TresSugar

You Asked: Should We Un-Invite Them to Our Wedding?

DearSugar — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I got engaged last November, and our wedding is set for Oct. 18. Last March, my fiancé's company was bought out by a corporation and in early April, the entire office was shut down unexpectedly. He was out of work until July when he was hired by a small independent technology company (and by small, I mean a total of seven employees). He was having a great time for the first few months; he really enjoyed his new boss, co-workers and responsibilities. During that time, we were writing out our wedding guest list and to be friendly, we invited his new co-workers and their significant others. A few months later, he became really unhappy with the company as a whole and is at the point now where he's going to apply elsewhere. If he finds something, he may quit before the wedding. So my question is this: if he does quit before the wedding, how do we handle his current co-workers that have RSVP'd yes? Do we un-invite them? Do we tell them that we still want them there but we understand if they change their minds? I have no idea how to handle this, so any advice you could offer would be greatly appreciated. - About to Wed Wendy

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear About to Wed Wendy,

Since you've already sent the invitations and some of the guests have already RSVP'd, I'd have to say that the right thing to do is nothing at all. There is still a big question mark around whether or not your fiancé will still be working at his current company come October, so worrying about the unknown will just add unnecessary stress to your wedding planning. If your fiancé does in fact get another job before the big day, it's not to say that his former co-workers wouldn't want to celebrate with you - just because they won't be working together anymore doesn't mean they can't be friends.

If inviting these seven guests really stretched your budget, and if they were just courtesy invites, do what you need to do, even if it means uninviting them. But Wendy, if you decide to go that route, understand that there may be some ill will toward you both. You don't want to burn any professional bridges - the technology industry can be a small world. Since these guests were taken into consideration in your original wedding count, I'd leave well enough alone if I were you. Good luck.

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Awkward! Cut From the Wedding Guest List!

TresSugar — Wed, 27 May 2009 06:00:00 -0700

Beware. Bad behavior can get you cut from a wedding guest list. At least it happened to a friend of mine last year.

The bride in question was throwing an engagement party. Without any warning, my friend pulled a no show. The bride later found out that instead of going to the long-planned party, she spent the day with a new crush! And the bride was particularly hurt because my friend (also her good friend) never even followed up to apologize.

So when it came time to send the official invitations, the flaky friend didn't get one in the mail. Since the wedding, the two have remained friendly, but more distant than before.

If a friend seemed flippant about your wedding festivities would you bump her from the guest list and invite someone else who hadn't been so disrespectful? Or do you think the bride overreacted?

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The How-To Lounge: Creating Your Wedding Guest List

DearSugar — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 10:00:00 -0700

When it comes to the perfect wedding day, it’s all about being happy and having fun, so it’s incredibly important to make sure that the special people in your lives are there to celebrate with you and your fiancé. Although writing up a guest list might sound like an easy task, things can get pretty tricky when you incorporate factors like budget, venue, space, and your parents' preferences. However, there certainly are a few tips you can follow to avoid the headache - or at least some of it! To check them out, read more

First and foremost, be very clear on how many people you want to invite, factoring in the budget and the venue.
Talk to your fiancé, and decide who you won’t be inviting - exes, children, dates for each guest, etc…
Keep in mind that it is customary for both sets of your parents to partake in the creation of the guest list - this is a special day for them too! If they’re contributing financially, you’ll want to make sure they’re given a number of guests they can invite as well.
On the first sit down, let everyone put in the name of people who they would like to come, then start to whittle down the list. Sometimes this can take quite a few weeks so refer to your wedding timeline so you can leave yourselves plenty of time.
While you’ll surely be talking about your wedding at work, it’s not mandatory that you invite the entire office. You can either choose to not include any of them or just ask your closest work friends. But like we learned back in grade school, if you invite everyone but one person, there will be hurt feelings so do use some tact.
Don’t feel like you have to invite every person whose wedding you’ve been to, but if your wedding is in the same wedding season, it's expected that you'll return the invite. If your wedding is on the small side, it’s much easier to avoid inviting someone whose wedding you enjoyed recently, but if you’re having a big wedding, I recommend at least trying to fit her in.

Avoid inviting anyone verbally prior to finalizing your guest list. You never know what can happen, and you don’t want any disappointed or hurt friends.

To see all of our wedding coverage, check out IDoSugar.com.

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Guest List Diss

DearSugar — Thu, 02 Mar 2006 11:16:11 -0800

Dear Sugar
Over a year ago I set up a co-worker with a policeman that I had met at a conference. They hit it off right away and during the beginning of their courtship she would often ask me for advice because she had many failed relationships and didn't want to make the same mistakes. They have since married. My problem is that she did not invite me to their reception. She told me I could "pop" by the church if I wanted to. Other co-workers were invited to both the church and the reception. When I asked her why I was not invited she told me that they could not afford another person. They had 150 people there. We are not social friends but I feel that because I set them up, advised her numerous times and spent hours talking to her it would have been nice to at least have been asked. Now I feel resentful towards her and it has become uncomfortable. Am I wrong to have expected an invitation? Am I over-reacting? Left Out

Dear Left Out
You aren't wrong for feeling upset that you weren't invited. It would have been sweet for you to see them take their vows - you've watched their love grow from a blind date and you'd like to follow it through to the wedding. I'm shocked you even had to ask about an invitation. The right thing to do would have been for them to talk to you about their overloaded guest list and explain how they would have loved to have you there but just couldn't swing it. Weddings are so sticky because people have all sorts of familial obligations from both sides and numbers add up quickly. But if other co-workers were there (other than the bosses) then yes, you have the right to feel slighted. You are a good enough friend to set them up, and even a better friend to offer unending advice, but not good enough to attend the actual affair? All I can say is that people are strange. Feel good that you were able to bring strangers together and realize that you can't count on them any longer as friends, as unfortunate as that may seem. Also, I'm sure you're bummed that you didn't even get any public recognition for the matchmaking, but just try and be happy for your friends and rise above the bitter feelings - I'm sorry you are hurt. What they did wasn't very nice.

Tips For Planning a Bachelorette Party

TresSugar — Thu, 07 May 2009 04:00:00 -0700

If you've been called on to plan a bachelorette party, you probably want to make it very memorable for the bride to be. But making the fun effortless requires a lot of effort beforehand! Here are some tips on how to prepare a night out on the town or a weekend getaway to celebrate a loved one's impending marriage!

Get the bride's expectations regarding: location, guest list, exotic dancers (are they banned or encouraged?).
Set a date: Send an email to the guests with a couple suggested dates, and settle on one that works for most.
Do some research: If you're traveling, find an affordable hotel and think about keeping prices down by sharing rooms. Think about calling a club you plan to attend ahead of time, so you can get on the guest list.
Set a budget: Based on what you found, estimate the cost. Make sure everyone is on the same page. Talking money can be awkward, but it's much better to be upfront so everyone can be carefree later.
Pool your resources for perks: Does your friend's uncle own a restaurant? Does your co-worker own a limo service? Call in any favors.
Make the plans: Send out invitations. If it's a getaway, send an email itinerary with all the crucial information and include links for more information.
Get people excited before the day: Forward fun reviews about the hotel you're staying in. Email an online slideshow of pictures of the bride and her friends throughout the years.
Have fun! Once the party begins get everyone in the right spirit by enjoying the party yourself!

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Awkward! Wedding Planning With Fiancé Causing Tension

TresSugar — Fri, 01 May 2009 07:00:00 -0700

I know a very modern bride who is beginning to wonder if she really knows the guy she's marrying. It's not that she's having second thoughts - it's just that planning their wedding is highlighting differences of opinion about tradition and convention she didn't know were there.

For example, this bride is hip to the fact that weddings are not unique events. Lots of people get married. At the same time, she wants her wedding to have a personal, nonconformist touch. This is where the conflict with her more traditional fiancé has come in. He values conformity and sees it as a social good. Unlike his fiancée, he actually cares what other people think.

So what are the differences of opinion they have about how they should plan their wedding? To find out read more.

First off, she doesn't want name cards at the table. He thinks they're classy; she thinks they're an unnecessary cost and a waste of paper.

Secondly, both have agreed to cupcakes instead of wedding cake (OK, so traditional guy is a little nonconformist), but he wants vanilla (because "it's supposed to be that way") and she likes chocolate because . . . it's more delicious.

Last but not least - the guest list. The bride wants to give their moms a guest limit so that they don't invite too many people and overrun the wedding with people they don't know. He doesn't want to tell his mom that there's a limit and, in addition, he thinks having a lot of diverse people will make them look good to other people.

Should weddings conform to traditional wedding etiquette at the expense of personal touches, practicality - or the bride's wishes? How should this bride and groom get over their differences and celebrate their union? And finally, have you ever experienced something similar?

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Awkward! Wedding Guest's Plus One Is Disliked by the Bride

TresSugar — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 04:00:00 -0700

Getting your guest list sorted out is one of the most crucial and stressful parts of wedding planning. For example, do single friends get to bring dates? From my experience, if a guest is a good friend of the couple, she is afforded a plus one. But what would you do if someone abuses that extra invitation and invites someone you just can't stand?

Recently, my cousin got married and one of her bridesmaids chose an ex-boyfriend as her plus one. The bride had been there for her friend through the tough breakup, which included some less than kind behavior on the part of the ex-boyfriend. But when it came time to choose a date, the bridesmaid seemed to have amnesia! While my cousin wouldn't have invited the guy in a million years to her wedding, there he was raising his glass at every toast!

If I were the bride, I probably would have just sucked it up like my cousin. While it is your special day, you can't micromanage your friends' love lives.

What about you? What would you do if a good friend invited a date that you really couldn't stand?

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Do Your Wedding-Planning Friends Make You Envious?

TresSugar — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 04:00:00 -0700

Traditional wedding planning can seem like a full-time job. You have to choose a dress, venue, photographer, band, registry, guest list . . . the to-do list goes on.

For those who wait their whole lives for the big day, planning a wedding is not only a full-time job - it's a dream job! Other people see the time (and money) consuming planning as a necessary evil.

And if you're not getting married soon, you might be watching from the sidelines as your engaged friends figure out all the details.

I'm curious, would you rather be in their shoes planning your wedding, or are you thankful that you don't have to deal with the headaches? Of course, you might be totally neutral.

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Do Tell: What's the Most Interesting Wedding You've Been To?

TresSugar — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 07:00:00 -0700

It's Wedding Planning Mania time on the Sugar network, and as brides-to-be surely know - it may be one of the most stressful times they may ever experience. From planning the guest list, to deciding the registry, to choosing a location for the big day - it's almost understandable that some women go into Bridezilla mode.

But for some daredevils (or financially strapped and/or free spirits), there's a way of getting married - short of hightailing it to Vegas without telling anyone - that can turn the day into a near-spontaneous and yet memorable and poetic event. Want to hear about one such wedding I attended? Now read more.

Years ago in New York, a boyfriend's coworker invited us to his wedding. He told us it would be simple, short and sweet. Not expecting much, I was nevertheless, floored by how lovely the ceremony was. To this day, after attending many weddings, I cite it as one of the most magical I've attended.

The venue? Sleepy Hollow, a village in Westchester County, New York on the eastern bank of the Hudson River, only thirty miles north of midtown Manhattan. (Take a peek at it in the picture above.) The wedding took place late afternoon, and as soon as we got off the train, I knew this was going to be special.

As we walked toward the woodsy locale (it inspired Washington Irving's The Legend of Sleepy Hollow), strains of a solo violin could be heard. Soon after, the bride and groom (both struggling theater actors) read carefully selected poems to each other while we all tried not to choke up. Sunlight was still visible through dappled leaves.

After the ceremony was over, there were delicious passed hors d'oeuvres, champagne toasts, and, of course, wedding cake. As it began to get dark, we all said our goodbyes as the forest cooled in the night air. Simple and beautiful. I remember it like it was yesterday.

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What Does Your Mr. Right Look Like?

DearSugar — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 06:00:00 -0700

I caught up on Monday's Oprah last night and her guest, Steve Harvey, gave us all a glimpse into the male psyche as he answered a bunch of burning questions about love from an audience full of women. One in particular came to the show with a list of 43 requirements that her dream guy must posses, which included his height, his religious beliefs, his bank account, her need for him to be independent, to be family-oriented, honest, trustworthy, romantic, and clean - just to name a few. Steve sure did get a kick out of it, but this woman was serious - she wants to find Mr. Perfect! I think we all know that there is no such thing as perfection, but there is someone out there that's perfect for you and me. So ladies, if you were to come up with a list of your own, what would your Mr. Right look like?

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