TresSugar

DearSugar Needs You Help: I Can't Move On

DearSugar — Sat, 10 Jan 2009 09:00:00 -0800

DearSugar and Shattered Sharon need your help. She's having a hard time putting her breakup behind her, and could use some inspirational words of wisdom from anyone that's experienced a broken heart.

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend of over three years broke up with me a month and a half ago because he said he didn't love me anymore. While I heard what he said, I'm still stuck at point A. I know I need to move on, but instead, I'm holding out hope. I think about him constantly. I go out and have a fun time, but he's always there in the back of my head and it's affecting my day-to-day life.

We've talked since and he told me that while he cares for me a lot, he wouldn't be true to himself if he stayed in the relationship. I still have unanswered questions in my head: How could he just not love me anymore? Was our relationship a sham from the beginning? Is there someone else? I don't want to be sad anymore, but I just don't know how to move on. Do you have any tips for mending a broken heart? - Shattered Sharon

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Group Therapy: After the Break-Up, How Do I Deal?

Mon, 19 Nov 2007 03:00:00 -0800

One month ago to the day, my first serious relationship ended. My boyfriend of almost two years ended things abruptly - no fight, I simply asked, "Don't you love me?", to which he responded, " I don't think so" and explained he had fallen out of love with me. Two months ago we were talking about a wedding and moving in together!

My life now is literally falling apart - I put off moving, put my own interests aside all for this relationship. I have told him I would change and do whatever it takes to try things again, even start over, seeing each other less often and not holding each other to the common boyfriend/girlfriend standards, but he didn't bite. I am feeling awful. He is still in constant contact via email and text asking how I am and saying he misses me, however he is constantly criticizing my relationship with my family, who embraced him and cared for him like a son, tells me that his family is relieved we are no longer together and says that his mind is made up.

Is there any way to get the healing process moving? It seems like I am fine for a few days, then lose it suddenly. Just thinking of the upcoming holidays are making me miserable. How do I handle these emails and why do I still care what he thinks of me? Any help would be greatly appreciated.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

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I cant avoid this feeling

Wed, 17 Jan 2007 08:18:13 -0800

This is something I wrote for someone that was (or is) "special" and my life seems like on hold because of him. The worst of all, I have a boyfriend and this is my feelings for another boy. This is really killing me, because I see him often. I guess I really need help this time.

"I know we promised to forget and to move on, I know we say that we are not supposed to be made for each other, I know we are too different... but my heart does not understands that. That is why I cant keep going with my life, feeling as miserable as I am now because I cant have you.

You took away a big part of me, and you can ask me if I want it back and my answer would be "no", what I want it has been denied by unfortunate events. But it hurts, really deep inside me, where pain cannot longer be described. I wish I had the power to heal both you and me

But you left me at some point, you chose another path where I could not follow you and when you wanted me back it was already too late. I hate the way you see me now because there is no way back on the decisions we took, and its so frustrating 'cause my heart still belongs to you, but we cant be together cause our time was up long time ago.

You are asking me to let you, but you wont let me go either... so where does that leave us?

Maybe my lame ass complains cannot really describe all my suffering, maybe this song can tell you what I'm trying beyond my tears

COLDPLAY

"The Hardest Part"

And the hardest part
Was letting go, not taking part
Was the hardest part

And the strangest thing
Was waiting for that bell to ring
It was the strangest start

I could feel it go down
Bittersweet, I could taste in my mouth
Silver lining the cloud
Oh and I
I wish that I could work it out

And the hardest part
Was letting go, not taking part
You really broke my heart

And I tried to sing
But I couldn’t think of anything
And that was the hardest part

I could feel it go down
You left the sweetest taste in my mouth
You're a silver lining the clouds
Oh and I
Oh and I
I wonder what it’s all about
I wonder what it’s all about

Everything I know is wrong
Everything I do, it's just comes undone
And everything is torn apart

Oh and it’s the hardest part
That’s the hardest part
Yeah that’s the hardest part
That’s the hardest part

I'm sorry... I still love you, I really wish I could work it out, but I don't see solutions here. I'm sorry. I'll just be here waiting on answers for this broken heart."

Group Therapy: depressed & frustrated

Thu, 07 Jun 2007 16:00:00 -0700

Ok, so lets start off by saying, I'm a hopeless romantic. Always trying to see the best n things, well lately this has caused my problems. I really liked this guy and I thought he liked me, and when things got more serious(i.e. my feelings got deeper) he became more about the sex. I trusted him and ended up giving him my virginity. Now that I finally realized this guy only wanted me for sex, it makes me sick to my stomach.

Click here to

I cant sleep, I never wanna do anything and worst of all I try to talk to my friends about it ( who coincidental were in similar situations to mine) except, the guys they were hooking up ith actually fell for them.

So I'm the only single female in my group of friends, surrounded by couples.And I'm heart broken.

An the thing that KILLS me is that this always happens I fall for the guy who definitely doesn't fall back. Except this time, I went further with this guy than I had with anyone else. Do you have any advice?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

You Asked: I'm Heart-Broken, HELP!

DearSugar — Fri, 27 Jul 2007 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--

I feel devastated. My boyfriend broke up with me today. He was my first boyfriend and honestly the one that I thought I would end up with. We met in our last year of high school and broke up two years later. A year later we got back together, and now today we broke up. A 5 1/2 year relationship - done. Initially, I had decided to take a break, just because I was beginning to feel like he wasn't appreciating me anymore, not being romantic, calling me or going out with me as much. We had a talk and he confessed that yes, he felt like he needed to date other girls to make sure that I was really the one. He said that he still cared for me, and that even during this break, he would feel jealous if he heard that I went out with other guys.

Well, he emailed me today to tell me the devastating news, that it was really over. Overall, I still believe he is a good guy, and his rationale makes sense to me, but I honestly thought that we would just end up happily together. My question is, how do I get over him? Will I get over him? How do I move on? What do I do? And then, he still wants us to keep in touch, to maintain a friendship. Can that be done? I am honestly too hurt to even consider a friendship. I'm just really upset, devastated, and just feel really empty. Cheer me up, Sugar.

--Heart-Broken Heather

To see DEARSUGAR's answer read more

Dear Heart-Broken Heather--

Breaking up with someone you love is probably the worst feeling you can have. It's going to take a lot of time to "mourn" your relationship, and my best advice is to surround yourself with friends who will make you feel better. Do the things you love to do. Keep yourself busy with a new hobby or with work. Go to the gym, to the book store, to the movies, or shopping! Get a massage, get your nails done, get a new haircut. Remember that you need to take care of yourself right now.

If he still wants to be friends, and you find that much too difficult to bear right now, then maintain your space. Don't see him, don't talk to him, don't email him. Do what you need to do to get him out of your mind. At least you can feel good knowing that he obviously still cares for you deeply if he wants to stay in touch with you, but please don't just sit around thinking he'll want you back because then you'll never get over him. Move on by deciding to move on.

Know that everyone has felt as sad as you feel right now. Without heartache, true love wouldn't feel so amazing. With some time apart, it'll give you a chance to think and reflect on your relationship and your own future. Remember how you didn't feel appreciated or loved as much as you thought you deserved? Well, maybe once you feel ready to date again, you'll meet someone who will give you what you need. You're still young and now you have the chance to date and experience new relationships. Think of this as a welcome opportunity to find even deeper love. My heart goes out to you but I know you will get through this and be a stronger woman because of it.

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Get Advice on TrèsSugar's Community

TresSugar — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 01:00:00 -0700

Looking for some good advice? Whether you want to ask a sex question in Sex 101; be consoled in the Broken Hearts Club; find tips for handling a less-than-kosher relationship in the Forbidden Love Support Group; get life advice in Should I? and etiquette tricks in Awkward!; or just ask anything at all, anonymously, in Group Therapy, the TrèsSugar Community is here for you.

Group Therapy	Sex 101	Should I?
Broken Hearts Club	Awkward!	Forbidden Love

Learn more about Très's growing community, including how to join and start groups, here.
Source: Flickr Users haaley, bored-now, quinn.anya, and basheertome

You Asked: Will Time Heal My Broken Heart?

DearSugar — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 06:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

Three years ago my ex left me for another woman. We have divorced and they have since gotten married. My problem is this: Even after everything, I still love him and I'm still attracted to him physically. I have dated other men and even been intimate with one of them, however it has done nothing to change how I feel about my ex. Is this something that will fade with time? If not, how do I get over him?
- Still in Love Linda

To see DearSugar's answer read more.

Dear Still in Love Linda,

Holding onto one-sided feelings for your ex must feel incredibly frustrating, but they will fade with time. Since your split was out of your control, I'm not surprised that you still have feelings for him, but let me ask you this, did you ever get closure from this relationship? Just because you have both gone your separate ways, if you were never able to truly end things and say everything you needed to say, it's no wonder you're still carrying the torch for him.

I'm glad to hear that you're getting yourself out there again, but be patient Linda. Just because you haven't made a connection with the first few men you've dated, it doesn't mean there isn't someone else out there for you.

I'm not sure where you stand now, but I highly advise you get whatever closure you need so you can put most of this relationship behind you. Time is an amazing healer but in the meantime, keep doing what you're doing - get yourself out there, keep yourself busy, and use your friends and family for support. Good luck.

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Book Bag: The Girl's Guide to Rocking

TresSugar — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 15:00:00 -0700

"When I fell in love with music (ninth grade), I soon fell in love with the idea of making it, too. I didn't want to listen to songs; I wanted to participate. When I went to shows, I wanted to be onstage, too."
- Jessica Hopper

“I want every girl in the world to pick up a guitar and start screaming.”
- Courtney Love

Whether you're in a band, want to be in a band, or you're like me and just really love music, The Girl's Guide to Rocking simply rocks.

Written by Jessica Hopper, a writer and music critic who's been connected to band culture since she was 15 (playing in, managing, and publicizing bands), The Girl's Guide to Rocking is clearly a labor of love. It's part motivational manual for those about to rock, part mini-history of rock 'n' roll with an emphasis on its female icons, and part in-depth guide to almost every aspect of making music, from tips on choosing your instrument to how to read the fine print of a record deal contract.

To find out what else the book offers and to see a video of Hopper and friends providing advice, read more.

Depending on where you are in the process of making music - just thinking about it or actually in a touring band - Hopper provides useful tips. The chapters are organized around finding/choosing instruments, writing songs, things to consider when forming a band, recording, performing, touring, and actually marketing your band.

The book's got a little something for everyone: I know a touring musician in a successful band who took a look at the book and was really impressed by the technical information it provided on recording music and choosing amps. I used to play the piano, but I'm really interested in learning how to play the guitar, so I'll definitely make use of her tips on buying a starter guitar. And her detailed instructions on how to use GarageBand made me want to stop everything and start composing!

Women and girls are so often encouraged to see themselves as muses or groupies, but The Girl's Guide to Rocking invites them to hog the stage themselves. As more and more rock camps for girls spring up, teaching them not only how to rock with instruments but also to see the whole world as their stage, this book will be an invaluable primer. Plus, who doesn't love awesome quotes from Patti Smith, Blondie, and Nina Simone?

Here's Hopper, Monika Bukowska of Brilliant Pebbles, Kevin Drew of Broken Social Scene, and Heart Shaped Hate in a cute promotional video for the book.

Group Therapy: What Is Normal Ex Behavior?

Thu, 26 Mar 2009 04:00:00 -0700

Two years ago I got my heart broken by a guy after a five-year relationship heading toward marriage; he had me move to his hometown only to back down from everything he promised, slowly, painfully, and without explanation. It's been a long road, but I have finally gotten over the whole ordeal and know I am better off for having left all that behind.

I bumped into him for the first time a few weeks ago, and it felt really wonderful to finally let go of the grudge and the anxiety around what it would feel like if that day were to come; however, since then, I've received nonstop communication from him. While I've been really private and reserved with any contact, he's friend-ed me on Facebook, called me, texted me, and asked to get together. At first I thought he was just being friendly, but I feel like this is getting to be overkill and I have no idea how to gauge this newfound enthusiasm for wanting to be close to me. If I felt like I was going to get hurt or emotionally invested again, I'd bail, but I'm so curious to find out what he wants. Do you think welcoming him back into my life is a bad idea?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To read more GROUP THERAPY, click here or submit your own question here.]
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Where Do You Stand? Shredding Your Ex's Belongings

DearSugar — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 10:00:00 -0800

In the wake of the Chris Brown and Rihanna nightmare, fans are coming to her aid, especially radio station WBLI in New York City. In conjunction with Valentine's Day, BLI studios is inviting Rihanna fans, along with others who are unlucky in love, to a "Shred Your Ex" party! Your ticket in is not only your broken heart, but whatever memorabilia you can muster up from ex-lovers that has the ability to be destroyed!

It's a great way to get rid of all those nagging memories of your past, but where do you stand when it comes to getting rid of it all? Are there certain possessions that you'll always hold onto despite a failed relationship, or are you all for erasing the past so you can start a fresh future?

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