TresSugar

How to Help a Friend With Depression

DearSugar — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 11:00:00 -0700

Being depressed or upset about breaking up with your boyfriend or getting in a fight with your best friend is a totally normal response. We all feel sad sometimes, or have short periods of time when we're in a funk, but being clinically depressed is completely different.

This serious medical condition can make a person feel upset for no reason, or it can be triggered by an event, such as losing a loved one. What's different is the person doesn't just "get over it." They continue to feel down, and can even have physical symptoms such as lack of appetite, fatigue, and headaches.

What can you do if a close friend of yours is battling depression? Here are some ideas:

Learn all you can about depression. Research online, read books, or talk to professionals about it. Knowing the facts will make you feel more comfortable and able to offer them help.
Encourage your friend to see a psychiatrist and look into medication if necessary. If they are already seeing one, encourage your friend to keep their regular appointments.
Find out if there is a support group in your area for people with depression. Suggest it to your friend, and offer to go with them.
Call your sad friend often, visit them, exercise together, and make plans to go out. Keep up a relationship with them so they don't feel alone. Having something to be happy about, and to look forward to always helps.

There are other ways you can help. To find out how read more

Don't skirt around the issue. It may help your friend tremendously if they feel like they can talk to you about how they are feeling, and to know that you are really listening, and that you care.
They may find household chores and errands to be too overwhelming, so offer to help with them or anything else.
If you are worried that your friend might hurt herself or himself, try not to let them be alone. Contact their family or the police and communicate your concerns. You can also call a 24-hour suicide hotline such as the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) to get help or important info.

Consoling and supporting a friend in need is an awesome thing, but it can be overwhelming for you so make sure to take care of yourself as well. Get mutual friends or family members to help out so you're not carrying all the weight on your own. Realize that it's not your "job" to cure them, and that being a friend is the best help you can offer.

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Website du Jour: When Love Breaks Down

TresSugar — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 02:00:00 -0700

"Before there were blogs, there were zines," writes the blogger behind When Love Breaks Down, a bitter but hilarious breakup blog with a twist. The breakup happened more than 10 years ago, and the blog is based on pages ripped from a zine the writer published back in 1998.

Each post features a page from the zine in all its cringe-inducing glory, complete with modern-day commentary, like this annotation on the entry above:

I really thought once you had a kid, you would grow up. Or at least have a conversation about leaving your family, at least a conversation, before you just up and do it. Before you just cheat and leave. I mean, that’s Lifetime movie plot, not real life.

Zines were totally the blogs of the 1990s; everyone was doing it! To learn more about the back story, keep reading.

Wikipedia's Army of Volunteer Editors Are Quitting

TresSugar — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 06:00:32 -0800

Volunteers who edit Wikipedia each day are quickly teaching the online encyclopedia that freedom and fun are crucial to the democratization of information. Burdened by complicated restrictions and uninterested in the more mundane topics (the most popular entries have already been written), volunteer editors are leaving Wikipedia faster than new ones are joining.

Wikipedia is under constant pressure to police the accuracy of its information, and that typically means leaving the moderation to millions of engaged users. That approach is fine with me, since I usually use Wikipedia to find out what everyone else knows about something; whether or not the info is true is a secondary consideration. But if less people engage in the content creation and moderation the quality of the information could go down. And that's a problem when these pages embody, and perhaps create, conventional wisdom. It's safer when there are more people who edit the entries, and thus more people who hold the power of truth (or truthiness) in their hands.

Luckily right now there are more than three million people who write, edit, and check the information, guaranteeing some level of oversight. Let's hope Wikipedia figures out how to keep them coming back. Have you ever contributed to Wikipedia?

Ask a Wife: How Do I Stop Being the Other Woman?

TresSugar — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 08:00:58 -0800

Conventional Wisdom is a different kind of advice column. Your questions will be answered by people from all walks of life rather than by advice experts. This week, a woman in a happy marriage tries to help out a woman stuck in an affair. If you have a question you'd like answered on Conventional Wisdom, you can submit it here.

Today's Question:

I am involved with a married man and I don't know how to stop. He's been married for a couple of years, and his wife often goes out of town. I feel like I'm in a relationship with him: he calls or texts before he goes to sleep, cooks me dinner when he can, and we talk about almost anything with each other. I don't expect him to leave his wife for me, and it doesn't seem like he's going to. He just says he wishes we would have met before he got married. I know deep down that this is so wrong, but I feel like I can't do anything about it. I feel too happy when I'm around him. Help!

Signed,
The Other Woman

To see the advice, read more.

Dear The Other Woman,

I have some bad news and some good news. First, the bad news: you are not happy. You are in a relationship that is damaging to both you and this man's wife. The only person remotely benefiting from the situation is this unfaithful person you are involved with.

Now the good news: real happiness does exist. You can find someone - who's not married - to talk, laugh, cry, and have sex with. And it will be so much better. But first you need to do some work on yourself. Look at your life and decide what type of person you want to be. Do you want the adjectives selfish, dishonest, and disrespectful to describe who you are? Or would you rather have the words loving, faithful, and complete describe your behavior and your relationship? Next you need to boost your confidence. Think about what has made you do something that is undoubtedly so hurtful to yourself and this other woman. Is it because you are afraid of being alone? Is it because you think this is the best thing you can get? If so, let me tell you that a little patience can go a long way. Focus on the things you really enjoy in life (do you like running? painting? traveling?), the things that make you excited, and you will only become more desirable.

The search for love is a hard and frustrating one, but you are just going down a dark and depressing path with nothing but hurt waiting at the end of it. End things with this unavailable man, figure out why you love yourself, and then you will find someone who loves you for all those qualities too.

Signed,
A Wife

East vs. West: Berlin Wall Divided Two Attitudes Toward Nudity

TresSugar — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 08:00:49 -0800

When the Berlin Wall fell 20 years ago last week, East and West Germany had to integrate two very different cultures. Freedom may have spread quickly through the East, but nudity - the East's favorite and perhaps only freedom - never caught on in the West.

Freikörperkultur (FKK), or liberal body culture, was really the only way to rebel in the East, where the most quotidian details of people's lives were observed by the Stasi, East Germany's secret police. Though the East German government forbid FKK at first, many government officials were into walking around nude, so they protested with the argument that "doing FKK" did not mean you weren't a good communist. Good point - don't they put kids in school uniforms to level the playing field? What's more egalitarian than wearing nothing!

Yet on the west side of the wall, the attitude toward nudity was more on par with America and its don't-even-discuss-it-in-public ethos. A West German interviewed a former East German for Vice magazine to find out what's so great about wearing nothing. Check out some of the highlights after the jump.

Unflinching Triumph: A Stare Down Mockumentary

GiggleSugar — Thu, 22 May 2008 11:00:00 -0700

Remember the badass bunny who kicks arse in online stare down contests? Methinks he should go pro and take his game to professional staring tournaments. The only problem is, there are no pro tournaments - yet. This forward-looking mockumentary follows the soon-to-be "sport" of stare down, where athletes won't go for the gold, they'll look it straight in the eyes and, well . . . that's about it.

Do Tell: What Do You Do When You're Down?

DearSugar — Tue, 27 Nov 2007 10:00:00 -0800

We all have our ups and downs, but when you're feeling blue, it's important to do whatever it takes to pick yourself back up. Every once in a while it feels good to just be down so you can evaluate your emotions, but no one likes a cry baby. So ladies, do tell, what do you do to change your mood when you're feeling down?

Source

This Bunny Is Kicking Arse and Taking Names

GiggleSugar — Wed, 21 May 2008 15:00:00 -0700

Simon here is a contestant in the ibeatyou stare down competition. Here's how it goes: Players challenge each other and go eyeball-to-eyeball to see who can stare into their webcams the longest without blinking. Simon, a fierce competitor, has beaten many - including one Jessica Alba. His strategy? Distract the opposition with his bunny nose bounce, and when the time is right, turn around and kill 'em with his cottontail cuteness. Works every time.

Dear Poll: Who is your Favorite Dressed Down Star?

DearSugar — Thu, 21 Jun 2007 09:00:00 -0700

Our favorite celebrities get to play dress up all of the time whether it's hitting the red carpet or attending a charity event, and although they look comfortable dressing the part, I think it is safe to say all women feel more comfortable dressed down.

It is almost a breath of fresh air to see our favorite celebs letting their hair down, going about their business in street clothes, all the while making themselves a little more relatable. So ladies, who is your favorite dressed down female star?

Source & Source

You Asked: How Can I Get My Boyfriend to Go Down On Me?

DearSugar — Fri, 06 Jul 2007 11:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--

I want my boyfriend to go down on me more often but I just can't bring myself to ask him because I don't want him to feel like a sex slave. I care about him deeply but I just haven't been able to orgasm with him in our 2 years together and have seriously thought of ending the relationship because of it. I'm clean; I shave and bathe at least once a day if not more. He told me before that he doesn't like to do it but he's done it several times and quit which made me lose my enthusiasm to give him oral pleasure. Is our relationship dying?

--Dissatisfied Dana

To hear DEARSUGAR's answer read more

Dear Dissatisfied Dana--

You are describing a very common problem among women. Women need to feel wanted and desired and it sounds like he's making you feel the exact opposite! If you feel like your boyfriend isn't putting much effort into pleasing you, I can understand why you don't want to please him either, but then you will end up with two very horny people who resent the other person for not giving them what they need. I'd want to break up too!

You say that you haven't had an orgasm with your boyfriend for 2 years (gasp!), but I'm wondering if you are able to orgasm on your own, or were you able to with previous partners? If the answer is yes, then you've got to take a night to show your man how to please you. Some men love when you are assertive and tell or show them what to do, especially if they are insecure in the bedroom as it is. If you want him to go down on you, as hard as it may be, you've just got to come out and ask him (but say it in a sexy voice while you're kissing him). He may be reluctant to do it if he feels like what he's doing isn't working, so let him know you like it and give him some positive feedback. If you feel embarrassed to ask, try a more cheeky approach, you can start pleasing him orally, then stop and say, "ok, it's my turn." Whatever your approach, it is high time your boyfriend figures you out or else your relationship is bound to suffer even more than it already has. Good luck.

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