TresSugar

Not a Fan of Sex Before Bed? Try This

DearSugar — Wed, 07 May 2008 10:00:00 -0700

When I posted about the pros and cons of morning and evening sex, many of you commented about how much you love getting it on in the morning, which made me think that a lot of you aren't huge fans of getting busy before you go to bed. Well I'm back with some tips to make sex in the evening more appealing.

If you have too much on your mind to feel sexy, write a list of your thoughts in a journal before you get into bed. If you're thinking about tomorrow, make a to-do list -it'll feel like a huge weight has been lifted off your shoulders.
Finish dinner at least two hours before you plan on heading into the bedroom. That way you'll have enough time to digest and you can avoid that bloated, full feeling, which can make you not feel like being touched.
Make it a quickie. Who said you have to have a two-hour romp session? Remember that even 10 minutes of sex will relieve tension and help you fall asleep faster.

Need some more inspiration? Then read more.

Do some yoga or other gentle exercise after dinner. It will help to clear your mind and put you in a relaxed mood.
Take a shower together before bed. You'll feel clean and refreshed, and all that nakedness is sure to lead to something!
If you're too sleepy once you finally hit the hay, make it a point to get to bed a little earlier. You'll have more energy to give to your loved one, and you won't be worried about staying up too late.
If you're a fan of sex before bed but your partner's not, offer to give him a back massage. He won't have to do anything, and in between rubbing his muscles, you can kiss his back and arms. It's sure to put him in the mood!

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East vs. West: Berlin Wall Divided Two Attitudes Toward Nudity

TresSugar — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 08:00:49 -0800

When the Berlin Wall fell 20 years ago last week, East and West Germany had to integrate two very different cultures. Freedom may have spread quickly through the East, but nudity - the East's favorite and perhaps only freedom - never caught on in the West.

Freikörperkultur (FKK), or liberal body culture, was really the only way to rebel in the East, where the most quotidian details of people's lives were observed by the Stasi, East Germany's secret police. Though the East German government forbid FKK at first, many government officials were into walking around nude, so they protested with the argument that "doing FKK" did not mean you weren't a good communist. Good point - don't they put kids in school uniforms to level the playing field? What's more egalitarian than wearing nothing!

Yet on the west side of the wall, the attitude toward nudity was more on par with America and its don't-even-discuss-it-in-public ethos. A West German interviewed a former East German for Vice magazine to find out what's so great about wearing nothing. Check out some of the highlights after the jump.

Hump Day: Sex Makes Her Uncomfortable

TresSugar — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 07:30:23 -0800

Welcome to Hump Day, TrèsSugar's sex advice column. If you have questions about sex, send them to TrèsSugar, and our friend Dr. Charlie Glickman from Good Vibrations will offer his sound advice!

Today's Question:
I'm 24 and in my first relationship. I really like the guy, we've been going out for six months, but I get nervous whenever he slips his hand under my underwear. He gets the hint and stops. I don't mind him doing other things (we haven't slept together yet), but I wish I wasn't such a prude. I don't know what he expects and I worry that he will be grossed out, as I only shave/wax the bikini line but not the whole thing. What if he thinks it is ugly? I also don't know what I should expect; he knows I'm a virgin, but I don't know how to speak to him about why I get uncomfortable, and I don't know how to overcome it! I also have a few stretch marks and worry that he will be grossed out by them. Please help?

To read Dr. Glickman's response, read more.

Thank you for sharing this challenging situation. I know that it can be scary to talk about things like this, but these are all really common thoughts.

One of the things that can help when you’re on the edge of your comfort zone is to take it very slowly. It’ll probably help to tell your guy about your discomfort, even if you can’t tell him why it’s there. You could simply say "I have a lot of discomfort around sex." You also might want to do a little solo exploration. It takes the pressure off because there aren’t any partner expectations. Check out the wonderful book Becoming Orgasmic. If you’re looking for tips or ideas for techniques, Tickle Your Fancy is full of suggestions. Once you know a bit more about what you like or dislike, you and your boyfriend might be able to find something that you both like to do.

It’s worth mentioning that vulvas come in all different shapes. (The vulva is the external female anatomy. The vagina is the inside part.) There’s a long history of negative attitudes towards the vulva, but each one is unique and beautiful in its own way. A lot of women have the idea that there’s something wrong with their vulvas because they don’t look like what we see in porn or because they have hair, and I think that’s unfortunate. I strongly recommend getting to know your parts and Scarleteen has a great site about that. It’s geared towards teens, but there's lots of amazing info about sex, bodies, and pleasure.

Another option would be to explore some of these concerns with a therapist. When you have an itch on your back, you need someone else to scratch it. Therapists help us by reaching the spots we can’t reach on our own. Lastly, depending on where you are, you could join a body-image support group. While they tend not to focus on sexuality, they can be an incredibly helpful way to work through our concerns about our bodies and how we (or other people) feel about them.

Working through these challenges isn’t always easy, but it can be very rewarding. Whatever route you choose, I hope you find the pleasure and joy that you deserve.

Do You Use Sex Toys?

TresSugar — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 04:00:00 -0800

For some women, masturbation is not only recreation, it's an act that helps them learn what they like sexually, so that they can have more fun with a partner.

But even for women who feel comfortable masturbating, sex toys can seem intimidating or even "dirty."

And finally, there are the ladies who would tell you you'd have to pry their Rabbit Pearls or Hitachi Magic Wands out of their cold, dead hands. Where are you on this continuum - do you use sex toys?

Hump Day: How Can I Become Multi-Orgasmic?

TresSugar — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 04:00:00 -0800

Welcome to Hump Day, TrèsSugar's sex advice column. Are you confused about sex? Do you have trouble having an orgasm? Is there something you'd like to try but you're worried it's too weird? Send your questions to TrèsSugar, and our friend Dr. Charlie Glickman from Good Vibrations will offer his sound advice!

Today's Question:

"I keep hearing about women who can have 'multiple orgasms' and I can't figure out exactly what this means. Does it mean a woman who can have more than one orgasm in a night? One orgasm after another with little downtime? (Is that even possible? Most women are so sensitive after having an orgasm!) Anyway, if it exists, is there a way I can become multi-orgasmic?" To hear Dr. Glickman's response, read more

Part of the challenge in defining “multiple orgasms” is that different people use the term to mean different things. For some women, it means more than one orgasm during a single sex session, whether they’re 5 minutes or 30 minutes (or more) apart. For other women, it means one after another, without much time between them.

You’re right that many women are extra sensitive after an orgasm, but not everyone. In fact, some women find that they can just keep going, especially if they change what they’re doing. For example, someone might find that she can have an orgasm from clitoral stimulation and then switch to penetration for a second one. Or maybe she might have one orgasm from oral sex, take a break for a bit with something else to keep the passion up, and then go back to oral sex for a second orgasm. And there are women out there who don’t need a break after one orgasm before they start building towards a second one.

Not all women can become multi-orgasmic, but many women can. Some women find that their ability to be multi-orgasmic can change over time, too. So if it doesn’t happen for you now, don’t stress about it. You may find that in a few years, something changes and suddenly, it falls into place.

One really great place to look for more info on how to do it is Mantak Chia’s book The Multi-Orgasmic Woman. He approaches sex from the Taoist tradition, which works with sexuality as a form of energy that we can learn to channel, harness, and expand. If you’re familiar with energetic practices such as yoga, this perspective might be familiar. He has a book for men and one for male/female couples, too.

Another place you could look for information about this is Tantra. While most people only know about Tantra as a laundry list of sex positions from the Kama Sutra, there’s actually a lot more to it than that. Tantra is a set of practices that teach you to work with your sexual energy and it can help you expand your ability to experience pleasure, deepen intimacy, and have multiple orgasms. There are some good books like Urban Tantra and Tantric Sex for Women, as well as some DVDs.

In my experience, the best way to learn about Tantra is through experiential workshops because these are techniques that are much easier to understand when someone is demonstrating them. Most Tantra classes are fully-clothed and many are designed for people to come solo, while others are for couples. You can find out more about Tantra or look for workshop teachers on www.tantra.com.

One thing that I do want to be clear on: not everyone can become multi-orgasmic. If it doesn’t happen for you, there’s nothing wrong with you. I’ve seen a lot of people become very goal-oriented about it and they often end up sabotaging themselves because they’re not actually enjoying the sex that they’re having. So I encourage you to try it out and see what works for you, but don’t get so caught up in it that you forget to have fun. Otherwise, what’s the point?

Flashback: The Secret Sex Lives of Dictators

TresSugar — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 04:00:00 -0800

Thanks to the book The Other Side of Desire: Four Journeys into the Far Realms of Lust and Longing, I've heard of people getting off on feet, sadism, or even amputees. But all that seems normal compared to a salacious desire to know about Hitler's sex life! This vintage ad touts a series that promises to tell "the intimate, and shocking love stories of Hitler and Mussolini." If you read it too fast, you almost think that these two dictators had an affair with each other.

Source

More Teens Getting Pregnant; Who They Are May Surprise You

TresSugar — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 16:00:00 -0800

We often hear media stories about teenagers from poor and single-parent homes getting pregnant.

Research conducted for the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, however, concludes that only 28 percent of people who reported giving birth or fathering children as teens lived in families with incomes below the federal poverty line, and only 30 percent said they were living with a single parent.

Although teens from poor families headed by single mothers are disproportionately likely to become teen mothers, "teen pregnancy is not limited to a particular racial group or socio-economic status or a particular family structure," says Bill Albert, chief program officer for the National Campaign.

In other words, parents and schools need to be vigilant about teaching teens either to abstain from sex or to have safe sex - even upper-middle-class teens. After 15 years of a decline in teen pregnancy, the number of teens giving birth has gone up in the last couple years. The reason? More sex and less contraception, says Albert, especially because teen boys are less concerned about contracting HIV.

Emma Thompson Tells Trafficked Woman's Story in Art

TresSugar — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 07:00:00 -0800

Academy-award winning actress Emma Thompson was so moved by the plight of a Moldovan woman who survived being trafficked for sex, she decided to create an art installation that would help viewers to put themselves in Elena's shoes and bring attention to this growing problem.

"Journey," which will be exhibited in New York City Nov. 10 to 16 in Washington Square Park, tells the story of Elena, a woman from the Eastern European republic of Moldova who, at age 18, was promised a secretarial job in England. Instead, once she got there, her passport was confiscated and she was forced into prostitution.

"Journey" consists of seven shipping containers. Each has a keyhole through which the viewer can peer to see a chronology of Elena's story. The first shipping container depicts Elena's childhood and the loss of her father. In another, the viewer can see Elena approached in a Moldovan marketplace and offered work.

Thompson personally curated one of the more disturbing of the shipping containers which depicts Elena's forced prostitution in England. She had Oscar-winning costume designer Sandy Powell design the clothes she was forced to wear, and when the viewer looks into the keyhole, she sees her face superimposed onto the body of a woman in prostitute's clothing. They wanted the viewer to have an experience of what it meant to lose one's identity. Thompson said that even men "didn't laugh or find it funny. They understood absolutely what it meant."

Thompson met Elena while doing work with UNODC (United Nations Office on Drug and Crime) to help raise awareness about the practice of trafficking women, and it sounds as if she's not only telling her plight, she's giving Elena the voice that was taken away from her. In the last shipping container, Elena tells her story on tape.

Hump Day: Where's My G-Spot?

TresSugar — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 10:00:00 -0700

Today's Question:

"I have decent enough sex with my boyfriend, but I don't always have an orgasm. I've heard that if my G-spot is stimulated, not only will I have a better chance of having an orgasm, but that it will be more intense. Is this true? Where is the G-spot?"

To hear Dr. Glickman's answer, read more.

Let’s start with a little anatomy.

The G-spot is a relatively small patch of tissue that you can find by inserting a finger into the vagina and curving towards the belly button (upwards if you’re on your back). Many women report that the G-spot is much easier to find if they’re already turned on because it engorges with blood. In fact, some women and their partners find that the G-spot can go from impossible to find to quite prominent during arousal. So start off with something that definitely works for you and then try adding G-spot explorations.

The G-spot surrounds the urethra and some folks find that stimulating it can feel sort of like needing to go to the bathroom. You may find it helpful to go to the bathroom before starting out so that you’ll know that your bladder is empty. Also, some women have discovered that G-spot play can result in female ejaculation. While scientists disagree about female ejaculation, we do know that it’s not urine and is chemically similar to men’s prostatic fluid. This makes sense, since the G-spot and the prostate are quite similar. If you’re concerned about it, put a towel down first so you can relax and enjoy the ride.

As far as whether G-spot play will rock your world or not, I can’t make any promises. Some women adore it and would never choose to have sex without it. Others find it uncomfortable or say that it just doesn’t do anything for them. As always when it comes to sex, your mileage may vary so don’t get stressed out if it doesn’t do much for you.

OK, so how do you actually do G-spot play? First, it may be easier if your boyfriend is the one wielding the fingers. It can be a bit awkward to try to reach it yourself. Some popular techniques include the “come-here” motion, making circles, tapping, stroking, or the “windshield wiper” movement. It may also be more fun if he’s pleasuring your clitoris at the same time, perhaps with his other hand or his mouth. Or you could use a hand or a vibrator on your clit.

If you want to use a toy for the G-spot, try something with a curve or a prominent head since those shapes makes it easier to hit the spot. Here are a few popular ones. Or you might enjoy one of the ”Rabbit” style vibrators.

For more detailed information about the G-spot, I’m a big fan of the DVD The Expert Guide to the G-Spot as well as the book Female Ejaculation and the G-Spot.

If you’re looking for ways to increase your chances of having an orgasm during intercourse, you might find that some G-spot fun as a warm-up improves your odds. Even if G-spot play doesn’t result in an orgasm for you, if it increases your pleasure and arousal, that will probably make it easier to have an orgasm when doing something else. Or you could have a G-spot orgasm before having intercourse, if that works better for you. You could also see if using a vibrator or your fingers on your clitoris during sex does the trick. After all, 70 percent of women report that they need some clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm, so you’d be in good company.

Do You Talk About Your Sex Life With Your Parents?

TresSugar — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 04:00:00 -0700

Kate Hudson and Alex Rodriguez are having some amazing sex, according to US Weekly. (Perhaps that's why she's his good luck charm.) The sex is so great, that the actress's friend says Kate "gets graphic talking about his body, even to her parents." Kate doesn't exactly have a conventional parental relationship with parents like Goldie and Kurt, so I wouldn't be surprised if this were true. Still, I'm sure Kate's in the minority of people who feel comfortable sharing the details of their amazing sex lives with their parents. Then again, maybe a lot of women have gone to their moms (or dads) at some point in their lives to chat about contraception, their sexual health, or other romantic topics. What about you?