole thing.

Candy: An A book generally means that a) I loved it, and b) it's at the very least competently written. There's a certain floor to the craft for an A book. That's not to say I don't love schlock, because I do, but a schlocky book probably won't get an A, no matter how much I love it.

Generally speaking, books lose points if they don't engage me - if I'm able to step back from my immersion in the fictional world and I'm taking a hard look at the gears and bits that drive the machine, so to speak. When my internal editor has slowed my reading pace to a crawl, that's usually the kiss of death. Good books shut my internal editor up, and that's hard to do, honestly - hell, it's hard to get me to shut up, period, much less the pedant who lives in my head and gripes about how people just don't use the subjunctive properly nowadays.

Beyond Throbbing Bosoms was originally titled The Top Ten Signs You’re Reading a Very Bad Romance Novel. Is there a way to know to recognize a bad romance before wasting $6.99?

To see their answers, read more.

Sarah: If a book, any book, doesn't grab you after the first 30 pages or so, it's probably not to your tastes. That rule has served me well in any genre.

But the original title of the book wasn't Signs You're Reading a Bad Romance Novel, though that was part of the book that didn't make it into the final edition. My favorite was the poor copyediting that made a horse change color three times in two pages. Magic chameleon horse in historical England? Not good.

Candy: I call it the 10-page test. It's kind of analogous to bad visitors. The really bad ones generally announce themselves early on and proceed to eat all the hors d'oeuvres you've set out, then belch in your face. Many others, however, survive the 10-page test and prove to be awful visitors when it's too late to get them out of your house. So flip through the first pages, see if there are egregious plot or grammar flaws, figure out if the characters and storyline are your cuppa. It won't catch the more sneakily awful romance novels, but you should be able to root out most of the worst ones.

Check out previous posts from Candy and Sarah, and stay tuned tomorrow for recommendations for romance-novel virgins.

Sunday Confessional - I'm Thinking About Having an Abortion

DearSugar — Sun, 12 Apr 2009 09:00:00 -0700

I'm engaged to be married to a wonderful man who I love dearly. He's currently in medical school and we are spending every last bit of our savings to have the wedding of our dreams. We talk openly about our future, especially when it comes to starting a family of our own, and we decided that we'd wait until he's done with school and his residency, and once we've saved a significant chunk of money. Our wedding is just two months away and I thought my period was late due to the wedding stress, but I was wrong - I'm pregnant.

Having a baby is not something I'm ready for, and it's definitely not the right time for my fiance either, so I'm seriously contemplating having an abortion. I don't know how he's going to react to this news, which is why part of me wants to not even tell him at all. I know that starting our marriage off with a lie is wrong, but could I be forgiven for terminating this pregnancy without telling him? If he doesn't know, will it not hurt him?

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Do Tell: What Was Your First Experience With a Bra Like?

DearSugar — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 06:00:00 -0800

After reading your great comments on my post last week about first periods, I got inspired by Nancita to ask another personal question - what was your first bra experience like?

Puberty happens at different times for all of us, but whether you were an early or late bloomer, this right of passage into womanhood is definitely another memorable adventure we've all experienced. So ladies, do tell, what was it like when you bought your first bra?

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Stress and Your Period

DearSugar — Mon, 25 Jun 2007 10:00:00 -0700

I'm sure every single one of you can relate to the stress of your period being late. If you are not wanting to be pregnant, it can be the worst feeling ever, and it brings up a lot of questions until you finally get your period or take a pregnancy test.

Did you know that stress could also be the cause of your late period? Stress can affect the functioning of the hypothalamus - the gland in the brain that regulates emotions, as well as the hormones required to release your eggs. If you're feeling stressed, worried, or nervous, you may ovulate later in your cycle or not at all. This in turn will make you get your period later than expected, or sometimes you'll skip your period altogether.

This info is only helpful if you are not on some kind of hormonal birth control (you don't ovulate, so you don't have to worry). If you use condoms, a diaphragm, or the FAM (Fertility Awareness Method - also known as the Rhythm Method), than knowing how your emotions affect your cycle is going to be key in preventing a major meltdown if your period is late.

If you want to know how you can prevent a possible late period, then read more

During the time you ovulate, which is usually about 10-18 days after the first day of your period (depending on your cycle), try to eliminate any work-related or relationship stress. Get a massage, take a walk, slip into a relaxing bath, or spend some downtime reading a book on the couch - do things that make you feel calm and happy.

Also, make sure to get regular exercise and eat a balanced diet. Remember that your period is there so you can have a baby (if you want to), so if you're not taking care of yourself, your body will delay or prevent ovulation until your body is fit to be pregnant. It is important to do all you can to keep your mind and body healthy.

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Sunday Confessional: I Didn't Tell Him the Condom Broke

DearSugar — Sun, 16 Nov 2008 09:00:00 -0800

I recently went off the pill because my husband and I want to start trying to get pregnant this Spring. I thought it would be a good idea to let my body adjust, so we've been using condoms ever since. Though I've been ready for a while now, my husband wants to wait until we're more financially stable, which I completely understand.

One night last month while we were having sex, I kept thinking to myself that it didn't feel like the condom was still on - it just felt too good. When he took it off, he didn't say anything so I just assumed it was still intact. I went to the bathroom to freshen up and checked the trash, just in case, and I was right - the condom had torn. Something inside of me got excited - there was now a possibility that I could become pregnant!

I didn't say anything to him about that night, and just this morning, I realized my period was late. I took a pregnancy test and it showed I am in fact pregnant! I'm thrilled, but at the same time, I'm guilt ridden for not being honest. The current state of the economy has made us even more financially unstable and I'm petrified to tell my husband this news. I would hate to think that he would have wanted me to take the morning after pill, so my train of thinking is what he won't know won't hurt him. Is it forgivable to keep my knowledge of the broken condom my little secret?

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You Asked: Was Moving In a Bad Idea?

DearSugar — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 12:30:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I'm 25 years old and currently living with my boyfriend of four months. He recently moved to Ohio from California, which is why we co-habitated so quickly. Things are great, we are very happy and I believe he is the one. This is my first time living with a boyfriend, so I have a lot of questions. First off, is it normal for us to not have sex as often as we did before I moved in? I also seem to be getting uptight about the smallest things. I often find myself doubting our relationship if he forgets to kiss me before he leaves the house or if he doesn't seem excited to see me when he gets home.
My friends have been telling me it's because we now live together and that drastically changes a relationship but I just need some help and advice on how to ease into this change. How do I stay sane and in love all while living together and adjusting? - Acclimating Annie

To see DearSugar's answer read more

Dear Acclimating Annie,

You said it right, you're still adjusting to living together so before you get too carried away, I think you should take a step back and look at things realistically. Yes, there's an acclimation period you should take into account, but if you're feeling more distant from him than you were when you were living apart, it's time to have a heart to heart with your boyfriend. Since he knows you'll be home when he gets there, I bet he doesn't realize how you feel when he forgets to kiss you goodbye - so tell him! If you're nit picking about the small stuff, talk about your frustrations out-loud so he knows what he needs to do differently. I also suggest setting some house rules around chores, having people over, coming home late, cooking, paying the bills, etc. It's important to have set expectations so feelings don't get hurt.

As for the lack of sex in your relationship - I can't say if that's due to the move in, but if you feel something's missing, make sure intimacy is a top priority for both of you. Create more romance or set dates if you have to. Since you now have a roommate who is also your lover, it's more important than ever to keep the lines of communication open - it's what will make this living situation and relationship flourish.

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