TresSugar

Most Common New Year's Resolution From '08

DearSugar — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 09:00:00 -0800

After asking if you kept your New Year's resolutions from last year, I was surprised to see how many of you didn't make resolutions at all. Sure, being the best you can be every day is ideal, but most of us, myself included, need some incentive in order to make big changes in our lives.

For those of you who did make resolutions last year, below are the most commonly pledged changes in 2008:

Weight loss
Smoking
Living a healthier life

Do you think you'll be able to keep those going in '09?

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The How-To Lounge: Preventing the Common Cold

DearSugar — Wed, 28 Nov 2007 10:00:00 -0800

I came back from Thanksgiving break and almost everyone in my office was complaining that they're sick. Since Winter is officially here, we all have to do everything in our power to stay healthy, so here are some general tips to prevent catching the common cold.

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Keep your desk at work clean and disinfect your phone on a regular basis.
Wash your hands at least seven times a day (studies show that you're four times less likely to develop a cold if you do) with antibacterial soap.
Don't share drinks or lipstick with your friends and keep a small container of hand sanitizer in your purse so you can disinfect your hands after opening doors, using ATMs, or even riding the elevator.
Stay hydrated and load up on fruits and vegetables.
Although the holidays can be a stressful time for most, try to keep it all relative as stress wreaks havoc on your immune system.
If you're already feeling under the weather, listen to your body and rest. Take hot showers and let the steam clear your nasal passages, load up on vitamin C, zinc, and water and remember that mom's chicken noodle soup really is a miracle worker!

I hope these tips help, and remember to stay bundled up out there!

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Orgasms: Feel Good and are Good for You!

DearSugar — Mon, 02 Jul 2007 11:00:00 -0700

I recently told you what happens during a female orgasm, but did you know that not only does an orgasm feel absolutely amazing, it's good for you too? Check out the health benefits for having orgasms...

Sex relieves stress and tension. When you have an orgasm, your heart rate and blood flow increases. All your muscles tighten and flex and then completely relax after you climax, leaving your mind feeling calm and free of worries.
Relieving stress from sex can also make us feel happy and less depressed. Getting busy could be a natural alternative to taking anti-depressants.
All that increased blood flow is also good for our organs and circulatory system. It increases the supply of oxygen to our cells and stimulates healthy organ functioning, which could help us live longer.

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Making love burns calories (can you think of a more fun way to workout?).
Having an orgasm right before you go to bed will help you sleep. Orgasms act as a natural tranquilizer -- the release of endorphins is very calming and getting a good night's sleep can make you feel more prepared to deal with any problems you face during your day.
Releasing those endorphins can also alleviate pain from a headache or cramps. Guess that puts an end to the age - old "headache" excuse?!?
Sex also calms your cravings for junk food. Sexual stimulation triggers production of a natural amphetamine in your body called phenetylamine, which regulates your appetite.

Well, there you have it, you know, just in case you needed some more reasons to get it on!!

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How to Stay Fresh After Stepping off the Plane

DearSugar — Tue, 15 May 2007 09:30:00 -0700

Have you ever wondered how celebrities look so beautiful after long flights? Well, I certainly have! Here are some tips to help keep you looking refreshed and rested after stepping off the airplane.

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Cardinal rule number one: water, water, and more water. The recycled air and altitude is extremely drying so staying hydrated is key
Moisturize throughout your flight, reapplying hourly, and if you can, bring a face mister (Evian makes a great one) on board to keep your skin hydrated. If that isn't an option, splash your face with water before take off and apply moisturizer immediately to lock in the moisture
Flying dries out your hair so if you want to keep your hair full, I recommend skipping all hot tools the morning of your flight. Apply serum to your hair as well to prevent it from drying out and to prevent possible breakage
Avoid salty foods, alcohol and caffeine. All three will make your feet and hands swell and will make your face look puffy
Sleep as much as you possibly can
Before landing, apply a light tinted moisturizer and sheer lip gloss. White eye liner is an insider tip which will brighten up your eyes

I hope you find these tips helpful. Remember to always travel with a pair of sunglasses in case you can't pull it together in time to de-plane and a small mirror -- there is nothing worse than applying your make up in those small airplane bathrooms with those atrocious neon lights! Travel safe and remember -- there is no such thing as drinking too much water!

Pillow Talk: Aiming for a Healthy Relationship

DearSugar — Fri, 23 Mar 2007 15:30:00 -0700

We all have an idea of what constitutes a healthy relationship, what it entails and who it's with. But why, then, do so many people knowingly get involved in unhealthy relationships? Before diving head-first into a new relationship, it's worth paying close attention to a few tips.

It takes time to find your ideal love match. It's wise to evaluate potential partners the way you would a new friend. Consider their values, character traits, and their relationships with others before becoming too vulnerable to them. You wouldn't trust a new girlfriend with all your deepest secrets or desires overnight, would you?

Be sure to distinguishing sex from love. There's a great deal of pleasure and connectedness derived from being intimate with someone, but that's not the same experience as being in love, or being respected, known and admired by someone.

Men are not psychics. Please be brave and ask for what you want. Be honest about your needs and your dislikes. As with friends or family, masking unhappiness can lead to resentment and blow ups down the road.

It's easy to get worried when we discover low tide in a relationship. However, this is natural and you should both expect to work at keeping the romance alive. Checking in with each other helps foster closeness with your partner. People do change and grow. Learning and growing together can only enrich your relationship.

No relationship is perfect, ladies, but it should be respectful, loving and healthy.

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Doctors Tell Women to Ditch Annual Pap Test

TresSugar — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 11:00:42 -0800

There may be no need to feel guilty about putting off your annual trip to the gynecologist anymore! New guidelines from the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists assert that healthy women should not get cervical cancer screening pap tests every year. Instead they encourage women to get the screening every two to three years. The medical group also recommends against getting a pap test until after the age of 21, even if an adolescent is sexually active.

The new recommendations against annual cervical cancer screenings are not intended to save you embarrassment or discomfort - they're meant to prevent unnecessary and possibly harmful treatments. For example, treatment of precancerous HPV symptoms that would otherwise go away on their own puts women at a higher risk of giving birth to a premature or underweight baby. Still, cervical cancer rates have dropped 50 percent since the 1970s mostly thanks to the pap test, so I hope the doctors aren't trying to fix something that isn't broken. But the authors of the guidelines explain that the same results can be accomplished with less-regular screenings.

I'll admit the idea that less screening can be better for your sexual health seems counterintuitive. Will you stick to your annual pap test or do you welcome a chance to get one less frequently?

Colbert's Solution For the "Pre-existing Condition" Conundrum

TresSugar — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 10:30:00 -0700

Forget going to your reps on Capitol Hill to remind them that a woman is not a preexisting condition. So what if a toddler who barely has preexistence is denied health insurance because, at a healthy weight of 22 pounds, she's deemed too skinny? Leave the poor health insurance companies aloooone! They just want a return on their investment, after all. As Stephen Colbert says, you wouldn't buy a banana with spots on it, would you? And anyway, he has a solution. Just breed the insurable with the insurable! That way, ~~everyone~~ healthcare providers win!

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Heather Graham Races For Public Option - Love It or Leave It?

TresSugar — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 11:30:00 -0700

In a new commercial called "Track Meet," actress Heather Graham flashes her toned bod and a bit of cleavage to make the case that America needs a healthy public healthcare option. The spot, sponsored by MoveOn, claims that insurance companies have gotten lazy and bloated from the profits - but a little competition from a fit and lean public option should get the system back in shape. With a new poll showing that the majority of Americans want a government-run health insurance plan that will compete with private insurance, this ad might convince the rest of Americans who oppose it. Do you find it persuasive?

Hump Day: I'm Self-Conscious About Receiving Oral Sex

TresSugar — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 06:00:00 -0700

Welcome to Hump Day, TrèsSugar's sex advice column. Are you confused about sex? Do you have trouble having an orgasm? Is there something you'd like to try but you're worried it's too weird? Send your questions to TrèsSugar, and our friend Dr. Charlie Glickman from Good Vibrations will offer his sound advice!

Today's Question:

"I'm very self-conscious about my body, and that extends to receiving oral sex. I like to give blow jobs to my boyfriend, but I worry about smelling and tasting good so I rarely let him reciprocate. I wonder if I never get satisfaction when I let him go downtown (he has to practically beg!) because I can't relax enough to enjoy it. Any advice?"

To hear what Dr. Glickman has to say, read more

First off, the vagina is self-cleaning, as long as it's healthy. I mention that because I want to make sure that it's very clear that all of the myths about the vagina being dirty have more to do with sexism and sex-negativity than anything else. That was a bit different in the past, when women's medical needs weren't really addressed and things like yeast infections and bacterial vaginosis went untreated. At the same time, if you ever suspect that your scent has changed, that can be a sign of these or other conditions and it's worth getting checked out by a medical professional.

But assuming that there isn't anything like that going on for you, you definitely have my sympathies. Worries about our bodies and how our partners perceive us is a serious mood-killer. And the irony is that our partners often either don't mind or actively admire exactly those parts of our bodies that we're worrying about!

From what you've written, it sounds like your boyfriend has no problem going down on you. After all, if he's begging for it, it's probably something that he's into. How does he describe your scent or taste? If he's just as enthusiastic about that, maybe that can help you reframe how you feel about it. As the saying goes, we each have our own tastes (sorry for the bad pun, but I couldn't resist).

Try taking a shower before having sex. If you do it together, then it becomes part of the warm-up instead of a chore. While it may not be strictly necessary, if it helps you relax, there's no reason not to. Just don't overdo it with the soap. The vulva (the exterior female sex organs) is covered with sensitive skin and some women find that washing too much can be irritating. And don't get soap inside the vagina - it can be irritating or even set off a yeast infection if you're sensitive.

It might also help if the two of you approach oral sex as a pleasure in itself, rather than worrying about whether you'll have an orgasm from it. Set the bar a little lower for a while and aim for discovering ways that it can feel good for you, even if you don't have an orgasm. Make it a science experiment and have him try different techniques so you can discover how they feel. One great way to do that is for him to do two different things, such as sucking your clitoris or making circles with his tongue for a little bit. Then you decide whether you liked A or B more. It's a fun way to explore new sensations and keep your focus on what you're feeling, rather than worrying about your scent. If he needs some ideas for things to try, Tristan Taormino's Expert Guide to Oral Sex is a great DVD on the topic. Or check out Violet Blue's book Ultimate Guide To Cunnilingus for a fun read.

It could also be helpful if you ask your boyfriend for some positive reinforcement afterwards. After all, you're moving into an edge of your comfort zone and you deserve some hugs for that. When you're ready to move on from the oral experimentation, you'll probably feel better about it if he tells you how much he enjoyed it and that he's glad that the two of you are trying it out. If he goes too far and starts seeming pushy about it, that could backfire, so a light touch is better. But that's a really good way to make sure that you end on a positive note.

I hope that this helps. I know that it can be really hard when exploring out things that feel uncomfortable. It's a good idea to stretch enough to give it a serious try without going so far that it's too much. Take it slowly and remember - you want it to be fun!

You Asked: Friends With Benefits

DearSugar — Mon, 08 Oct 2007 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I have been in a "friends with benefits" relationship with this guy for a year now, but lately he's been acting differently and I think he may be sleeping with other women. I asked him about it and he said he has slept with other women but it hasn't been recent.

I don't believe him, because recently I've found evidence of other women being at his place (another woman's hair on the bathroom floor, another woman's business card on his living room floor, and a condom wrapper in the trashcan, which he claims was used by his cousin who came to visit him).

I can't help but feel angry and betrayed. I feel it was a very selfish thing for him to do and also that he put not only his but also my health at risk. He says he doesn't want things to end, but I'm not sure if I can ever be with him again. I do want to be with him, but I don't want him to think it's OK to sleep with other women while he's sleeping with me. It's just too risky. I desperately need some advice. What should I do?

-Feeling Betrayed and Angry Amanda

To see Dear Sugar's answer read more

Feeling Betrayed and Angry Amanda,

I'm sorry to break this to you, but a "friends with benefits" relationship does not mean it is monogamous unless you both agree on that ahead of time. I would be upset if the guy I was sleeping with was sleeping around too, but you really don't have the right to be angry with him since you never made your expectations clear from the start.

Having a friend that you fool around with is just that, and nothing more. It sounds like you're ready for this this guy to be your exclusive so you've got to tell him that. Since he still wants to be with you, you need to discuss some rules about how you want your new relationship to be so neither of you end up angry or hurt. Tell him you don't want him dating or sleeping with anyone else but you, and that you will do the same. Tell him that before you have sex again, you should both get tested for all STIs, to make sure you're both healthy. Lay down whatever other rules you want, and I'm sure he'll have a few to add himself. If he likes this new arrangement, then it looks like you've found yourself a boyfriend.

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