TresSugar

A Do or a Don't: Talking Sex With Male Friends

DearSugar — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Although people have varying opinions on whether or not guys and girls can really just be friends, I do think there’s something to be said for having the male perspective at your disposal. If you’re wondering why your male co-worker always asks you to lunch but never asks you out, your guy friend may be able to shed some light on a subject that your female friends wouldn’t. But would you take it one step further and describe to him a problem or question you have related to sex? Though a man’s viewpoint might be helpful, talking sex with an actual boyfriend can be tricky enough. So ladies, tell me, do you talk about sex with your male friends?

Source

Handle This: Your Male Friend Confesses His Feelings

DearSugar — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 13:00:00 -0700

For the past year you’ve been single, and it’s been great, in part to the good friends you’ve made; one of whom happens to be a guy who is also single. You've headed to the bars together and lamented your dating woes on multiple occasions and he's been a great support. But out of nowhere, he asks you to a more formal dinner. Once there, you immediately get the feeling that something is different, but you're still surprised when he admits that he has serious feelings for you that he'd like to pursue. You don’t share them, so how do you handle this?

Source

Group Therapy: Can We Just Be Friends?

Thu, 28 Aug 2008 03:00:00 -0700

I met a guy a few years ago while on vacation. Since that time we have stayed in contact and become the best of friends. Of course, there have been romantic undertones to our relationship. The problem is that we live about 900 miles apart. In the beginning I was hesitant to act on any feelings, but eventually we both admitted that we care about each other yet have not agreed to be in a relationship.

My hesitation comes from both concerns about the distance as well as the fact that I'm more established than he is - he's still in college. His hesitation is primarily the distance. I have casually dated guys over the past few years, but nothing serious, and I assume he has dated girls casually. Neither of us have gone into the details of our dating history, but we have talked about our possible future. One of the fears he has expressed is that I will meet someone and not tell him I'm already deeply involved. So we agreed to tell each other if we met anyone we thought the other person should know about.

But recently he told me he has met someone that he is interested in, and I can't describe how much it hurt me. I told him my feelings were hurt but that I understood. He insists that he would never want to hurt me, which is why he was trying to be honest. Now I can’t stop thinking about him and the time he must be spending with her. Where do I go from here? Should we just be friends? Is it possible to maintain a friendship or see other people?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

Source

This or That: Misinterpretation or Mixed Signals?

DearSugar — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 14:00:00 -0700

You and your best guy friend have known each other for over ten years and you’ve never been anything more than friends. You’ve both watched each other go through difficult times and failed relationships, but now things have become complicated. He’s finally settled down with a girlfriend, and you’ve found yourself pining away for his closest male friend. Would it be worse if . . .

This: After a night out alone with your best friend, his girlfriend suddenly finds your friendship uncomfortable? Apparently she feels like there’s more to it than meets the eye, and she’s demanded that he put up some serious boundaries.

Or . . .

That: When you go to put the moves on your crush, he humiliates you by turning you down mid-kiss? Apparently he likes you, but doesn’t want to do anything that could damage his friendship with your mutual best friend, but now things will be awkward no matter what.

Source

You Asked: My Boyfriend Has Inappropriate Female Friends

DearSugar — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend and I have had a two-year relationship that is loving, exciting, and strong in all respects. My only concerns stem from the fact that he maintains contact with several females who he once had romantic relationships with. He sees them on occasion when he and his friends hang out - they're part of his group. They also phone and text him occasionally to say hi, and I'm not naive enough to believe he doesn’t initiate contact once in a while.

I’ve told him multiple times that his unwillingness to cut ties with these women makes me feel extremely insecure. He swears that they are just friends, he has no romantic feelings for them, and he broke up with them all for a reason. He tells me that he is an adult and should be allowed to have platonic friendships with the opposite sex as long as nothing inappropriate is going on. He also insists that I should trust him because he’s done nothing to make me do otherwise. This man is not my husband or fiancé, so I'm nearly ready to say that either these friendships go, or I go.

The fact that he is not changing something that causes me anxiety makes me wonder whether he values me and my feelings. I've felt this man was my soul mate and he’s shown me in many other ways that he loves and adores me, but is this issue enough to leave somebody over? It’s making me feel so insecure. Where do I go from here?

- Not So Friendly Nell

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Not So Friendly Nell,

Only you can decide what's worth ending your relationship over. But I can tell you this: if you feel like your insecurity on this matter is going to ruin the good things you have going, then ultimately, the choice is made for you. It sounds like he's intent on keeping these women in his life for now, and I doubt there's much more you can do to convince him otherwise.

I'd try sitting down and talking to him about it one more time. Make sure he understands that it's not him that you're worried about, but rather these other women. See if you can work together in coming up with an arrangement that's suitable to both of you. Otherwise it's time to make a break or let it go. You can't control his actions or choices, so stop trying to. Instead, focus on what you can do for yourself.

Source

Dear Poll: Have You Ever Had a Friend Cross the Line?

DearSugar — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 12:00:00 -0700

Though many of you have had perfectly platonic relationships with friends of the opposite sex, inarguably, there are certain friendships that can leave one person wanting more than the other. While the fear of ruining a friendship can help squash these feelings, sometimes the attraction and connection is so strong that a person can’t help but put themselves out there regardless the consequences. So what I want to know is, have you ever had someone break the just-friends rule with you?

Source

Relationship Protocol: Friends of the Opposite Sex

DearSugar — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 11:00:00 -0700

Quite rightly, opinions vary about whether or not men and women can truly be just friends as everyone has encountered different situations from which to draw their point of view. And things only get more complicated when you’re in a relationship.

I’ve always figured that once you’re in a serious relationship, friendships of the opposite sex would naturally fade away. Once you have a special someone it’s hard enough to keep your friends of the same sex, let alone members of the opposite. Maybe it's just a matter of the difference between a casual acquaintance and a true friend. But if so, where do you draw the line? Do you think having any friends of the opposite sex when you’re in a serious relationship is unusual? Or do you think it’s completely normal and reasonable?

Source

Group Therapy: He's Just a Friend, but How Do I Tell Him That?

Thu, 19 Jun 2008 14:00:00 -0700

One of my best male friends has been acting a little nervous around me for the past few months now, and since it isn't normal, I asked him about it. He evaded the question, so I let it go. Recently he asked me if I was free anytime to talk, which brought me to the conclusion that he has at least a few feelings for me. The thing is, I only think of my friend as a friend (a really good one, but nothing more) and have thought of him as such since middle school. I would feel incredibly weird taking our relationship to a different level, what with the possibility of a breakup ruining or changing our friendship forever.

Similar interests are nice in a relationship, but I tend to think of people who have the same brain as me more as a sibling - my actual brother and sister double as best friends too. We're both pretty mature people, but I'd still like to let him down gently so we'd be able to stay good friends. Could I get a little push in the right direction? How should I go about this upcoming conversation?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

Source

Group Therapy: My Best Friend Wants More

Wed, 14 May 2008 03:00:00 -0700

I have been best friends with "John" since we were both 15 years old. We are 26 now, and he is beginning to express an interest in something more than just friendship. I feel completely unsure about this.

I just started seeing a guy about a month ago, and now John is pointing out all of this new guy's faults and our lack of similar interests. Of course he's also quick to note that he and I have tons in common. I have never thought of John as anything other than a friend, but at the same time, I have never gotten along or connected with anyone like I do John. I'm terrified of losing our friendship. Should I give him a chance and encourage this or do I just refuse?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

Source

You Asked: Should I Stay With Someone I Don't Love?

DearSugar — Thu, 01 May 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

A few months ago, I got out of a long-term relationship and started dating again. After the breakup, a lot of my friends chose to side with my ex over me, and I have had increasing financial and professional problems ever since. Under all of this stress, I started going out with my current boyfriend. He is smart, good looking, funny, and generally a perfect guy to date. At first I would get all the fireworks feelings when I was with him, but by now I just don't know if I'm ever going to be in love with him.

Usually by this point in a relationship I would have fallen head over heels, but I just don't feel that way. We talked about this yesterday, and he feels the same way I do. I really do enjoy his company, love spending time with him, and appreciate having someone here for me at a rough time in my life. Should I continue to date him and just enjoy the time we spend together, or should I leave and really search for my true love?

- Not in Love Leslie

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Not in Love Leslie,

If you really are looking for your true love, then staying in a relationship with a man you're confident you will never be in love with doesn't make much sense to me. It's great to hear that you've both shared your feelings on this topic and remain open with each other regarding your intentions. Obviously you're in need of a friend right now, and it sounds like this guy might just be the perfect friend for you. If he's willing, I would suggest taking a step back from dating and focus on what could be a really great friendship.

When we meet new people, it's normal to put them into a certain category - friend, foe, acquaintance, romantic interest, etc. - and once they're there, it's hard to move them around. But just as sometimes a friend turns out to be something more, a love interest can be a better buddy than significant other. With that thought, don't simply use him for companionship in the meantime, but take this opportunity to build something you both can rely on in the future.

Source