TresSugar

Have You Dated Someone With Opposing Political Views?

DearSugar — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 11:00:00 -0700

I'm sure most of you were glued to the TV last night watching the vice-presidential debate, and regardless of your political stance, I bet you had quite a bit to say throughout their heated discussion. Now as we all know, topics like politics, race, and religion are usually avoided in certain situations, but what happens when you don't see eye to eye with your significant other on important matters like war, the economy, women's rights, or where our country is headed? Can you agree to disagree? Does it change the way you see your partner? Or do politically heated debates at home keep you on your toes? I'm curious so tell me, have you ever dated someone with opposing political views?

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Handle This: You Don't See Eye-to-Eye on Abortion

DearSugar — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 12:00:00 -0700

Now that you’ve started having sex with your new boyfriend, some serious issues have come up including getting tested for STIs and the potential risk of pregnancy. You have no idea what you would do in the event of an unplanned pregnancy; however, you’re adamant that you’ll have a choice when and if the time comes. Your boyfriend on the other hand is vehemently against abortion, and though he acknowledges that it’s not his body that’s affected, he says that it's still part of him. You’re at a standstill so how do you handle this?

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The How-To Lounge: Agreeing to Disagree

DearSugar — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 09:00:00 -0700

Even if you’re about as easy-going as they get, disagreements among friends, family, co-workers, or significant others are inevitable. Often, through numerous conversations and a lot of back and forth, a mutual consensus can be reached, but sometimes there’s no end in sight. But before you throw in the towel completely, I have a few tips for learning how to agree to disagree. To see them just read more.

The first and most important step is accepting the fact that you’re not going to be able to convince the other person to agree with you. You can’t reach the decision to disagree amicably without acknowledging that there’s nothing left you can do to convince the other side.
As part of accepting your differing views, you have to stop arguing. Unless you’re the type that gets a kick out of fighting, there’s really no point in going around in circles. If you find yourself in that cycle, don’t be afraid to stop it by simply acknowledging that neither party will ever completely agree.
Just because you’re openly acknowledging and accepting that you’re not going to agree, it doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t try compromising. Once you’ve made the resolution to accept your varied positions, it’s time to establish the middle ground.
Once you’ve decided to amicably disagree and focus instead on a compromise, give yourself time for some much-needed introspection. If your differing opinions are something you can’t get over, then perhaps there’s a bigger issue lurking that you need to deal with.

Some of the best relationships are built on differences, so don’t let an argument get in the way of a successful partnership.

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You Asked: My Boyfriend Won't Spend Thanksgiving With My Family

DearSugar — Thu, 15 Nov 2007 06:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I've been dating my boyfriend for almost a year and this Thanksgiving will be our first one together. We've already decided that I'm going to go home with him in December to spend the holidays with his family and I just assumed that we'd spend Thanksgiving with mine, but he made up all these excuses as to why he can't. He said that he doesn't want to hurt his mother's feelings, that he's never missed a Thanksgiving in all his 27 years, and that his grandmother is not going to live forever. Also, his guy friends from high school will be home and they always play football the day after Thanksgiving.

I was so excited to have him spend this holiday at home with my family, but he's being so stubborn about it. I haven't missed a Thanksgiving yet either, and I always help my mom cook dinner and bake her famous pumpkin pie. My friends from high school will be home too and I was so looking forward to having them meet my new man.

This is really bugging me. I don't want to spend Thanksgiving apart, but I don't think it's fair that we go to his family's house for both holidays. What should I do?

-Torn About Thanksgiving Tiffany

To see Dear Sugar's answer read more

Dear Torn About Thanksgiving Tiffany,

I agree that since you've been a couple for so long, it wouldn't feel right to spend the holidays apart. It sounds like your man made a decision on his own, and didn't take into consideration your feelings or wishes, and that's pretty selfish if you ask me. I don't think he meant to hurt your feelings per se, I think he's just stuck in his ways and possibly having cold feet. To a guy, spending Thanksgiving with his girlfriend's family is a huge deal. It means that you two are getting really close, and when you get close to a girl and to her family, people start asking questions like, "When are you going to get engaged, or move in together?" I'm sure he does want to be with his family, for all the millions of reasons he's mentioned, but mostly, I think he's probably really nervous to be with yours.

With that said, I still don't think that nervousness is a good enough reason. It's time to have a big talk with him about this. Be honest about how you're feeling, and how much this is upsetting you. Tell him that you don't want to spend the holidays apart, and now that you're a couple, you make decisions as a couple.

Is it possible that you guys can set up a compromise? Maybe you can spend Thanksgiving Day with your family, and the next day you can drive to see his family (so he won't miss his football game). If that's not possible because your families are too far away, and he won't budge about this, then you've got to think about whether this guy is a keeper or not. I mean if he's not listening to you, then he's not taking your relationship as seriously as you are. I hope you guys can work this out. Good luck Tiffany.

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Do You Fight Fair?

TresSugar — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 11:00:00 -0700

Every couple faces that moment when the fairy dust of romance settles, they're in a relationship - and a conflict triggers their first fight. How a couple fights (or if they fight at all) can determine whether or not they will have a healthy and enduring relationship.

The word "fight" has such negative connotations, but in every relationship, disagreements will come up that need to be negotiated and resolved. Studies have even shown that the couple that fights together, stays together. Avoiding conflict, after all, will only create built-up resentment and unhappiness.

The relationship site Longevity has great tips on fighting fair. They include the following no-no's: name calling or hitting below the belt, excavating past grievances, dragging others into the fight, or wandering away from the subject.

We learn how to fight from watching how our parents resolved conflicts, and for some people, that means unlearning bad habits. Do you fight fair?

Why Is the Abortion Debate So Extreme in America?

TresSugar — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 10:23:05 -0700

Doctors perform about 800,000 abortions in the US each year. The number of bombings and arson attempts on abortion facilities, and the numbers of death threats to providers also reach staggering figures. As seen from the murder of abortion doctor George Tiller yesterday, sometimes disagreements about abortion turn deadly.

This aggressive, emotional, and sometimes violent nature of the abortion debate is somewhat exceptional in the US. An article in BBC today explored the reasons why some Americans take such a radical position. Here are some explanations:

The US pro-life stance is often presented as defending the defenseless, making it easier to justify violence.
In the UK, abortion opponents fight for more restrictions, while most of their US counterparts want an all-out ban. Any compromise would be seen as selling out.
Half of the US population goes to church regularly and the abortion debate is dominated by religious groups. Hundreds of religious radio stations across the country help elevate the profile of the abortion debate.
The availability of firearms, not the US pro-life movement, is to blame, according to the national director of the Society for the Protection of Unborn Children. He says: "Guns are more readily available so by the law of averages people providing abortions are going to be caught up."

Obviously a small number of pro-life individuals turn to violence or threats to further their cause, but America is still far from having a clear-headed national dialogue about abortion.

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Front Page: Woody Allen vs. Dov Charney, Round One

TresSugar — Mon, 18 May 2009 08:00:42 -0700

Woody Allen takes on American Apparel's Dov Charney in court. - New York Daily News
Myanmar junta to try opposition leader Suu Kyi and the American man who swam to her house. - CNN
A 4.7 earthquake shook large stretch of Southern California Sunday night. - LA Times
Pakistan is rapidly adding nuclear arms. - New York Times
Assistant principal is NYC's first swine flu-related death. - ABC News
Obama and Netanyahu to discuss US-Israeli disagreements. - CNN
China demolishes sex theme park before it even opens. - BBC

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Front Page: US Unemployment Jumps to 25-Year High

CitizenSugar — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 08:04:53 -0800

The US unemployment rate has hit 8.1 percent, the highest rate since 1983. - AP
Secretary of State Hilary Clinton said today that there's a chance for improved US-Russian relations but that she also sees areas of significant disagreement. - Reuters
Police are on the hunt for an Ohio gunman who allegedly killed his newlywed wife, his sister-in-law, and three young children. - AP
CNN's resident Sanjay Gupta has withdrawn his name from the list of Surgeon General candidates. - Chicago Tribune

Millions in Sudan risk starvation, as 13 international aid groups were expelled after the ICC issued an arrest warrant for President Bashir. - Reuters
Consumer activists in Indonesia want the government to ban "Obama snacks" being marketed to children. - Reuters

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Obama Unveils Exit Plan For Iraq - Combat Ends August 2010

CitizenSugar — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 09:34:58 -0800

US combat in Iraq began in March 2003, and it will end in August 2010, according to plans unveiled by President Obama this morning. The commander in chief spoke at Camp Lejeune, NC, explaining that 35,000-50,000 troops will remain in Iraq after August 2010 as a transitional force. About 142,000 troops currently serve in Iraq.

Obama's cautious approach stems from Iraq's dangerous reality. The president explained:

But let there be no doubt: Iraq is not yet secure, and there will be difficult days ahead. Violence will continue to be a part of life in Iraq. Too many fundamental political questions about Iraq’s future remain unresolved. . . . And even as Iraq’s government is on a surer footing, it is not yet a full partner – politically and economically – in the region, or with the international community.

You can read the full text of the speech here. One part almost sounded like it came straight from a Bush speech. Of course, praise for the troops knows no political party. Obama said:

To this very day, there are some Americans who want to stay in Iraq longer, and some who want to leave faster. But there should be no disagreement on what the men and women of our military have achieved. And so I want to be very clear: We sent our troops to Iraq to do away with Saddam Hussein’s regime – and you got the job done. We kept our troops in Iraq to help establish a sovereign government – and you got the job done. And we will leave the Iraqi people with a hard-earned opportunity to live a better life – that is your achievement; that is the prospect that you have made possible.

And of course, Obama got a resounding applause (and some chuckles) when he said he would raise military pay. Do you agree with Obama's plan to end the war in Iraq?

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Do You Think Nancy Pelosi Will Keep Obama in Check?

LibertySugar — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 00:01:01 -0800

Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi wants Congress to roll back the Bush tax cuts for families earning $250,000 ASAP, and she's also open to investigating the Bush administration. Barack Obama on the other hand, isn't so hot on those ideas.

Yesterday Politico pondered how Nancy Pelosi will act when she disagrees with President Obama. Pelosi won't look for a fight with Obama, since they agree on most broad policy, but she will probably use the media to keep some leverage over Obama. In other words, she won't keep her disagreement a secret.

Since the Democrats in power will be taking up a stimulus package, health care, and managing or ending the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, do you think Nancy will help balance Barack's power?

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