TresSugar

Are You a Commitmentphobe?

TresSugar — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 04:00:00 -0700

We hear about commitment-phobic men all the time, but not all women are looking for commitment, either.

Sometimes people want to be single, and it's not always pathological. Maybe it's their time to sow wild oats, maybe they want to discover themselves, or maybe they had a bad breakup and are nursing their wounds.

But when someone perpetually avoids committing to others, even when that person seems compatible with them and there's nothing else in their way, there's a chance deeper issues are at work. If you say yes to this question - why do you think you are, and do you think it's a problem?

Dear Poll: Do You Look For Romance or Friendship?

DearSugar — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 07:30:00 -0700

In order to have a long-lasting relationship, it's important to share love, trust, romance, intimacy, friendship, and most of all, attraction with your significant other. But since so many relationships end in divorce, you have to really think about what matters to you before committing to a lifelong union. Some people say it's friendship that makes a relationship work, but other say it's intimacy; which do you desire most?

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A Do or a Don't: Quickie Marriages

DearSugar — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 15:00:00 -0700

Getting engaged and committing to spend the rest of your life with someone is a decision that should not be made hastily. Usually couples take baby steps - date for a while, move in together, get engaged, and then get married - but not everyone follows those unwritten rules. Some couples move quickly and marry after only months! Personally, I think it's best to really get to know someone before taking the trip down the a
aisle, but to each their own. So what do you think? Are quickie engagements/marriages a do or a don't in your book?

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Tech Dating 101: Changing Your Relationship Status

DearSugar — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 09:00:00 -0700

Spring has sprung, and it's not only the time for budding flowers and April showers, it's the time of budding romances too! But with so much new technology out there, the art of dating has become more complicated than ever - we can totally feel Drew Barrymore's pain in He's Just Not That Into You when she laments about having to keep up with several different technologies just to get rejected.

So in the face of this uncharted territory, geeksugar and DearSugar are teaming up to bring you a series about love and the technologies that connect us called Tech Dating 101. We'll answer some of the burning questions you might have about both subjects, like our first question this week:

How long should I wait to change my status from "Single" to "In a Relationship" after I begin dating someone?

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Oh how I wish there was a concrete answer for this one, because I get asked this all the time. But as you know, all relationships progress at different speeds, so you really have to look at it on a case-by-case basis. If you're in a committed, monogamous relationship, I don't think you should think twice about changing your status, but before making any announcements to the world wide web, be sure you and your love interest are on the same page. If you're both willing to make the change, do it together and consider it another step in the right direction. Just make sure you're confident in the future of your relationship, as it could be rather embarrassing to have to change your status back to "single" a few weeks later.

If your guy is not willing to let go of his single status, however, you might want to reevaluate the relationship. I'd take his hesitation as a telltale sign that he's either not ready to make a commitment to you, or he's not willing to expose your relationship to his family and friends.

While this seems like a simple task, I do understand what a big step this is. At the end of the day, you're going to have to communicate with your partner and do whatever feels right for you and your relationship. Or, you could always take the easy way out and leave your relationship status blank!

To find out what geek has to say about relationship status, and how to tell from your tech habits if you're officially taken, head on over to geeksugar.

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Dear Poll: Have You Ever Stayed With Someone Out of Loyalty?

DearSugar — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 07:30:00 -0800

When couples marry, they vow to be loyal and committed until death do they part, but I know that most couples expect a similar commitment when they're just dating too. Many of you admit to having stayed in a relationship out of fear of being alone, but let me ask you this: Have you ever stayed in a relationship out of pure loyalty to the other person despite your lack of love for them?

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You Asked: Should I Ask Him to Move With Me?

DearSugar — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 12:30:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost two years. Things are going great, and we are both very happy in our relationship. I am in the process of applying for graduate school and, with the exception of one school that isn't exactly my first choice, they're all out of state. He isn't as career-oriented as I am, and he works in a field where he could probably find work anywhere. I feel ready to move in with him, but I'm not sure about asking him to quit his job and leave home as he knows it for me. What if we decided after living with each other for a few months that we aren't right for one another? I feel as if he would probably join me if I asked him; I feel like he's hinted at it, though he has not outright asked what our future entails. I know that long-distance relationships rarely work, and I don't want to break up with him, but I'm not sure if I'm ready for the level of commitment that asking him to uproot his entire life would entail. Help! - Unsure Sandra

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Unsure Sandra,

You've been together two years now, so I advise you to just be honest with him. Since you are the one applying to schools that will require you to relocate, chances are he's waiting for you to make the move. Since he's hinted at the idea of going with you, I'm sure he just wants to make sure you're ready. Yes, moving in together is a huge step in a relationship, and while taking that commitment to the next level is scary, it could be well worth the risk.

If he decides to move and things don't work out, at least you'll know sooner rather than later so you can go your separate ways and move on with your lives. There are no guarantees in life, Sandra, so if you don't want this relationship to end, I say go out on a limb and take a chance. Good luck!

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What's The Best Way To Have "The Talk"?

Wed, 31 Dec 2008 04:00:00 -0800

I've been dating someone exclusively for almost four months, but we're still playing this push and pull game where neither one of us acts too interested or committed. He doesn't refer to me as his girlfriend, and he hasn't said anything about New Year's Eve yet. I was hoping Christmas would shed some light on how he feels about me, but he gave me a nice gift with no card, so no help there.

This relationship just isn't giving me what I need at this point - I want more - so what's the best way for me to bring this up? What should I say, when should I say it, etc. Any help would be greatly appreciated!

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be read more GROUP THERAPY, click here or submit your own question here.]

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Group Therapy: Is Commitment About Romance or Partnership?

Tue, 02 Dec 2008 04:00:00 -0800

I have recently started dating a guy that is seven years older than me. I am not so much physically attracted to him, but there are certain things I just love about him. He's a grown up, successful, well-educated, and wants to start a family soon. He treats me well and I think he would be a great father and husband. So does it matter that I don't get butterflies in my stomach when I'm with him? Should I pursue this relationship because it makes sense or wait for someone that makes my stomach turn? Puppy love and lust fade away eventually anyway, right?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

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A Do or a Don't: Thanksgiving Together Before Marriage

DearSugar — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 10:30:00 -0800

The holiday season is all about family, and while it's also about welcoming others to the table, I think most people look forward to being home every November. Married couples are often forced to alternate holidays if both families can't be together. But what about when you're in a serious relationship, just not married? Is spending Thanksgiving with your significant other a do or a don't?

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Guess Who Said It?

DearSugar — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 08:00:00 -0700

"It's really hard for me to commit. It's probably a lack of discipline on my part. Honestly, I'm just a spoiled brat who's used to getting my own way all the time!"