TresSugar

You Asked: Should I Give Up Already?

DearSugar — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I met a new girl through my job - she orders supplies through our company. Initially she did all of the flirting, asked specifically for me every time she came in, and even mentioned that she could tell I had been
working out. The last time she was in the office, I asked her for her number, and she immediately gave it to me and asked me for mine. After about three days, I finally decided to call her; her phone was off at the time so I was forced to leave a message. Two days passed and she still hadn't called back, so I called again and left another message. Another two days passed, and again there was no response. I called one final time and her phone was disconnected.

Three weeks passed, and I had accepted that she really wasn't into me, but then she called my job looking for a particular item again. She told me the reason she never called was because she lost her phone and she had just gotten her replacement. I got her new number and called her later that night. She answered and told me that she was hanging out with her friends, and she would have to call me back. Two days passed, and I called her again. This time she was at a birthday party and she couldn't talk. About a week ago, I called one last time, but she couldn't talk because she was busy.

I'm so confused because she seemed so into me every time she came into the store, but as soon as I started pursuing things, she started acting strange. I want to know what changed, and I'm tempted to ask her if she ever comes in again. Why would she suddenly act differently? Should I forget about her and move on?

- Persistent Paul

To see DearSugar's answer read more

Dear Persistent Paul,

While it does certainly sound like this woman was giving you some mixed signals at the beginning, I think now it's safe to say that she's made her intentions, or lack thereof, pretty clear. The truth of the matter is that if she wanted to pursue a relationship with you, at the very least, she would return your phone calls, and in all likelihood, even stop what she's doing to spend a few minutes talking with you.

As to why she happily handed over her number and asked for yours in return if she didn't intend on following through, I can't say for sure. It's very possible that she thought you were cute and enjoyed flirting but didn't want a relationship. Or she might have met someone else. Either way, I'm sure you can find someone much more eager to be with you. Keep in mind that a good indicator of interest is a returned phone call; if someone can take the time to call you back, they obviously want to take a few minutes more to get to know you better.

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Group Therapy: When Does a Guy Give Up?

Wed, 19 Mar 2008 14:00:00 -0700

I'm a really a shy person, and I've been made fun of a lot in the past, so I'm kinda paranoid when guys are nice to me. I always think it's a joke, and that they're out to make fun of me. I freeze around guys I like because I don't want to say anything stupid, so even if they're flirting I'm too scared to flirt back. I've tried to work on this by striking up random conversations, but that hasn't always worked - I must be giving off the wrong impressions. Recently I was complimented by a guy I like, but instead of responding I just didn't know what to say. Now I don't know how to approach him again. At what point will a guy give up on chasing a shy girl? How can I muster up more courage before he's moved on?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

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Do Tell: How Do You Flirt?

DearSugar — Wed, 30 Jan 2008 07:00:00 -0800

Do you consider yourself a flirt? According to Time magazine, we are all programed to flirt either biologically or culturally. Flirting can be anything from a quick glance to a suggestive conversation, and everything in between. Since flirting is just a part of life, regardless of your relationship status, ladies do tell, what's your flirting technique? Have you perfected your sultry gaze or do you know just the right thing to say when a cute guy catches your eye?

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DearSugar Needs Your Help: Is Flirting When You're Married Wrong?

DearSugar — Sat, 29 Sep 2007 09:00:00 -0700

DearSugar and Flirty Flo need your help. She's happily married but loves to be social and flirt with other guys. Is there anything wrong with that?

Dear Sugar,

I'm happily married and the other night my husband and I went out with a group of people to celebrate our friend's birthday. I had a couple drinks and was having a blast on the dance floor. I ended up dancing with these guys and we all started flirting a little bit. I looked over at my husband and he was watching the whole thing with a smile on his face and he waved to me.

Part of me likes to flirt because it's fun, and part of me just likes to make sure that I've "still got it." It reminds me of my college days and makes me feel young. I'm so in love with my husband and would NEVER do anything to jeopardize the wonderful relationship we have. He doesn't seem to care when I dance with or talk to other guys, but I still feel a little guilty. I can almost feel the eyes of his friends on me whenever we go out as if they don't trust me. I have never betrayed my husband, he is the love of my life, but I have to say, I still love to flirt! Is there something wrong with doing a little harmless flirting when you're married?

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You Asked: My Best Friend is a Flirt!

DearSugar — Tue, 17 Jul 2007 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--

I have some issues with my best friend. We are opposites, which I love most of the time because we inspire and learn from each other, and balance each other out. But sometimes things bother me about her because they directly affect me, while I don't disrupt her at all.

I am shy and relatively withdrawn in social situations, but I'm getting better all the time. Anyways, I pride myself on being loyal to who I'm with and reserve flirtatiousness and sexiness for my man. She is extremely sexually postured (has big boobs that she is always conscious of), and flirts with any guy. She isn't necessarily promiscuous, but is dating three guys right now, enjoys sexual attention, and is 'touchy.' I feel this even when my boyfriend is around, and that's my only concern. She can be whoever she wants with others guys- obviously I have no control over it. But I don't like it when she's like that with my boy. He won't say anything to her because he's kind of shy too. I don't want him to go along with it, however, I can't control him either. I've already hinted at the subject with both of them and there's nothing more I can say.

Am I right to feel this? Deep down I feel like I may just be jealous of her bust. How can I get over feeling this way so I don't dread hanging out with them?

--Annoyed With my Best Friend

To see DEARSUGAR's answer read more

Dear Annoyed With my Best Friend--

I would be upset about this too. Just so you know, most girls who are overly flirty with guys are just craving the attention (like you said). Since she's busy flirting with others guys besides your boyfriend, you can feel good knowing she probably doesn't have real feelings for him. It's all about the game. She wants to throw out the bait and see how many fish she can get to bite.

That being said, she has crossed a major line between best friends. You never ever do anything that could affect your best friend's relationship with her boyfriend. What is she thinking? Her behavior is unacceptable and "hinting at the subject" isn't enough unfortunately. She needs a talking to.

Invite her out to lunch and casually tell her how you feel. Just be honest and say you don't mind her flirting with other guys, but that it upsets you and makes you uncomfortable when she acts that way with your boyfriend. Point out specific examples of behavior you want to see end so she's absolutely clear about your boundaries. Since you are best friends, I'm sure she'll completely understand and leave your man off her flirty to-do list. Good luck!

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Group Therapy: Should I be bothered by my boyfriend's overly friendly behavior??

Wed, 28 Mar 2007 16:00:00 -0700

My bf and I have been together for almost a year and in the past few months I've been acting very jealous and insecure about other girls in his life. He's a very sociable and friendly guy with everyone, but I can't tell whether he's just being nice or if he's being flirty with girls. It seems like I can't trust him with the way I act (I check his phone -yes, he knows i do this, and I relentlessly stalk his facebook activity) and he tells me all the time that I'm the only one, that he'd never cheat on me... and I know I should believe him, but is it wrong that I'm so bothered by the way he acts toward other girls/the way they act toward him?
Click here to

I don't like when he hangs out with girls I don't know without me, and with a couple of particular girls (coworkers who he sees more than me every week nonetheless) I feel like he goes out of his way to hang out with them when I'm not around. He wants us to become friends so we can all hang out together, but right off the bat the fact that they've been overly "friendly," practically flirting with him online/text messages (and probably at work too) doesn't exactly make me want to jump at that request. He said that I'm overreacting and that they're just friends/coworkers. Even if that's true I still have a major issue with other girls thinking it's ok to flirt with MY bf!! My last boyfriend never made me feel like I had to check up on him, but it's the total opposite with my current one. He says that he's fine with me hanging out with other guys so why can't I be fine with him and other girls? Am I at fault here? Or is he? We've gotten into fights because of this. What do I do to stop acting/feeling like this?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

Where Do You Stand? Flirting When You’re Committed

DearSugar — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 15:00:00 -0700

Although I would never go so far as to say that flirting is a form of cheating, I don’t believe that flirting is harmless either. When you’re single, flirting is often how a romantic relationship starts; it implies there's a sexual chemistry there. Then again, flirting is fun and a completely natural way for people to interact. So is flirting just inocent fun? Where do you stand when it comes to flirting once you’ve committed to someone else?

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Ask a Bad Boy: Why Do Taken Men Still Flirt With Single Women?

DearSugar — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 09:00:00 -0800

Steve Santagati, of BadBoysFinishFirst.com and author of the best-selling book The Manual, answers your burning questions when it comes to dating, love, and how men think. He's a veteran at giving street-smart, straight-to-the-point advice, so ladies, tell me, what do you want to ask Steve about men? This is your chance to get answers so don't hold back! Submit your questions here.

Dear Steve,

I can't tell you how many times I've been out some place - like a bar or a restaurant - and I'll find out the guy that's been flirting with me and my girls is either married or in a relationship, what's up with that? Why do they even bother if they can't "swing through the ball" - so to speak? I feel like I need to preface every conversation I have with a man with "wait, do you have a girlfriend?" - Perplexed Penelope

To see Steve's answer read more

Dear Perplexed Penelope,

This question makes me laugh. The longer I live, the more I realize how similar men and women truly are. Boys and Girls may go about things differently and often appear to speak different languages, but in the end, we have more similarities in what we like and don't like than differences. After all, we're both human and us "beings" are almost identical. That's super good news - if you're paying attention. Moreover, women are the founding fathers - errr mothers - of the "tease" and isn't a man flirting - yet unavailable - just being a tease? You know, like when a girl walks into a bar flaunting major cleavage, a super short skirt, and playing with her hair yet doesn't have the slightest intention of having sex with any of us. Isn't Flirt Boy just doing what women have done for hundreds of years?

Teasing is one of the things men and women differ in; men can tease you by pulling your hair, but women tease on a much more visceral level, right down to the loins. Men don't tease. If we weren't so horny all the time maybe we would, but we are so we can't. Teasing implies we could actually "hold out" if you showed us you wanted to have sex. Very few of us can.

The Male Facts when it comes to flirting while in a relationship:

We do it because we enjoy the art of flirting
We do it because we're smart and know you have to keep the engine warm in case things fall apart with the current flame.
It's an ego boost when women respond
It helps us have a reality check to make sure "we still got it".
It's naughty and mischievous (obsessions any man, worth his salt, will not lose with age). It's like playing with fire because we know we have to be loyal, but it allows us to fantasize with the "what if".

The Female Solution:

Don't just talk to a man because you want a man. That's too cut and dry. Talk to him because you want to enjoy the person, enjoy the opposite sex, learn something that you can utilize when the right one comes along - Stop boyfriend/husband hunting.
See how far you can push Mr. Committed into crossing the line. It's not nice but you'll learn a lot about how good your game is and you'll be one step closer to understanding why bad girls finish first!
Enjoy the fact that you can do something us guys can't; tease. Teasing is one of those things that can define a woman; but just the right amount of sexy, too much and she's classless. The girls of Hooters have it down to a science.
Realize it's a cruel joke that most of the people we'll find ourselves attracted to will be taken. That's life. But I said it's a "joke" and jokes are meant to be laughed at, not cause anxiety.

Check out his Bad Girls Finish First tee shirts and, for individual attention, visit Steve at BadBoysFinishFirst.com or email him at askstevesantagati@gmail.com

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Do Tell: What's Your Signature Flirting Style?

DearSugar — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 07:30:00 -0800

If you're a flirt, you probably have your skill down to a science. You know what works, what doesn't work, and how to get your way with the guy you have your eye on. Some women, on the other hand, are not very skilled in the flirting department, so in an effort to help them out this weekend, share your secrets and tell us, what's your signature flirting style?

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Dear Poll: Are You a Good Flirt?

DearSugar — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 13:30:00 -0800

A friend of mine, who is newly single, recently admitted that she's afraid to put herself out there again because she's a terrible flirt. But as someone who knows her well, I can attest that she is in fact selling herself short. However, I have been witness to terrible flirtation before. Not only is it awkward to watch, it's embarrassing if you're on the receiving end. I've always been a great flirt - not sure if that's a good quality to posses or not - but what about you?

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