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You Asked: My Boyfriend Dragged Me Through the Mud

DearSugar — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 12:56:55 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I was with my ex for three years - we lived together and pretty much grew up together. We have been broken up for two months and it's been the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with - moving my stuff out was extremely painful. All I ever do is think about him and our old life. The thing that tears me up the most is that I just found out he's been extremely promiscuous since we've split, all the while having breakup sex with me. I also learned that he is now ready to settle down again, but not with me.

I'm hurt that he got to have all of his fun and drag me along on his ride only to leave me in his tracks. I am incredibly heartbroken, saddened, disgusted and I feel completely rejected. I dream about him almost every night and wake up every morning, sad to be at my mom's house and not our old apartment. Is this normal? I feel like I'm crazy to still think about him every day and mourn like this. - Heartbroken Heidi

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Dear Heartbroken Heidi,

To answer your question, yes, your reaction is completely normal - in fact, I'd be a little concerned if you weren't feeling this way after ending a three-year relationship. The fact that you had to move out of the apartment you shared definitely makes matters worse, so take your time in this grieving process and try not to be so hard on yourself. In the meantime, if living at home with your mom is making this bad situation worse, I suggest you find a roommate and move out ASAP.

Having breakup sex adds a level of difficulty to the moving on process, but rest assured that thinking about your ex, even though he dragged you through the mud, does not make you crazy, it makes you human. Time is the best healer, but you should also lean on your friends and family for support. All of your feelings are justified Heidi, and in due time, I have faith that you'll see that this relationship just was not meant to be. Hang in there and good luck.

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You Asked: My Boyfriend Called Me By His Ex's Name - Twice!

DearSugar — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 12:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend of seven months, who has been amazing, romantic, and thoughtful so far, referred to me by his ex's name on two occasions in front of others. It hurt me very much and it continues to hurt. The first time was around Thanksgiving, the exact time of year they had broken up. The second time was a couple of weeks later, at a Christmas party. He says it means nothing and it was just a slip of the tongue.

They had dated for two and a half years, and he has never wanted to talk about her or why they broke up, but after the second time he called me by her name, I insisted that he tell me about her. He said their breakup really hurt him, but they had intimacy issues and ended up being more friends than lovers. He wanted to work on their relationship but she did not so it ended.

He has told me that he is 100 percent committed to me and me only. He treats me extremely well and makes me very happy. He always tells me how much he loves me, has asked me to move in with him, and tells me how much happier he is with me than he was with her. I have met his family and friends and we get along really well. So was this really just a slip of the tongue? If so, what do I do to get over it? Could he still have feelings for her? I don't want to be naive and I don't want to be blindsided. Any advice would be a great help. - He Made a Mistake Mindy

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Dear He Made a Mistake Mindy,

From what you're telling me, it sounds as though everything in your relationship is going great except for these two slips of the tongue. While I don't doubt that those mistakes hurt you, you have to remember that people mess up every now and again, even at the cost of someone else's feelings. It's pretty clear that he adores you from the fact that he's constantly reassuring you, but at the end of the day, it's up to you if you're willing to forgive him.

Time will lessen the blow of his mistakes, and keeping the lines of communication open about your feelings will help too. What he did was wrong, but I can honestly say that I don't think it came from a malicious place so if you think you can let it go, I think it'll be worth your while. With that said, if he makes a habit of calling you the wrong name, I'd say that it's a pretty clear indication that he's simply not over his ex. I hope it all works out for you; good luck.

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Relationship Protocol: How Do You Feel About Boys' Night?

DearSugar — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 10:00:00 -0700

We all know that boys will be boys, but when they are in a relationship, time with the guys becomes all the more important. Just as women need alone time with their friends, men desire the same interaction. But I've noticed a common theme when my girlfriends tell me about their significant others' nights out: they're constantly up to no good, drinking too much, staying out too late, and spending too much money. Of course it's their life and they can live it however they see fit, but when it compromises their girlfriends' feelings, something has to change. So ladies, how do you feel when your significant other goes out with the guys? Is it a cause for contention, or are you a supporter of boys' night out?

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Is It Possible to Truly Forgive?

DearSugar — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 11:00:00 -0700

If you tuned into The Hills last night, you saw Heidi's sheepish attempt to make amends with Lauren. And even though Lauren has admitted to missing her ex BFF, it didn't seem like becoming friends again was high on her priority list, especially if Spencer remains in the picture. Since their relationship has been on the rocks - to say the least - for the past two years, Heidi got to fear that too much damage has been done to reconcile. Forgiveness is a personal choice and one that is often incredibly difficult, but tell me if you've been badly hurt by someone you once truly cared for. Is real forgiveness possible, or is the damage caused irreversible?

Photo courtesy of MTV

Is It OK to Comment on Your Significant Other's Looks?

DearSugar — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 11:00:00 -0700

Last night on Late Night With Conan O'Brien, Jerry O'Connell spoke about his pregnant wife Rebecca Romijn and went a little too far when describing just how much she's grown! While he prefaced his statement by telling Rebecca he loved her, he pretty much dug himself in a hole by describing her belly as being "huge." Perhaps she didn't find his antics humorous, because he issued a statement this morning apologizing and letting her and all of us know that he'll be coming home with flowers.

While I'm sure he was just making conversation and trying to be funny in his own way, it seems he may have hurt her feelings, and I don't blame her! What do you think? Is joking about your significant other's looks acceptable, or do you think poking fun, even in a sarcastic manner, crosses the line?

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You Asked: Is She a Bad Bridesmaid or Am I a Bridezilla?

DearSugar — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I'm getting married in a few months, and I asked my four closest girl friends to be my bridesmaids. Three of the girls have been amazing, but I've been having a lot of issues with the last girl. They were kind enough to throw me a lovely bachelorette party, but they had a hard time settling on the date because the girl in question was always "busy." They finally settled on a date that worked for her, and then three weeks before the party, she called to tell me that she couldn't make it because she decided to take a vacation instead. I feel extremely hurt because I knew the other girls bent over backwards to accommodate her because we all felt it was important for her to attend since she was a bridesmaid. Am I wrong to be hurt that she would miss my bachelorette party so she could go on a vacation instead? - Peeved Penelope

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Dear Peeved Penelope,

I have to say that I'm on your side on this one - your friend is being incredibly selfish by purposely making vacation plans on the same weekend as your bachelorette party. Not only did she create a ruckus by making the date all about her, but she's clearly showing you where her priorities lie. Since she's already made her decision, there's nothing you can do now, so try not to let her absence ruin your bachelorette party or your wedding day.

Although brides are typically the ones that become overwhelmed during wedding planning time, perhaps your friend is going through something that you're unaware of. Could she be jealous that you're getting married and she's not? Could she be having marital problems if she's already married? She could also have bailed out on your weekend with the girls simply because the attention was not going to be on her.

Since your feelings are rightfully hurt, I'd talk to her about it. Let her know how she made you feel and perhaps ask if there's something bothering her that she wants to talk about. If she says no, remember that this is her problem, not yours, and hopefully by the time your wedding comes around, she can stand by your side and support you on your big day.

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Dear Poll: Have You Ever Had a Rumor Spread About You?

DearSugar — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 14:00:00 -0700

Although it would be nice to think that the world of rumors and talking behind someone’s back is left in the halls of our high schools, I think we all know that’s just not the case. In fact, most workplaces are rife with gossip as are many circles of friends. That said, not all gossip is bad; some rumors are simply a matter of misinformation. Either way, they can hurt so tell me, have you ever had one spread about you?

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You Asked: I'm Having a Flower Girl Dilemma - Help!

DearSugar — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I'm getting married in December but I'm having a major flower girl dilemma. I had first asked my cousin's oldest daughter (she's 10) but when I recently visited her, she asked me if she could "pretty please be a junior bridesmaid" because she felt she was too old to be a flower girl. I said yes without thinking about who would replace her. My dad who has actually been very active in helping me plan my wedding is dating a very sweet woman with two young girls. I have had the chance to bond with them multiple times and I think her oldest (who is 4) would be perfect for the job, but there is a small problem - my mom would be heartbroken. I don't want to hurt her feelings, but at the same time I want to include my Dad and his girlfriend in the wedding, too. I'm totally torn, do you have any advice? - Frazzled Bride Brenda

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Dear Frazzled Bride Brenda,

While this is your big day, if asking your father's girlfriend's daughter to be your flower girl will cause more harm than good, it might behoove you to ask someone else or skip out on having a flower girl all together. Since you're clearly close with your dad and his girlfriend's family, perhaps you can ask them to participate in another aspect of your wedding - they could pass out programs or hold your bouquet while you take your vows.

If your heart is set on having her in your wedding, talk to you mom and ask her how she'd feel - you might just be making an assumption here. With that said, your wedding day is a big day for your parents, too, so if in fact she's not too keen on the idea, I advise you to not extend the offer. Your wedding is going to be stressful enough as it is, you don't need to add more pressure to yourself by worrying about your mom's hurt feelings. I hope it all works out at the end and congratulations!

To see all of our wedding coverage, check out IDoSugar.com.

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Sunday Confessional: I Cried to One Guy About Another

DearSugar — Sun, 10 Feb 2008 09:00:00 -0800

I've been seeing Adam casually for about three months. While we both have feelings for each other, our relationship is mostly physical, and we don't think of each other as a couple. About a month ago I met this new guy, Joe, who I felt immediately attracted to. He ended up taking me out on a few dates, and I felt very happy, but I just couldn't get a good read on his feelings before he had to go away for two weeks.

Meanwhile, I was still seeing Adam. I didn't tell him that I had strong feelings for Joe, but I did mention that I was dating someone else. One night while Joe was out of town, I ended up staying with Adam. While Adam was in the shower, I got a call from Joe. Normally, I wouldn't have taken the call, but I was really excited to be hearing from him. Unfortunately, he was calling to break it off with me. I said I understood, but when I got off the phone I was really upset.

When Adam got out of the shower I burst into tears. The next day, when I was still feeling depressed, I got a call from Adam. He told me that he was very hurt by my actions and thought it was incredibly selfish of me to whine to him about another guy. He then proceeded to end our relationship and tell me he couldn't be friends either. I tried to apologize but it was no use. Should I be forgiven or do I deserve this?

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Handle This: You Catch Your Friends Talking About You Behind Your Back

DearSugar — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 08:00:00 -0800

It's been a couple months since you've spent time with your core group of friends. You've missed recent get-togethers because you've been so busy with work, family issues, and planning your wedding. You feel really guilty which is why you've gone out of your way to make it to dinner tonight at one of your friend's houses. You're about ten minutes late, and they must not have heard you come through the door.

As you make your way into the living room, you hear them talking about you - you just walked in on the tail-end of their b*tch session all about you. You know you've been flaky lately, but you thought they would have been more understanding, and you can't help but are incredibly hurt.

You think about going in and confronting them, but you don't want it to turn into a them-against-you situation, but if you just leave, it'll be another thing you didn't show up for. It seems like a lose lose situation so how would you handle this?

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