TresSugar

Helping a Grieving Friend

DearSugar — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 11:00:00 -0700

We have all been through sad times in our lives, experiencing a death in your family, the death of a pet or close friend, or a boyfriend. Even when it's expected, it's never easy to come to terms with life's roller coaster ride. Having a friend there to support you can make a world of difference, so what are you to do when you're one of those friends? Here are some helpful tips to keep in mind when you're supporting a friend who is experiencing a loss.

Be there for them, but don't bother them. Give them a simple phone call to let them know you are thinking of them and let them know you're ready to spend time with them when they are ready.
Send them a condolence card or flowers (if it's appropriate). If you know your friend's family, and they are grieving as well, send them a card too. Everyone appreciates the kind thoughts.
If your friend does want to see you, let them feel free to express their emotions and thoughts openly. Let them cry, be angry, upset, or quiet. Just listen and be there to offer emotional support in anyway they may need it.
Talk about the loss in a natural way. Don't avoid the topic and don't bring it up too much either. Sharing memories, even if they are sad, will help in the healing process.

Want to know what else you can do? Then read more

It's nice to let them know you understand how sad they are. You can bring up a past experience you've had losing someone, but I wouldn't talk about it too much. Remember that this is about your friend's loss, and not about yours.
Try and be helpful with their everyday needs. Bring them food, offer to run errands, clean their house, make phone calls for them, offer to watch their pets or children - your friend will really appreciate you helping with the things they may not have the energy or time to do.
Go to the funeral even if they say it isn't necessary. Seeing a friendly and caring face will make them feel better.
Be patient with them and give them time to grieve. It may take several days or weeks until they're ready to talk or see you. Just be understanding and let them have as much time and space as they need.

I hope this helps if the time ever comes. Feel free to share your tips too, since we all want to do what we can to help a friend in need.

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Condolence Etiquette

DearSugar — Sun, 25 Jun 2006 22:03:52 -0700

Dear Sugar
A few days ago, my friend's family member passed away. The problem is, I don't know how he was related to her, or who he even is. How can l show my condolences for this man's passing?

I just found out about it today, and we aren't the best of friends, but I'd like to do something for her. Should I send a card or call her? But how do I address the relative in the note? Stumped Stephie

Dear Stumped Stephie
A card would be the best way to express your condolences. Write something heartfelt such as:

Dear Friend,
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I am here if you or your family need anything at all - nothing is too small. My thoughts are with you during this difficult time.
Love,
Stumped Stephie

I think that calling right now may be too intrusive. Sending a note is passive and let's her know that she is on your mind.

You Asked: Should I Forgive Her Insincere Apology?

DearSugar — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 12:30:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,
My old college roommate asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding six months ago, and I agreed. Unfortunately, three weeks ago, her mother has passed away unexpectedly. It has been hard on everyone, but especially difficult for the maid of honor; the bride's best friend and a college friend of mine. She's acted as the liaison between the grieving bride-to-be and all her friends. In the time since, the maid of honor expressed in an email to me that she was unhappy with the back seat I took during the grieving period. When I called her and told her I wasn't that close to the bride and I didn't think it was appropriate to get more involved than I already was, she got very upset, started to cry, and told me that perhaps I don't deserve to be in the wedding at all.

She has since emailed to apologize for that comment, but deep down, I know she isn't sorry. While I know this isn't her wedding or her decision, her words were still very hurtful. I know I have to at least keep up appearances through the wedding, but I don't know I can or should forgive her beyond that. Do you have any advice? - Scolded Bridesmaid Bianca

To see DearSugar's answer read more

Dear Scolded Bridesmaid Bianca,

It sounds to me like the maid of honor let the stress of everything get the best of her, and unfortunately, you got the brunt of it. I'm sure the bride is experiencing overwhelming emotion right now - the sadness of her mother's death mixed with the excitement of her upcoming wedding - but if you feel you did your part to express your condolences and be there to support her, there's not much more you could have done. Sure, there's a chance she told the maid of honor that she was disappointed you didn't take on a bigger role during this tragic time in her life, but you're right, that's between you and her. If you're concerned that could be a possibility, I suggest confronting her ASAP. Let her know again how sorry you are for her loss and ask her if there's anything else you can do.

Once things settle down, I have a feeling this misunderstanding will become a distant memory, but if not, it's completely your decision if you want to end the friendship after the wedding. I wish you luck in whatever decision you make, but remember, we can all say and do things out of character under times of stress - something you might want to keep in mind.

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Wedding Mishap

GiggleSugar — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 00:02:00 -0700

This bride has something to blush about beyond the fact that it's her wedding day-- perhaps it's whatever is floating in that wine she just sipped from? Eww. Meanwhile, the groom is rethinking the big kiss they're to share at the end of the ceremony. He has my condolences.

This Week With DearSugar

DearSugar — Sat, 21 Apr 2007 04:00:00 -0700

I would like to take another moment to express my condolences to the family and friends of the victims of the Virginia Tech tragedy
Do tell ladies, have you ever gone to extremes in the name of love?
You Asked, will my boyfriend and best friend ever get along?
What do you think? Is it a good idea or a bad idea to spend a lot of money on your wedding?
Who do you turn to in a time of need?
Do you have any tips to make her first night with her boyfriend special?

Who was your favorite celebrity bride? This one is pretty tough!!

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Dealing with Grief

DearSugar — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 12:00:00 -0700

In the wake of the Virginia Tech tragedy, I want to take a minute to express my condolences to the family and friends of the victims and also address some ways to help cope with any feelings of grief and anxiety.

Talking to loved ones and friends is a great way to feel connected and safe. The community we have built here can act as great support and I have also found another online resource specifically geared to helping people grieve. Click here to talk with professionals at Journey of Hearts.

For those of you with loved ones at Virginia Tech, a toll free informational hot line has been set up: 1.800.533.1144

Our thoughts and prayers are with you.

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Partial Face Transplant Fun!

GiggleSugar — Mon, 12 Mar 2007 04:00:00 -0700

To celebrate the success of the world's first partial face transplant, Freaking News asked photoshop enthusiasts to perform a partial face transplant on any two celebrities and/or politicians of their choosing. Because they're already attached at the hip, one contestant decided to go ahead and combine TomKat at the head- yikes! Poor Suri has my condolences. Check out the gallery below for more Frankenstein fun and see if you can guess the peeps involved.

View 10 Photos ›

Top Row: Paris Hilton & Jessica Simpson, Jessica Biel & Julia Roberts, Hillary & Bill Clinton, Natalie Portman & Kiera Knightley

Second Row: Oprah Winfrey & Condoleezza Rice, Johnny Depp & Orlando Bloom, Will Smith & Bill Clinton, Owen Wilson & Ben Stiller, Meryl Streep & Paris Hilton

Third Row: Condoleezza Rice & Hillary Clinton

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Giggle Links

GiggleSugar — Wed, 21 Feb 2007 11:54:52 -0800

He's bringing SexyCrack (yay-ah!) You know what? He does have a cute tuchus. - JibJab
Apparently, all the viral video "Webstars" got together and made a music video. - Web Junk TV
"I want to fly like an eagle/To the sea/Fly, fly, fly/Let my spirit carry me..." - College Humor
If Oscar acceptance speeches were truthful. - Cracked
A drawing of a sweet painting of Larry King by Anna Nicole Smith. Awww. - Gallery of the Absurd
Well, Hello Kitty! - i am bored
Pop some popcorn and revisit the Top Ten Stupidest Britney Moments. - Uber
This baby knows who's boss. My condolences to Mom and Pop. - Top 10 Virals
Paris Hilton continues to endear herself with the public. - Daily HaHa

WTF?! (Over Her Dead Body Edition)

GiggleSugar — Fri, 09 Feb 2007 07:00:00 -0800

Poor Anna Nicole Smith. Barely hours after she died a shocking death at age 39, the diet pill company whose product she promoted--Trimspa--used it as an opportunity to advertise their product. Trimspa shut down the site and their CEO and founder issued a trite condolence statement, managing to slip in this crass attempt at product promotion:

While life for Anna Nicole was not easy these past few months, she held dear her husband, Howard K. Stern, her daughter, Dannielynn Hope, her most cherished friends, beloved dogs, and finally, her work with TRIMSPA.

She held dear her work with Trimspa? That's a nice one, guy. A true WTF?!

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