TresSugar

Relationship Protocol: Sexual Dry Spells

DearSugar — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 08:00:00 -0700

All relationships have their ups and downs as personal needs and the demands of life fluctuate, but typically we think of these low points as emotional challenges rather than sexual disappointments. However, like all other aspects of a relationship, sex requires work and development, so it’s not surprising when couples encounter difficulties in the bedroom. Though I’m sure there are some of us still satisfying our voracious sexual appetites, I think many people have encountered a sexual dry spell in their relationship before. Have you? And if so, how did you and your boyfriend get out of it?

Source

Do Tell: What's the Longest You've Gone Without Sex?

DearSugar — Tue, 04 Dec 2007 07:00:00 -0800

If you're in a relationship, chances are you have a pretty steady sex life, but if you're single and don't believe in casual sex, I bet you wish you were getting a little more action! I'm pretty sure we've all experienced a dry spell here and there, so ladies, do tell, what's the longest you've gone without sex?

Source

Grab Bag: Some Women May Be Allergic to Sperm!

TresSugar — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 12:00:00 -0800

Doctors think some women are allergic to sperm. - Glamour
These newlyweds have 181 years between them. - Lemondrop
Sex diary: sports widow complains of a dry spell. - The Frisky
Flashback: when being popular meant you "couldn't afford to be skinny." - Jezebel
Experiment: approach every cute guy you see and ask for a date. - Em & Lo
5 female hints guys don't get. - Your Tango
Harp cover songs: you know you want them! - Urlesque
Does the GOP have a woman problem? - Double X

Source

Craigslist Casual Encounters: A New(ish) Sexual Frontier

TresSugar — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 10:00:00 -0700

I wonder how many people Craigslist founder Craig Newmark has helped to find an apartment, sell a guitar . . . or hook up.

Besides its helpful housing, for sale, and job sections, Craigslist has a personals section that caters to every predilection, ranging from the strictly platonic to relationship seekers to Casual Encounters - its anonymous sex hookup section.

Sometimes dangerous and often disappointing, Casual Encounters is nevertheless part of what gives the Craigslist personals section higher traffic than other online personals sites - including Match.com, eHarmony, and Yahoo personals.

"Our users like the ability to be both candid and, initially, anonymous," says Newmark matter of factly about Casual Encounters, which accounts for 2 percent of all Craigslist postings.

In a recent New York Times trend piece, 100 or so users were interviewed about their experiences and provided a peek into who posts and answers those ads: Craigslist Casual Encounters attracts a gamut, from "desperados" to prostitutes and spammers and thrill-seeking hotties. Click here to read more.

Nola, a 42-year-old saleswoman in Manhattan, seeks men who will meet her in a public place, so she can go to the bathroom, take her underwear off, and hand it to them in an envelope - for a fee. Melvin, a 35-year-old divorcé, recently made the mistake of going to a woman's apartment before meeting her in public, finding that she was insecure about her weight and trying to hide it by turning out the lights.

And then there's someone like Michael, a handsome artist who claims, "I've met some extraordinarily beautiful women, had a few extraordinary sexual encounters that made my teeth itch and my brain sweat, put me in states of weird contemplation like, 'My God, I’ve never experienced that before.'"

Casual Encounters has been around since 2000 and has probably changed the way a lot of sexually frustrated people deal with dry spells. The question is - does it work? And is it healthy for the parties involved?

Source

De-Stress With More Sex!

DearSugar — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 10:30:00 -0800

If you're human, I'm sure you're dealing with a little holiday stress right about now. If that's the case, it's time to release the tension. Light some candles, sip some chamomile tea and slip into a warm cozy bed with your special someone. Yes, when it comes to shaking your stress, baths are out and sex is in! Research shows that sharing some togetherness can help ease tension and anxiety.

The only obstacle is the ability to let yourself go since stress can be a real mood killer; making you feel tired, annoyed, nauseous, and cranky. I'm sure having sex is the furthest thing from your mind when you feel this way, but it can become a vicious cycle and not having sex can make a couple feel distant, which in turn causes even less sex. So the solution to a rough day at work or a dry spell in the bedroom is actually an outstanding night of hot sex. If you don't have time for a full-on nookie session, studies show that holding hands, cuddling, and kissing are also wonderful stress relievers.

So the next time you feel the pressure rising, especially during this stressful time of year, reach for your partner. Sex may not be the most important part of a relationship, but healthy and satisfying intimacy will not only strengthen your connection, but also help you deal with whatever life throws your way.

Source

This or That: Calling Him the Wrong Name or Tooting Midromp?

DearSugar — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 16:00:00 -0700

After getting out of a relationship you've had a dry spell, and you're ready to get back in the game. You've been flirting with a friend of a friend for the past few weeks, and you've been dying for the opportunity to get more intimate with him. On a particularly rough night - you think you might be coming down with something and your ex just called out of the blue - your crush asks to come over to cheer you up. Would it be worse if . . .

This: In the middle of your steamy make-out session, just as he's running his hands through your hair, you accidentally call him by your ex's name? It wasn't a loud mistake, but the look in his eyes as he pulls away is enough for you to know he heard you.

Or . . .

That: As you're having sex (for the first time) you feel your stomach gurgle and before you can do anything about it, you release a particularly loud fart? You'd like to disappear, but instead you're lying there naked and vulnerable.

Source

You Asked: He Won't Have Sex With Me

DearSugar — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend and I have been together for five years in October. He is 31 and I am 23. We have two children together, a three year old and a nine month old. Since I became pregnant with our youngest, things have been lacking in the bedroom. We had sex five times between April 2007 and April 2008 and since then, we've only had sex once, and that was in July. I'm so confused and unbelievably hurt. Just thinking about it makes me sob; I can't help but feel like it's my fault that he never wants to touch me anymore. I've tried talking with him and telling him how it makes me feel, but nothing changes. We live together, and he is currently unemployed, so I know he isn't cheating. I go to bed every night with the hopes that something is going to be different and it never is. It's now spilling over into everyday life. Is there any hope? What is wrong with him?

- Sexually Frustrated Sybil

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Sexually Frustrated Sybil,

Being sexually satisfied is an extremely important part of a relationship, and if your needs aren't being met that's a big problem that needs to be dealt with. You mention that you've tried talking with your boyfriend, but until this is resolved, you're going to have to keep talking to him. First of all, it's important to realize that people go through different phases in the bedroom, and just because you guys have come upon a dry spell doesn't mean you can't work this out. Next time you talk to him, instead of focusing on what you're doing wrong or what's wrong with your relationship, try asking him how he's feeling. You mention he's unemployed right now; maybe he's feeling depressed. Or maybe he's just lost interest. Whatever it is, you won't know until he verbalizes it to you.

Once you have a specific problem, you can actually start working towards a solution. And when you do, be clear on your needs. Don't just tell him you'd like to feel more wanted; be specific. Do you want him to be willing to have sex if you initiate it? Or do you need him to do the initiating? One you're clear on your needs, listen to his and see where there's room for compromise.

Of course, compromising is incredibly challenging, so consider reaching out to a couple's therapist for advice. Being in a relationship where you feel unsatisfied and unloved is no way to live, and I'm sure your boyfriend feels that way too, but currently he's just unable to communicate that on his own. The more you work to get this topic out there, the more comfortable opening up about it will become.

Source

Where Do You Stand? Getting Back Into the Game

DearSugar — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 08:00:00 -0700

The dating game is a funny thing; some people love it and some people despise it. In my experience, the more I date the easier it becomes. However, if I've been single for a long time, getting back out there again seems like a major obstacle to overcome. Part of me thinks it's just laziness, but the other part thinks it's more about getting comfortable in a new routine. So where do you stand when it comes to dating again after a dry spell? Is it easier or harder to get back in the game after you've been sitting on the sidelines?

Source

Link Time!!

DearSugar — Fri, 23 May 2008 09:00:00 -0700

When it comes to sex, what's normal? - Jezebel
Do women enjoy porn? - Daily Bedpost
If your spouse has been unfaithful, be sure to ask him these 10 important questions. - iVillage
Are you a good wife? - Tango
Have you ever had a dry-spell? - The Frisky
What's more important in a relationship - compatibility or fun? - GoAskAlice!
I'm religious and he's not - can this relationship work? - Ask April
How much do you know about oral sex? -gULR sex ed blog
Do you ever will your phone to ring? - TrueHookUpConfession
Are women bad at friendship? - Divine Caroline

Do Tell: Why Do You Think Men Don't Ask You Out?

DearSugar — Fri, 02 May 2008 11:00:00 -0700

Women constantly write to me, asking why men aren't asking them out on dates. They tell me they are good looking, they are funny and smart, and they like to have a good time - sounds like a pretty great combo to me, yet they still aren't having any luck in the dating game. While I've given you all my advice, sometimes hearing why from your peers who are in the same boat can make all the difference in the world. That's why I've decided to turn the tables and ask all of you to answer the question for yourselves and for each other. So ladies, if you're ailing from a dating dry spell, do tell, why do you think the men aren't making the move?

Source