TresSugar

Dear Poll: Are You Easy to Get Ahold Of?

DearSugar — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 13:00:00 -0700

In this day and age, where most of us carry a BlackBerry, a cell phone, an iPhone, or maybe even all three, it's easier than ever to get ahold of people. My mom, for instance, always has her phone with her, no matter the day or the time. Then there's my BFF, who is notorious for never answering her phone and lagging on her email responses. While I understand the need to disconnect every once in a while, I love knowing that I can always rely on certain people in my life to answer my call or return my text. Where do you fall on the accessibility spectrum? Are you one that always has your phone out on the table, just in case, or do you prefer to remain a little out of touch?

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The How-To Lounge: Coping with Excessive E-mail

DearSugar — Mon, 30 Jul 2007 10:00:00 -0700

In this technical day and age, e-mail is a part of our everyday life. We are so married to our e-mail that every new phone has the ability to be wireless so everyone can stay connected even if they are away from their desks. But with so many e-mails inundating your inbox, it's hard to keep your head screwed on straight. Below are some tips to help you stay afloat when your e-mail inbox is overflowing with messages.

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According to new research, the average Outlook business user receives 470 e-mails a week and spends 15 hours dealing with them. Predictions state that by 2009, workers will spend 41 percent of their time reading and responding to e-mails -- so when are you supposed to do your day job?
It's pretty clear that we all receive entirely too much e-mail, so take the appropriate steps to weed out unnecessary messages. Take your name off distribution mailing lists from stores, news updates, concert updates, etc.
If you haven't already, have your IT department set up a spam block so you don't get bogged down with junk mail
Limit the number of e-mail accounts you have active. It's recommended to have one business account and one personal account. The more accounts you have, the more spam and junk mail you will receive
Create a method when going through your e-mails. Some people think it's easier to flag important messages and deal with them later while others like to read each e-mail only once, deal with it, and delete it or file it away, never to be looked at again. Whatever system works for you, stick to it. Organization is key
When it comes to e-mail etiquette, less is more. You're not alone if you feel overwhelmed by your inbox, so try to send the least amount of e-mails as possible, and be respectful of who you CC
Many times people respond back to a rhetorical e-mail just to confirm to you that they received it. If you don't need the confirmation, add a notation at the bottom of the message, NRN, standing for No Response Needed
The e-mails are going to keep coming, so trying to constantly stay on top of them is close to impossible. Give yourself a break, turn off your BlackBerry every once in a while, turn your out of office on if you need the silence in order to get your work done, and when you go on vacation, go on vacation!

I hope these tips are helpful, and like always, if you have any other suggestions, please share them in the comments below!

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The Harsh Truth About Craigslist Missed Connections

TresSugar — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 06:00:00 -0700

Have you ever spied your dream lover in the frozen food section of Trader Joe's but were too shy to start a conversation or flirt? Maybe you were moved to post a prose poem on Craigslist's oddball "Missed Connections" section, writing to that person in the hopes that they would read your true feelings, remember who the hell you were, and contact you.

Still don't understand what Missed Connections is? Here's what the superharsh Craigslist genie has to say about it: "If you’re too much of a mush-butt to approach a person in the real world, you post an ad on Craigslist hoping that person is a pathetic loser who goes on to Craigslist and searches for losers who are searching for him.” Ouch!

There’s much to recommend this video, but just when you think the hilarity is done with, the real comedy comes in. This poor, shy soul's cat starts dissing her, calling her a “cat lady” and asking why she wears such long skirts. Sigh. Maybe this is what cats are all really thinking when they sit there and stare at us!

Have You Ever Had a Missed Connection?

DearSugar — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 16:00:00 -0700

If you've ever looked at Craigslist's Missed Connections, you know just how many people are seeking out that certain someone they locked eyes with on the subway, at the grocery store, or at the airport but never got the chance to speak to. An article written today on Cnn.com explained this phenomenon perfectly:

Craigslist, Kizmeet.com, ISawYou.com, SubwayCrush.com - these missed-opportunity matchmakers have become a staple of online modern love. They've also become a way for some singles to fantasize about the people they'd like to meet and those they hope will want to meet them.

Missed connections are great for those who don't have the confidence or courage to approach someone in person - sometimes all it takes is a little buffer to ease the fear! I have friends that have had luck in this arena before so tell me, have you ever meet someone through an online missed connection? If so, were you the one who posted it or was it him that wrote a query about you?

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Connect the Dumbass Tattoo

GiggleSugar — Tue, 20 Nov 2007 04:00:00 -0800

We've seen what happens when the artwork inside children's coloring books is used to inspire body art. It's almost always a regrettable thing. So why would someone take it a step further by inking a connect-the-dots tattoo (of a giraffe, no less) into her skin? Certainly not for its entertainment value. After one go around, then what? Back to dot one... (Thanks, eBaum's World!)

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Say What? Nicole Kidman Knows Life's All About Relationships

TresSugar — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 08:30:03 -0800

“I think that we’re in the world to connect. Because that’s what you’re left with. You’re not left with your house or awards or money, you’re left with the people that you built relationships with.”

- Nicole Kidman tells Ladies' Home Journal that despite all her success, it's the special relationships in her life that are important to her. Right in time for Thanksgiving, this sort of sentiment reminds us to appreciate the things that really matter.

Flashback: Weird Dude on Love Connection

GiggleSugar — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 11:10:00 -0700

Meet Robert. He's into community fundraisers, going to museums, and . . . barking at women to get their attention. Cuz, uh, you know. Women really like that.

Thanks, eBaum's World!

Have You Ever Dated a Mama's Boy?

TresSugar — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 15:00:00 -0800

In a way, that's a trick question.

Although "mama's boy" has negative connotations (he was smothered or spoiled by mom), a man who was raised with love and affection by a mother with boundaries often grows up to be what the author of Raising Boys Without Men calls a "head and heart" person.

This positive version of a mama's boy, says Peggy Drexler, is in touch with his and others' emotions and knows how to communicate. (This is assuming the mother herself is connected to her emotions and is a good communicator - a big assumption.)

Have you ever dated a man who was close to his mother? Was he spoiled, expecting you to do everything dear ol' mom did? Was he smothered, one wig and a rocking chair away from being Norman Bates? Or did it help him to respect women and teach him to be connected to his feelings?

Bro vs. Douchebag: Is There a Difference?

TresSugar — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 06:00:00 -0800

Listening to Phish. Wearing popped collars. Playing ultimate Frisbee. Flaunting the number of chicks bagged.

Are these the traits of a bro or a douche? Is there a difference? While pondering this question, you might want to pop over to BroBible.com, a "brocial" networking site created by 24-year-old Doug Banker, a hesitantly self-identified "bro" who wants to redeem bro culture from being demonized as douche culture. (Sample post: "What's More Bro: Oral or Anal Sex?")

Last year when the site was still under construction, he had this to say about the distinction: "[A] bro is just someone who likes to go out and have a good time, who likes to stay connected to their group of friends while expanding their horizons. It’s not one of our goals to make the word ‘bro’ more positive. But yes, hopefully, that will happen."

So is there a difference between a bro and a douchebag? Does it matter? Do you wish those words would go away? Inquiring minds want to know!

Hump Day: I Have Little Desire to Have Sex Anymore

TresSugar — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 04:00:00 -0800

Welcome to Hump Day, TrèsSugar's sex advice column. Are you confused about sex? Do you have trouble having an orgasm? Is there something you'd like to try but you're worried it's too weird? Send your questions to TrèsSugar, and our friend Dr. Charlie Glickman from Good Vibrations will offer his sound advice!

Today's Question:

“When my husband and I first got married, I was so in love with him that we had sex what (for me) seemed like a lot (a few times a week). But now, three years into it, I feel like my baseline libido, which never was much in the first place, has flatlined. I simply have no interest in sex mentally or physically. My husband keeps asking me if there’s someone else, but in reality, I don’t want sex at all - with anyone. I’m worried he’s going to leave me, this is causing so many problems between us. Any advice?”

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It’s pretty common for sexual frequency for couples to lessen after a couple of years. It’s not always just the stereotypical “things are becoming routine” situation. Shifts in hormones can occur as time goes by and those shifts can affect sexual desire. Lots of people have a low interest in sex for any of a number of reasons. It’s not necessarily a sign of any kind of problem and if that has been your pattern for a long time; that may be simply how your sexuality is.

Do you consider your lack of interest in sex a problem? If you do, you might want to see if there are any medical issues causing it. You could have low testosterone for example. While we generally only think of it as a male hormone, women also have some testosterone in their systems and it’s often related to interest in sex. Sexual desire is quite complex and sometimes, the answers aren’t as easy as that, but it could be worth exploring.

Whether you think that your low desire is a problem or not, it sounds like your concerns center on how you and your husband talk about it and what his and your expectations are. Differences in desire can be one of the more tricky relationship challenges and almost all couples face it at some point or another. When you consider how much we (as a culture) equate sexual desire with relationship health, it’s no wonder that many of us feel a lot of pressure around it.

While I would NEVER suggest to anyone that they engage in sex that they don’t want, the two of you might want to explore other ways to connect physically. After all, it doesn’t have to be sex or intercourse. For example, would it work if you gave him backrubs? What if he masturbated while you help him or ran your hands across him? And are there ways that you would like to receive physical contact? As another possibility, are there ways in which the two of you could make room for him to get his sexual needs met, such as giving him solo time at home for some self-pleasure?

Whether you find your low desire a problem or not, you could also find a sex-positive therapist. One of the most helpful things that a therapist can offer is tools for talking about tricky topics and a safe space to do it in. Plus, sometimes an outside perspective can be really helpful. There are plenty of great people who know about sexuality issues and lots of them can be found on the website for the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists. Anyone in their directory has passed a rigorous certification process, which gives them the foundation to be as helpful with sexuality topics as possible.

Ultimately, the best advice I can offer you is to be honest with each other about what’s going on for you and how you each feel about it. With that as the foundation, the two of you can start looking for new ways to be together that work for both of you.