TresSugar

Group Therapy: Are My Feelings Normal?

Fri, 03 Oct 2008 03:00:00 -0700

I've been with my boyfriend for about four years now, since I was about 16. I moved away to go to college three years ago and though it's been tough, I have always been fairly happy in my relationship. However, lately I've been starting to feel really bored with him. I find myself looking or thinking about other guys more and fantasizing about my boyfriend less. My thoughts started to change when I got my first interview for a post-graduate job. Since then I have really been thinking a lot about my future, and I feel the need more and more to be single. I keep thinking that I haven't really experienced much and I want to try things.

This is my first and only relationship, so I'm not sure if these feeling are normal. I’m not sure if I’m ready to see my relationship come to an end because not having him in my life is too hard to imagine, but on the other hand I can’t stop having these thoughts and it's starting to affect me. Has anyone ever been in a similar situation, or something even remotely close, that can give me some advice?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

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Dear Poll: Did You Grow Up in an Affectionate Household?

DearSugar — Mon, 01 Sep 2008 10:00:00 -0700

My family has always been affectionate both physically and verbally, so it wasn’t until high school that I realized not every family was like mine. Other families - although equally as loving - didn’t necessarily go around saying “I love you” every time someone left the house. Neither is better, but I do think the level of affection in the household you grew up in will have an effect on the adult home you make for yourself. So did you grow up in a family that was quick to show affection?

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Do Tell: What Activities Make You Feel Like a Kid Again?

DearSugar — Sun, 31 Aug 2008 10:00:00 -0700

Last weekend I had the pleasure of enjoying a quintessential Summer activity: swimming in a lake. I’m not going to lie; at first I was only brave enough to dip my big toe in, but after hanging out in the sun for a while, I finally took the plunge - and it was fun! The best part about being in the water was that it reminded me of how much I loved to swim as a kid, not for the health benefits, but just because of the sheer joy of being in water. Whether it’s slurping down a popsicle or playing boardgames with your family, do tell: What activities bring out the kid in you?

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Do Tell: Is Your Parents' House Still "Home"?

DearSugar — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 11:00:00 -0700

Though it can sometimes take a few tries, the majority of us end up getting out of our parents' house between our late-teens and mid-twenties. And of course, moving out is very much a rite of passage on the path to adulthood; you learn how to pay the bills and create a place that’s all your own.

I love my family dearly, but I know I’d never give up my independence to live with them again. Still, when I think of my parents' house, I get warm thoughts, and when I’m there, I truly feel at home. Do you feel the same way? Is where your family lives home to you? Or is your own house the only place you feel most at home?

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How Young Is Too Young to Get Waxed?

DearSugar — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 12:00:00 -0700

I'm all for the Brazilian Bikini wax, but according to a recent article on MSNBC, mothers are taking their young girls as young as 8 years old into salons to get waxed. I'm sure most of you are in shock reading this, just as I am writing it, but according to Melanie Engle, a Philadelphia aesthetician, “For waxing, 12 years old is the ‘new normal.’"

As we all know, everyone develops at different ages, but even if you get your period or develop hair early, this is still a disturbing trend. Dr. Doris Pastor, a clinical associate professor of pediatrics at Mount Sinai Hospital in New York City, feels, “the waxing itself is not an issue; the bigger issue is whether they are encouraged to engage in risky behaviors.”

While girls sure don't want to be teased if they develop earlier than their friends, Dr. Pastor has a great point. So how young is too young to get waxed?

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Do Tell: Are You and Your Friends Socially Compatible?

DearSugar — Sun, 10 Aug 2008 10:00:00 -0700

When you initially make friends with someone, it’s almost always because you have something in common and enjoy each other’s company. But as time flies by and life changes, sometimes the things that brought you together and the activities you enjoyed doing together change.

I’ve distanced myself from a few friends over the years whose lifestyle was no longer conducive to my own - they still want to party every night, and I like to be in bed at a reasonable hour. It’s amazing how changes in social life can make a difference in a friendship. Ladies, do tell: do you find this to be the case with your friends, too? Are you and your friends socially compatible still, or not so much?

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Do Tell: Did You Go Through an Awkward Phase?

DearSugar — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 07:00:00 -0700

There’s just something about adolescence - and I think it has a lot to do with hormones - that tends to bring out the awkwardness in people. Admittedly, I had my own awkward phase, but it was when I was nine. I was too gangly for my own good, with teeth too big for my small mouth and a terrible bowl haircut. Needless to say, it wasn’t pretty, but I think hitting a point in your life when you just don’t quite fit in or know how to act is about as normal as it gets. Were you one of the lucky few that skipped it altogether or did you have an awkward phase like me?

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Dear Poll: Do You Feel Like an Adult?

DearSugar — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 13:00:00 -0700

There was a time not long ago when it felt like the word "adult" shouldn't be applied to me but only used for real grown-ups like my parents. Then suddenly I woke up and realized that if I have all the responsibilities of an adult, I must actually be one, too! Truth be told, I may not be a kid anymore, but some days I don’t feel much like an adult either. What about you?

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Do Tell: Do You Have a Timeline?

DearSugar — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 09:00:00 -0700

I wish I had a dollar for every time a friend, lamenting about her love life or career, referred to the fact that she's just not where she thought she would be at this point in her life - because I'd be a very wealthy woman. I'm always surprised by their assessment of themselves because it never matches what I see: a perfectly normal and successful young woman. Expectations about what your life will entail and where you'll be at particular ages is a slippery slope that can lead to disappointment much too easily. Still, many women get in the pattern of creating timelines and calculations of what should happen in their lives. Are you one of them? Do tell, have you ever been one to plan out your future? If it doesn't work out as you intended, are you let down?

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You Asked: My Parents Won't Let Me Go

DearSugar — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I'm 21 years old and currently going into my last year of college. Before I was with my current boyfriend, I was in another long-term relationship, which ended when I went to college. My parents made my life miserable by pressuring me to break up with him, telling me that we weren't right together. It wasn't a bad relationship, and even though it didn't work out, I don't regret it.

Now it seems to be happening all over again. This Summer I decided to stay near school since I have a steady, full-time job. I'm renting a house with three close friends and my boyfriend of a year and a half. My family was disappointed that I didn't come home for the Summer but told me that if I could budget it, then they would support me. I love it here, and I'm very happy with the choice I made. My parents came up to visit this past weekend and when I asked if my boyfriend could come to dinner with us, my mom said no; she needed to talk to me about some red flags she sees.

They've only met him twice, and I don't think it's fair for them to judge him already. It seems that whenever I get into a serious relationship, instead of supporting me, they have to tell me that I'll ruin my dreams if I settle down too early. I'm happy to listen to their advice, but after that I feel like they need to support me. I know who I am and what I want, and I don't plan on sacrificing any of it for a guy, but that doesn't mean I'm going to break up with my boyfriend. How can I make them understand and support me?

- Unsupported Sienna

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Unsupported Sienna,

You sound like a smart woman with a good head on her shoulders, but trying to break away from your parents - especially when you're super-close as a family- can be really difficult when they're set on holding on to you. As long as you're staying focused on your future and what's truly best for your life, then I think you're on the right path, though it may not be the same path your parents would like for you. Unfortunately, I doubt there's much you can say to make your parents learn to let go any faster - only time will do that. But for now, continue what you have been doing: seriously listening to your parents opinions, paving your own way, and making the healthiest choices for you.

Remind them that while you will always defer to their judgment when making decisions, you can't always make the choice that's best for them. If you act maturely, then eventually they'll have to treat you accordingly. Watching a child enter into the big world is scary for parents, but I'm sure in the end they just want you to be happy. Be patient while they negotiate your new independence, but don't let them scare you out of standing your ground.

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