TresSugar

You Asked: How Do We Even the Playing Field?

DearSugar — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend and I have been together for more than six months and although we are from drastically different backgrounds, we love each other very much. The problem we face stems from the fact that in our previous relationships, we were each the one who wore the pants and we were both the dominant ones. He is loud, outspoken, highly opinionated, and sometimes very arrogant - I am exactly the same way.

He expects me to be the perfect domesticated woman - cook, clean, and listen to every word he says without a complaint. I have tried to give in and meet him halfway by doing things I have never done before (like cooking and cleaning up after him), and I have toned down my attitude by listening more, but he does not feel the need to compromise as well. His responses always end with "because I am the man and you are the woman," and it infuriates me to be treated this way. If I anger him or say something wrong, he will retaliate by hurting me 10 times as much as I may have hurt him. All this is just to try and tame me or break me to become the woman he wants me to be. I know deep down this relationship has potential - we push each other to be the best we can be, we think alike, we are each other's best friend, and the sex is fantastic - but without any help from him, I'm starting to lose faith. How do I make him understand that this has to be a two-way effort? - Making an Effort Emma

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Dear Making an Effort Emma,

When two people with the same stubborn personality date, it's not uncommon for them to butt heads, but unfortunately this situation sounds a bit more extreme. Since he wants you to be a domesticated woman, something tells me that's what his mom was for his father, but he needs to understand that's not the role all women play. It's also pretty clear that he has a volatile temper, but the foundation of a good relationship is based on love and respect, not who can hurt each other more.

Since you say this relationship has potential, I think it's great that you're trying to meet him halfway, but if he's not willing to do the same, you might be running uphill for the duration of this relationship. His chauvinistic attitude will most likely not change, so instead of trying to be someone you're not, try talking to him and letting him know that you're not willing to sacrifice your beliefs. You need to stand up for yourself, Emma, and as scary as it might be to potentially lose your boyfriend, if he's not willing to accept you for you are, I think you'll be better off if you go your separate ways. You deserve to be with someone who's not afraid to let the woman wear the pants every once in a while!

Source

Date / Food / Cook?!

Sun, 21 Jan 2007 02:43:34 -0800

Well, I've been dating this guy for about three months now and invited him over for food and games next week. My cooking abilities max out at hot dogs, mac n cheese and chocolate cake. Any easy dinner recipes that I can whip up?

Ask a Wife: How Do I Stop Being the Other Woman?

TresSugar — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 08:00:58 -0800

Conventional Wisdom is a different kind of advice column. Your questions will be answered by people from all walks of life rather than by advice experts. This week, a woman in a happy marriage tries to help out a woman stuck in an affair. If you have a question you'd like answered on Conventional Wisdom, you can submit it here.

Today's Question:

I am involved with a married man and I don't know how to stop. He's been married for a couple of years, and his wife often goes out of town. I feel like I'm in a relationship with him: he calls or texts before he goes to sleep, cooks me dinner when he can, and we talk about almost anything with each other. I don't expect him to leave his wife for me, and it doesn't seem like he's going to. He just says he wishes we would have met before he got married. I know deep down that this is so wrong, but I feel like I can't do anything about it. I feel too happy when I'm around him. Help!

Signed,
The Other Woman

To see the advice, read more.

Dear The Other Woman,

I have some bad news and some good news. First, the bad news: you are not happy. You are in a relationship that is damaging to both you and this man's wife. The only person remotely benefiting from the situation is this unfaithful person you are involved with.

Now the good news: real happiness does exist. You can find someone - who's not married - to talk, laugh, cry, and have sex with. And it will be so much better. But first you need to do some work on yourself. Look at your life and decide what type of person you want to be. Do you want the adjectives selfish, dishonest, and disrespectful to describe who you are? Or would you rather have the words loving, faithful, and complete describe your behavior and your relationship? Next you need to boost your confidence. Think about what has made you do something that is undoubtedly so hurtful to yourself and this other woman. Is it because you are afraid of being alone? Is it because you think this is the best thing you can get? If so, let me tell you that a little patience can go a long way. Focus on the things you really enjoy in life (do you like running? painting? traveling?), the things that make you excited, and you will only become more desirable.

The search for love is a hard and frustrating one, but you are just going down a dark and depressing path with nothing but hurt waiting at the end of it. End things with this unavailable man, figure out why you love yourself, and then you will find someone who loves you for all those qualities too.

Signed,
A Wife

Oh, the Humanity!

GiggleSugar — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 11:00:00 -0800

According to these teen girls, the wrong David won the most recent American Idol. Watch the horror show as they discover that David Cook rather than David Archuleta wins. (I feel your pain, you guys. I felt the same way when my corner store stopped carrying wasabi-flavored Funyuns.)

Dear Poll: Who Would you Want to Cook With?

DearSugar — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 10:30:00 -0700

A well cooked meal is the fastest way to a man's heart. Your sense of taste is a very powerful sense, and with a little food education, you can learn what heightens arousal and what foods decrease sexual desire. Cooking certain foods can bring an erotic element into the kitchen, even if you are just tasting tomato sauce off the wooden spoon.

I am not one to be trusted in the kitchen, but with a little guidance, I would love to possess the skills to woo and impress behind the stove. If you could have one celebrity teach you the tricks of the trade in the kitchen, whom would you choose?

Source

Dane Cooks Up A Tom Impersonation

GiggleSugar — Wed, 11 Apr 2007 02:00:00 -0700

This is yesterday's news, but I don't think I'll ever lose my appetite for Tom Cruise and those acrobatic chair antics. In fact, I'm having a craving right now and just realized that I haven't made fun of dear old Tom in a while, so why not let Dane Cook serve up an impersonation for me?

Gender Roles - Love 'Em Or Leave 'Em?

OnSugar Blog — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 13:10:00 -0800

Here's a poll from OnSugar blog Rantings of a Single Girl.

Let's go back to the 1940s for a minute. My grandmother was married, raised a kid, ran a farm, taught school, and kept a clean house. All while my grandfather was away at war. After my grandfather came back from the war and had recovered from his wounds, they went back into their traditional roles. He ran the farm and did all the "manly" things. My grandmother raised my aunt, taught school, and still had dinner on the table by 5:30 PM every night. All while pregnant with my dad.

I'm exhausted just talking about it.

I bring all this up because I've been thinking about gender roles lately. I look at my parents. Granted, my dad still does majority of the "manly'" things around the house and my mom does the household things, neither one is afraid to help out the other. My dad does housework. My mom can swing a hammer when needed.

And that's what I like.

I'll never be able to date a guy who believes in traditional gender roles. As much as I like cooking and being in the kitchen, I don't like being expected to be there. If we have kids, I'm not going to be the one who raises them. I certainly expect their father to help out. At the same time, I don't expect him the only one who takes out the trash or fixes things when they break. I think 50/50 is a good blend.

So could you be with someone who firmly believes in traditional gender roles? Or would you rather share the load?

Want to see more? Start following Rantings of a Single Girl or start your own OnSugar Blog. Maybe your stories will be posted here on TrèsSugar!

Do You Get Excited to See Your Family on Thanksgiving?

TresSugar — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 04:00:29 -0800

Many people consider spending time with family the best thing about Thanksgiving. In our busy lives, we don't find much time to cook, eat, drink, and catch up with loved ones.

Of course, not everyone has dream families - some relatives can be rude, non-accepting, or just generally overwhelming. Since Thanksgiving is less than two weeks away, I want to know if you're looking forward to some quality family time.

Men Cook Outside, Women Cook Inside?

TresSugar — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 06:00:00 -0700

While there might be an arbitrary distinction between cooking and grilling, this ad for Kingsford Charcoal suggests that cooking is for women and grilling is for men - only! When the woman goes to start the barbecue, her upset male mate says: "What would happen if I just walked into the kitchen and started making a salad?" Maybe she'd assume he wanted to eat a salad? Wrong! She'd be upset that he disrupted the perfect gender balance achieved by letting the woman cook inside and the man cook outside.

Cooking To The Beat Of A Different Drummer

GiggleSugar — Sat, 09 Jun 2007 03:00:00 -0700

Take a cup of "Top Chef," add a tablespoon of "The Real World" to it, along with a sprinkle of "So You Think You Can Dance"-- and you've got Mark here. Beyond a can of chili, I believe he's boiling up the concept for a new hot reality show.