TresSugar

Relationship Protocol: How Often Does He Compliment You?

DearSugar — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 09:00:00 -0700

There’s something extra meaningful when you get praise from a significant other. Of course, a compliment is always nice, but when it comes from your loved one, it tends to hold more meaning. That kind of positive energy really goes a long way in keeping the romance alive. How often do you get compliments and praise from your significant other?

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Dear Poll: Do You Like Getting Looks?

DearSugar — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 13:00:00 -0700

A little flattery can go a long way when it comes to boosting the ego, but even praise can get excessive sometimes. To be honest, I’ve never been a fan of the male gaze; no matter the guy, I just don’t like being stared at. My girlfriends see it as a form of flattery, but to me, being ogled is just too much. Is this flattery you can get behind, or do you prefer to grab your compliments verbally?

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You Asked: I Can't Accept a Compliment

DearSugar — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

When someone compliments me, I get extremely uncomfortable and don't know what to say. I know it's all a matter of insecurity, but I don't see myself as insecure. I love my appearance and who I am on the inside, but for some reason I just cannot accept flattery. I started dating a new guy and he's constantly complimenting me, which makes me feel good, but also incredibly awkward. I am literally incapable of just saying thank you.

To make things even more challenging, I was recently at dinner with family and friends to celebrate the beginning of my sister's new company. In front of over 100 people she asked me and my younger sister to be the faces for her ad campaign. I immediately declined - in a very respectful way. It would have been fun, but I just can't help but feel like someone else might have deserved it more. I don't want to miss opportunities because I have this complex! How can I learn to just take a compliment?

- Compliment Complex Casandra

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Compliment Complex Casandra,

Though I certainly think insecurity can play a role in not being able to take a compliment, I also think much of accepting flattery is simply learning how to properly give a gracious "thank you." From a young age we're taught that there's nothing worse than an immodest woman, and thus we learn to think that by agreeing with a compliment, we're both conceited and impolite. But it's time for ladies to learn that responding graciously to flattery is far better than averting our eyes or downplaying ourselves.

Next time you a receive a compliment, remember that there's nothing wrong with saying thanks. There's no need to agree with the person or go on and on; you can simply acknowledge that what they said was meant to flatter you. In fact, it'll will be far less awkward to offer a thank you than dodging the statement. The more you do this, the easier it will get, but it does take a conscious desire to change, so keep at it.

As far as working with your sister's concerned, why not see if the position is still available? There's nothing wrong with changing your mine and taking a little credit. Plus, it never hurts to ask!

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What Do You Think About Guys Who Stare at Your Chest?

DearSugar — Fri, 19 Oct 2007 08:00:00 -0700

Many years ago, I had a first date with a guy I knew from college. While we talked over coffee, he kept glancing down at my chest. I wasn't wearing a tight or low-cut shirt, but he seemed pretty interested in my breasts. I really didn't know what to do since I didn't think there were actual guys who did this. I made up some excuse about having to leave because of a paper I totally forgot about and booked it out of there, pronto.

Later that week I ignored his emails asking whether we could see each other again. Finally, I emailed him back and said flat out, "Why, so you can stare at my chest some more? I don't think so!"

Has this ever happened to you? If so, what did you do? Were you mad, or was part of you a little flattered?

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Mimicry Is The Highest Form Of Flattery

DearSugar — Thu, 25 May 2006 03:50:33 -0700

Dear Sugar,
All of my life I have been interested in fashion. At the age of 6 I requested a subscription to Harper's Bazaar. It seems as if in any situation that I've been in (i.e. school, work, etc.) there are accolodates given to me for "best dressed". Anywhoo, currently I am working at my hubby's business and it seems like most of his employees like me except for the receptionist. The employees ages range from 35-60 (except for her and I , we are both 27). Since day one she has given me nothing but the evil eye and has never made an effort to be friendly and/or civil. That is one of my problems with her, the other is that she has become "monkey see monkey do" when it comes to my ways of dressing. She tries to immitate my style but to no avail. It is one thing if she was thin but she is heavy and the clothes do not fit the same way. I feel really bad for her because it is more than obvious that I am her competition. Rumor has it that before I started working there, she thought she was "hot stuff" only because she was the youngest and demanded attention especially from my husband. To this day, she does not talk to me but makes a point of parading herself around the office especially if I am around. I am at the point of wearing a potato sack just to see how far she'll go. Fashion Frustrated

Dear Fashion Frustrated
Mimicry is the highest form of flattery. Clearly you have 3 things that she wants; your body, your sense of style, and your husband. Don't stoop to her level and shoot her nasty looks back - that's just petty. What you must do is kill her with kindness when you are around her, but beyond that pay no attention to her. It seems like she should be more focused on her job than with what you are wearing, and you should be more focused on your job than on worrying about what this insecure secretary thinks of you. She's just jealous of you. Indifference would seem to be the most painful for her. If you walk in, say hello, and go about your day, she will start to feel like an idiot for being so rude to you for no reason.

Do You Use Flattery to Break the Ice?

DearSugar — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 10:00:00 -0700

A few months ago I asked you all if you return a compliment when given one, and 71 percent of you said no. I also mentioned that flattering someone is a nice thing to do when breaking the ice, but now I want to pose a similar question in a different way: Do you ever compliment someone just to appease them, almost out of nervousness? Some of us do it as second nature because we know it feels good when people do it to us, but others aren't as forthcoming with accolades, especially to other women. So ladies, what I want to know is, do you offer up compliments as a way of breaking the ice, or do you leave that job to others?

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Imitation Is The Highest Form Of Flattery

DearSugar — Fri, 25 Aug 2006 10:40:33 -0700

Dear Sugar
One of my best friend's constantly copies every look of mine. She buys so many of the same clothes, shoes, bags, sunglasses as I do and she takes credit like her fashion sense is her own.

When we first met we had completely different styles. She was very preppy, while I am more trendy/designery. At first it was flattering, but now it's sort of creepy and obnoxious. We now have identical head to toe outfits... even our perfume is the same!

I feel like I should be getting a commission whenever she makes a new purchase. I know that she is a competitive person, but I don't understand why she would be competing with me - we are friends and I feel this is something friends shouldn't do.

We are both stylish girls in our own unique way. I consider my fashion choices a way of expressing my identity, so it feels as though she is "stealing" from me. I am getting really frustrated with her. Do you think that I am over-reacting or should I just let it go? How can I talk to her about this? Fashion Forward Friend

To see DEARSUGAR's answer read more

Dear Fashion Forward Friend
You have every right to be upset about this, how annoying of her. Even actual twins like the Ashley and Mary-Kate Olsen dress differently as an expression of who they are. It's really weird and almost "single white female-y" of her to be copying your every look.

Your friend is clearly super insecure and she looks up to you. She is imitating you because she feels that you embody something she wishes she had; great fashion sense.

I think that if you confront her, you will just embarrass her. Instead, why don't you ask her to go shopping with you. This way when you are together you can ask her what HER opinions are and you can help each other nurture that unique individuality that brought you guys together in the first place.

By complimenting her choices, you will make her feel good about herself and maybe then she'll realize that there are things about her that even you want to emulate. That's about all you can really do. If she doesn't stop after that, then she may be too insecure and immature to be friends with.

Want Someone to Like You? Subtly Imitate Them

TresSugar — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 12:13:24 -0700

OK, that sounds a little creepy, but it has been verified in research that people like others more when they mirror their mannerisms or actions. In other words, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, and we like to be flattered.

Research has shown that waiters get bigger tips if they repeat the exact words back to customers who are ordering food, and participants in one study were even more altruistic after they were mimicked. (They were more likely to pick up pens for the researcher who dropped them if they’d been imitated earlier.) Scientists theorize that, from an evolution perspective, mimicry promotes safety in groups by being a sort of “social glue.”

What this study doesn't mention is the pure narcissistic pleasure of being imitated. So if you want to wow an interviewer, for example, subtly adopt the body posture she has - leaning forward when she does, nodding when she does. Just don't go Marcel Marceau on her! Because then it would be weird.

Remembering Infomercial King Billy Mays

TresSugar — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 07:00:00 -0700

My favorite weird product spokesman, Billy Mays, passed away over the weekend. Known for his droll yet manic introductions ("Billy Mays here with another faan-tastic product"), this guy could pitch anything. Here he is going on and on about super-cleaner Kaboom, and if you're in an irreverent mood and believe that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, this hilarious send-up/homage proves there was only one Billy Mays.

CNN Host Gives the Wrong Kind of Compliment

GiggleSugar — Sun, 22 Jun 2008 03:00:00 -0700

This CNN host was all grins, giggles, and flattery when she pitched the show over to the news correspondent on location. But instead of directing our attention to the reporter, she sent us flying headlong into the wonderful world of produce aisle boob slang. It was an honest accident, I'm sure.