TresSugar

Have You Ever Gotten Even?

DearSugar — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 11:00:00 -0700

We all know that breakups are tough, but the things people do after a split sometimes blow my mind! When a couple goes their separate ways, reminders of their past relationship can sting. Donna D'Errico, the now ex-wife of Motley Crue's bassist Nikki Sixx, is selling things that belonged to her former flame - everything ranging from Christmas ornaments to jewelry - on eBay. While a portion of the sales will go to a good cause, (Donna's Corner, a charity she started to help women get through divorce) I happen to think it's a great way to get a clean slate, even a great way to get even!

Since we've all been through a breakup or two, tell me, have you ever gone to extremes to get even with your ex?

Source

Is It Ever Worth It to Air Your Dirty Laundry?

DearSugar — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 11:00:00 -0700

I'm sure you've all heard about the messy divorce between Christie Brinkley and her husband Peter Cook, who had an affair with his 18-year-old personal assistant, but if you're at all unfamiliar with their story, you'll soon know every little detail. Cook and Brinkley's Long Island judge has granted Brinkley's request for a public divorce hearing so as of July 2, you'll be able to follow along and learn about his cheating and alleged interest in Internet porn and swinger websites.

Obviously Cook fought to keep this matter private. His lawyer said:

I don't think there is a good parent in the world – not one – who would want allegations of adultery in a bitter divorce trial to be made public. I think it's payback time for her and her desire for revenge far exceeds her desire to protect the children. It's a disgrace.

While there's no question that adultery is not only heartbreaking but also humiliating, getting revenge by publicly degrading your ex just doesn't seem like the answer. Sure, getting even might temporarily take away some pain, but when children are involved (in this case two), gaining retribution by dragging the scandalous details of his sketchy behavior through the mud for the word to see seems cheap and unnecessary. So now that you have my take, tell me yours. Is it airing your dirty laundry to get even ever worth it?

Source

Dear Poll: Would You Want Revenge?

DearSugar — Thu, 10 Jan 2008 08:00:00 -0800

Did any of you watch Cashmere Mafia last night? I'm still not sure how I feel about the show, but the issues these women are dealing with could happen to any one of us. If you've seen the first two episodes, you know that Juliet's husband has been having an affair. Once she found out his infidelity wasn't only happening on business trips, it was time for her to put the gloves on. She vowed to her husband that she was going to get even - she'd engage in her own affair, with one of their friends, and he wouldn't know when or with whom.

Enter Juliet's friend Caitlin. She took it upon herself to set her up with Bobby Walsh, an old business-school friend and perfect victim for her evil plot. Even though they only exchanged a kiss, I wanted to ask you how you felt about getting even like that? Sure, Davis made his bed so he's going to have to deal with the consequences if he wants to save his marriage, but do you feel that two wrongs make a right when it comes to matters of the heart?

East vs. West: Berlin Wall Divided Two Attitudes Toward Nudity

TresSugar — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 08:00:49 -0800

When the Berlin Wall fell 20 years ago last week, East and West Germany had to integrate two very different cultures. Freedom may have spread quickly through the East, but nudity - the East's favorite and perhaps only freedom - never caught on in the West.

Freikörperkultur (FKK), or liberal body culture, was really the only way to rebel in the East, where the most quotidian details of people's lives were observed by the Stasi, East Germany's secret police. Though the East German government forbid FKK at first, many government officials were into walking around nude, so they protested with the argument that "doing FKK" did not mean you weren't a good communist. Good point - don't they put kids in school uniforms to level the playing field? What's more egalitarian than wearing nothing!

Yet on the west side of the wall, the attitude toward nudity was more on par with America and its don't-even-discuss-it-in-public ethos. A West German interviewed a former East German for Vice magazine to find out what's so great about wearing nothing. Check out some of the highlights after the jump.

Doctors Tell Women to Ditch Annual Pap Test

TresSugar — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 11:00:42 -0800

There may be no need to feel guilty about putting off your annual trip to the gynecologist anymore! New guidelines from the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists assert that healthy women should not get cervical cancer screening pap tests every year. Instead they encourage women to get the screening every two to three years. The medical group also recommends against getting a pap test until after the age of 21, even if an adolescent is sexually active.

The new recommendations against annual cervical cancer screenings are not intended to save you embarrassment or discomfort - they're meant to prevent unnecessary and possibly harmful treatments. For example, treatment of precancerous HPV symptoms that would otherwise go away on their own puts women at a higher risk of giving birth to a premature or underweight baby. Still, cervical cancer rates have dropped 50 percent since the 1970s mostly thanks to the pap test, so I hope the doctors aren't trying to fix something that isn't broken. But the authors of the guidelines explain that the same results can be accomplished with less-regular screenings.

I'll admit the idea that less screening can be better for your sexual health seems counterintuitive. Will you stick to your annual pap test or do you welcome a chance to get one less frequently?

5 Gays Talk Project Runway Fall, at Least One Blames Women

TresSugar — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 13:00:46 -0800

From moving to the West Coast, to the influx of celebrity judges, to casting drama over talent, five gay men have offered their theories on why viewership of Project Runway fell 25 percent between the premiere of season six and its ninth episode. One faults having three female finalists (though that happened on Bravo's final season too) saying:

"I am all for diversity and playing to your audience’s demographic, but please. And not to sound completely misogynistic, but three women as finalists? No fags? Really? These women were probably the most talented, but obviously when you tell the Bunim/Murray casting juggernaut, 'This is Lifetime: Television for Women, not talented gay male fashion designers,' you get what you get!"

While he jests (mostly), women probably miss the Christian Sirianos who sharpen their tongues before even threading a needle each morning just as much as gay men do. But what do I know? I only watched the first three episodes.

Source: Lifetime

Hump Day: Sex Makes Her Uncomfortable

TresSugar — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 07:30:23 -0800

Welcome to Hump Day, TrèsSugar's sex advice column. If you have questions about sex, send them to TrèsSugar, and our friend Dr. Charlie Glickman from Good Vibrations will offer his sound advice!

Today's Question:
I'm 24 and in my first relationship. I really like the guy, we've been going out for six months, but I get nervous whenever he slips his hand under my underwear. He gets the hint and stops. I don't mind him doing other things (we haven't slept together yet), but I wish I wasn't such a prude. I don't know what he expects and I worry that he will be grossed out, as I only shave/wax the bikini line but not the whole thing. What if he thinks it is ugly? I also don't know what I should expect; he knows I'm a virgin, but I don't know how to speak to him about why I get uncomfortable, and I don't know how to overcome it! I also have a few stretch marks and worry that he will be grossed out by them. Please help?

To read Dr. Glickman's response, read more.

Thank you for sharing this challenging situation. I know that it can be scary to talk about things like this, but these are all really common thoughts.

One of the things that can help when you’re on the edge of your comfort zone is to take it very slowly. It’ll probably help to tell your guy about your discomfort, even if you can’t tell him why it’s there. You could simply say "I have a lot of discomfort around sex." You also might want to do a little solo exploration. It takes the pressure off because there aren’t any partner expectations. Check out the wonderful book Becoming Orgasmic. If you’re looking for tips or ideas for techniques, Tickle Your Fancy is full of suggestions. Once you know a bit more about what you like or dislike, you and your boyfriend might be able to find something that you both like to do.

It’s worth mentioning that vulvas come in all different shapes. (The vulva is the external female anatomy. The vagina is the inside part.) There’s a long history of negative attitudes towards the vulva, but each one is unique and beautiful in its own way. A lot of women have the idea that there’s something wrong with their vulvas because they don’t look like what we see in porn or because they have hair, and I think that’s unfortunate. I strongly recommend getting to know your parts and Scarleteen has a great site about that. It’s geared towards teens, but there's lots of amazing info about sex, bodies, and pleasure.

Another option would be to explore some of these concerns with a therapist. When you have an itch on your back, you need someone else to scratch it. Therapists help us by reaching the spots we can’t reach on our own. Lastly, depending on where you are, you could join a body-image support group. While they tend not to focus on sexuality, they can be an incredibly helpful way to work through our concerns about our bodies and how we (or other people) feel about them.

Working through these challenges isn’t always easy, but it can be very rewarding. Whatever route you choose, I hope you find the pleasure and joy that you deserve.

Were You Ever Attracted to Bad Boys?

TresSugar — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 11:00:15 -0800

With her rocker eyeliner, all-black wardrobe, and perfected eye roll, Gossip Girl's Jenny Humphrey isn't exactly fitting in with the prissy kids at her prep school. It's obvious that she needs a bad boy by her side, and on last night's episode that's just what she gets.

Jenny meets up with a Belgian diplomat's son, who happens to be drug pusher. She seems turned on or at least intrigued by his rebellious side and ends up helping him with some sales. Luckily, original bad boy Chuck Bass (they know his name even in Europe) is there to save Jenny from the dangers of drugs. But now that she's had a taste of the fast life, I suspect she'll be back for more, especially since she already has the wardrobe.

Although Jenny's appearance in the episode is otherwise pointless, it did remind us that sometimes we can be attracted to bad boys - even if it's completely stupid. Have you ever had a thing for troublemakers?

For more Gossip Girl coverage, check out FabSugar, BellaSugar, BuzzSugar, and CelebStyle.)

Photos courtesy of The CW

Man-gagement Ring - Love It or Leave It?

TresSugar — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 13:00:46 -0800

Glancing at a man's ring finger to see if he's taken can only get you so far. While the presence of a ring tells you he's married, there's no way to know if he's engaged, since women don't typically get to put a ring on it. Well that's apparently changing.

According to ABC, man-gagement rings - engagement rings worn by men - are getting more and more popular. As one soon-to-be-groom says: "Now your game is over even sooner." Presumably many of these men are excited about showing off their "taken" status.

Plastic Surgery For "Designer Vaginas" Is on the Rise

TresSugar — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 13:00:00 -0800

It's hard to believe that although women have enough to worry about, some of them worry about having perfect-looking genitals. "Designer vagina" surgery such as labioplasty is still on the rise. A procedure like labioplasty, which starts at $5,000, involves trimming back what might be perceived as a protruding labia. Yikes.

Some critics say that many women go into these surgeries without fully understanding the risks. Will there be complications in childbirth? Will these surgeries affect sexual pleasure? These critics also question whether anyone in the medical community should even perform surgeries to "trim, sculpt and perfect" genitals. Perhaps, they reason, women should get psychological counseling instead of genital cosmetic surgery. (The desire to "perfect" your genitals could be a sign you have body dysmorphic disorder.)

If looking at a picture of a thin, perfect model makes some women seek "perfection" by dieting or exercising, where exactly are women getting their ideas of what a perfect vagina looks like? Porn? Help me out here.