TresSugar

Relationship Protocol: Do You Groom Each Other?

DearSugar — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 08:00:00 -0700

Couples are all about physical closeness, but somehow it's still strange to learn just how close some couples really are. Take their grooming habits for example. That particular kind of intimacy is one that I usually associate with alone time. Needless to say, I was surprised recently when this topic came up and many of my friends admitted to grooming their significant others - one said she plucks her boyfriend's eyebrows, and another says she has him paint her toenails! Of course when I pried, they admitted that some things they still kept to themselves. So spill it ladies, even if it might be strange: in your relationship, what grooming habits do you do for the other?

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You Asked: Am I Being Too Pushy?

DearSugar — Tue, 28 Aug 2007 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--

My boyfriend and I have been together for 1 year and 3 months, and although we love each other very much, recently it seems we have a blowout fight once a week where I nearly break up with him, and then he barely wants to speak to me for days while he’s getting over it. Ultimately, I think the problem is that he is very independent and enjoys his freedom, and I want to spend more time with him than he feels necessary. Therefore, he feels smothered and I feel abandoned.

This weekend he went away to the mountains with his guy friend, but planned to come home Sunday afternoon. He met me at the beach in the afternoon and we had a great time playing in the water for a few hours. After the beach, he went home to quickly unpack while I went to the store to buy groceries for our dinner and rent us a movie – he planned to meet back up with me at my place within an hour.

While I was at the store, I called to ask what he wanted for dinner, and he told me he just wanted to stay home and crash. I was obviously upset because we had made plans and he was gone all weekend. I offered to go to his place and cook dinner there and bring the movie, but that was even too much for him. We ended up arguing back and forth about it for 20 minutes when ultimately he hung up on me. And he didn’t call back. Yesterday he emailed me telling me that I make him feel like a bad boyfriend and that he doesn't like feeling like a jerk and that I should be more understanding.

My problem is that, although I want to be understanding, we did have plans. I hadn’t seen him in nearly a week, and dinner and a movie wasn’t exactly an “energetic night” – so even though he was tired, all he had to do was relax on the couch with me while I took care of everything.

Am I being too pushy about seeing him, or is he pushing me away? How much space is too much space? I’m worried that if we don’t figure this out soon, then this relationship is doomed. We love each other very much, but I am just starting to think that we want and need two different things out of a relationship – I need security and time together, and he needs his freedom and independence respected. What should I do?

--I Want More Mandy

To see DEARSUGAR's answer read more

Dear I Want More Mandy--

It can feel horrible when someone you love pulls away from you when all you want is to spend time together. It makes you want to be even closer, which can in turn make the other person feel crowded and smothered. All relationships are different, so there's no "right" amount of space you should have apart or together. It all depends on what each person wants and needs. (I have to say that most guys tend to want a lot more space than girls do.)

It might sound lame, but maybe you two can come up with a weekly schedule and map out your time - you can both figure out which days you spend together, and which days you spend apart so you know what to expect instead of feeling let down by him. If it turns out that you want to spend much more time with him than he does, then you might want to think about how compatible you really are.

The thing is, people who care about each other want to spend a lot of time together. Being with your boyfriend isn't asking for too much. If you feel like your boyfriend would rather be alone than with you, you might want to consider looking for a new partner who shares your need for closeness. Good luck.

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Dear Poll: Are you Attached at the Hip?

DearSugar — Wed, 08 Aug 2007 13:00:00 -0700

When you're in a relationship, do you like to do everything with your significant other? Do you like to exercise with him, go shopping with him, even sun bathe with him? Or do you like to be more independent -- would you rather come home at the end of the day with stories for him or surprise him with that new top you bought? Different strokes for different folks, so ladies tell me, do you like the constant closeness with your mate or do you prefer a little breathing room?

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Say What? Glenn Close Speaks Up About Sister's Mental Illness

TresSugar — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 14:00:00 -0700

"We didn't know that it wasn't Jess just being wild, there was something going on there. . . We come from the tradition that you hardly ever went to a psychiatrist - it just wasn't done. You certainly don't talk about depression, or alcoholism, or any mental illness. It's just not done, and I think a lot of people still feel that."

- Glenn Close went on Good Morning America today to discuss her family's struggle to understand her sister Jessie's mental illness. Jessie was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when she was 47-years-old. The actress and her sister have filmed a public service announcement with hopes of challenging the stigma attached to mental illness.

Handle This: He's a Close Talker

DearSugar — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 13:00:00 -0700

You've been at your new job for about three months now. You love the work, the hours, even the people, but there's one co-worker who doesn't know how to respect your personal space. You're currently working directly together on your first major project, and every time you meet to discuss, he's up in your face - it's official, he's a close talker!

You're not claustrophobic per se, but you do appreciate a comfortable distance between those you're engaging in conversation. Since you're still the "new girl" around the office, you don't know how to bring it up without hurting his feelings, but you simply can't take talking nose to nose for much longer. This is going to be an awkward moment for both of you so tell me, so how would you handle it?

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During Sex, Are Your Eyes Closed or Open?

DearSugar — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 11:00:38 -0700

When I have sex, what my eyes do totally depends on my mood. Sometimes I like to have a little visual stimulation, and seeing my man's skin and movements really gets me excited. Also, eye contact is a real turn on for me.

Then there are times when I like to close my eyes and get deeper into the moment by concentrating on the physical sensations or fantasizing about people who turn me on. So what about you? What do you do with your eyes while having sex?

Source

A Very Informative "Closed" Sign

GiggleSugar — Fri, 11 May 2007 02:00:00 -0700

The store may be closed, but this parent's mouth sure isn't.

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Vampax: Stay Close to Your Vampire Boyfriend All Month Long

TresSugar — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 11:00:52 -0800

Twilight Cycles from Brandon Routh

Is your monthly cycle getting between you and your vampire lover? Sounds like you need Vampax - new tampon technology that promises to keep you safe while you run around the forest with your brooding bloodsucking boyfriend. Learn all about it in this Twilight parody from the people at Funny or Die. It's disgustingly funny.

Have You Ever Dated a Mama's Boy?

TresSugar — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 15:00:00 -0800

In a way, that's a trick question.

Although "mama's boy" has negative connotations (he was smothered or spoiled by mom), a man who was raised with love and affection by a mother with boundaries often grows up to be what the author of Raising Boys Without Men calls a "head and heart" person.

This positive version of a mama's boy, says Peggy Drexler, is in touch with his and others' emotions and knows how to communicate. (This is assuming the mother herself is connected to her emotions and is a good communicator - a big assumption.)

Have you ever dated a man who was close to his mother? Was he spoiled, expecting you to do everything dear ol' mom did? Was he smothered, one wig and a rocking chair away from being Norman Bates? Or did it help him to respect women and teach him to be connected to his feelings?

Lack of Communication With Husband After Layoff

Tres Community — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 11:00:00 -0800

This post comes from Group Therapy in our TrèsSugar Community. Feel free to add your advice in the comments!

My husband recently got laid off from his job. He is lucky because he was given 30 days to try and find a new position within the company before he's officially let go. He has a prospective job in another area of the company, but I am not sure where everything stands. He just won't communicate with me and let me know what's going on. It's very hard for me to be in the dark about whether or not he will have a job in a couple weeks, and it feels like he has completely closed off communication regarding this job situation.

When I ask if he's heard anything, he is always very vague and claims that he doesn't have any new information, but there have been a couple times when I have seen over his shoulder that he has gotten emails from the people involved with this potential job, so there must be some sort of news. How do I explain to him that behind left in the dark about our situation is really stressing me out?

There's lots of fun stuff going on in our community - join it, check it out, share your posts or advice in the great groups and maybe we'll feature it here on TrèsSugar!