TresSugar

You Asked: I'm Terribly Homesick

DearSugar — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 13:15:23 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I moved from California to England to be with my husband. He said it would be a short term move, until we could get his Visa sorted out, but seven and a half years later, I'm still here with no light at the end of the tunnel. I am incredibly home sick and miss my family and friends terribly. The economy in both places is ruining our chance to move back and I know there is nothing we can do about it. I want a better life for our daughter and I know the best place for her is around her family in California. This isn't my husband's fault, but I'm starting to resent him for my unhappiness. I am feeling like there is no hope for me and I am destined to spend my life being unhappy about where I live. Help! - Homesick Holly

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Dear Homesick Holly,

I'm sorry to hear that you're unhappy living in England. It's definitely a different world than sunny California, but since you're going to be there for a little longer, I think it'd be best to just make the most of it. Since Spring/Summer is quickly approaching, could you make a few trips back home while your daughter is out of school? Or could you ask your friends and family to come out to England to visit you? Seeing a familiar face could really help lift your spirits.

I hear that you're homesick, but dwelling on it will only intensify those feelings, and being unhappy will just make it worse for your daughter. I advise you to talk to your husband, tell him how you feel, and see if you can't come up with some ways to make this living situation better for you. If you've made friends out there, try to strengthen those relationships, get involved in your community, go out and meet new people, explore your surroundings, or get a part-time job to keep you busy.

Yes, our economic state is making things difficult for everyone right now, but it won't last forever. I wish you luck and hope you can get home sooner rather than later.

Source

DearSugar Needs Your Help: I'm Homesick!

DearSugar — Sat, 18 Oct 2008 09:00:00 -0700

DearSugar and Homesick Hayden need your help. She moved to Canada to be with the man she loves, but is having a hard time adjusting to her new life. She's unable to work until her visa is granted and she feels alienated at home while her boyfriend's gone all day working hard to support them both. If you've ever picked up and moved someplace where you didn't know anyone, go ahead and tell Hayden what worked for you while you got settled.

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend and I have been together for sometime now. We had been doing the whole long distance thing but it just wasn't working anymore, so we decided that one of us had to move so we could be together. He has a house and a great, well-paying job so it didn't take long to decide that I was the one who had to relocate. Our relationship couldn't be any better, but the homesickness has hit me pretty hard. I've been here a month already but my visa hasn't been approved, so I haven't been able to get into the groove quite yet. Our place is a decent distance away from everything and since I have no mode of transportation, I'm stuck at home every day. I try to keep busy with dishes and laundry, cleaning all that I can and redecorating our home, but we've hit a snag financially so my design projects are currently placed on hold.

When I'm not busy, I feel lonely. I miss my family a lot and the homesickness has been getting worse and worse. Do you have any suggestions or insightful advice as to what I should do during this awkward adjustment period? - Homesick Hayden

Source

You Asked: I'm Homesick; Should I Move Back?

DearSugar — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I know most people write in and ask if they should move to be with their boyfriends; well I did, but now I'm having second thoughts. I lived in Indiana and moved to Arizona to be with my boyfriend. We were together a year long-distance before I moved. I love him, he treats me well and he is a great guy, but I am so homesick! I miss my family and friends terribly. I talk to him about moving back home, but he would never go back with me - he is from Indiana as well. It is wrong of me to think that he doesn't love me as much as I think he should because he wouldn't move back with me? We talk about marriage, and I want to be with him, but I'm just not happy here. Please help! - Homesick Hannah

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Dear Homesick Hannah,

Picking up and moving across the country is a huge adjustment, so try not to be too hard on yourself for being homesick - I think anyone in your position would feel the same way, including myself. Since I don't know how long you've been there, I can only give you general advice. First off, if you don't have a job, get one. Having a purpose there will help you become more acclimated. You also need to give yourself time to adapt to your new surroundings: join a gym, find your new favorite sandwich shop, get to know your neighbors, etc. Once you've established a new routine, making friends will become a lot easier.

It sounds to me like you really love your boyfriend, but just because he doesn't share your same desire to live in Indiana, it doesn't mean he loves you any less. With that said, he should be sensitive of your unhappiness right now and willing to do his part to build a life together in Arizona, so if he's not in this with you, something has got to change. Keeping the lines of communication open is going to be crucial while you make this transition, but after giving it some time, if things still don't feel right, you need to do what's going to make you happy - with or without your boyfriend. This process won't happen overnight, so if you can tough it out for a little bit longer, hopefully all the pieces will fall into place. If not, I'm sure your friends and family will welcome you back home with open arms and you can at least know that you tried.

Source

You Asked: I'm Homesick All the Time

DearSugar — Mon, 03 Sep 2007 12:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--

I just migrated from the Philippines and I'm homesick all the time. I just graduated from college last March, finishing a Bachelors Degree in Nursing. As the days go by, I feel that I'm kinda lost in some ways, knowing that my friends back home are enjoying a more laid back life (that's how Filipinos are, sometimes).

Right now, I am enrolled at a review center near my apartment and because of that I need to spend most of my time studying. I know that I have to try to like it here but I just have so many ups and downs. I just want to fit in more but I don't know how. Help!

--Missing Home Marielle

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Dear Missing Home Marielle--

Well I have to say that I commend you for following your dream to be a nurse and sticking to it. I'm sure it was really difficult for you to leave you friends and your home, but like you said, you've got to make the most of your time here.

I know you are working hard studying, but you'll never succeed if you are constantly feeling sad and lonely. I wonder if there are any girls or guys that are your age at the review center that you could get to know. If not, I suggest you join a gym, take an art or dance class, get a part-time job, or hang out at the local cafe. Getting involved with some non-school activities will help you meet people. Once you make some friends, they can show you around, introduce you to their friends and teach you all about American culture.

The reason you are so homesick is because you feel like an outsider. If you can immerse yourself socially, you'll feel more connected to your new home, and hopefully it will help take your mind off missing the Philippines. I hope this helps. You should be very proud of how much you are accomplishing!

Source

The How-To Lounge: Avoid Homesickness While Traveling

DearSugar — Tue, 21 Aug 2007 10:04:38 -0700

Even if you love to travel, chances are you miss the comfort of your own home every once in a while. Whether it's the smell of your laundry detergent on your sheets or your dog waking you up in the morning when he's ready to go outside, it's easy to get homesick even if you're a grown adult, so here are some tips to help you feel at home even when you're thousands of miles away.

To read more read more

If you travel a lot for work, chances are you spend quite a bit of time in a hotel and on an airplane. If this is the case for you, hopefully you have racked up enough frequent flyer miles so you can upgrade when you fly and get the best room in the house when you check into your hotel. Traveling first class makes all the difference in the world
Unpacking as soon as you arrive will make you feel more settled. Even if you're only staying a day or two, seeing your clothes in the closet and your toiletries in the bathroom will make you feel more at home
Most hotels are tech savvy so don't forget your iPod. The familiar sounds of your favorite music while getting ready or falling asleep will help take away that stiff hotel feeling
If you're staying long and plan on relaxing in the room, bring some DVD's from your home collection. Hotel movies can be pretty pricey so come prepared
I love taking baths, especially in a hotel, so I always bring my favorite bubble bath with me when I travel. Soaking in the tub will help you relax and fall asleep easier
Traveling with a scented candle, small photos of loved ones, your own alarm clock, even your favorite pillow will help you feel more at home

I hope these tips help you settle in easier next time you check into a hotel and if any of you jetsetters out there have some additional tips, please share them below.

Source

You Asked: When Will This Loneliness Go Away?

DearSugar — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I am really struggling with my emotions at this moment in life. I just moved 1,000 miles away from home in order to attend a great school, but I'm miserable. I haven't made many friends if any, and most of my time is spent in my dorm room alone. I know this isn't good, I should go to clubs and hang around campus to meet people, but I just can't bring myself to do it. I am very stressed and contemplating moving back home. My parents swear the problem is being away from my boyfriend - we have been together for about two years - but he wouldn't be in my hometown anyway, he's living away from home too.

In my hometown, I was involved in many community things and had a job that gave me great experience for my future career plans. But at college, everything big happens on campus; this is a small town, and I am a big-city girl. I don't know what to do. Any advice? - Homesick Sandra

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Dear Homesick Sandra,

I'm so sorry you're feeling like this, but I can tell you honestly that I felt the exact same way when I first went away to school across the country from my family and friends. I was terribly lonely and hesitant to put myself out there, but after realizing that keeping to myself was only making matters worse, I changed my tune, made an effort to meet people, and ended up having a great college experience. Making new friends can be difficult, but luckily in a college setting, everyone is in the same boat as you are. Before calling it quits, make sure you've exhausted all your possibilities first.

Instead of going straight to your room after class, head to the campus coffee shop and read or study there. Hit the gym or join a campus club. Spark up conversation with the person you sit next to in class; at least you'll have something to talk abut! Your dorm floor is how most people make their first friends in college, so chat up the person next to you at the sink or hang out in the hallway when you hear people talking. And last but not least, get involved on campus. You say you were involved in many community things back home, so why not do the same now?

Getting accustomed to a new environment takes time. Try to be a little more patient and I'm sure once everyone settles into their new surroundings, friendships will be made left and right. Hang in there and good luck!

Source

You Asked: He's Completely Cutting Me Off

DearSugar — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 12:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I am currently dating my daughter's father. We had a lot of new-couple issues at first, but just as soon as I was sure we had worked through the kinks, I found out that he is going to move overseas for a year. I wanted to spend as much time as possible with him before he left, but it seems like he doesn't have the same desire. He says that he is trying to mentally prepare himself to leave so he is breaking away now to avoid being homesick later. I don't know how to take it. He leaves in a couple of days and we haven't talked or seen each other in about a week. Help!

- Left Behind Leslie

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Left Behind Leslie,

Since I'm not sure whether you two are planning on continuing your relationship while he's away, it's difficult for me to understand the specifics of this situation. What I can tell you is that everyone handles feelings of sadness and loss differently, so it's very possible that your boyfriend is pulling away now so it will allow him to control the terms of his loss. He can decide when to be upset instead of having it forced upon him when he leaves. Still, I don't think this is a healthy approach nor do I think it's fair to you.

Break the rules: reach out to him via a phone call or email. Explain to him that while you understand his feelings, it's going to be hard either way and you'd rather enjoy the time you do have together. If you plan on trying to make your relationship work - it will be extremely challenging, but it is possible - then I think it's especially important you set the tone of communication now.

And finally, I don't know the age of you daughter, but the move of a parent can be difficult even at a very young age. It's important that, at the very least, you come together to discuss that aspect of your relationship. Best of luck to you.

Source

This Week With DearSugar

DearSugar — Sat, 25 Aug 2007 04:00:00 -0700

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