TresSugar

I Do, I Do, I Do! How Popular Is Remarriage in the US?

TresSugar — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 06:00:00 -0700

We've all heard that 50 percent of marriages will end in divorce, but do you know what happens after that? For the first time in 2008, the Census Bureau gathered remarriage stats for Americans. It found that 5 percent of people who have ever been married have been married three times or more. See what you know about marriage, divorce, and remarriage in the US.

Source: Flickr User theCarol

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When Partners Get Sick, Women Less Likely to Split

TresSugar — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 06:00:00 -0700

Cementing the stereotypical image of woman as caretaker, a new study shows that a man is seven times more likely than a woman to leave his spouse if she becomes seriously ill.

The study, which included 500 couples coping with illnesses such as cancer or multiple sclerosis (MS), found that of marriages in which the wife was ill, 21 percent ended in divorce while only 3 percent of marriages in which the man was ill ended in divorce. The researchers hypothesized that perhaps men are less able to take on the burdens of maintaining the family and caring for a sick spouse.

Why do you think (at least in this study) that women are less likely to leave their ill partner?

What Do You Know About US Divorce Rates?

TresSugar — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 12:00:00 -0700

The CDC recently released a study all about divorce rates across the US and it appears that couples in some states are better than others at staying together until death makes them part. Take this quiz to see what you know about divorce in America.

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Do Tell: How Has Divorce Impacted Your Life?

TresSugar — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 09:00:00 -0700

Last week when we discussed the assumption that a mother should get the children when a couple splits, a few of you mentioned your own experiences dealing with divorce.

I've known some people who were really troubled by their parents' breakup, and others who said it was the best thing that ever happened to their family. If your parents divorced, how did it affect you?

Why Some Women Give Up Custody of Their Children

TresSugar — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 10:05:00 -0700

No matter how egalitarian people say they are, there's still an assumption that a woman's connection to her children is stronger - and perhaps more sacred - than a man's, and when a couple splits, she should naturally retain custody.

Rebekah Spicuglia understands the stigma of noncustodial motherhood all too well. She got pregnant when she was 18 and started taking classes at community college. Her husband, a restaurant worker who enjoyed staying at home and being around his family, didn't want to move when Spicuglia's educational ambitions landed her a spot at UC Berkeley. So she made the decision to move and leave her 3-year-old son Oscar with her husband. Now living in New York and divorced from Oscar’s father, she sees her son regularly and believes her decision was good for everyone involved. To hear what a psychologist has to say about the phenomenon and to weigh in yourself, read more.

Spicuglia joins the 30 percent of women in the US- over 2 million noncustodial mothers - who don't retain custody of their children after a divorce. If they are anything like Spicuglia, they may face judgment, hostility and disapproval.

Clinical psychologist Judith Sills explains why this is unfair and acknowledges that sometimes these decisions are best for the children, too. "The fact is," she says, "some good moms can protect their children best by recognizing someone else is the better parent . . . maybe they're emotionally overwhelmed; maybe to get financially on their feet; maybe because in a divorce, mom is desperate to leave the house, but she knows the kids need stability." The child's perception, she continues, has more to do with whether he or she has a stable, happy home than it does with the social norms that adults contend with.

How do you feel about women who decide to give up custody? Does it contradict your idea of what a "good mother" should do?

Study Says: Healthwise, It's Better to Be Single Than Divorced

TresSugar — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 11:00:00 -0700

Want to remain healthy? According to a new study - either get married and stay married, or never get married at all.

Researchers in Chicago found that among a pool of 8,652 people aged 51 to 61, those who married and divorced had 20 percent more chronic illnesses like cancer and diabetes than those who didn’t marry. Remarrying only drops the figure to 12 percent.

Basically, “health stock” goes up or down depending on our marital experience. Only those who remain married can expect the same health benefits as people who never got married.

If you think about it, It’s not that mysterious. Divorce can bring with it emotional and financial woes. Beware, though, says one therapist. That second marriage isn't going to bring your health stock up if you find the same kind of person you divorced from in the first place. If you’re drawn to toxic people, or if you’re like people who “unconsciously look for someone like their first wife or husband,” your second marriage doesn’t stand too great a chance, nor does your health.

All You Need Is Love . . . Not!

TresSugar — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 09:58:16 -0700

Researchers at Australian National University set out to discover what makes couples stick together and ended up with a long list of circumstances that make couples more likely to split up.

For six years, the study tracked 2,500 couples who were married or living together. Some factors that influence a relationship's staying power include:

Age: A husband who is nine or more years older than his wife is twice as likely to get divorced. The same goes for a husband who marries before 25.
Children: One-fifth of couples who have kids before marriage (either from a previous relationship or the same relationship) separated, compared to nine percent of couples without children born before marriage.
Parents: Sixteen percent of people whose parents separated or divorced experienced marital separation, compared to 10 percent of those whose parents never separated.
Past relationships: Partners who are on their second or third marriages are 90 percent more likely to separate than those on their first marriage.
Smoking: When only one partner smokes, a couple is more likely to split up.

Are you surprised by any of these findings?

Source: Flickr User foundphotoslj

You Asked: How Can I Open My Heart Again?

DearSugar — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 12:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I've been separated from my husband of 11 years for nine months. In the new year I started dabbling with dating. I met with few men for coffee, drinks, and dinner, but none took my fancy until now. We met online and chatted for a month before we actually met up face to face. It's been four and a half months, but I'm scared of getting into anything serious. I do desire to have someone in my life again and I'm not actively dating other men, so what's the matter with me? How can I open my heart again? - Back on the Market Mary

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Back on the Market Mary,

Dating again after being off the market for so long isn't easy, but the more you put yourself out there, the easier it will become. Since you like this guy and do have a desire to be someone again, I think you should just take baby steps instead of diving into this relationship headfirst. Fear is a perfectly normal reaction, but if you open up to this man and tell him how you're feeling, I'm sure he'll be patient with you. Trusting someone with your heart isn't an easy thing to do, but if you trust in yourself, I think it'll just be a matter of time before you find true happiness again. Good luck to you.

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Group Therapy: He's Married But . . .

Thu, 12 Mar 2009 04:00:00 -0700

For the past two years, I've worked with a guy that I've been attracted to, but who is married. I never acted on my crush because of his relationship status, and he never tried anything with me because he's always been faithful and loyal to his wife, but I just found out that his wife left him a few weeks ago. Obviously it's too soon to pursue anything, but how long should I wait until I tell him I'm interested? We only work together once a week at a part-time job that I don't really need. I don't want to be the rebound girl, but at the same time, I don't want to miss out on an opportunity to be with someone I never thought would be available. I'm actually in shock that someone could leave him - that's how highly I think of him. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To read more GROUP THERAPY, click here or submit your own question here.]

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Have You Ever Had to Live With Your Ex Post Breakup?

DearSugar — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 11:00:00 -0800

On yesterday's Oprah, Suze Orman offered up some harsh advice to those struggling financially. One couple was in such dire straights that they actually had to ask if they could afford their divorce. Suze "approved them," told them they could in fact afford it, but it got me thinking about what their lives would be like if they didn't have enough money to separate. They'd have to coexist under the same roof and sleep in the same bed, but then I realized, couples do that all the time.

I've never split up with a live-in boyfriend before so I don't know what that transition period is like, but tell me, have you ever had to stick around in the home you shared with your significant other post breakup? If so, how did it work out?

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