TresSugar

Dear Poll: Are You Social Butterflies or Home Bodies?

DearSugar — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 13:00:00 -0700

Isn’t it funny how once we settle into a new relationship, we end up falling into certain patterns. I suppose it’s only natural, but I still find it somewhat remarkable how easy it is to pick up a new routine and how hard it is to break out of one.

One of the most common patterns for couples to develop early on is their social routine. Some couples still paint the town red, socializing with their friends, while others feel best at home with just each other - sure, every once and a while you have to mix it up, but for the most part these categories stand. So ladies, when it comes to your usual relationships, which category do you fall in?

Source

DEARSUGAR Needs Your Help: Stuck In A Comfort Zone

DearSugar — Mon, 29 Jan 2007 14:22:04 -0800

DEARSUGAR and Antsy Arielle need your help. She is love with a crabby homebody of a man and she's getting bored sitting at home all of the time. The problem is that she really loves him and just wishes that he would compromise and go out more often with her. I know that some of you can relate to this topic. Do you have any advice for Arielle?

Dear Sugar
My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly three years. We have been through every up and down imaginable together and I love him more than I have ever loved someone. The thing is, we have an eight year age difference between us (he is older).

I really think that he gets angry and frustrated with me because I am younger and am still at an age where I like to go out and try new things with my friends. There is no longer anymore romance or butterflies between us. Everything has become completely predictable.

He is more of a homebody. His idea of a good time, is a warm meal, watching TV together and snuggling in bed or on the couch. I want to go dancing and see the town! Don't get me wrong, I love being at home, but sometimes, its just not enough for me.

Since we don't live together, I spend a lot of time at home, just sulking, crying my eyes out because he doesn't want to do anything adventurous together. He tells me that I am ranting like a little brat and this angers me.

I've been putting up with his lack of interest in anything fun for so long that now I am really wondering if I still feel the same way about him. What do I do? How do I make him see that we should enjoy each other's company equally so that we are both happy? Antsy Arielle

The Christian Way

DearSugar — Tue, 16 Jan 2007 10:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar
I have been with my boyfriend for two years and have always thought we would get married. We are religious Christians and have planned to live a Christian life. He graduated college and started working for a large law firm this September and we have since grown distant.

His company demands extensive hours, sometimes up to 70 hours a week, and he has training for exams almost every weekend. In addition to not getting to spend time with my boyfriend as much anymore, his co-workers promote an unchristian lifestyle by going out after work partying and drinking.

He says going out helps him release the stress but I am having a hard time accepting his new way of life. I have expressed my feelings to him three times since November, but nothing seems to help and he refused to change. Do you have any advice for me? Homebody Helen

To see DEARSUGAR's answer read more

Dear Homebody Helen
Growing distant from your partner can be heartbreaking and extremely confusing, but you can't stop people from evolving into themselves. When you bring up your concerns, is your boyfriend understanding? Have you come to the table with any suggestions to help with his time management?

It sounds like you are struggling with the fundamental problem of your boyfriend straying from his Christian ways. Have you considered that he could he be giving into peer pressure in order to fit in at work and that this phase might pass? Do you still believe you can build a future with him even though he is deviating from your beliefs?

Try taking a step back and find out if your boyfriend is willing to work on making time for both his job and his personal life. If you are still feeling left out in the cold, perhaps this relationship has changed too much for you to mend. Hang in there and good luck.

Do You Still Paint the Town Red Even Though You're in a Relationship?

DearSugar — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 10:00:00 -0700

We see celebrities hitting clubs with friends and new moms enjoying a much-needed night on the town even though they catch a lot of flack for leaving their babies or significant others at home, but who ever said you couldn't have a life after starting a family? I'm of the mindset that you don't have to become a hermit just because you're off the market, yet some people prefer to settle into that homebody routine just as soon as they find their mate. Since all relationships are different, tell me ladies, do you still paint the town red every once in a while even though you're in a committed relationship?

Source

Group Therapy: I Don't Know If I Want to Stay With My Fiancé

Fri, 13 Jun 2008 03:00:00 -0700

I have been with my fiancé for three years and engaged for almost a year. He has a lot of problems because of the abuse he endured from his dad while growing up. His dad is bipolar and physically abused his mom and emotionally abused him. He was in counseling before but stopped because it became too expensive. I am a student, and outside of my loans, he basically supports me. When I met him, I thought that I had met my soul mate; it felt meant to be. He is loyal, kind, a good lover, nonjudgmental, and never criticizes me like my ex used to. But he is a real homebody, and I get so bored because of it. When I try to go out with him, he gets social anxiety and becomes really insecure.

Sometimes I think that I really love him and want to stay with him, but I am not sure after a recent fight. I just get so fed up because I'm bored. He works long hours doing physical labor, and all he wants to do when he comes home is watch TV or take a nap. I do all of the cooking, and I have to nag him just to clean up after himself. After we had the fight, he was making a lot of noise in our room. We were both really angry at each other and worked up. I asked him repeatedly to stop making so much noise because he was going to wake up our landlords, whose bedroom is right above ours. I grabbed his arm a few times, and he just about hit me.

I forgave him, but I really don't trust him at all anymore. I told him he has to go back to counseling or else I'm leaving him. My mom also offered to pay for us to go to a few sessions of couple's counseling. I don't really feel comfortable talking to anyone about these problems. It's not simple to know if you should leave your partner when you love someone, they have good qualities, and you have time invested in the relationship. Does anyone have any advice?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

Source

The How-To Lounge: Having More Fun

DearSugar — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 11:00:00 -0700

Whether we like to admit it, the stress and burden of daily life often gets in the way of having a little fun, and without fun, things can get boring and depressing. I’m a firm believer that happiness is the key to good health and a long life, so why not incorporate more fun into your life? To see my ideas on how to do just that, read more.

Give into temptation! Well, not every time, but it’s OK to break your own rules every once in a while. Stay out too late, eat too many brownies, and sleep until noon!
Plan a night with old friends. Reminiscing about old times guarantees some serious laughter. If you’re feeling really brave, pull out your old yearbooks or photo albums.
Do something that's out of your comfort zone. Just a small change can get your endorphins running high. If you’re a homebody, make a plan to get out. And if you’re already pretty adventurous, try something totally new like kayaking or skateboarding.
Splurge on good tickets to see your favorite musician or comedian. There’s nothing like seeing a live performance.
Host a barbecue for your best friends - it's a great way to spend a Sunday afternoon.

Most importantly, learn how to make even the smallest moments fun ones just by being open to a good laugh!

Source

You Asked: Why Doesn't He Want Me to Come Out With His Friends?

DearSugar — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 06:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I have been dating my boyfriend for nine months. We have a great relationship and one I don't want to give up on. The issue is this: I always include him with my social outings but he has yet to include me with any of his. I am a social person and he is more of a home-body, but when he does go out with his friends, he never includes me. I want to meld the two worlds together (my friends and his friends), but still maintain a balance of our own personal time with our own friends. I have mentioned all of this to him before and no actions have been taken to include me.

I'm so confused and feel that having this separation is causing me to have trust issues since I only know one of his friends (his roommate). I am not a controlling person, I feel as though I'm a ghost in his world. Do you have any words of advice?
- Left in the Dust Danielle

To see Dear Sugar's answer read more.

Dear Left in the Dust Danielle,

The fact that you only know one of your boyfriend's friends and you've been together almost a year is a big red flag to me. It seems as though he's deliberately trying to keep his personal life separate from his life with you, which leads me to believe that he's hiding something. I'm glad to hear that you've voiced your concern, but what does he say in return? I don't blame you for developing trust issues so I advise you to readdress the subject once again.

Perhaps you could suggest organizing a get together with both sets of your friends so they can all finally meet each other. Or see if he will compromise and bring you out with him every few times he's with his friends. The company you keep says a lot about who you are so I'd get to the bottom of this ASAP. Trust your gut Danielle and listen to your intuition about this guy. Good luck to you.

Source

Are You a CAT Person or a DOG Person?

DearSugar — Wed, 25 Jul 2007 08:00:00 -0700

Whether you prefer having a cat or a dog as a pet can say a lot about your personality. Here's a list of traits for each, and you can be the judge if there's any truth to it.

Cat owners tend to be...

Dog owners tend to be...

introverted, self-conscious, shy, secretive, sensitive
interested in quieter pursuits like reading, watching movies and videos, music, etc.
Are homebodies or prefer quiet places
Like their creature comforts and although they expect people to notice them, they tend not to boast, preferring to draw attention to themselves in less direct ways
Have a small circle of close friends rather than a larger group

extroverted, eager, unembarrassed, open
Interested in sports, adventuring, exploring, and outdoor pursuits
Like to be busy and go out a lot, like loud places like parties
They tease and pick on each other in a friendly way, and like talking and boasting about their accomplishments
Have a large circle of friends and acquaintances and they make friends easily

So what do you think? Does having a cat or dog reveal anything about its owner? Do any of these characteristics apply to you or anyone you know?

Source and Source

Lonely After Five O'Clock

DearSugar — Wed, 03 Jan 2007 08:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar
I feel that I am a very social, kind and friendly person to be around. I do have friends, but people never seem to invite me out with them after work or on the weekends and I am not sure why. What are some things that I can do to try and change this? Bored at Home Heidi

To see DEARSUGAR's answer read more

Dear Bored at Home Heidi
I am sorry you are feeling left out. Have you been sensing a disconnect from your friends or have you had a falling out that that could be preventing an invitation to hang out on the weekends? Are your friends as social as you or are they homebodies?

Try making the first move and initiate social plans with your friends instead of waiting for them to ask you. Friendship is a two way street and takes work from both parties. Could your friends be feeling the same way you are and afraid to ask you to make plans out of fear of rejection?

Try asking one of your gal pals if she would like to go see a movie have dinner this weekend. See if planning helps to get the ball rolling. Hopefully putting yourself out there will pay off and your nights sitting in front of the TV will be behind you.

Dining In Or Eating Out

DearSugar — Mon, 18 Dec 2006 08:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar
I have a problem eating out with friends and family and it is progressively getting worse. Eating at friends houses or in a restaurant makes me extremely uncomfortable when I can't see how the food is being prepared. It seems like nothing ever tastes right when I eat out.

I love having dinner parties at my house and socializing, but my friends are getting fed up with my homebody ways. I feel like I am constantly disappointing my friends when I decline their meal invitations and it's like no one understands what the big deal is. Is what I am experiencing normal? Food Creased Katlin

To see DEARSUGAR's answer read more

Dear Food Creased Katlin
What is it about dining out that makes you feel so uncomfortable? Are you concerned with the cleanliness of the kitchen or how the food is stored? Are you on a strict diet? All cooks use different ingredients which makes them unique. Are you concerned with fattening ingredients that someone might be adding to your meal?

It sounds as though you are suffering from a variation of a food phobia. Symptoms can create dread when being confronted with eating out. Can you remember any food related incident from your past that could be triggering this behavior? Does anyone in your family suffer from the same fear?

If you feel this way of life is pushing people away, I think it is best to nip this in the bud before you let it get the best of you. If you want to live a "normal" life, you will be faced with dining out for special occasions, holiday events, and business meetings for many days to come. I suggest seeking out a therapist or a counselor to help you overcome this fear so you don't have to worry anymore.