TresSugar

Couples Who Clean Together, Sleep Together

TresSugar — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 15:00:00 -0700

I recently went to my friend's bachelorette party and got her the book Porn For Women as a gag gift. The PG porn book suggests that women get turned on by men doing things like vacuuming, folding clothes, or making dinner.

But according to a new study, seeing your spouse do household chores might actually be an aphrodisiac - and not just for women. The study revealed that the more housework a husband or wife does, the more likely they are to have sex with their spouses.

Many of the participating couples reasoned that showing an interest in household work - defined as cleaning, preparing meals, washing dishes, washing and ironing clothes, driving family members around, shopping, yard work, maintaining cars, and paying bills - demonstrates a greater willingness to invest in shared interests. It's a symbol of teamwork and commitment. One husband told researchers that sharing chores reflects a "willingness to hold my wife's needs and wants on par with my own." He sounds like a keeper.

Do you do and your significant other split up the household chores? Has it led to a better sex life?

You Asked: My Fiancé Is a Control Freak

DearSugar — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My fiancé and I have been together three years now and will be getting married in a month. I love him dearly - he is a generous and very strong man. I've been off work for almost five months because I've been struggling with depression. Before, I had been working as a graphic designer at the same company as my fiancé - he managed me on multiple projects. I was beginning to feel like I had my boss at work and at home so I quit. Since I've been home, I've started doing all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, and housework and when my fiancé is home, he just plays video games.

When I first met him, he was a total slob and never picked up after himself; he's an only child who's used to having his mom do everything for him. I grew up in a big family where organization was mandatory. Needless to say, I like things clean. My fiancé makes almost triple what I did, plus he works long hours, so I don't expect him to come home and cook and clean - plus doing all the chores doesn't really bother me.

The problem is that even though he doesn't help out, he is constantly telling me how to do things down to the littlest detail, like how he likes his socks rolled and the order in which I wash the dishes! When I explain to him that I don't appreciate his nagging when I'm trying my best, he'll throw a tantrum and it ends up being my fault. I love him, but I'm feeling resentful. How can I fix this?

- In Need of Respect Rita

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear In Need of Respect Rita,

If your fiancé micromanaged you in your last job the way he does at home, it's no wonder you needed time off. Frankly, I don't care how many hours your fiancé works, he has no right to be so unappreciative and demanding when you're trying your best to keep the house in order without his help. He's acting like he's still the only child of the family! It's time to put those selfish desires behind him before he commits to being a husband, which is one member of an equal team.

You have to have a serious heart-to-heart before it's too late and this unacceptable behavior becomes an endless pattern. If he wants to yell at you and get upset then that's his choice, but you have to be able to speak your peace. Explain to him that you're happy to accommodate his ideas, but you need him to approach his requests in a much kinder and respectful manner. Obviously he's gotten used to this lifestyle, so it may take multiple conversations to make your point. Let him know that he's hurting you, and in turn putting your relationship in danger.

If this continues into your marriage, I highly recommend you seek therapy to combat it before your resentment takes over, which it inevitably will at this rate. Good luck.

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Group Therapy: He Won't Lift a Finger!

Tue, 15 Jan 2008 03:00:00 -0800

I have been married for almost six years. At first my husband would help out around the house, nothing big, but he would at least pick up after himself. Now, he does nothing. At first I figured he was just comfortable being his messy self, but now I think he is just lazy. He rarely does anything, even when I ask him to. Today for example, I cooked him a big dinner (roast beef, mashed potatoes, stuffing) and asked him to help me out with the dishes. He didn't even have the guts to tell me no, he just laughed and walked away.

I am sick of being treated more like a maid than a wife, and I really resent that he won't at least pick up after himself so my "job" of cleaning up the place isn't more difficult. Help!

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

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Dear Poll: What Celebrity Perk Would You Want to Have?

DearSugar — Mon, 30 Jul 2007 09:00:00 -0700

Celebrities and their entourages!! You rarely see a famous person alone anymore, they either have their personal assistant, driver, bodyguard, dog walker, etc. in tow, giving them absolutely no privacy. While I am not interested in someone shadowing my every move, I would however, love to have someone do all my dirty work for me! Never having to drive anywhere, cook anything, or motivate myself to workout sounds absolutely heavenly. So ladies, if you could have only one celebrity perk, which kind of helper would you choose to have as a part of your entourage?

Is it Too Late to Change Him?

DearSugar — Tue, 01 May 2007 13:05:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--

My boyfriend supported me while I was in college and I did all the housework. Now I support him and expect him to do the housework. He doesn't! - instead he plays video games, watches TV, or uses precious gas to visit people. We have a hard time making ends meet and we fight over him not cleaning all the time.

We have roaches, and the dishes and trash just pile up. We've talked about it several times, and he says he'll change and start supporting me by cleaning, but he doesn't. I love him so much, but it's so frustrating because he only goes to school for 4 hours a day, and doesn't do his homework at home and the place is always a wreck.

When I was in school, he always asked what I did or how I was contributing, or why I didn't work, and I kept the apartment nice and paid all the bills and took care of groceries, everything. Now I feel ripped off, because I work, and still have to do all of the same stuff. We've even talked several times about how I need him to support me by cleaning and taking care of bills, and he says he'll change and he's sorry for being selfish.

We've been together five years, am I asking too much or is he never going to change?

--Annoyed Anna

To see DEARSUGAR's answer read more

Dear Annoyed Anna--

No, you are not asking too much and if I were you, I'd be fed up too! It's no fun dealing with all the housework on your own, and you shouldn't have to. It sounds like he's gotten used to you doing everything (even though he didn't seem to notice it) and his laziness is getting the best of him. For some people, having a clean house just isn't that important, and they don't mind living in filth. If you want to remain in this relationship, you are going to have to come to some sort of compromise.

Instead of telling him he needs to do the dishes, do the laundry, take out the trash, and vacuum the floors (which is probably overwhelming for a messy person), start off slowly. Give him one chore - ask him if he could please do the dishes. When you get home and if he's done what you asked, thank him for it (don't focus on what else needs to be done). Gradually you can start adding more chores to his day without bombarding him all at once.

Even though he's not working as much as you are, I don't think it's fair for you to expect him to do everything - relationships are all about compromise. Make a schedule together, mapping out the chores over the week for both of you to do, so one person doesn't feel like they're Cinderella.

Hope this helps! Good luck Anna.

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Grab Bag! Kristen Stewart is Queen of the Alt Teens

TresSugar — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 12:30:22 -0800

Kristen Stewart and the history of misfit teen idols. - DoubleX
Pine-Sol hopes that men doing housework turns women on. - Em & Lo
The coolest new vibrator. - Glamour
Four breakup warning signs. - Your Tango
An openly gay Republican has been picked as a GOP gubernatorial candidate's running mate. - Huffington Post
A curious little boy sees a lobster for the first time. Cuteness ensues. - LilSugar

Gender Roles - Love 'Em Or Leave 'Em?

OnSugar Blog — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 13:10:00 -0800

Here's a poll from OnSugar blog Rantings of a Single Girl.

Let's go back to the 1940s for a minute. My grandmother was married, raised a kid, ran a farm, taught school, and kept a clean house. All while my grandfather was away at war. After my grandfather came back from the war and had recovered from his wounds, they went back into their traditional roles. He ran the farm and did all the "manly" things. My grandmother raised my aunt, taught school, and still had dinner on the table by 5:30 PM every night. All while pregnant with my dad.

I'm exhausted just talking about it.

I bring all this up because I've been thinking about gender roles lately. I look at my parents. Granted, my dad still does majority of the "manly'" things around the house and my mom does the household things, neither one is afraid to help out the other. My dad does housework. My mom can swing a hammer when needed.

And that's what I like.

I'll never be able to date a guy who believes in traditional gender roles. As much as I like cooking and being in the kitchen, I don't like being expected to be there. If we have kids, I'm not going to be the one who raises them. I certainly expect their father to help out. At the same time, I don't expect him the only one who takes out the trash or fixes things when they break. I think 50/50 is a good blend.

So could you be with someone who firmly believes in traditional gender roles? Or would you rather share the load?

Want to see more? Start following Rantings of a Single Girl or start your own OnSugar Blog. Maybe your stories will be posted here on TrèsSugar!

First Couple Had to Negotiate Their Roles in Marriage

TresSugar — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 13:00:00 -0700

Last night, President Obama spoke to NBC about how he and Michelle had a discussion about gender roles and marriage once they had kids. He explained:

"Michelle was trying to figure out, OK, if the kids get sick why is it that she's the one who has to take time off of her job to go pick them up from school, as opposed to me? What I tried to do was to learn to be thoughtful enough and introspective enough that I wasn't always having to be told that things were unfair."

Based on the Obamas's visibly happy marriage, and the new study that suggests splitting housework leads to a better sex life, it seems that sharing responsibilities for the family and house can only be a win-win for spouses. Still, the president admits that because she's a woman, Michelle still had to make sacrifices he didn't have to. Have you ever spoken to your partner about expectations based on gender roles?

To see video of the president talking about his relationship with Michelle, read more.

Roomba: Cat Sold Separately

GiggleSugar — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 10:05:00 -0800

This is a cat's idea of helping with the housework. He's almost as useful as this guy.

Relationship Protocol: Who Puts Dinner on the Table?

DearSugar — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 07:00:00 -0700

Sexual stereotypes in relationships are still alive and kicking no matter how hard we try to fight them. Although it's getting more common for men to help with the housework, it's usually the women who end up picking up after their men. But when it comes to cooking, I think the playing field is a bit more even. My best friend, for instance, is a great cook so she's the one who's always in the kitchen, but another good friend of mine doesn't even know how to boil water! Luckily for her, her husband knows a thing or two about food, so he's the one who plays chef in their house. What about you? Who is the one that usually puts dinner on the table in your relationship?

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