TresSugar

Dear Poll: Does Sex Make Things Complicated?

DearSugar — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 15:00:00 -0800

I'm sure you've heard the phrase "sex makes things complicated" on more than one occasion, but I'm not convinced that there's any truth behind it. Sure, if you're crossing the line of friendship with someone, sex can complicate things, and if you're not having sex in a relationship, that can most definitely raise a red flag. But does the actual physical act of getting busy convolute a relationship? Tell me ladies, do you think sex makes things complicated?

Source

Group Therapy: It's My First Relationship and I Need Advice!

Wed, 01 Oct 2008 03:00:00 -0700

I'm 23 and have never had a boyfriend. I've dated in the past, but as soon as it got anywhere (like after two dates and before we'd ever kiss) I'd bolt and just quit talking to the guy altogether. Recently I got a friend request on Facebook from a guy that was best friends with my older brother 15 years ago. I always thought he was cute. Now he and I have been talking a lot on Facebook and have met up a few times. We had a wonderful night last week together and we even talked about telling my brother. But we're both scared because my brother might be extremely angry. We established that we want to be a couple, but we can't tell my family or his friends because my brother might find out.

I've never found a guy I like enough or trust enough to stay with, and I'm beginning to freak out. Also, on a separate note, I'm worried because I don't want to have sex until marriage. We have kissed and I'm still not wanting to run, which is a big deal, but I just need some advice on how and when to mention that I want to stay a virgin for now. I don't want to scare him away. I'm so new to the whole boyfriend thing that I'm not sure what to do. I usually talk to my brother about this kind of thing, but I can't. What can I do about my brother and about telling my guy what's going on with me?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

Source

Share Your Most Awkward Thanksgiving Moments!

TresSugar — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 08:00:46 -0800

Back in the day, one of my favorite things about Thanksgiving was the annual Friends Thanksgiving episode. Specifically, Chandler's complicated relationship with the holiday always cracked me up. You may remember that when Chandler was nine, his dad used Thanksgiving as a chance to announce that he was gay. And years after that, Monica accidentally cut off the tip of Chandler's toe on Turkey Day. In Mr. Bing's honor, I thought it would be fun if we all shared our most awkward Thanksgiving moments in the Awkward! group in the TrèsSugar Community. Share your story, and I will feature the most festively awkward posts on Très! (If you're not clear on how to post to community, check out this helpful post.)

Plastic Surgery For "Designer Vaginas" Is on the Rise

TresSugar — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 13:00:00 -0800

It's hard to believe that although women have enough to worry about, some of them worry about having perfect-looking genitals. "Designer vagina" surgery such as labioplasty is still on the rise. A procedure like labioplasty, which starts at $5,000, involves trimming back what might be perceived as a protruding labia. Yikes.

Some critics say that many women go into these surgeries without fully understanding the risks. Will there be complications in childbirth? Will these surgeries affect sexual pleasure? These critics also question whether anyone in the medical community should even perform surgeries to "trim, sculpt and perfect" genitals. Perhaps, they reason, women should get psychological counseling instead of genital cosmetic surgery. (The desire to "perfect" your genitals could be a sign you have body dysmorphic disorder.)

If looking at a picture of a thin, perfect model makes some women seek "perfection" by dieting or exercising, where exactly are women getting their ideas of what a perfect vagina looks like? Porn? Help me out here.

It's Complicated: How Women Determine Facial Attractiveness

TresSugar — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 14:00:00 -0700

It's no surprise that how women determine facial attractiveness is complicated. Unlike many men who may give a woman's body a once-over, and then look at her face, deeming her attractive or unattractive, women, when checking out a man's face, tend to evaluate it on two levels, according to a study that was just published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology.

The first level women use to evaluate men's faces is sexual: they zero in on features like the jawbone, cheekbones, and lips. Then, they look at the entire face for how pleasing the overall aesthetics of the face are.

Researchers set out to prove this dual-process theory by asking two groups of 50 heterosexual women to look at pictures of men's and women's faces.

The first group was given pictures of men and women and told that some of them would be hypothetical dates (sexual) and others hypothetical lab partners (aesthetic). They rated them as attractive accordingly.

For the second group of straight women, they were given the same images, but the faces were split in two with the upper and lower halves shifted in opposite directions. Even with the opportunity to view female faces sexually (that is, feature by feature), the women still rated the attractiveness of female faces aesthetically, and their ratings correlated with the hypothetical lab partner ratings of the first group. When images of men's faces were split in two, however, their rating's correlated with the hypothetical date of the first group, that is, sexually.

The next stop for researchers? Figuring out how cultural differences and hormones play a role in the mechanics of female sexual attraction.

Source

Some Overweight People Are Calling For a Law to Protect Them

TresSugar — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 07:00:00 -0700

Overt racism is not tolerated in most places, but fatism is flourishing in our society. Many overweight people say that the normal rules of decency and common courtesy don't seem to apply to them, and they're trying to organize a new rights movement.

In a news article yesterday, the BBC recounted the plight of an overweight train passenger who was beaten up by another commuter for taking up two seats. The aggressor yelled "you big fat pig" before she kicked the victim in the stomach. In addition to suffering verbal and physical abuse, overweight people who are speaking out say they are victims of systemic discrimination. For example, many airline companies in the US now charge larger passengers for two seats. Such a policy is considered illegal discrimination in Canada, where there is a one-person-one-fare law. The US has no such rule, nor is there a federal law forbidding employers from firing people because of their weight. (Michigan is alone in prohibiting employers from firing people for being overweight.)

Last year, a study from Yale revealed that weight discrimination is tolerated because many believe that people have control over their size. The truth is more complicated. Economics, health issues like type 2 diabetes, and genetics can affect a person's weight.

The study also revealed that overweight women are twice as vulnerable to discrimination than overweight men. If you want to find out if you have implicit biases against overweight people take this quiz developed by Harvard researchers. You might be surprised by the results.

Would you like to see a federal anti-weight discrimination law?

True Confession - Why Did I Complicate Things?

DearSugar — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 07:00:00 -0700

Weigh in and tell us if you forgive or not forgive this True Confession.

"We met and became friends with benefits. I loved it and wanted to keep it that way. He, however, had feelings from the beginning and constantly told me that he wanted more. I ended up falling for him and we dated for 10 months. We broke up last week, and now we're friends with benefits again. He loves it, and now I want more. I feel like I'm being punished for being the complicated one from the get-go. I really want this to work out, so can I please be forgiven for brushing him off at first?"

Source

Is Complication A Deal Breaker?

DearSugar — Fri, 15 Dec 2006 13:30:00 -0800

Dear Sugar
I have been working with a girl over the past seven months, that I have really grown to like in a romantic way. She has a very complex past which is the only reason this situation is problematic. She is 22 years old and just had a baby with a man who wants nothing to do with her. They are still working through their breakup and I know this hasn't been easy on her.

I think about her all the time and can't deny my feelings anymore. I know she isn't looking for a relationship right now but is it worth taking a chance and telling her how I feel? If we were to start dating things would be quite complex. Should I knowingly sign up for this challenge, or should I just keep the relationship in the friend zone? Conflicted Christopher

To see DEARSUGAR's answer read more

Dear Conflicted Christopher
Timing is everything when it comes to making a relationship work so if you know your work hottie isn't ready to be in a relationship, you might want to hold off expressing your feelings until her life is a little more settled. It sounds as though your crush could use all the support she can get so be her friend and see what happens.

If you still can't hold back your feelings and decide her convoluted life isn't too much for you, try saying something like this that is to the point but will not make her feel pressured:

"I know you are going through a lot right now and I don't mean to complicate matters even more for you, but I have to be honest and tell you my feelings for you have developed into something stronger than a friendship. I just wanted to let you know in case you were feeling the same way."

Keep in mind that your crush has her hands full with a new baby and a fresh breakup, so be prepared if she still isn't ready to date again right away. If you sense hesitation in her reaction, tell her that you are willing to take things slow. I hope it works out for you.

Group Therapy: I'm in a Relationship but Have a Crush on Another Guy

Mon, 21 Jan 2008 14:00:00 -0800

I have been with my boyfriend for three and a half years. However, last March I broke up with him because I was traveling and felt I needed to be free. I met other guys, kissed a few (but no sex - it never felt right since I never got over my boyfriend), and ultimately missed my boyfriend more and more. When I got back he was really busy doing his own thing. During a couple of months that we didn't talk, I ended up meeting someone. He lives next door. We hit it off and ended up making out a few times. He is not my type, but we still had fun. Again, there was no sex; we did this whole "friends with benefits" thing for about a month. Then my boyfriend and I got in touch and eventually got back together. I told the other guy that my BF and I were together again and that ended.

Things have been good with my BF, but we live six hours apart. The long distance is getting tough. He is moving in about six months, which is great, but I feel like I might have a crush on my neighbor again. The other day we met up for lunch and he told me he was still into me. I told him I was very happy in my relationship and wasn't available. I am happy, but sometimes I just forget; I don't see my boyfriend for two months at a time and only talk to him for maybe 30 minutes a day. He is really busy and has a grueling schedule, as do I. The moment he visits, everything is back to normal, and I forget all about my neighbor. I haven't kissed the guy since back when I was single. I guess it just feels nice to be in his company. I don't know what to make of this. Should I try to put him out of my mind? What do you guys think?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

Source

Front Page: Barack and Michelle Go For the Gold in Denmark

TresSugar — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 08:00:45 -0700

Michelle Obama promises "take no prisoners" when she and Barack go to Denmark Thursday with hopes of nabbing the 2016 Olympics for Chicago. - CNN
The US plans to economically isolate Iran if the country does not allow international inspectors in to examine its nuclear program. - Washington Post
At least 240 people have died in the Philippines as a result of severe flooding. - Wall Street Journal
An overreach by Roman Polanski's lawyer may have been behind the director's arrest. - NY Daily News
Predictably, abortion is complicating the healthcare debate. - New York Times
Things are looking good for German Chancellor Angela Merkel, after she won re-election over the weekend. - New York Times