TresSugar

Sunday Confessional: My Boyfriend Broke My Vibrator

DearSugar — Sun, 04 Nov 2007 09:00:33 -0800

I've been dating my boyfriend for about four months, and I thought everything was going great. The other night, we were getting it on, and I reached for my vibrator (like I always do), but when I tried to turn it on, it didn't work. My boyfriend said, "I guess the batteries are dead."

The next day, we were on our way to the grocery store and I said, "Oh, remind me to get batteries for the you-know-what." Then later that night, we went to bed and he started putting on the moves. When I reached for my vibrator, I remembered it wasn't working. "One sec," I said, and I ran downstairs, got the batteries, and came back to the bedroom. When I went to put them in, I could tell that it was totally broken. I looked at my boyfriend and was about to show him when he yelled "Dammit, why do you even need that thing?" Then he stormed out of the bedroom.

I followed after him and said "Babe, what's wrong?" He wouldn't answer and was acting really anxious, and I said, "Wait a minute - did you do this?" He started yelling, saying he should be all I need, and how he thinks it's weird that we use it every time we have sex. He even said he thought it was bizarre that I can't get off without a piece of "machinery."

So I'm a little annoyed that he broke my vibrator, but I'm really pissed that he was so rude, insulting, and insensitive to me. He even let it go so far as to let me buy new batteries and go through the trouble of running downstairs to get them. If he was so upset about it, why didn't he just say something instead of breaking the thing? Should I forgive him for acting like a child, or this this a sign that our relationship is doomed?

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Poll: Does Saddam's WMD Deceit Matter?

LibertySugar — Tue, 29 Jan 2008 09:00:01 -0800

This week on 60 Minutes, Saddam Hussein's interrogator shared various confessions of the late Iraqi president. FBI field agent George Piro, one of 50 Arabic-speaking agents, met with the dictator everyday after his capture.

Piro managed to get an explanation about Iraq's Weapons of Mass Destruction from Saddam. Piro recounted:

"He told me that most of the WMD had been destroyed by the U.N. inspectors in the '90s. And those that hadn't been destroyed by the inspectors were unilaterally destroyed by Iraq."

When asked why Saddam kept the destruction a secret, risking his nation and his life, Piro explained:

"It was very important for him to project that because that was what kept him, in his mind, in power. That capability kept the Iranians away. It kept them from re-invading Iraq."

Apparently, Saddam underestimated the United States' plan for invasion.

Click here for more details regarding Piro's fascinating relationship with Saddam.

Does Saddam's confession- that his worries about an Iranian invasion kept him from revealing the truth about the lack of WMD-change your opinion about the road to war with Iraq?
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Amish Romance Novels Find Niche on Bestseller Lists

TresSugar — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 09:00:00 -0700

Vampires are no longer the only ones who can't have sex in romance novels, now the Amish can - or can't - too. Dubbed "bonnet books," Amish romances are a new subgenre in the ever-multiplying species of romance novels.

The G-rated love stories always contain the most essential ingredient of any romantic page-turner - forbidden love. Usually between a young Amish woman and an outsider, the romances are set against Pennsylvania's idyllic countryside. Mix in the allure of an insulated community, a la Big Love, and you've got a bestseller. Barnes & Noble book buyer Jane Love said Amish novels account for 15 of its top 100 religious fiction titles. She said, "It's almost like you put a person with a bonnet or an Amish field in the background and it automatically starts to sell well."

So who's reading these "bonnet books"? To find out, read more.

Fiction is viewed as "distracting and deceitful" by the church, yet the Amish are reading. Though they say the books dramatize life on the farm, complaining that buggy accidents, young romances with outsiders, and Rumspringa (the period when Amish teenagers experiment with the outside world) sound more like soap operas than reality. One woman told an author, "All the women in our church district are reading your books under the covers, literally."

But outsiders like us are still the main audience - would you read one?

Source: Flickr User Kat . . .

Georgian Conflict Created by Cheney to Make Obama Lose?

CitizenSugar — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 08:00:57 -0700

Russians were told yesterday morning that the true nature of the conflict in South Ossetia is this: it's a plot hatched by Vice President Dick Cheney to make sure Barack Obama isn't elected president. Is Cheney creating a Cold War 2.0?

This revelation, that the conflict is orchestrated to wing Obama, was first announced on the radio and has been getting wide play. A senior political analyst close to Putin and Medvedev says, “George Bush's Administration is promoting interests of candidate John McCain. Defeated by Barak Obama on all fronts, McCain has one last card to play yet - the creation of a virtual Cold War with Russia . . . Bush himself did not want a war in South Ossetia but his Republican Party did not leave him any choice.”

The notion has reinvigorated Cold War-era talk like this from a former ambassador to the EU:

The West has spent a lot of time, energy and money to teach Georgia the tricks of the trade . . . to make the country look like a democracy. We and many other nations see through this deceit. We understand that the seditious tactics of the so-called color revolutions are a real threat to international law and the source of global legal nihilism.

To see where this idea came from, read more.

Russia's Cold War conclusion comes in no small part from what they perceive to be a compliant US media. One woman from Moscow says, “In the old days under Soviet rule we didn't believe a word of our own propaganda but we thought that information was free in the West and we longed for it. But we have learnt since that the West has its own propaganda and in some ways it is more powerful because people believe it.”

Is there a big US propaganda machine in full effect? Is Cheney pushing the US toward another Cold War just so Obama won't win - or is this just a ridiculous conspriacy theory?

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Muslims, Marriage, and Reconstructive Hymen Surgery

LibertySugar — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 11:00:00 -0700

All it takes is about $3,000, a semicircular cut, and 10 dissolving stitches for European Muslim women to get their hymens restored and keep new husbands happy by appearing to be virgins as a result of wedding-night blood.

One doctor interviewed by the New York Times said:

If you’re a Muslim woman growing up in more open societies in Europe, you can easily end up having sex before marriage. So if you’re looking to marry a Muslim and don’t want to have problems, you’ll try to recapture your virginity.

So what kind of problems do these modern Muslims face? Recently a French court upheld an annulment of a marriage that was founded on a lie about the bride's virginity. But now, under the pressure of secular critics, the justice minister, Rachida Dait, has changed her mind and granted an appeal. We'll have to stay tuned to see how that goes.

When women can appease their husbands by creating faux virginity with a medical procedure, it demonstrates how nominal virginity can be. But, to some this deception might be unforgivable deceit. Do you blame these women for getting this form of plastic surgery? Do you think the annulment would have been granted if the husband had lied about his virginity and the woman brought the case?

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DEARSUGAR NEEDS YOUR HELP: My Sister Is Secretly Dating My Ex

DearSugar — Tue, 14 Nov 2006 14:15:31 -0800

DEARSUGAR and Seething Sister need your help. She is about to flip out on her sister for being deceitful and shallow. Should she let a man come between them or should she swallow her own anger and let it go?

Dear Sugar
I have just learned my sister's secret. She's dating my ex! Ew, I can't even believe it. I feel so angry inside. Feelings of betrayal and deceit are running through my veins and all I want to do is tell her off. Am I mistaken or is their an unwritten rule that you don't covet your own sister's ex boyfriend? I know that I am right, or else why would they be keeping this a secret from me?

He and I dated for two years and when we broke up, I was devastated. He was my first love and I still believe that he was my deepest love. After all of the wonderful high's that we shared together, he turned out to be a rotten liar and I broke up with him; but I've never really been the same since.

I still find it difficult to trust men and it is much harder for me to blindly fall for someone when I know how much pain it can cause you if it doesn't work out. My sister was around during the entire time I was going through this mess with him.

Not only would you imagine that she would consider him to be a jerk for lying and hurting me, but you'd definitely think that she'd be smart enough to steer clear of him. He was very handsome and she must have always been attracted to him. What should I do? Should I write her out of my life or should I just let it go and let fate take its course with them? Seething Sister

Ben and Jen Campaign For Obama, But Is the Bloom Gone?

CitizenSugar — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 12:00:58 -0700

Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner hosted a Generation Obama fundraiser in Boston over the weekend. A typical celebrity event - except for the attention it grabbed from the New York Times resident conservative scribe, Bill Kristol. Taking umbrage with the concept "Generation Obama," and the wilting bloom of the Obama mystique, Kristol said,

But there’s not much audacity of hope there. There’s the calculation of ambition, and the construction of artifice, mixed in with a dash of deceit - all covered over with the great conceit that this campaign and this candidate are different.

Now before you rush straight to the comments, that's not even the controversial part of the piece. To find out, read more.

The statement that has people buzzing is where Kristol uses a claim by reporter Ronald Kessler, to place Barack Obama in the audience when Jeremiah Wright was giving his "God Damn America" sermon. Kristol doesn't use direct quotes or source the tip to anything published which would give it credibility - but it gets the statement out there, and that has tongues wagging.

Given that the piece is opinion, and that the mention was to support the bigger question of a growing Obama backlash, is this mention problematic? Is Kristol wrong?

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You Asked: Her Jealousy vs His Privacy

DearSugar — Wed, 07 Mar 2007 12:30:00 -0800

DearSugar --

I have the problem that my girlfriend cannot refrain from snooping through my computer, and more importantly, through my internet browser history. She is incredibly devious about it, and given half the chance - ie, my pc is on and left unlocked and unattended, she will jump at the chance to see if I've been "looking at porn".

Just yesterday I was looking for software and drivers for her cellphone. It took me to a 'warez' site, which as most people know tend have some adult content on them. Most people will also know that these such sites bring up several popup windows advertising almost exclusively porn and gambling sites. I do not know whether I clicked a banner accidentally or if it was the popup itself but somehow I had three porn sites added to my history - (which I never check but you-know-who does).

So this morning I open up google and I'm about to search for something and the previous searches that have been entered come up, clearly from my g/f. The first one I saw was "My boyfriend looks at porn" and others along the same lines. I check the history, and clearly she had dredged up those ad sites and then gone onto google to search for some sort of advice.

So now rather confront me about it and ask me straight out, she has been distant and difficult and now I know why. I can't even begin to try and explain about pop-ups and how these things happen without her saying "uh-huh, sure", and to be honest I don't see why I should have to in the first place. This is a direct result of her being unable to respect my privacy - she was snooping through my computer and found things that would make her unhappy, but through no fault of mine.

I'm a big boy and I can't help feeling where I go and what I look at is my business and nobody else's - not even hers. I take it a chronic breach of trust that I cannot leave my pc unattended without her having to check up on me all the time. The current status? We're not talking about it. But I know that as soon as I go shopping later she will go through my history again and more than likely read this letter.

I can't go on like this. Please please, any help or advice would be welcome. I love her lots but I cannot handle the duplicity and deceit any longer. -- Suspected Steve

To see DEARSUGAR's answer read more

Dear Suspected Steve --

I'm not sure by your note if the two of you have ever talked about this issue. I've read it a few times over, and I'm going to advise you as if that's the case . . . no discussion yet, just snooping and frustration.

For this issue to get resolved sensibly, you're both going to have to sit down and have a conversation about sexuality (feelings about porn, even if you don't look at it), boundaries and privacy, jealousy and insecurity, fear and appropriate emotional risk-taking. I'm sorry she hasn't shown the courage or maturity to discuss this you, but since you are a couple, it falls to you to put the issue on the table.

One distinction has to be made right away:

It is important to differentiate "normal" from "delusional" jealousy. Normal jealousy has its basis in a real threat to the relationship; delusional jealousy persists despite the absence of any real or even probable threat.

Your girlfriend will need to accept some amount of risk and believe in you, based on her actual experiences with you and not on her fears and insecurities. Jealousy and insecurity are powerfully rooted feelings, so this will be difficult but possible. If she can't do it, you both will be missing a crucial level of intimacy, rest and friendship in the relationship. I can hear in your note the ways in which you feel defensive and trespassed; this will only grow if you can't initiate an exploration of the underlying issues.

If you love her, feel committed to the relationship, and want to participate in getting through this together, I can recommend an article to read. It's about 8 pages long and offers couples a series of exercises aimed at helping both parties regain some dignity, insight and balance around these challenges. The steps both of you will follow are no walk in the park: she will need to uncover what's really at the heart of her jealousy (a sensitivity to a subject or a perceived threat to the relationship), and you will need to be rigorously honest about your experience of her mistrust. Have the conversation soon, Steve; I wish you both courage and change.

Ladies: This is a big issue, and many of us are familiar with it and from both points of view. Please weigh in with your own thoughts, as ever!

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You Asked: Is My New Boyfriend Still a Player?

DearSugar — Mon, 05 Mar 2007 17:00:00 -0800

DearSugar --

I am so insecure in my current relationship, but in reality, I know that I am being irrational and ridiculous. I am just getting divorced after a three year marriage from someone that didn't treat me like anything special. My new boyfriend has never done anything to make me doubt him or the way he feels about me and I believe him when he tells me he loves me.

Lately I learned from friends of ours that he was a serial cheater in his last relationship. They all claim that I am "different" and that he's never been this way with a woman before, but I worry that if he was once a dog, he always will be! I just haven't dated in so long, and I don't have it in me to be let down and devastated again. What do you think? --Fragile Frances

To see DEARSUGAR's answer read more

Dear Fragile Frances --

I'm proud that you've broken away from a painful relationship where you weren't treated well or lovingly. Being with someone who doesn't honor how you are special is no way to live or to love. Good for you, Fragile Frances. I can't tell by your note how long you've known or been dating your new boyfriend. Many of us can feel shaky when we begin dating again, most especially after any relationship where our self-worth has taken a blow or our feelings have been exploited. It's also very common for people to struggle with fears of infidelity and jealousy; it requires much effort and self-scrutiny to distinguish between our private demons and our partner's trustworthiness.

We shouldn't presume that people can't change or grow; however, we also don't want to deny facts or patterns when they appear. I'm not sure how irrational or ridiculous it is to feel insecure in your new relationship, especially if it's very new. The information about your boyfriend is troubling; there's no way around that, Frances. I encourage you to go slowly, to pay attention, and to listen to yourself.

A man isn't faithful because a woman is different. A man is faithful, in part, because he has courage, self-respect, self-control, values his word, and can properly imagine the feelings of others. His choices were his own, and not the result of anything about his partner. If his partner mistreated him, he had the choice to leave her, without practicing deceit.

Still, I'm very glad to hear your boyfriend has been treating you well and with love. That said, you are taking a calculated risk here, Frances, and it's important for you to think of it that way. You'll need to manage your anxiety while you get to know him better and until you know he's matured into a man who can tell the truth to himself and to others. If he is that man, he should be applauded. That kind of change is indeed significant and hard-won. No matter what may come, Frances, hold fast to the knowledge that you are different and you are special in your own right. Please respect that truth until the person arrives who can both honor you and honor his commitments.

I recommended a book earlier today -- If This Is Love, Why Do I Feel So Insecure? -- and perhaps it might help you too, Frances. Good luck to you.
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Am I setting my friend up to lie to me?

Wed, 27 Dec 2006 02:08:36 -0800

I have this really good, close friend that I've known for almost 8 years now...we went to high school together and practically grew up together. Well, she met this guy 2 years ago, which I'm happy for her, but the fact that she likes him turns her into this whole other person...that is selfish and kind of deceitful, someone I never thought she could be. They're not even in an official relationship, the guy has commitment issues, and she's fine with that. He lives in the same city as I do, and whenever she goes to see him, she never stops by to see me. She doesn't even tell me she's in town. She's somehow so "in love" with him that she's obsessed with doing what she can to please him so that she could have him in her life. I don't know how their relationship is, but it's what she shows me that I don't like. She can't honestly tell me that she goes to see him, and she'll lie to my face if I try to ask her. When it came down to me and that guy, she always chooses the guy. Actually, with anyone or anything, she chooses that guy...She even ditched me on my birthday so she could spend time with him, and lied to me and told me that she was with her cousin, knowing I would believe her because I'm so trusting. I just don't expect my close friend to lie to my face...and I only found out about that through her little brother. She sees him all the time, but when I ask her about it, she denies it. I only ask her, hoping to get an honest answer from her, but she lies to my face everytime. This one time, her sister stopped her from lying to me. I ask her if she's going to see him, hoping that she'll just be honest with me, but she just lies to me. I don't understand why she won't tell me the truth even though I already know the truth. I don't get why she would always lie to my face like she does. Her sister told me that I set her up to lie to me...that if I already know the answer, why do I need to ask her?

I don't know. Is it wrong to want someone you trust be honest with you? I no longer care about the fact that, in her life, that guy will always come before me...She is my very good friend...I just want to know what to do about it. I don't like being lied to, especially by someone who I thought was my best friend...someone I trust and I thought trusted me...someone I thought cared about me...It's hard to trust her at all, because she can look in my eyes and lie to me, and because I am who I am, I believe every single word and only find out later it was all a lie. Am I setting her up to lie to me? Or is she just lying to me to ease her own guilt? She admitted to me that she is a bad friend, and when I asked her what she planned to do about it, she just answered with, "I don't deserve to have friends anyway."