TresSugar

Sunday Confessional: I Want to Leave Her

DearSugar — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 09:00:00 PDT

My girlfriend and I are both 24 years old and have been together for nearly four years. Two years ago we were in a terrible car accident together. I was driving at the time, when an oncoming car swerved across our lane. I walked away with chronic back problems, but my girlfriend was critically injured. She spent two weeks in the hospital, where she had multiple surgeries to fix her broken arms and legs. She did eventually recover, but she has a very bad scar that runs the entire length of her face; she looks like a different person.

At the time, I struggled with extensive amounts of guilt over what had happened to her. I did everything to be a good boyfriend while she recovered; I worked closely with her through her rehabilitation and was always there for her. Once she was doing better, we started focusing on our relationship again. We've been making it work, with ups and downs of course, but overall we've been happy. However, in the last couple months, I've found myself longing for something else.

I care about my girlfriend deeply, and I think that we'll always have a connection, but I don't love her the same way I used to. Based on a few conversations, I know that my girlfriend and our families assume that we'll marry because of what's happened. I don't want to abandon her - she still copes daily with her appearance and physical pain - and I don't want to disappoint our families, but I'm just not sure that's what I want. Can I ever be forgiven if I walk away from this relationship?

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Unlicensed to Drive: Three-Year-Old Crashes SUV

LilSugar — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 08:00:35 PDT

The next time your tot says he's going for a ride, don't take it too lightly. A three-year-old Missouri boy who could barely see over the dashboard let alone reach the pedals, took his mama's SUV for a short and unintentional joyride or rather, joy roll. According to a report, when the mother's dismissal of her son's passing words had a smashing outcome. It said:

After telling his mother he was “going bye-bye,” the boy carried the SUV’s keys to the vehicle and evidently turned the ignition key far enough to allow the vehicle’s transmission to slip into neutral.

The car rolled backward until it hit a fence and neighboring home.

This or That: Claustrophobia or Car Accident?

DearSugar — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 10:00:00 PDT

On an unusually busy Friday evening, you’re desperately trying to get out of work to make it to a concert with your girlfriends that you’re already running late to. By the time you leave the office, it’s pretty well cleared out and you’re practically running out the door. Would it be worse if . . .

This: As your office elevator starts to make its way down it suddenly comes to a halt, and the doors don’t open? You press the emergency button to no avail. You’re stuck inside for more than two hours while they get it fixed.

Or…

That: You’re racing to the concert venue when a car suddenly pulls right into you? You’re fine, but your car’s left side is completely totaled, and the other driver is arguing that it was your fault for speeding.

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Bad Samaritans: Witnesses Stand By as Elderly Man Hit by Car

LibertySugar — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 00:00:56 PDT

A graphic and shocking surveillance video shows a 78-year-old man struck by a hit-and-run driver in Hartford, Connecticut. In the minute and a half that followed, before the police passed by, witnesses refused to come to the man's aid.

The video shows cars passing, and dodging the motionless body. A scooter circles the body, and then drives off. Those on the sidewalk continue about their business, or eventually join a circle of gawkers, standing feet from the man but refusing to do anything but stare. Officials did say that four people called 911.

Other countries, aware that common decency is apparently not enough to help a fellow human in need, impose criminal penalties for failing to reasonably help a person in danger.

How would you react in this situation? Should the United States adopt a duty to rescue, holding uninvolved by-passers liable for not helping a person in danger if they are not at risk themselves? Or do citizens have a right to be a Good Samaritan only if they want to? Does dialing 911 count?

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You Asked: I'm Ready for Sex But I Think He's Scared

DearSugar — Tue, 30 Oct 2007 17:00:00 PDT

Dear Sugar,

I have been dating this guy on and off for one year now. He was in a car accident about two years ago which resulted in him losing both of his testicles. You can feel the sexual tension between the two of us ever since we met and I am ready to take things to the next level and have sex. Every time we have some alone time, he stays distant from me like he's scared of me. I can't take much more but I don't want to lose him. I feel like he knows how I feel about him, but what else should I do? How can I let him know I am okay with the fact that he lost his testicles but I can't live like this for much longer.

-Understanding But Wanting Intimacy Emma

To see Dear Sugar's answer

Dear Understanding But Wanting Intimacy Emma,

You are dating a man who I'm sure has a lot of uncertainties and concerns on his mind. He's probably self-conscious about what you'll think when you see that he looks different from other men. I'm sure he's also nervous about whether he'll be able to get aroused enough to have an erection, and worried about whether or not he'll be able to please you sexually.

You should know that the testicles are where sperm and testosterone are produced. Without that male hormone, he may not have any urge to have sex and may also be moody and tired. The good news is that he can have testosterone replacement therapy to help him get his sex drive back.

With that said, it may be difficult for him to get an erection or have an orgasm, but the only way you're going to know is if you talk to him. Share your feelings and try to be as sensitive as you can since this is such a difficult thing to discuss. Try to get him to explain more about his feelings and what he's going through. Being as open as possible will help you both feel more comfortable about your sex life. If he still turns down your advances to have sex, you're going to have to get a little creative with how you two share intimacy. Good luck.

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The How-To Lounge: What To Do After a Fender Bender

DearSugar — Tue, 09 Oct 2007 10:00:00 PDT

I have been in more than a handful of fender benders in my lifetime. It's never been anything serious, and it's not something I am proud of, but it's just one of the things that makes me who I am. So if you're like me and have unfortunately tapped a bumper or two, here are some helpful tips to keep in mind.

Click here to

The most important thing to remember is to remain calm so you can tell if you are hurt. If your adrenaline takes over, it might mask your pain.
Immediately pull over and make sure the other party isn't hurt.
If there is significant damage, if either party is injured, or if you have caused a traffic jam, call the police.
Exchange driver's license numbers and contact information even if there is not obvious damage. Sometimes it takes a few days to realize if you are hurt or if your car's alignment is off.
If there were witnesses at the scene of the accident, make sure to get their information as well as a written statement of what they saw<./li>
If you aren't sure who's at fault, don't talk too much, as you might have to involve lawyers and you don't want to have anything used against you.

Hopefully you won't need to use any of these tips, but if you do get into an accident, at least you'll know what to do! Be safe!

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Dieter Support Group: Laura's Story

FitSugar — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 10:15:00 PST

Have you joined Fit's Dieters Support Group? If not you totally should because you'll get to read motivational and inspiring stories from people, just like you, looking to get fit. Recently user misstsapinay shared this incredible story with us in the group:

"Hi everyone! My name is Laura, I'm 24 years old, and new to the group. I currently live in the San Francisco Bay Area and have lived here all of my life.

I started to lose weight is because of something very traumatic that happened to me, a few months ago in August 2006. I was hit on the freeway, coming home from work, by a man who fell asleep behind the wheel of his SUV. I was immediately rushed to the ER from the scene with minor injuries that could have been a lot worse. (The CHP officer said that if he'd plowed 1 more inch into my vehicle, it would have hit my gas tank and I'd have died.) I was very lucky that day. When i survived I knew that I was being given a second chance at life and things needed to change. So, I began eating healthier and working out for 15 minutes a day, then 30, and now to about 1 hour a day. It's been a long process, believe it or not, I turned something horrible into something amazing, and I'm feeling the best as I ever did now =)"

Want to see how much weight she's lost and see fabulous after pictures? Then,

"So far, I've lost about 80 lbs since my car accident. I have become a vegetarian and incorporated a healthy lifestyle into my busy work week.

Anyway, I joined this contest sponsored by Star 101.3 FM called April's Biggest Losers. Basically a group of women, including myself, agreed to lose weight and we have to show up in our bikini's on August 1st to the studio. The winner will be chosen by whoever loses the highest amount of body fat and will get an all expense paid trip AND a new wardrobe. Anyway, FIT suggested her site to us and that's how I came here =) I'm hoping that with everyone's help here I can stay motivated and hopefully win! You can check me out on the radio website here. I'm the 3rd woman down -- Laura"

Here is how fabulous she looks now...

View 3 Photos ›

Doesn't she look great? Are you motivated now? I am! Nothing is better than when someone takes a hardship and turns it around. So many times people will take hardships as opportunities to dwell, but not Laura! Way to go! We're all pulling for you and can't wait to hear updates in the Dieters Support Group.

Battleship Star and Real-Life Veteran Greg Gadson Shares His Inspiring Story

PopSugar — Fri, 11 May 2012 01:35:00 PDT

Lieutenant colonel Greg Gadson is not only an actor in one of this Summer's biggest action movies, he is a real American hero. In 2007, while the decorated Army commander was stationed in Iraq and returning from a memorial service for two fellow soldiers, his car was hit by a roadside bomb. He lost both his legs in the accident and his right arm and hand were severely damaged. Since then, Greg's story of recovery and triumph over challenge has become an inspiration to many, and he's shared his journey with thousands of people as both a public speaker and the director of the US Army's Wounded Warrior program. Battleship director Peter Berg was among those touched by Greg's experience, and made it his mission to track him down for the role of Lieutenant Colonel Mick Canales in the film. The first-time actor didn't shy away from the challenge and, when we sat down with him at a recent press day for the film, he told us he even requested to do his own stunts. Hear more about Greg's remarkable story in our interview and see him in action when Battleship hits theaters May 18!

What to Rent: New DVDs This Week

Maggie Pehanick — Tue, 08 May 2012 04:00:46 PDT

The Vow

Channing Tatum stars in this romantic drama as Leo, the husband of a woman (Rachel McAdams) who has recently lost her memory in a traumatic car accident. Leo must painstakingly woo his wife back, as she has no recollection of the past four years in which they met, fell in love, and started a life together. Though the story is an interesting hook, the movie is more depressing than hopeful. The Vow does, however, give Tatum a chance to shine as a serious actor, and, of course, he's not bad to look at for two hours either. Extras include commentary by the director, deleted scenes, and a blooper reel.

29%

Underworld: Awakening

Kate Beckinsale reprises her role as the leather-clad vampire Selene in the fourth installment of the sci-fi Underworld series. After escaping imprisonment, she isn't prepared to find that humans have not only discovered the existence of the vampire and Lycan clans, but have vowed to eradicate them from the earth. The DVD comes with an abundance of extras, including a special "Creating the Underworld: Picture-in-Picture Experience" viewing option, five featurettes, audio commentary, a blooper reel, and a music video for "Heavy Prey," one of the songs featured in the film.

29%

"What Do I Do If I Have a Crush on My Boyfriend's Brother?"

Tres Community — Thu, 19 Apr 2012 03:05:00 PDT

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I've been dating my boyfriend for four years now and he's my first boyfriend. Overall, he's pretty amazing. I got seriously injured in a car accident and it took me a long time to fully recover. During that time, I wasn't able to work much and my boyfriend helped me to make payments on school loans and things like that. He pays attention to me, he's romantic - the only thing that occasionally gets on my nerves is that he can be stubborn. I guess we just think differently: I try to look at all angles of an argument and he just tends to think that his way is right. Still, everyone has their flaws.

My boyfriend has a brother who is two years older. They're similar in lots of ways, only his brother is more introspective, I guess, like me. I've always liked that about him and I've always thought he was very intelligent and kind. Recently, though, I was talking to my boyfriend's brother and I caught myself feeling kind of crush-like. I was thinking that he was cute and wishing that my boyfriend were a bit more like him.

Now I feel like a terrible person and I'm wondering what the heck is going on. I think it all started when my boyfriend's aunt was teasing all her nephews about getting married. My boyfriend's brother said, "Well, things have to be right" - as in, stable career situation, etc. My boyfriend, on the other hand, was sort of combative about it. Later on, when we were alone, he seemed very angry about the whole thing. He said that he should have told everyone how romantic getting married was - that I have about $100,000 in school loans see how "romantic" they thought that was. It made me feel embarrassed and really bad about my financial situation. My boyfriend then went on a bit of a rant about how people try to "push life milestones at you" like marriage and kids, and he thinks it's ridiculous and rude and none of their business. I don't really disagree with what he said, but I guess I was just a little shocked at how upset he seemed about it. Eventually, I found myself thinking how nice it would be if he were more like his brother and a little less stubborn and starkly realist. And then I felt awful again.

I don't know what's going on. At the end of our vacation together, we all got drunk and my boyfriend's brother and I stayed up talking about random stuff for a long long time. He told me that my jeans were pretty after I told him that I liked his jacket and I felt like I was having fun. I didn't want to go to bed and have to say goodbye in the morning.

Am I just realizing that my boyfriend's brother and I are good friends? Or does my reaction sound really inappropriate? I've been thinking that I maybe have been projecting my annoyance with my boyfriend, but right now I'm too close to the situation to see what's what.

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.