TresSugar

Growing Old With a Good Friend

DearSugar — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 08:00:00 -0700

Even if you aren't afraid of getting older - it is, after all, an inevitable fact of life - it can be scary to think that you might grow old alone. I used to say that if I were single in my golden years, I'd want to have one of my good girlfriends by my side. We could reminisce about the good ol' times, complain about the kids these days, and sip cocktails out of coconuts. Better yet, we could take care of each other in our old age. As it turns out, some female friends are doing just that, and then some.

Yesterday I came across this post on the New York Times's The New Old Age blog, about single women who have set up joint housekeeping and medical care agreements, so they know someone is looking out for them even if they don't have husbands or children as caretakers. For the details, read more.

Despite the fact that mere friendships aren't afforded legal status in this country, some friends are formalizing their love for each other with unique arrangements. Explains author Jane Gross:

Another friend, Ann, shares my fantasy of setting up joint housekeeping, assuming she outlives her husband. Our thinking goes something like this: If one of us can see and the other hear, if one of us is mobile and the other cognitively intact, we'll muddle through as long as we can and then pool our insurance premiums to hire home care. We'd prefer to use the benefit for a masseuse and a manicurist but know it would be a hard sell to persuade MetLife that those were the kinds of "activities of daily living" our policies cover.

I’ve written before about pairs or small groups of unrelated women who are already doing this, some even constructing houses designed for their old age. But these arrangements, however cozy and comforting, exist outside the law, since friendship remains, and likely will always remain, an unsanctioned relationship with none of the legal rights granted to parents, children, spouses and, in some locations, domestic partners.

As Gross points out, caring for friends in their old age may only be an option for people who are financially independent, since paid time off for caretaking wouldn't apply. But if you had a retirement cushion that allowed you to enter into such an arrangement, it could be a lovely way to live out your golden years. What do you think? Would you ever consider something like this?

Source

Do Tell: How Have Your Partying Habits Changed?

DearSugar — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 10:00:00 -0700

When we're in college, staying out all night and sleeping the day away is totally acceptable. But as we get older, our hard-partying ways can soften. The older I get, the more I worry about getting enough sleep, as opposed to getting enough booze. Don't get me wrong: I can still pull out all the stops when I need to, and I hate to pass up a good party! But most of the time, I find that my social obligations involve more nice dinners, happy hours, and conversations, coupled with turning in early.

And you know what? It doesn't really bother me, which is possibly the clearest sign that I'm getting older. Do tell: What about you? Did you used to be a big partier and, if so, have you calmed down over time? What parts of partying make you feel old now? If you're still in your party phase, how much longer do you think it will last?

Source

Dear Poll: Are You More of a Crier the Older You Get?

DearSugar — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 09:00:00 -0700

After the Sex and the City screening last week, several Sugar girls admitted that the movie made them cry. The consensus seemed to be that even those of us who never cried much when we were younger now get choked up very easily by TV shows, weddings, songs - you name it.

I think that many women cry more often as we get older. Maybe it's hormonal, but it seems to happen to women in their late 20s and on. I'm wondering if this is common: Have you noticed that you cry more during movies, TV shows, and weddings as you get older?

Source

Do Tell: How Do You Feel About Your Birthday?

DearSugar — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 11:00:23 -0700

Some women embrace their birthdays with unbridled excitement, either as an excuse to celebrate with friends or because they like being the center of attention. Other people - especially as they get older - choose to mark their birthdays quietly or not celebrate them at all. Then, of course, there are some folks who even celebrate their half birthdays!

Are you the type who goes all out in celebration of yourself, or would you rather ignore the fact that you're getting older? On that note, has your attitude toward your birthday changed as you've aged? Do tell: Are you a birthday girl? Share your thoughts in the comments below!

Source

Dear Poll: Do You Feel Better With Age?

DearSugar — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 09:00:00 -0700

Whenever I see talk shows or read interviews with celebrities, I constantly hear them say that they feel better with age. Oprah has said on numerous occasions that she really came into herself at age 50, and the younger generation strongly suggests that 30 is when you have the confidence to be the real you. Sure, the older I get the more secure I feel, but who likes getting old?

Demi Moore proves that age shouldn't get you down, as do Madonna, Michelle Pfeiffer, and we can't leave out George Clooney! So ladies, what I want to know is, do you feel like you get better with age?

Source

Would You Consider Freezing Your Eggs?

DearSugar — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 10:00:00 -0700

While some of us don’t want children ever, others of us just don’t want children right now, but maybe later. However, now that many women are focused on their careers, education, travel destinations, and just living the single life, that “later” can end up further and further away. Thus, the timer to have children starts to become more about biology and less about societal pressures. Sure, there are women having children well into their 50s, but that’s not a reality for everyone, furthermore, you won’t know until you try - and by then it might be too late. So, would you consider freezing your eggs to plan for children later on down the road?

Source

Dear Poll: How Do You Feel About Getting Older?

DearSugar — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 13:00:00 -0800

Everyone loves to say that 40 is the new 30, but is that because we're living longer or because plastic surgeons keep us looking younger and younger? Either way, getting older isn't just about gaining wisdom, it's also about facing insecurities. Sure, who wouldn't want to stay 21 forever, right on the cusp of adulthood, but personally, I think Jeana on The Real Housewives of Orange County hit the nail right on the head when she said, "If you're not getting older, you're dead." So how do you feel about getting older? Do you look forward to each birthday or do you dread them?

Source

The How-To Lounge: Coping With Gray Hair

DearSugar — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 10:00:00 -0700

A girlfriend of mine just noticed her first gray hair! Since I haven't spotted one on myself yet, I couldn't commiserate with her, but since we aren't getting any younger, I thought now would be a good time to address the issue!

Click here to read more

First and foremost, don't panic! Most of us will eventually get gray hair and, in the grand scheme of things, it isn't the end of the world
The science behind our hair going gray is down to the cells in our hair follicles called Melanocytes. Over time, the Melanocytes stop generating pigment which causes our hair to have a transparent appearance in turn, looking gray against our darker hair
If you have a lot of grays that you want to get rid of, find a great hair stylist. Get your hair colored every six to eight weeks and stick with highlights and or low lights, as they have a smoother grow out period than all over color
I was always under the impression that if you pluck one gray hair, more will grow, but luckily, it's an old wives' tale. Since the hair is technically dead, all you are doing is removing a dead cell from the follicle, which will not cause more to grow
Unfortunately, going gray is just a part of getting older. Some go prematurely gray while others, thanks to their genes, don't go gray until later in life, and some are lucky enough to not go gray at all. Then there are some that look great with their gray hair, or even salt and pepper (George Clooney anyone?!) so whatever your reaction is to the change, try to keep it all relative!

Source

HIV Is the Top Killer of Women Worldwide

TresSugar — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 11:00:00 -0800

According to the World Health Organization, HIV is the number one killer of women age 15-49. Heart disease kills older women, especially in rich countries, but of the 30.8 million HIV-positive adults in 2007, 15.5 million were women.

A staggering 26.1 percent of the population in Swaziland are infected with HIV - and half of women age 25-29 there are HIV positive.

Women are especially vulnerable to HIV, WHO says, because of biology and gender inequality. WHO Director General Dr. Margaret Chan said, "It's time to pay girls and women back, to make sure that they get the care and support they need to enjoy a fundamental human right at every moment of their lives, that is their right to health."

Ask a Trader: Is He Into Me?

TresSugar — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 06:00:00 -0800

Conventional Wisdom is a different kind of advice column. Your questions will be answered by people from all walks of life rather than by advice experts. This week, a trader helps out a frustrated woman. If you have a question you'd like answered on Conventional Wisdom, you can submit it here.

Today's question:

I have been seeing this man for a little over a month. He is significantly older than me (13 years) and pretty busy. We talked last weekend and both said we wanted to take things slow due to failed past relationships (jumping into them too quickly; he was engaged).

That's perfectly fine with me, but the problem is that we never talk. We Facebook message each other, but it's extremely brief two word phrases. When the weekend hits, we might see each other one day. When we do see each other, he acts like he really enjoys my company until I say something nice (he runs a gallery, so I told him if he ever needs help getting a show set up, to let me know) in which case he kind of buries his head. He also won't respond if I send him a compliment via one of our Facebook messages.

He does let me keep some toiletries at his house if I ever spend the night, which is rare - we don't have sex either. I really like this guy and want to get to know him, but it seems impossible and I feel like I'm just getting strung along. Should I talk to him and tell him what I expect with "taking it slow" or something? Or does it seem he really isn't into me at all? Would he really string me along if he knows I don't want to get hurt anymore?

Signed,
Taking it Too Slow

To see the trader's answer, read more.

Dear Taking it Too Slow,

It sounds like, for whatever reason, this guy is not romantically attracted to you. You are right to worry that he lets you stay overnight and keep toiletries at his house, without ever making a move. You say you really like him, but I must recommend that you not waste too much more time on him without knowing he feels the same way because it sounds like you keep putting forth effort, without getting anything back from him. Tell him how you feel, and if he shares those feelings then you can explore the possibility of a real relationship together. If he says he's just not ready, this is your cue to move on and trade up. And no need to second-guess breaking off your sexless sleepovers: if he really does have feelings for you, he'll come back when he's ready, and if you want to, you can give him another shot.

Signed,
A Trader