TresSugar

Women's Common Complaint: My Man Is Letting Himself Go

DearSugar — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Many women take great pride in making themselves look good. They eat right, exercise, spend money on makeup, manicures, and highlights, and they're always up to date on the latest fashion. We want to look good for our own self-confidence, but we also do it for the men in our lives. But once we're in a relationship, I'm sure we can all admit to getting comfortable and perhaps not trying as hard. Guys are the same way, but what happens if your man takes comfort to a whole other level and completely lets himself go? Maybe he grows a beard, wear sweats all the time, doesn't shower as much, spends an insane amount of time on the couch, drinks excessively, or gains weight. He may think, "she loves me no matter what" so what's a girl to do? To hear my suggestions read more.

He should be able to be himself with you, but if it's affecting your relationship or his physical and mental health, something must change so tell him how you feel. Explain that it's upsetting that he doesn't show as much effort as he once did, and that it's difficult for you to watch him lose interest in taking care of himself. Give him specific examples so he knows exactly what you're bothered by. You don't have to be mean, but don't beat around the bush either. Be clear with what you expect, and hopefully he'll appreciate your friendly, yet stern advice. After all, he wants you to still find him attractive, right? Has this situation ever happened in one of your relationships?

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Tough Question No. 5: Have You Lost/Gained Some Weight?

DearSugar — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 07:30:00 -0800

Weight is one of those topics that makes almost everyone feel uncomfortable. Calling out a person's weight gain or loss not only puts them on the spot, but it can easily do a number on their self-esteem. If Thanksgiving is the holiday that brings your family together, chances are you'll be seeing some relatives you haven't seen for a while, so if they comment on your weight, here are some ways to hold your own.

To see my responses for tough question number five, read more.

Looks are an easy thing to zero in on if you haven't seen someone in a long time, and most people tend to comment on weight. If it's not something you want to discuss, acknowledge their comments and quickly move the conversation along.
Weight fluctuation has a lot to do with diet and exercise, but personal issues can be another trigger. If someone comments on your noticeable weight loss, be short and say something like, "Yes, I guess I have lost a few pounds. It's been a very stressful Fall but I'm really looking forward to a great Thanksgiving dinner!" If you leave it at that, they shouldn't fish for any more details.
If you've admittedly gained a few pounds - 'tis the season! - and a relative approaches you about it, address it in a cheeky manner. Say something like, "Yes, I've been slacking a little, but now there's just more of me to love!" or "I'm embracing the holidays, Aunt Jessie - by Easter I'll be as slender as can be!"
If you've struggled with your weight, but you're finally where you want to be, take the compliments you're given this Thanksgiving. If you've worked hard to get back into your skinny jeans, be proud of yourself; reaching your goal weight is no small feat!

Have any of you had to face weight questions like this? If so, how did you handle it?

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You Asked: How Do I Approach My Boyfriend About His Weight Gain?

DearSugar — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend has gained about 15 pounds over the last year. He's mentioned it offhandedly on occasion, but doesn't seem to be doing anything about it. I haven't made a big deal out of it so far because I thought he'd lose it eventually, but now I'm not so sure and I'm worried. Today was the last straw when one of his guy friends told me he was looking a little tubby and I might want to suggest he hit the gym. If it were me, I wouldn't want anyone to tell me that I've gained weight, but at the same time, if I was aware that I had put on weight, I'd start doing something about it before it became noticeable. So should I mention my concerns to him as his girlfriend, to give him more motivation to lose, or should I keep my mouth shut?

- Unsure Sharon

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Unsure Sharon,

Unfortunately, weight gain is always a dicey subject to bring up. It seems no matter how it's done, feelings get hurt, which is why I always think it's best to start with a gentle, less-direct approach. Especially since you know your boyfriend has noticed his weight gain. Mention that you think you both should start being more active together a few times a week - trying jogging, hiking, taking up tennis, or even taking a walk after dinner. If he seems put off, just tell him that you want the company while you do it!

Once you've started to get him moving again, incorporate better foods into your home. Make big steak salads for dinner or whip up stir-fries with lots of veggies. It's likely that once he starts seeing himself get back in shape, he'll want to keep it up. But by making it a team effort in the beginning, it will not only get him off the couch, but it'll give you something to look forward to as a couple. And make sure as his body changes, you reward him well!

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The How-To Lounge: Avoiding Weight Gain at Work

DearSugar — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 10:00:00 -0700

Do you ever ask yourself if your job is making you fat? Well if so, you're not alone. For some easy tips on how to keep your waistline from expanding, click here to read more

According to Glamour Magazine, a new British study found that chronically stressed women are 73% more likely to become obese than their more relaxed co-workers despite diet and exercise, so staying calm at work is critical
Even though it seems like there aren't enough hours in the day, it's important to make friends at work. Not only will it give you a break from your job, but you will have someone to small talk with, gossip with, even commiserate with
If your company stocks a lot of junk food in the kitchen, try to avoid it at all costs. Opt for healthy snacks like nuts and veggies instead
Getting out of the office for lunch is important as well. When you eat at your desk you're less focused on your lunch, which can lead to over-eating so try to take at least 20 minutes away from your desk
Some say that when you're in a subordinate role at work, you're more likely to get bored and distracted which can lead to grazing and over eating, so if you can, take on more responsibility and keep busy

Good luck and if you have any tips that work for you, please share them in the comments below.

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You Asked: What If I Can't Fit Into My Bridesmaid Dress?

DearSugar — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I was asked to be a bridesmaid for a friend a year ago and since then I've started graduate school and, sadly, piled on some weight. Unfortunately we bought our bridesmaid dresses a year ago, preweight gain, when they were on sale at Ann Taylor. The wedding is coming up in two months and I'm worried I won't be able to lose enough weight to fit into the dress. What do I do if I can't? - Gained Weight Wednesday

To see DearSugar's answer read more.

Dear Gained Weight Wednesday,

You have two months so get on it sister! Stop eating junk food and start eating lean protein, whole grains, and a ton of veggies. Get to the gym every day and stop drinking alcohol until the wedding. If you've gained just too much weight to lose in such a short amount of time, call Anne Taylor and see if they can track down another dress for you in a bigger size. If that's not an option, get a referral for a seamstress and hopefully she'll be able to work some magic on your dress: let out some seams, add in some extra fabric, etc.

If all these options I've suggested won't work for your situation, I'd talk to the bride. Ask her if there's another girl in the wedding that you might be able to trade dresses with and as your last resort, ask her if you can buy a different dress in the same color and style that will match the other girls.

Whatever you do, don't leave it to the last minute - two months is still pretty far away so hopefully diet and exercise will do the trick! Good luck.

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You Asked: Is My Boyfriend Making Me Fat?

DearSugar — Tue, 10 Jul 2007 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--

I am 19 years old and am in a stable relationship, but we have just moved to Europe together and I have really put on weight. When I ask my boyfriend if he can tell, he says yes, but he loves the extra meat on my bones. Now I just can't be motivated to lose weight. I am worried my weight gaining will spin out of control. I am now 5 ft 3 in tall and I weigh 125 lbs. Should I start dieting before I pick up more weight? Or should I stay the way I am now because it makes my boyfriend happy?

--Worried About my Weight Wendy

To see DEARSUGAR's answer read more

Dear Worried About my Weight Wendy --

First of all, you are NOT at all fat! Second of all, your weight is your business, so don't worry what your boyfriend or anyone else thinks about it. It's up to you to decide if you are happy with yourself or not. Your current weight isn't what's making your boyfriend happy -- YOU are making your boyfriend happy, and it sounds likes he's one of those amazing guys who loves you for the person you are on the inside as well as the outside.

Since you just moved to a new city, it will take a period of adjustment before you get back to your old healthy habits. Moving can be stressful and tiring, and it's easy to eat out a lot and not have time to exercise which can wreak havoc on your diet. Once you get settled in, you'll be more in control of your grocery shopping, your meals, and ways to stay fit.

If you continue to gain weight, and you're not happy about it, then I'd focus more on eating right and getting regular exercise. Just remember, the most important thing here is to be healthy and happy!

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Is Your Boyfriend Making You Fat?

DearSugar — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 07:30:00 -0800

When we start a new relationship, gaining weight is not part of the plan, but unfortunately it can happen. It's a combination of spending more time together and less time at the gym, eating out more, and sharing bottles of wine and dessert. Also, if your guy is eating more and more often, you can end up munching when you're not even hungry. All it takes is 500 extra calories a day and boom! - you're gaining one pound in a week.

A while back I gave you four tips for keeping your diet in check while dating, but what happens if your man's unhealthy habits are starting to rub off on you? Well luckily author Jenna Bergen, who wrote Your Big Fat Boyfriend: How to Stay Thin When Dating a Diet Disaster ($11), has some great suggestions for sticking to your healthy ways. She shared some of her tips on preventing "love-induced pounds" in a recent ABC News interview; check it out after the jump. But in the meantime, tell me, has your relationship affected your waist line?

To see what Jenna Bergen has to say, read more.

PMS: Oh, it's Real!!!

DearSugar — Wed, 08 Aug 2007 08:00:00 -0700

When I was growing up, I remember being in a bad mood and some stupid boy saying, "Oh, you must be on the rag!" That really pissed me off -- just because I'm not happy does not necessarily mean I have or am getting my period!!

With that said, right before I do get my period, I do feel crappy and not myself. It's not just a dumb joke between guys - it's completely REAL, but why does it happen?

Premenstrual Syndrome (PMS) happens because your body goes through a series of hormonal changes in the 2 weeks leading up to your period. The female hormone estrogen starts to rise after menstruation and it peaks around mid-cycle (ovulation). It then rapidly drops only to slowly rise and then fall again in the time before you finally get your period. These crazy changes can trigger disruptive symptoms that affect you emotionally and physically.

PMS affects all women differently, and its symptoms can vary from month to month. For most women, symptoms include mood swings, uncontrollable crying, depression or anxiety, and the over all feeling of being "out-of-control."

Want to know what else PMS causes? Then read more

You can also experience headaches or migraines, dizziness, abdominal pains, backache, constipation, fluid retention (that's my fave right there), acne, breast tenderness, weight gain, heart palpitations, painful joints, cravings for certain foods like chocolate, or fatigue. Fun stuff huh!

The severity of your symptoms may be hereditary, and some women experience symptoms that completely disrupt their ability to function. If that rings a bell, take Dear's tips below.

Dear's Tips: Going on the Pill may help to regulate your hormone levels, and because you're not ovulating, your symptoms may become greatly alleviated. Monophasic birth control, like the Nuvaring or Seasonale may be a better option since they deliver an equal amount of hormones to you each day.

Relationships Can Make Us Gain Weight and Other Qualities

TresSugar — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 09:00:00 -0700

On average, men gain 14 pounds when their partners are pregnant. The plumper papas credit the sympathy weight to reasons like wanting to make their partners feel better about their own weight gains.

This story got me thinking: what other qualities do people suddenly acquire thanks to their partners? Here are some examples:

Musical tastes: Your iPod might suddenly be filled with ambient music from bands you never heard of thanks to a new crush. The more people you date, the better your library.
Reading lists: If you hook up with a nonfiction buff, you might check out the latest releases so you can have your own book club for two.

To see other things you might gain from your new partner, read more

Vocabulary: I definitely heard my friend's boyfriend say, "Whatevs!" more than once, after they started spending a lot of time together.
Style: We've all seen those shapeshifting couples who slowly begin to dress alike.
TV watching habits: I know some men that blame their girlfriends for a newfound Real Housewives of New York obsession. And if your partner likes sports, you might actually find yourself rooting for the favorite team, too.
Food: If your partner cooks, you might learn to appreciate foods you previously hated.

Of course, it's not desirable to change yourself completely when you're in a relationship; but much like the men who gain weight when their partners are pregnant, sometimes we can't help but be influenced by the people we're close to.

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Relationship Protocol: Weight Gain

DearSugar — Fri, 30 May 2008 13:00:00 -0700

One of the dating “facts” I hear dispensed time and time again is that people gain weight when they’re in relationships. Whether that’s true or not, weight gain can happen to any of us, and often does over time. But while our devotion to our partner may be unconditional, that doesn’t always mean our attraction is. Of course having demanding expectations for our partner's appearance is never healthy, physical attraction is an important part of any relationship.

Although I certainly don't think extra weight is breakup worthy, I can understand the frustration it might cause in a relationship. When it comes to communicating these frustrations, it's always better to approach your partner with a positive attitude rather than a hurtful attack, but still, is there any way of asking your partner to lose weight without being insensitive? Or is it wrong to even do so?

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