TresSugar

Group Therapy: Since I Got Mine, Did I Need to Make Sure He Got His?

Wed, 20 Aug 2008 03:00:00 -0700

My husband and I were having sex the other day, and although I was enjoying it, my body decided not to cooperate so there was not enough lubrication. He hadn't finished yet (I'd orgasmed earlier), and so I tried to keep going until he did. Unfortunately it got to the point that it simply hurt and he said, "If you want to stop, then we can."

I took that to mean stop everything, but apparently he actually meant stop intercourse and assumed I would get him to climax in other ways. We laid there for a few minutes, and then he seemed to get upset, which is when I realized I had misinterpreted "stop." Of course then that entirely killed the mood, and there was no way it would have been comfortable for either of us to feel as if I was doing something out of obligation. Should I have understood what he meant? Was I being selfish?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

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Dear Quiz: What Did You Learn About the Sexual Response Cycle?

DearSugar — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 11:00:00 -0700

Earlier this week I told you all about the sexual response cycle or what happens to our bodies before, during, and after an orgasm. Take this brief quiz to see if you learned anything!

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Take the quiz

Dear Poll: Are Occasional Female Orgasms Fair?

DearSugar — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 11:00:00 -0800

A couple weekends ago, the Sunday Confessional about the boyfriend breaking his girlfriend's vibrator sparked some great conversation. Some of you felt like the girl shouldn't have to use a vibrator every time she has sex, and some of you thought she should do whatever she needs in order to be satisfied.

Unfortunately, women don't always have an orgasm when they have sex. We can take a while to climax and since guys don't take very long, sex can be over before a girl even begins to warm up. Not to mention, regular intercourse doesn't give women the clitoral stimulation they need.

So do you think it is fair that guys orgasm just about every time they have sex, and women orgasm only occasionally?

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What's the Deal With Dry Orgasms?

DearSugar — Thu, 08 Nov 2007 08:00:00 -0800

A while ago, I answered a question about a woman who was dating a guy who lost both of his testicles in a car accident. It wasn't clear if this man could have an erection or an orgasm, but that post brought up many questions about orgasms and how it's possible to have one if you don't have any semen.

Here's the deal. Some men have what's called a dry orgasm. This means that they can have an erection, but when they climax, no semen gets ejaculated out of the penis. There can be several causes of dry orgasms:

Surgical removal or damage to the testicles, bladder, or prostate.
Radiation therapy directed at the pelvic area (such as for treatment of prostrate cancer).

Click here to read more

Another cause could be something called retrograde ejaculation. Instead of semen coming out of the penis, it gets forced into the bladder when he climaxes. Diabetes or injury to the bladder could cause this condition.

Dry orgasms usually don't present any health problems, but they could prevent a man from being able to father children. The good news is that it's possible to extract sperm from the man and use it to artificially inseminate a woman.

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You Asked: I Don't Think I'm Pleasing My Boyfriend in Bed

DearSugar — Wed, 03 Oct 2007 19:46:07 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I'm troubled by my sexual relationship with my boyfriend. I love him very much and he tells me he loves me too. Everything in our relationship is great except there are times when he doesn't ejaculate during sex.

It worries me that I'm not pleasing him or not turning him on enough. What can I do? Is this normal? I've never had this problem in the past with other lovers. I've tried just about everything, what more can I do? Is it me?

-Frustrated in Bed Bonnie

To hear Dear Sugar's answer read more

Dear Frustrated in Bed Bonnie,

Most people think that guys are easy to arouse and that they want sex all the time. If you just breathe on them, they can ejaculate instantly, right? Well you're wrong!! Arousal depends on the person so you've got to figure out what makes your man tick.

You say that he doesn't ejaculate all the time, so that must mean that he has no problem finishing at other times. Figure out what events lead up to his climax. Was it something you did, or said, or wore? Ask him what he likes most so you can help him to reach orgasm. Maybe he needs different kinds of stimulation than what you're used to with your past lovers. Make figuring this out fun instead of frustrating.

I wonder if he is stressed about work or if something is bothering him. Being preoccupied will affect your sex life, so try to figure out what's on his mind. You are both in love, and it sounds like you care about this relationship deeply. As long as you are open and honest with your communication, I have faith that you two can work this out.

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Orgasms: Feel Good and are Good for You!

DearSugar — Mon, 02 Jul 2007 11:00:00 -0700

I recently told you what happens during a female orgasm, but did you know that not only does an orgasm feel absolutely amazing, it's good for you too? Check out the health benefits for having orgasms...

Sex relieves stress and tension. When you have an orgasm, your heart rate and blood flow increases. All your muscles tighten and flex and then completely relax after you climax, leaving your mind feeling calm and free of worries.
Relieving stress from sex can also make us feel happy and less depressed. Getting busy could be a natural alternative to taking anti-depressants.
All that increased blood flow is also good for our organs and circulatory system. It increases the supply of oxygen to our cells and stimulates healthy organ functioning, which could help us live longer.

Click here to read more

Making love burns calories (can you think of a more fun way to workout?).
Having an orgasm right before you go to bed will help you sleep. Orgasms act as a natural tranquilizer -- the release of endorphins is very calming and getting a good night's sleep can make you feel more prepared to deal with any problems you face during your day.
Releasing those endorphins can also alleviate pain from a headache or cramps. Guess that puts an end to the age - old "headache" excuse?!?
Sex also calms your cravings for junk food. Sexual stimulation triggers production of a natural amphetamine in your body called phenetylamine, which regulates your appetite.

Well, there you have it, you know, just in case you needed some more reasons to get it on!!

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What Happens During a Female Orgasm?

DearSugar — Thu, 21 Jun 2007 08:00:00 -0700

For those of you who have had the pleasure of having an orgasm (pun intended), you know that it is a sweet and satisfying sensation like no other. All women are different - some are quick to orgasm, while others need to be warmed up for quite a while. When it happens though, your entire body and soul feels utterly amazing.

So do you ever wonder what exactly is happening when you are about to reach your climax? Here's the deal:

Once a woman becomes sexually aroused, her heart begins to beat quicker, and she breathes faster. She'll tighten various muscles all over her body. Her breasts will enlarge slightly and her nipples will become erect. Some women's faces, necks or chests will become flushed. Also, her clitoris enlarges.
She'll notice that her vagina will have created a natural lubricant that will make sex much more enjoyable (if you're too dry, sex can really hurt).
Her labia (lips) will flatten out and open up. Inside, her vagina will lengthen and widen (preparing for you know what). All this happens because blood rushes to the pelvic area - called engorgement - and creates a pleasurably warm sensation in that area (you know what I'm talking about).

We're just getting started. Want to find out what happens next? Then read more

As arousal continues, everything becomes even more enlarged and all the changes mentioned above become more pronounced. Yet the woman's clitoris actually retracts under the hood and gets 50% shorter right before she climaxes.
When the woman reaches orgasm, her skin will flush and muscles all over her body will continue to contract. Blood pressure, heart rate, and breathing rates will continue to rise.
In the vagina itself, she'll feel rhythmic contractions in the outer part of the vagina, in her uterus and anus. These intense pulses happen about once ever second. Mild orgasms have 3-5 pulses, and intense orgasms have 10-15. Wow!

Did you Know? The muscle contractions you feel in your uterus when you have an orgasm actually have a purpose - they help to suck semen higher up into the vagina, making it easier for sperm to swim to your egg and help you get pregnant!

Dear Poll: Do You Need Clitoral Stimulation to Climax?

DearSugar — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 08:00:00 -0700

I don't have a current statistic, but it's generally believed that the majority of women can’t climax through vaginal penetration alone. I've always found that to be a disappointing fact - especially since so many women don't actually learn this until late in their sexual development. I decided to test this notion so I questioned a group of my girlfriends. Many did acknowledge that an orgasm without external stimulation is possible, though quite uncommon. In fact, the number of women who could reach climax without it was more than I expected - around half. So let me ask my loyal DearSugar readers, do you need clitoral stimulation to orgasm?

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The Human Climax? Expert Says Evolution Is Over

LibertySugar — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 14:30:51 -0700

One evolutionary expert believes that the human race has stopped evolving. Modern life may have led to the extinction of natural selection. Here are some explanations for why we could be stuck with what we got:

Technological and medical advances mean it's not just the fittest who get to pass on genes.
World travel has helped homogenize the gene pool. While small gene pools can evolve quickly, a global pool prevents evolutionary change.
On average, men have had babies at a younger age recently. The gene copies of younger fathers are less likely to contain mutations.

As you can imagine the end of evolution could bring wide, albeit delayed, consequences. Gorillas and chimps could catch up to us (we'd probably have to let them out of the zoos), and medical science won't get any help from nature in cutting down the number of diseases to combat. Perhaps technology will help humans take stalled evolution into our own hands, by letting us choose the genes we like.

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Do You Prefer Sex With a Circumcised or Uncircumcised Man?

TresSugar — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 04:00:00 -0700

There's been a big push in Africa to get men circumcised in order to reduce their risk of contracting HIV. A recent study dedicated to evaluating the health benefits of male circumcision in Uganda decided to go further and see how the practice impacted a patient's sex life. The results show that 40 percent of women said that they had more satisfying sex after their partner was circumcised. (Note: 57 percent reported no change and three percent said sex was less satisfying.)

Women credited a variety of factors for their increase in pleasure, including improved hygiene, a longer period before their partner climaxed, and an increased sex drive from their partner.

I've heard anecdotal evidence to support a wide range of opinions on the topic. Some women say sex is much better when a man is au naturel, while others are turned off by the foreskin. And some women I know don't have an opinion either way. What about you?

Source: Flickr User Brains the head