TresSugar

Do Tell: Have You Ever Been Jealous of a Friend's Engagement?

DearSugar — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 09:00:00 -0700

When you've hit that point in your relationship where it's just a matter of time before he asks you to marry him, the wait can feel like an eternity. So when a friend gets engaged before you, it can make you green with envy, not to mention even more restless. While the engagement race may seem foolish to some, it does exist, so tell me, have you ever been secretly jealous or disappointed that a friend got engaged before you?

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Dear Poll: What Is the Worst Sin of All?

DearSugar — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 06:00:00 -0800

The women of The View were chatting yesterday morning about a new Vatican study which states that men and women sin differently. According to the research, men are most prone to lust, gluttony, and sloth, while women are more prone to pride, envy, and anger. These findings actually make sense to me, but since we've probably experienced all of these sins once or twice before, tell me, which do you think is the worst sin of all?

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Dear Poll: Have You Ever Had a Rivalry With Another Woman?

DearSugar — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 10:00:00 -0800

Blake Lively dispels the rivalry rumor between her and Leighton Meester in the December issue of W magazine. She blames the media for starting it, but it got me thinking about competitive and contentious relationships between women. It seems like many of us have had a frenemy at one point in our lives, but tell me, have you ever had a full-blown rivalry with someone before?

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DearSugar Needs Your Help: My Sisters Are Unsupportive

DearSugar — Sat, 13 Sep 2008 09:00:00 -0700

DearSugar and Feeling Alone Faith need your help. She's planning her dream wedding, and her sisters are too jealous to support her. She's feeling terribly alone during this happy time in her life and doesn't know how to make things better. Do you have any tips for her?
Dear Sugar,

I'm having a destination wedding soon, and while I'm extremely excited, I'm also upset and let down. To make a long story short, I have two very jealous, very self-centered sisters. My one sister thinks that the sun rises and falls with her, and she is a self-proclaimed "princess." My other sister is jealous too and I've never trusted her.

I helped both of my sisters immensely during their wedding planning, but now that it's my turn, they can't be bothered. They've even decided not to come. Instead of supporting me, all they do is sit around and talk badly about me. Sometimes my mother calls and tells me the hurtful things they are saying and it breaks my heart. For the first time in my life I'm in a good relationship and am incredibly happy, but they are too begrudging to be a part of it. I am a single mom who has struggled my entire life up until meeting my fiance, and it seems like the better I do personally, the less family support I have.

I don't want their behavior to overshadow my special day, so how do I deal with my sisters who feel too threatened to come to my wedding? And, what type of relationship should I expect to have with them after the wedding? My friends say I should be happy they are not coming, but they are my family and I'm incredibly hurt. - Feeling Alone Faith

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Group Therapy: I Want to Get Married, Too!

Sun, 27 Jul 2008 03:00:00 -0700

Lately I find myself snappy and irritated when others announce their engagements or marriages. My boyfriend's sister recently got married and purchased a new home - I couldn't have been happier when the whole hoopla was over. I have already been to four weddings this summer! Recently, another couple we know announced their engagement and when we got home, I made a snide comment, which my boyfriend called me on. My man and I have been together three years, and I know deep down I'm jealous of what others have. We haven't discussed marriage, and even the topic of moving in together is kind of taboo. How can I move forward and actually be happy for people without letting my own pity party get in the way? I don't want to be the crabby guest at weddings throwing back wine to kill the time.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here.]

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Do Tell: What Do You Envy About Your Mate?

DearSugar — Thu, 15 Nov 2007 07:00:00 -0800

Does your boyfriend have amazing hair, does he always beat you at Trivial Pursuit or does he lose weight without even trying? If so, I would hate him too! Sometimes men just have it so much easier than women, so ladies, do tell, what qualities do you envy about your partner?

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Do Tell: What's the Most Spontaneous Thing You've Ever Done?

DearSugar — Thu, 18 Oct 2007 07:00:00 -0700

Are you the type of person that doesn't have to think twice before jetting off to Las Vegas on a whim or before taking an impromptu road trip with your boyfriend? I certainly am not! I'm a total planner but have always been envious of those who fly by the seats of their pants, so ladies, do tell, what's the most spontaneous thing you've ever done?

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Overcoming Jealousy

DearSugar — Thu, 26 Jul 2007 11:00:00 -0700

We've all been there. That angry, envious, kind of sad and resentful feeling that builds up inside us when we see our boyfriend talking to his gorgeous new neighbor. Or if a co-worker gets the promotion you should have gotten. Jealously is a horrible feeling, and it can turn us into mean and obnoxious people. Even though these feelings are normal and sometimes unavoidable, we can end up doing or saying something we regret later.

Being jealous is not an attractive personality trait, and it has a lot to do with our own insecurities about how confident we feel about ourselves, our abilities, or our relationships. Here are some tips on overcoming jealousy:

If you are feeling jealous, and it has to do with a friend or boyfriend giving someone else attention, talk to them about it. Many times people are unaware of how their actions make others feel, so being honest is always a safe road to travel.
Lack of trust may be causing you to have jealous feelings. If your boyfriend goes out without you and you're worried about other girls or that he may not make all the right decisions, your jealousy is only a symptom. Take those feelings as signs that it's time to get to the root of these fears.

Want to hear the other tips? Then read more

Fear of getting hurt is another reason many people get jealous. Perhaps an ex left you for someone else, or a girlfriend or family member broke your trust -- because it has happened in the past, it doesn't necessarily mean it will happen again. Emotions such as depression, anger and hurt can be masks of jealousy so make sure to keep the lines of communication open
We all have insecurities about ourselves, but if you let your self-conscience get the best of you, you'll always be jealous of other people and their happiness. Focus on building up your self-esteem, and make healthy changes that will make you feel better about yourself. When you feel confident and happy about your life, you'll be less likely to constantly compare yourself to others.
Focus on the positive. Maybe you're jealous that someone makes more money than you, or someone has a better job, or a happier marriage - whatever it is - try to focus on what you do have and remember, you can't always judge a book by its cover

Dear's Advice: If by chance your jealous feelings get out of hand and you yell at someone or do something you regret, it's never to late to make amends. Apologize to the person and explain why you acted that way and be understanding if the shoe is on the other foot.

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Group Therapy: Feeling really discouraged...could use some comments/advice

Mon, 09 Jul 2007 13:57:10 -0700

Well in a nutshell, I feel like a total failure. I have always been the kind of person that gets good grades, sets high goals, and is fairly competitive. The thing is I have never completely failed. For some reason, things just aren't going so well post college. I have been struggling to find a good job and it seems everything (grad school, jobs, fellowships) I apply to sends me a big fat rejection letter. It hurts most because I was not worried about success at all, I was 100% confident. I believed in my self, in my skills, and most of all I believed I worked hard (which I did). I know envy is a horrible characteristic to have and that is why I am trying to rid myself of it, but I have to be honest...I am very very envious of people right now. Not so much of my friends, but friends of friends kind of things. It stings to go through myspace or facebook (which I feel is becoming unhealthy for me so I maybe need to stop) and see great jobs and great graduate programs on their profiles. It makes me feel worse. I want to be happy for other's success and I want to motivate myself but I don't know where to begin.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

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The How-To Lounge: Beating Summer Frizz

DearSugar — Mon, 02 Jul 2007 10:00:00 -0700

I love when women take a casual approach to summer looks, especially when it comes to their hair. Beach waves have made a huge come back, but with humidity and scorching temps comes frizz, especially if you have curly hair. To learn some tips on keeping your hair under control this summer season, click here to read more

Invest in a good haircut, it really does matter. Layers, usually with a blunt cut, will help your curly hair keep its shape. Let your hairdresser know if frizz is a problem as they can actually cut hair to avoid frizz
"Curly hair is thirsty hair" so avoid washing it everyday -- the natural oils are good for your hair. Use a gentle shampoo when you do wash your hair. and be sure to use a good, rich, moisturizing conditioner
One thing I recently learned (that I wish I learned years ago) was to avoid hairbrushes if you have curly hair. Brushing your hair will create frizz and static, especially when it's dry. Instead, comb your hair in the shower when you are conditioning it and towel dry without combing it again
The less you handle your hair, the less frizzy it will get. Some people's hair needs to be twisted while it dries or pulled back in a bun to shape it, but I recommend avoiding touching your hair as much as possible
Create an anti-frizz product cocktail -- sometimes it takes some trial and error to find the perfect concoction
Avoid using products with alcohol or any synthetic oils as they will only further dry out your hair
Mousse is a great product for curly hair -- it tames frizz without weighing down your hair, all the while keeping your curls bouncy
Since the summer sun, sea water and chlorine can wreak havoc on your hair, make sure to use a protecting leave in conditioner before hitting the beach or the pool

I hope these tips are helpful. Laying off the blow dryer, even if it's just a few days a week, will help prevent drying out and damaging your hair resulting in less frizz overall!

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