TresSugar

Good Guy vs Bad Guy

DearSugar — Wed, 30 May 2007 14:45:00 -0700

Are you attracted to the good guy or the bad guy? We all know who is "right" for us in the long run, but more times than not, the good guy gets the short end of the stick because so many women just love to love the bad boy, knowing damn well what's going to happen in the end! So what I want to know is, who do you typically find yourself attracted to?

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Edward vs. Jacob: Which Guy Is More Your Type?

TresSugar — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 07:46:39 -0800

You don't need to be a fan of Twilight to understand the difference between the two leading men (can we call vampires and werewolves men?). On the one hand, there's Edward - think of him as the sophisticated older man type. In fact, he's 108. If you go for introverted, devoted, and beautiful men, Edward's your type of guy. Then we have Jacob, the good-natured hunk. Jacob's the extrovert with a sense of humor who knows how to have fun. Which type of guy would you rather date: the mysterious guy or the outgoing guy?

Gender Roles - Love 'Em Or Leave 'Em?

OnSugar Blog — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 13:10:00 -0800

Here's a poll from OnSugar blog Rantings of a Single Girl.

Let's go back to the 1940s for a minute. My grandmother was married, raised a kid, ran a farm, taught school, and kept a clean house. All while my grandfather was away at war. After my grandfather came back from the war and had recovered from his wounds, they went back into their traditional roles. He ran the farm and did all the "manly" things. My grandmother raised my aunt, taught school, and still had dinner on the table by 5:30 PM every night. All while pregnant with my dad.

I'm exhausted just talking about it.

I bring all this up because I've been thinking about gender roles lately. I look at my parents. Granted, my dad still does majority of the "manly'" things around the house and my mom does the household things, neither one is afraid to help out the other. My dad does housework. My mom can swing a hammer when needed.

And that's what I like.

I'll never be able to date a guy who believes in traditional gender roles. As much as I like cooking and being in the kitchen, I don't like being expected to be there. If we have kids, I'm not going to be the one who raises them. I certainly expect their father to help out. At the same time, I don't expect him the only one who takes out the trash or fixes things when they break. I think 50/50 is a good blend.

So could you be with someone who firmly believes in traditional gender roles? Or would you rather share the load?

Want to see more? Start following Rantings of a Single Girl or start your own OnSugar Blog. Maybe your stories will be posted here on TrèsSugar!

Hump Day: Sex Makes Her Uncomfortable

TresSugar — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 07:30:23 -0800

Welcome to Hump Day, TrèsSugar's sex advice column. If you have questions about sex, send them to TrèsSugar, and our friend Dr. Charlie Glickman from Good Vibrations will offer his sound advice!

Today's Question:
I'm 24 and in my first relationship. I really like the guy, we've been going out for six months, but I get nervous whenever he slips his hand under my underwear. He gets the hint and stops. I don't mind him doing other things (we haven't slept together yet), but I wish I wasn't such a prude. I don't know what he expects and I worry that he will be grossed out, as I only shave/wax the bikini line but not the whole thing. What if he thinks it is ugly? I also don't know what I should expect; he knows I'm a virgin, but I don't know how to speak to him about why I get uncomfortable, and I don't know how to overcome it! I also have a few stretch marks and worry that he will be grossed out by them. Please help?

To read Dr. Glickman's response, read more.

Thank you for sharing this challenging situation. I know that it can be scary to talk about things like this, but these are all really common thoughts.

One of the things that can help when you’re on the edge of your comfort zone is to take it very slowly. It’ll probably help to tell your guy about your discomfort, even if you can’t tell him why it’s there. You could simply say "I have a lot of discomfort around sex." You also might want to do a little solo exploration. It takes the pressure off because there aren’t any partner expectations. Check out the wonderful book Becoming Orgasmic. If you’re looking for tips or ideas for techniques, Tickle Your Fancy is full of suggestions. Once you know a bit more about what you like or dislike, you and your boyfriend might be able to find something that you both like to do.

It’s worth mentioning that vulvas come in all different shapes. (The vulva is the external female anatomy. The vagina is the inside part.) There’s a long history of negative attitudes towards the vulva, but each one is unique and beautiful in its own way. A lot of women have the idea that there’s something wrong with their vulvas because they don’t look like what we see in porn or because they have hair, and I think that’s unfortunate. I strongly recommend getting to know your parts and Scarleteen has a great site about that. It’s geared towards teens, but there's lots of amazing info about sex, bodies, and pleasure.

Another option would be to explore some of these concerns with a therapist. When you have an itch on your back, you need someone else to scratch it. Therapists help us by reaching the spots we can’t reach on our own. Lastly, depending on where you are, you could join a body-image support group. While they tend not to focus on sexuality, they can be an incredibly helpful way to work through our concerns about our bodies and how we (or other people) feel about them.

Working through these challenges isn’t always easy, but it can be very rewarding. Whatever route you choose, I hope you find the pleasure and joy that you deserve.

Ask an MBA Student: Is It OK For My Boyfriend to See His Ex?

TresSugar — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 09:00:44 -0800

Conventional Wisdom is a different kind of advice column. Your questions will be answered by people from all walks of life rather than by advice experts. This week, a guy working on his MBA tries to help out a woman nervous about her boyfriend's ex. If you have a question you'd like answered on Conventional Wisdom, you can submit it here.

Today's Question:
My boyfriend's ex-girlfriend just moved back in town and he wants to hang out with her. She's going to stop by his house this week so they can catch up. They broke up a couple of years ago, but they dated for a few years so this sort of makes me uncomfortable. Can I tell him that I don't want them to be friends? I don't know whether I should be upset or just let it go.

Signed,
Nervous

To read the MBA student's advice, read more.

Dear Nervous,

My advice is to let them hang out and catch up initially. It's natural for friends who haven't seen each other to meet up; there is nothing to worry about. I think it might be a good idea for you to be there, if your boyfriend is OK with that. If this is truly a friend situation, he shouldn't have a problem with you being there, and if the ex-girlfriend is moving back into town then she should want to get to know you. After they catch up, the novelty might go away and they might never see each other again as people change. However, if they continue to hang out and see each other a lot, you can let him know that it makes you uncomfortable. He should respect your wishes and tone it down.

Signed,
An MBA Student

Hilarious or Horrifying? Trojan Can Prevent Rude Moviegoers

TresSugar — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 08:00:39 -0800

When lovers not planning on making a baby start to get busy, the last thing they want to think about is what type of person their potential child would be three decades down the road. But in this commercial, Trojan wants to remind you that you should wrap it up, lest you end up with a child who turns out to be the most obnoxious grown man ever to enter a movie theater!

Avoiding children, annoying or not, is a major reason for using protection, but this commercial sends a somewhat confusing message about contraception. If this guy weren't annoying, would it have been a good thing that his parents didn't use a condom? Do you think this is an effective message, or does it miss the mark?

Flashback: Cheaters, the Most Trashtastic Reality TV Show Ever

TresSugar — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 06:00:00 -0800

Back in the day when I watched waaay too much television, I couldn't even justify it by saying I was watching the good stuff. If anything, I watched the worst television had to offer. Take Cheaters, the reality television show hosted by smarmy Joey Greco.

The premise was simple. Tail some guy or gal who was stepping out on their significant other, show the horrified cheatee the video evidence, and ask the wronged person what they wanted to do. The magic words I longed to hear? "I want to confront him." In this clip, Joey works his magic as he leads this poor woman into a blow-by-blow account of her boyfriend's cheating, accompanied by his transparently fake concern for her. In one infamous episode, Joey got his: a cheater actually stabs him, and they aired the episode! Ah, the good ol' days. Bring back Cheaters!

Ask an Older Woman: Help! My Friend's With a Married Man

TresSugar — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 06:00:00 -0800

Conventional Wisdom is a different kind of advice column. Your questions will be answered by people from all walks of life rather than by advice experts. If you have a question you'd like answered on Conventional Wisdom, you can submit it here.

Today's question: One of my good friends has been seeing a married man for about a year. He also just happens to be her boss. When we get together, she bombards me with the details of their relationship. He tells her he's never been happier, and that he'll leave his wife for her soon (yeah, we've heard that one before!) and she seems to believe him. My problem with this whole thing is that not only am I sick of listening to her, and of course could tell her so, but I've lost respect for her. Is it wrong to break up with a friend who's doing things I find morally reprehensible? Is there anything I can do to get through to her that what she is doing is horrible for her, not to mention this man's wife?

Signed, Confused Friend.

To hear what an older woman has to say, read more
Dear Confused Friend,

Ahh, the folly of youth. For every bad relationship I bored my friends with, I in turn listened to details about men (or women) they were with who didn't deserve them. It's part of being a friend.

My best advice to you is to be honest with your friend. You don't mention if you've told her how you feel, or if you did, how she reacted. If you haven't, now is the time to start. Tell her you care about her, but you think that contributing to cheating is morally messed up, and that in the end she's probably just going to get hurt. (I guess "the other woman" sometimes ends up with the guy, but who wants to end up with a cheater?) Also, sleeping with your married boss? Pretty dumb. Do other people in her office know? This is not good for her professional life either. I'd tell her that, too, although it's hard to imagine an adult who doesn't know this.

If you really like this friend and this is the only thing she's done that makes you question her character, ride it out and hope she comes to her senses. There's only so much advice we can give people. If you've told her how you feel and she continues with this affair, that's her decision. If she steers you toward this topic when you hang out, just let her know you don't feel comfortable listening to it anymore.

Sometimes, though, if friends do sketchy things, those acts are a window into the rest of their sketchy selves. I had a friend who not only cheated on her husband once, but throughout their marriage, and I began to notice that her behavior towards him mirrored her behavior towards me and everyone else. She was selfish, narcissistic and unable to ever admit fault. We'd had fun partying together when we were younger, but as we grew older, I realized I needed to respect my friends. After a blowout fight when she said horrible things to me, I took it as my cue to get out, and I dumped her.

You're in a tricky situation, but honesty is the best policy. If you can't be honest with her, maybe you aren't really great friends to begin with, in which case slowly turning down her invitations to hang out and discuss him should send her a message. Good luck!

Play the Who's Huglier Game and Win Big!

TresSugar — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 14:30:56 -0700

A hugly guy has unconventional good looks. He's no movie-star-perfect Brad Pitt or George Clooney. He may even be called "ugly" by the person who doesn't appreciate offbeat hotness, but we find him "ugly hot" and eminently huggable - hence, hugly. In homage to the hugly guy we find adorable, we have a new faceoff game: Who's Huglier?

Do Tell: How Would You Respond to a Guy With Magic Tricks?

TresSugar — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 04:00:00 -0700

I'm going to try not being a mean girl, because I think the following story is all kinds of adorable. But let's just say it's hard not to affectionately tease the guy who runs a class for seducing women - with magic tricks!

27-year-old McDerick Ho co-owns Secret Skills, a magic school in Singapore. The course he teaches? "The Art of Seduction Magic," a two-hour class for $150 during which Ho will teach men ten magic tricks that are supposed to help them break the ice with women they're interested in.

For example, he teaches techniques that allow a man to hug a girl while performing a particular magic trick, all while speaking lines from a script Ho provides that's so top secret he won't even put it on his website.

Although some men are skeptical about magic tricks as aphrodisiac, others say anything that can get a man's confidence up to speak to a woman is a good thing. You hear about rapists spiking women's drinks with roofies or others who are just disrespectful, so it's hard not to see this approach as innocent and adorable - if waaay dorky.

How would you react if a guy came up to you at a bar and asked, "Can I interest you in some magic tricks?

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