TresSugar

Do Tell: What Does "Hooking Up" Mean to You?

DearSugar — Sun, 28 Dec 2008 10:00:00 -0800

I overheard some guys talking at a restaurant the other night. One of them was dishing about a girl he "hooked up" with, and he went on to talk about this elaborate sexual experience he had. I was in shock for two reasons: one, that he was speaking in such detail about his sexcapade in a public place, and two, that by "hooking up," he meant sex. I guess where I'm from, that term means you kissed a guy or fooled around a little, but I've never equated it with sex. The notion of hooking up has been in the news a lot lately, so tell me, what does "hooking up" mean to you?

Source

Dear Poll: Do You Date or Hook Up?

DearSugar — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 15:00:00 -0800

I just came across an interesting article in this weekend's New York Times. It speaks to the fact that dating is a thing of the past, but hooking up is here to stay.

To help the author understand this new phenomenon, he called upon Kathleen Bogle, a professor at La Salle University in Philadelphia for explanation. She feels that the pros of hooking up are that it takes the pressure off individuals and puts more emphasis on group friendships. While there used to be a negative stigma attached to those who couldn't get a date, she feels that now all you have to do is hang out with your friends and hope sparks fly! The cons, on the other hand, are that many women hope hooking up will lead to a relationship, but men think the opposite which can create a communication gap.

While this is just a part of "dating life" nowadays, tell me ladies, do you play by the new rules of hooking up first or do you still date the old-fashioned way?

Source

You Asked: How Can I Stop Being Used?

DearSugar — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 09:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

My last relationship was pretty hot and heavy, and when it ended over six months ago, it was because of his personal reasons - he said he needed more time to concentrate on his career - not because our feelings for each other had changed in any way. We remain friends but every time we have hung out, we have hooked up. All my friends tell me he is a jerk and that he's just using me, but when I'm with him it's like all the bad things he's ever done just disappear. I really want to stop hooking up with him so I can finally move on, but I'm not sure how to do that. Do you have any advice? - Being Used Brenda

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Being Used Brenda,

Continuing to hook up after a breakup will only prolong the getting-over-him phase. Since he's not interested in being in a relationship any longer, the only way to move on is to simply stop seeing him. Sure, when you're together all the bad things disappear, but if that were enough for you, you wouldn't be asking how to put him behind you.

If you're in the same circle of friends, hang out with different people for a while. If you only see each other when he calls you to hang out, ignore his attempts. The only way to be successful here is to set your mind to it - treat this just like any other goal you make for yourself. It might be tough at first, and you might even miss him, but it won't be long before he's a distant memory. Good luck.

Source

Dear Poll: Is There Anyone You Regret Not Hooking Up With?

DearSugar — Thu, 22 May 2008 15:00:00 -0700

The other night my girlfriends were trying to count how many past hookups they could preface with, "it seemed like a good idea at the time." It’s not that they regretted anything per se; it’s just that hindsight is 20/20!

In fact, their actual regrets seemed to be more about the people that they didn’t hook up with when they had the chance, rather than those they'd like to forget. I knew past relationships could carry their own regrets or nostalgia, but as it turns out, so can the relationships or makeout sessions that never were. So ladies, looking back, is there anyone you regret not hooking up with?

Source

Do Tell: What's Your Definition of "Hooking Up"?

DearSugar — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 09:00:00 -0700

Over the weekend, I got into a friendly debate with a girlfriend about what the term "hooking up" means. I consider it kissing and perhaps a little petting, but by no means third base. To my dismay, she equated "hooking up" to having sex, but since when was sex so run of the mill? There's no right or wrong answer to this one, so ladies, do tell, what's your definition of "hooking up"?

Source

Dear Poll: Are You Honest With Your Friends?

DearSugar — Fri, 30 Nov 2007 13:00:00 -0800

When you hook up with a guy, what's the first thing you do the next day? Are you on the phone with your best friend giving up all the details from the night before, or do you tend to keep what happens in the bedroom to yourself? The ladies from Sex and the City didn't have any qualms dishing their goods over brunch, and while I love hearing other people's stories, I'm much more private about my love life. What about you? Do you like to swap stories with your girlfriends, or do you like to keep those intimate details between you and your man?

Source

Handle This: Do You Tattle?

DearSugar — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 16:00:00 -0800

Welcome to DearSugar's new feature: Handle This. I'm going to give you a hypothetical scenario and ask you to tell me how you would handle it in the comments below. Let's give it a whirl.

You've been in a happy relationship for almost a year. Your boyfriend has a lot of single friends, but one in particular is a total ladies man. You've always avoided setting up your friends with him because you know what happens behind the scenes and you don't want your friends to get hurt.

Despite all your efforts, one night your good friend hooked up with him. They continued to talk and occasionally see each other, but it was always on a casual level. According to your friend, things are progressing and she is happy, but you hear the real story from your boyfriend - that he isn't really interested, that it was just a few hook ups, that he's seeing other people, etc. You really don't want to get involved and stir the pot, but you can't stand to sit back and watch your friend have the wool pulled over her eyes. It's a tough position to be in, so ladies, tell me how you would handle it?

Source

Do Tell: What's the Most Awkward Part After Hooking up?

DearSugar — Wed, 28 Nov 2007 09:00:00 -0800

Even if you don't shack at your hook up's house, the next time you see each other can lead to an extremely awkward situation. If you haven't defined your relationship status, are you supposed to call him? Wait for him to call you? How are you supposed to act when you go out again? What happens if you have an unexpected run in? It's all so confusing! Since it's safe to say that we've all been there, ladies, do tell, what's the most awkward part post hook up?

Source

You Asked: Am I A Prude?

DearSugar — Thu, 13 Sep 2007 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--

I am a 21 year old college student who has never been in a relationship, had a boyfriend, slept with anyone, etc. I get approached by guys all the time who either are looking to get laid or have a girl to mess around with.

I am strongly opposed to casual hook ups and want a meaningful relationship, so I bypass their offers. The problem, DearSugar, is out of all my friends I am the only one like this. All my friends believe in casual sex and friends with benefits. It's not just them either. I go to college parties and all I see are guys acting like idiots trying to score with any girl available. Am I too old fashioned or are there people out there like me?

-- Saving Myself Mary

To see Dear Sugar's answer read more

Dear Saving Myself Mary --

Well, I hate to break it to you, but that's the scene at the majority of colleges. Everyone is so excited not to have their parents dictating what they can and can't do that some people get overly excited about exploring their freedom. If you're into the party scene, it can be the greatest time of your life - but it isn't for everyone, especially if you don't like the idea of drinking, losing control and being promiscuous.

It sounds like you are extremely mature and have the utmost respect for yourself, which is awesome. Many girls can get themselves into trouble their first few years of college, ignoring the dangers of casual sex (did somebody say STIs and unwanted pregnancy?). If it seems like you're the only one who's not running around sex-crazed, you may want to associate yourself with like minded people and avoid those annoying fraternity parties where people are just trying to hook-up.

There are definitely guys out there who want to have a meaningful relationship like you, but you'll have a better chance meeting them in class, at the library, at a cafe, or even at the laundromat. Join a club, a sports team, a gym, or get a part-time job so you can expand your group of friends. Stick to your guns Mary and remain true to what makes you comfortable. There are good guys out there, so don't give up just yet!

Source

Grab Bag: The Teaches of Dolly Parton

TresSugar — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 12:00:00 -0800

"Lessons I learned from Dolly Parton." - Double X
"Why I stole my best friend's guy." - Lemondrop
One woman explains why gay marriage matters. - The Frisky
What they don't tell you about moving in together. - Your Tango
Hooking up is fun - hooking up in a foreign land can be really fun! - Glamour
Is it OK to have children fronting pro-life ads? - Jezebel
Confessions of an expert sexter. - Em & Lo