TresSugar

Helping a Grieving Friend

DearSugar — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 11:00:00 -0700

We have all been through sad times in our lives, experiencing a death in your family, the death of a pet or close friend, or a boyfriend. Even when it's expected, it's never easy to come to terms with life's roller coaster ride. Having a friend there to support you can make a world of difference, so what are you to do when you're one of those friends? Here are some helpful tips to keep in mind when you're supporting a friend who is experiencing a loss.

Be there for them, but don't bother them. Give them a simple phone call to let them know you are thinking of them and let them know you're ready to spend time with them when they are ready.
Send them a condolence card or flowers (if it's appropriate). If you know your friend's family, and they are grieving as well, send them a card too. Everyone appreciates the kind thoughts.
If your friend does want to see you, let them feel free to express their emotions and thoughts openly. Let them cry, be angry, upset, or quiet. Just listen and be there to offer emotional support in anyway they may need it.
Talk about the loss in a natural way. Don't avoid the topic and don't bring it up too much either. Sharing memories, even if they are sad, will help in the healing process.

Want to know what else you can do? Then read more

It's nice to let them know you understand how sad they are. You can bring up a past experience you've had losing someone, but I wouldn't talk about it too much. Remember that this is about your friend's loss, and not about yours.
Try and be helpful with their everyday needs. Bring them food, offer to run errands, clean their house, make phone calls for them, offer to watch their pets or children - your friend will really appreciate you helping with the things they may not have the energy or time to do.
Go to the funeral even if they say it isn't necessary. Seeing a friendly and caring face will make them feel better.
Be patient with them and give them time to grieve. It may take several days or weeks until they're ready to talk or see you. Just be understanding and let them have as much time and space as they need.

I hope this helps if the time ever comes. Feel free to share your tips too, since we all want to do what we can to help a friend in need.

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Sunday Confessional: I Got My Boyfriend a Puppy

DearSugar — Sun, 16 Dec 2007 09:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I've been with my boyfriend for almost three years. He owned a dog that he got many years before he met me, and unfortunately, she was recently diagnosed with cancer and passed away. My boyfriend has understandably been devastated, and acts really depressed. In the beginning, he openly cried to me and talked about all the memories he had with her. He said someday he'd definitely want to get another dog, but he wanted to wait a little while.

It's been about two months since she passed on, and I got the idea to surprise him for Christmas and get him a puppy. A coworker and friend of mine owns a Chocolate Lab (the same breed of the dog he lost), and she recently had puppies. She wanted to give him one since she knows what he's gone through. The puppy was ready to come home with me this week, so on Thursday night, I brought her home with a big red bow tied around her collar.

When he saw her he just burst into tears. He thanked me for the kind gesture, but said that he just wasn't ready to invite a new dog into his life, and that he wouldn't be able to keep her. He also said that he couldn't believe I would make that kind of decision without him, that a dog is a huge responsibility and a personal decision. Now he seems even more upset than before. I was only trying to help, should I be forgiven for my actions?.

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News to Me: Pets Are Good For the Soul

DearSugar — Tue, 15 Jan 2008 08:00:00 -0800

What's not to love about pets? They're cute, cuddly, loyal friends, and they have an amazing ability to cheer you up when you're down. I'm a huge animal lover and now research shows that owning a pet can be beneficial to your mental and physical well-being (as long as you're not deathly allergic!).

Not only do pets offer you unconditional love, but they may also help to reduce stress levels, lower blood pressure, and improve the appetites of Alzheimer's patients.

Having a pet such as a dog also gets people out of the house and promotes exercise, which can help with depression and social anxiety. Pet owners also benefit from the feeling of being needed and loved, so a pet can help improve poor self-esteem and loneliness.

Dear's Advice: You don't have to own a pet to reap the benefits of animals. Take a friend's dog for a walk or cat sit for a neighbor who's going on vacation. You can also visit a shelter or volunteer as a dog walker. Whatever your choice, you'll both benefit from the time spent together.

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Beijing Gets an Olympic-Sized Makeover: In 8 Easy Steps!

CitizenSugar — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 14:30:49 -0700

Beijing will be dressed to impress this August when the world turns its attention east for the Summer Olympics. Radar lists eight changes in its July/August issue that China is making to ensure the city is picture perfect when the cameras go on.

Reduced traffic
To avoid unsightly traffic, the Chinese government will only let half of Beijing's drivers on its streets. How will they decide who gets to drive? Even- and odd-numbered license plates will alternate days. See, life is fair.
Less spitting
China's government is known for its oppressive quirks, but that does not include prohibiting spitting in the street. Until now. Fines and tissues will be handed to the defiant.
Fewer felines
Apparently, Beijing is like one giant cat lady. And that never did my image any good, so I can see why China is concerned. To reduce the city's overpopulated kitty sidewalks, the government launched an aggressive campaign to ensure people know the truth about cats. You know, like how they carry SARS. Scared pet owners have been sending their beloved fluffies to cat death camps.

There are more upgrades afoot. To see what else is going on, read more.

Cloudless skies
You know what they say! It never rains in Beijing when they hire scientists to shoot silver iodide-filled rockets into clouds from 21 locations to preempt summer showers.
No knockoffs
Take your counterfeit Olympic gear back to Canal Street. Officials are patrolling the streets, particularly looking out for unauthorized use of the Olympic logo. Make sure your new mug has all five Olympic rings!
Orderly lines
Since China is a Communist country, it surprises me that standing in line never really took off. But there you have it. Preferring to nudge their way to the front, Beijingers have been learning the letter queue for over a year now with monthly, government-induced practice.
No turtle blood
Competitive athletes take note: Turtle blood - and deer penis - can be used as performance-enhancing drugs. Just not in Beijing this August.
No Chinglish
Bad translations can be so much fun - "slip and fall down carefully" - but for a city in primping mode they are an embarrassment. Unfortunately, a 35-person committee is "caretaking" this problem.

Looks like once they get these eight woes under control, they'll be good to go for 08/08/08 . . . right? Are cosmetic changes like these eclipsing the greater human rights concerns? If China is shiny on the outside, will people overlook deeper trouble?

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Man's Best Friend

DearSugar — Thu, 04 Jan 2007 10:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar
My dog passed away in November and I am having a really hard time coping with his death. He was 14 years old and died very unexpectedly. He was my best friend, was there for me through my divorce, when my father passed away and the death of my grandmother.

I feel a little bit foolish for being so bent out of shape over an animal, but I am just so sad all the time. We were so close and I loved coming home to him every day. Do you have any advice to help me cope with the sudden death of my dog? Devastated Diandra

To see DEARSUGAR's answer read more

Dear Devastated Diandra
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I completely understand the pain of losing an animal, and you should not feel the least bit foolish for being upset. Your dog was there for you unconditionally through many life changing events. It is no wonder you are overwhelmed by his passing.

With all deaths, healing takes time. When you feel sad, remember that it's OK to just be sad and try not to keep your emotions bottled up inside. Do you have friends or family you can reach out to for a shoulder to cry on? Even though your dog died suddenly, talk to your vet as he or she is bound to have some good advice for you.

Various Humane Societies have pet loss support groups which is another place for you to voice and vent your emotions. Although you may feel lonely without your four legged friend, don't rush into getting a new dog until the time is right for you. Once you learn how to cope with this loss, your memories will bring you joy instead of sadness. Hang in there, time is an amazing healer.

Giggle Links

GiggleSugar — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 11:52:30 -0700

Scary-ass recalled toys. -Radar
So cute: Halloween "candies" for dogs. -PetSugar
The most devious, hilarious Halloween prank stories ever told. - Zug
Why doesn't Halloween get more political attention? The Daily Show's Even Stepvhen explores. - Gorilla Mask
Put your best face forward this Halloween. - i am bored
Best costume winner needs to not do that. - College Humor
The most ridiculous sports team names: Butte Pirates, anyone?-Cracked
Fun Death Facts! (Hey, it's Halloween!) - You Tube

Come Story Telling with me!!! The Completed Story

DearSugar — Sun, 16 Sep 2007 14:56:51 -0700

I hope you all enjoyed this new feature as much as I did! Your wild imaginations made for a great story line! To read the completed tale you all helped create, read more

"I am going to bring the salad so will you bring the dessert?" Do we really have to go to this thing? "Yes, we do," I replied. "And," I said pointedly, "we even have to pretend to enjoy ourselves." Mel sighed loudly on the other end of the line, paused, and then said, "Alright fine, I'll pick you up at 6." "Make it 5:30," I said firmly, knowing full well that my little sister Melanie was never, ever on time. Melanie looked at the wall, ignoring my every word, like usual. It was impossible to win any sort of argument with Mel, I thought to myself, as I studied her avoidance. Then I snapped out of my day dream as I realized that I could not see Mel's face since I was talking to her over the phone. I smiled because I knew exactly the look she would have on her face just from the tone of her voice.

"Fine, see you then." she said and I heard her hang up the phone. I sighed as I closed my cell phone. What was I going to do with that girl? Lately, she just hasn't been interested in the things that we have always done together. She doesn't enjoy shopping, she doesn't want to go to the dinner parties, and even working together isn't as fun as it used to be. The hardest part was that I couldn't figure out why. I mean, I know that she's been feeling really self-conscious about her body since her operation, but the doctors assured her that the scars would fully heal. Besides, I couldn't see why she wanted to have her nose shrunk. We both have the cutest button noses and she thought she looked like Toucan Sam. In the back of my mind I think she regrets the whole thing since changing her nose has made her look like a completely different person. She'd never admit to it out loud, though. I could almost swear that even the portrait of mom in my study had to take a second glance to be sure it was Melanie when she came over the other night.

Before the operation, I asked her why and her reply was, "I'm not happy with the way I look. I feel like when I enter a room, my nose is the first thing people see. I work in the fashion industry where EVERYONE is perfect and I want to feel confident."

I knew that a girl named Eva, Mel's frenemy from high school had just landed a job at the same magazine Mel worked for, and had been flirting up a storm with Mel's crush, a drop dead gorgeous Gabriel Aubry look-alike. This is it, I thought, really want my sister to be happy, and I'm not going to let this girl steal her man. Now all I needed was a plan to bring Mel and her crush together without Eva being able to interfere Well, that is for another time.

Right now I have to make a salad. It then occurred to me that I had no idea of what kind of salad to make. Salad nicoise? Potato salad? Caesar salad? Getting up and walking to the fridge, I looked inside of it and debated my choices.

I logged on to YumSugar to find a spectacular salad recipe to take to the dinner party our friends were throwing after but then decided, screw it. I'll order one up from the catering place a few blocks over and just pass it off as my own. Those upper crust socialites won't know the difference because they do the same thing. A knock on the back door jilted me from my food debate.

"Who is it?"
"It's John. I need a cup of sugar neighbor."

I knew full well what he meant by a "cup of sugar" Unfortunately, he meant a cup of sugar and that's it. I'd been lusting after John since he moved in last month, but he seemed more interested in Melanie. "So, how's your sister doing?" he said as I opened up the door. "She has a telephone, and a number; both work surprisingly well what with technology and all," I said. "Bad day or what Kim? Please, if it's hard to be neighborly, keep the cup of sugar and the comments," John said.
"No, no, I just, yes, bad day, long day. Whatever you want to call it," a little sigh escaping my mouth. "Please just take the sugar and accept my apology."

He took the sugar from me and as he started looking away I spoke without thinking as I always do, "What's the sugar for, SUGAR?". What was I thinking I just called a grown man SUGAR! I leaned againts the wall trying to recover, arms crossed. With that, John flashed his 1000-watt smile and took the cup.

"Thanks for the sugar, sugar" he laughed, walking out the door. I couldn’t help but smile; I abhor cutesy pet name but I’d be his sugar anytime. “SALAD, Kim” I reminded myself. I decided to call Café Dulce up the street.

“Yes, I’d like to order a fruit and walnut salad” I started, “ohh, and a dozen mini Lindsor Tortes” I continued. Mel might forget to bring dessert, but those trust fund babies weren’t going to be looking down their sculpted noses at the DeMaui sisters. Yikes, I’ll have to wean myself off the nose job humor, I thought, thinking of Mel. Just then the phone rang, I couldn’t believe it - it was John, he said, "thanks again for the sugar, but I'm gay so please stop hitting on me - it's pathetic." I was so shocked by the phone call that I simply said "Get over yourself" and dropped the receiver.

I was too busy to deal with such rudeness. I had just enough time to get to the store and back before 5:30 so I grabbed my car keys and headed out. On the way I ran into Mario. And I have to tell you that after that phone call, Mario was looking like the fresh drink of water that I needed. So I asked him if he might like to join me for dinner? What was I thinking dinner? After totally embarrassing myself with John, and here I am asking this tall drink of water to dinner. Oh my God please tell me I didn't just ask him! Please God, Please God! Mario had been a student in the ESL class I taught, and I had a crush on him that had been hard to hide. I'd seen him out for a walk several times since but chickened out and gone the other way before we got to speaking distance. And no wonder, I sounded like a total idiot; Mario quirked an eyebrow, and I could tell he was trying to hide a smile because his adorable dimple creased his cheek. "Bella Mia do you realize yourself? You are speaking strange things out aloud. I do not understand your drink of water. You are...it is....giornata stressante, no?" He shook his head. stressful day. That was putting it gently. "And your shoes --" he gestured. I looked down -- one sandal and one sneaker. Both left footed. Now I looked like a total idiot. "I just..." I broke off helplessly, flinging up my hands up in a gesture of humiliated resignation. I could feel a blush rise to my cheeks.

He caught one of my hands and stepped in close before I could pull away. "Yes, I would like dinner with you, anywhere, anytime." he murmured. "Tonight?" "Yes," I squeaked in spite of myself as his warm fingers traced my knuckles and trailed down to trace my fingertips. I could feel my pulse fluttering like a caught sparrow. If he did anything else I would melt right here on the sidewalk. How was I going to manage having dinner with him? Oh my god, I had invited him to my dinner party tonight. The one I was hosting for my ex-best friend and my ex-fiance.

My thoughts veered away from old memories, as I realized how close Mario was standing to me, his breath warm on my face. "Tonight, when?" he prompted gently. "6:00. My place and I'll drive you over." My mouth said, smiling, as my brain frantically screamed: zip your lips, girl, shut your mouth, call it off, call it off, get a rain check, you can't handle this tonight, you'll wreck any chances with him if you drag him into this, call it off, wow, he smells good and his hands are so warm....ohhhh....

"Not at your house, then?" he sounded faintly disappointed, then his dimple quirked again. "I will drive. It is a new Ferrari 612 Scaglietti - you will love it." He leaned in close, brushed a straying lock of hair off my face and kissed each cheek -- a European farewell. I could still feel the softness and warmth of his mouth long after he turned the corner and disappeared down Tobein avenue.

I floated home, despite the two left shoes, trying to figure out what to do next. What did I have that looked good that didn't ride up indecently in a Ferrari? How could I stand to be in the same room with ex-best-friend Beth or ex-fiance Sean again? Frack me, I had forgotten the salad, I realized as I changed for the tenth time. So long as I didn't put on two left shoes again, the rest would fix itself, I told myself determinedly, digging through my closet and changing again. I wasn't going to let anything screw up tonight with Mario. Especially given the circumstances of this dinner party I had to endure. I put on my sexiest red dress and did my makeup just right before finally deciding to delve into the salad once and for all. Finally my day is now over.

I had the salad, my outfit was way too sexy for Mario, and I knew I could face the rest. As I was thinking of changing the bed sheets for maybe a little surprise for Mario, I heard the door open and Mel say "hey Tracy, I'm here with the desert," I flung the duvet over my rumpled unmade bed, grabbed the salad out of the fridge, and checked my makeup one last time in the upstairs hall mirror. As hurried down the stairs to the front door entry, I heard a cacophony of noise -- car doors slamming, raised voices, running footsteps, and startled exclamations. I slipped on the steps and almost fell -- all the noise and chaos made the tiny foyer into Grand Central Station. I could see Mel holding the cake platter overhead with two hands, shrieking, trying to stay out of the way of a tangle of arguing men. I heard fragments of conversation "--only kissed her hello--" "--NOT gay!" "--stop fighting, my cake--" "--friend Eva was lying--" "--not GAY, I want her--" "--how they say hello in where I come from--" My neighbor John spurted free of the fracas and careened into me, grabbing my arm for balance the salad bowl spun out of my grasp. I fell with John still in his death grip and yelling in my ear

"--said I was gay to get you to leave me alone, you thick-skulled twit!" And we landed with in a heap, knocking into the crowd on the floor. A confetti of field greens and pear tomatoes rained down us. Wedged between John's shoulder and Mario's knee, I had a perfect view of Mel tilted against Gabe's chest (her crush!), the upraised cake wobbling precariously. I pinched my eyes shut, wincing. All I needed was Eva's frenemy Eva to show up to make this a total disaster. I felt salad dressing drip on my cheek and a tomato bounce into my cleavage.
Mario reached down and hauled me to my feet, and his laughing voice in my ear made me shiver. "Cara Mia, you invite disasters, my Armani is ruined, and yet I have I crave nothing but to taste your tomatoes."

GiggleSugar Reader Spotlight: Rubialala

GiggleSugar — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 14:45:00 -0700

Witty, wise, and well-rounded, Rubialala sounds like one sweet person! I love to see her cute avatar pop up in our comments section and welcomed the opportunity to get to know her better. I think you'll like her, too, and make sure you look at her pictures in the gallery after the interview.

GS: What is your motto?
RL: I don’t have a motto, but I looked some up online and if I did have one, it would probably be one of these: "The problem with instant gratification is that it takes too long" and "I try to keep an open mind, but not so open my brains fall out."

GS: Where are you from?
RL: I have lived in Stockton, CA for 15 years. We tried to escape to Michigan last year, but we didn’t put our house up for sale in time before the dive in the market. The summers are too hot and the winters aren’t cold enough. One day we’ll live in the snow.

GS: What do you do?
RL: I am a mommy to the CUTEST 4 year old boy and the wife to a wonderful man. During the week, though, from 8-5, I'm an Administrative Assistant. I work for *the* major developer in the area, specifically in property management (commercial, retail, mixed use). However, the company does a variety of other things, including build master planned communities.

GS: How would you describe your sense of humor?
RL: Sarcastic and silly.

GS: What's your favorite GiggleSugar post?
RL: I love animal humor, especially cat humor, so I can read/see/watch all of the cat posts/pictures/videos over and over again and never get tired of it! (GS: I love to hear that GS's cat-centricty isn't alienating everyone!)

GS: Who is the cutest funny man and funny woman?
RL: Jim Carrey is a hottie, but only more recently. I wasn’t into his Pet Detective look. Sarah Silverman, she is a classic beauty.

GS: Who are your favorite male and female comedians?
RL: For male comedians, Robin Williams. He has the most incredible comic mind ever. Seriously. I love watching him on "Inside the Actors Studio" and on talk shows like Letterman. The way he just creates and becomes these characters and embraces them so fully is fascinating. For female comedians, Kathy Griffin. I love how she is totally honest and doesn’t care what others think of her.

GS: What's your favorite comedy of all time?
RL:A tie between 40 Year Old Virgin and Old School.
"You know how I know you’re gay? You like Coldplay.”
“True love is hard to find, sometimes you think you have true love and then you catch the early flight home from San Diego and a couple of nude people jump out of your bathroom blindfolded like a g**damn magic show ready to double team your girlfriend…”
You just can’t beat that kind of humor!!!

GS: If your life were a comedy, what would it be?
RL:I thought it might be a romantic comedy because I’m such a sucker for romance. But I think I really identify with Christmas Vacation. My family and my husband’s family are filled with characters and holiday gatherings can be very humorous.

GS: Do you look like someone famous?
RL: You tell me! I have been told Jenna Elfman and one time Kat Foster but I think it was more the personality of her character on ‘Til Death.

Rubialala free for all: You know, I just like to be silly and have fun. Laughing is too much fun to not do it every day.

I was raised to believe that I was part of this perfect family with no problems. Obviously, that was not true and it was very disabling to realize that as an adult. I want to teach my son to embrace what being a human is really about – change, dysfunction, imperfection. And I plan on teaching by example! And by accepting him for exactly who he is, not trying to get him to believe he is something he’s not. (GS: That's such a great parenting philosophy! Right on!)

I love to surprise people by telling them how long I have been married (8 years in July - we’ve been together for 10 years), and also telling them that I have a 4 year old son. The usual reaction is that I couldn’t possibly be old enough for all of that. Which I just love to hear!

GS: Thanks Rubialala!

View 7 Photos ›

(Rubialala and her cute son, RL and her main men, RL and cutie play bumper cars, Jim Carrey, Sarah Silverman, Robin Williams, Kathy Griffin)

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