TresSugar

Awkward! Being Booted From a Bridal Party

TresSugar — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 10:02:10 -0700

Hey, it happened to me, and with all the high drama going on, I had no problem with it. I wasn't even booted as much as downgraded from maid of honor to bridesmaid. And, honestly, with an already-too-tight-dress, I didn't want to be anywhere closer to the center of attention. Having to be socially prim for one night made it hard enough to breathe; I was relieved to escape the responsibility.

The Sugar network is flush with engagements this week, but for those of us not getting a ring, we're likely to be asked to say "I do" to a whole lot of things, such as being a bridesmaid. Have you ever been asked to walk down the aisle only to get the boot? Or perhaps you've been demoted in the bridal party hierarchy? I imagine most of you wouldn't feel as good about getting booted from a bridal party as I did - so what would you do?

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How Many Weddings Did You Attend in 2008?

DearSugar — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 11:00:00 -0800

It wasn't only celebrities that tied the knot this year; many of us common folk did as well! And if you feel like you're always the bridesmaid and never the bride, I'll bet you attended your fair share of celebrations this year. They can be expensive, time consuming, and a bit monotonous, but they can also be lots of fun! So ladies, tell me, how many weddings did you attend in 2008?

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DearSugar Needs Your Help: I'm a Punished Bridesmaid!

DearSugar — Sat, 08 Nov 2008 09:00:00 -0800

DearSugar and Being Punished Betsy need your help. She's a bridesmaid in her cousin's wedding and the bride doesn't want her to bring a date. She feels like she's being punished because she's not in a serious relationship, so what should she do since she doesn't want to go alone?

Dear Sugar,
My cousin is getting married in the Spring; she's a month older than me and we've been raised almost like sisters. I'm in the bridal party and am flying in with my parents from out of town. I want my best friend (he's gay) to be my date for the wedding, but when I asked her, she said that she "really needs me to be there for her 100 percent," even though her sister is the maid of honor and she has four other bridesmaids. We had this conversation several months ago but I didn't tell my friend that my cousin said no because he wasn't sure if he would be able to come anyway.

He just told me today that he is free that weekend and that he'd love to be my date. The more I think about it the more I feel that I should be able to bring someone. If I were to get married next year and had my cousin in my wedding, it would be understood that she could bring her husband the same way it would be understood that my friend would come if he was my boyfriend.

My parents love him so I know that if I were to be busy or preoccupied with helping her or doing something for the wedding, he'd be OK - he's a big social butterfly as it is - so I don't understand what the big deal is. I get that my cousin wants this opportunity to have the spotlight, (as she should ) but is asking to bring a date an unreasonable request? I feel as though I'm being punished for being single! I don't want to cause problems before her special day but I truly don't want to go stag. What should I do? - Being Punished Betsy

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Handle This: You Don't Want Her in Your Wedding

DearSugar — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 09:00:00 -0800

A couple of years ago you were a bridesmaid in your friend’s wedding, and now you’re the one getting married. You guys have been in the same group of girl friends for a long time, but she’s never been one of your closest friends; you often get the vibe that she feels closer to you than you do to her.

You’ve decided that you don’t want her to be a bridesmaid in your wedding - you just want your closest friends standing up with you. You know that she’ll be upset but you don't know what would be worse - to tell her that she’s not going to be a part of your wedding or just let word get out on its own. How would you handle this?

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Dear Poll: How Many Times Have You Been a Bridesmaid?

DearSugar — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 13:00:00 -0800

The newest comedy starring Katherine Heigl, 27 Dresses, comes out in theaters today. The story revolves around Heigl's character, who has been a bridesmaid 27 times and is about to embark on her 28th for a wedding between the man of her dreams and her sister - ouch.

Needless to say, it got me thinking about that old familiar saying: always a bridesmaid, never a bride. While it's flattering to be asked to be a bridesmaid, it can be both disappointing and annoying to constantly be on the sidelines. I've been a bridesmaid a couple of times, but how many times have you?

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Dear Poll: Should the Bride Pay for it?

DearSugar — Fri, 08 Jun 2007 10:30:00 -0700

The day of the wedding, everyone wants to look her best - camera ready and runway beautiful. These days, it's not only the bride that gets her hair and make up done; everyone in the bridal party seems to get primped and prodded as well. While the bride chooses the hairdresser and make up artist, who should pay for those services? If the bride wants her maids to have their hair or make up done a specific way on her day, do you think she should be responsible for picking up the tab?

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Does My Sister Have to be My ONLY Maid of Honor?

DearSugar — Tue, 22 May 2007 13:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--

I asked my sister, who's 15 months younger, to be my maid of honor. We are best friends but I also have a best non-sister friend, who I asked to be my matron of honor. I was Jen's maid of honor- but she only has a brother.

My sister is so upset with me. She says when you have a sister, everyone else is just a bridesmaid. Did I do the wrong thing? How do I fix this and fast!

--Bride in a Bind

To see DEARSUGAR's answer read more

Dear Bride in a Bind--

You are in a really tough spot. Just so you know, there are no specific "rules" about choosing your wedding party. Some brides choose family members, and some choose best friends, and when you can't choose - you choose both, which is what you did. I have to say that I think your sister is acting a little selfish here. This is your wedding, and your bridal party is supposed to offer you help and support. It sounds like your sister is jealous of your best friend, and she needs to realize that your wedding isn't about her and that there is room for both of your best friends to stand by your side.

Explain that a maid of honor and a matron of honor are of equal importance to you, and you want both your sister and your best friend to perform all the duties associated with those titles. She can still help you pick out your dress, plan your bachelorette party, and toast you on your wedding day, but you may want to think of a significant job just for your sister so she feels like she has a unique role on your special day. Maybe she can plan your bridal shower with your mom, or help you pick out the flowers.

You did nothing wrong here -- it's totally up to the bride who she chooses for her wedding party and you should feel incredibly lucky to have two women so close to you who want to stand by your side to offer support. Good luck and congrats!

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My Bridesmaids Stressed Me Out!

DearSugar — Fri, 04 May 2007 13:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--

I feel as though two of my bridesmaids gave me a lot of stress through everything leading up to my wedding. They didn't help with anything like the shower or bachelorette party. Everything that was expected from them (buying the dress, shoes, and getting their hair done) was a huge hassle for them, and they were constantly stressing me out over it and complaining about the price. This bothered me because they both work full time and don't pay rent. So, they probably have more money than me and I would never complain about this to them if they were getting married. I told them numerous times if them being in the wedding is too difficult or expensive then I would not be upset if they backed out of the commitment. This offended them both.

There's more. I originally told them they could bring guests. They both didn't know who to bring (one broke up with her boyfriend right before the wedding), so they waited until past the deadline was up to tell me their meal choices, stressing me out more. I told them repeatedly just not to bring anyone, but they were insistent about it. They joked around to my fiancé's parents about not being able to find dates. This made me feel stupid because his parents paid for the entire thing. The wedding was spectacular and afterwards I realized that it was wrong of them to act like they were doing me a favor and they should have felt honored to be there. Then the kicker is that neither of them (or their guests) gave us a wedding gift, not even a card. This upset me greatly.

These girls were really close friends of mine. Should I discuss these issues with them? I am not sure if it would do much good. I know it is rude to bring up the fact that they didn't bring gifts. Or should I lose them as friends, cut them out?

--Let Down Lucy

To see DEARSUGAR's answer read more

Dear Let Down Lucy--

First off, congrats on getting married! That's so exciting - so try not to let those two bridesmaids of yours put a damper on your happiness. Since they're not married themselves, they probably had no idea about how stressful planning a wedding was, and that a large part of their job was to help you out. Not getting a gift because they thought they spent enough money on the dress, shoes and whatnot is not an excuse. Or who knows - guests have up to one year to give gifts, so they could be working on it.

What's done is done, and being that you were such close friends with these girls, you should definitely talk to them about how you feel. You don't need to go over every little detail that upset you (since you can't do anything about it now), but just touch on the major things. Chances are they had no idea how much their actions and comments upset you, and talking about it could in turn bring you closer.

That being said, it still doesn't make up for the fact that they let you down on what was probably one of the most important events of your life. Maybe your friends were acting immaturely because they're in a different place in their lives than you are. If that's the case, you may find that you're naturally growing apart so you might need to work on developing a new kind of friendship with these girls. I hope it all works out for you Lucy.

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You Asked: My Bridesmaid Dress is too Pricey!

DearSugar — Fri, 27 Apr 2007 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--

I am a bridesmaid in a great friend's wedding this summer. She just e-mailed us all the information on the dresses and they are netting out to be a lot more than anticipated. Her wedding is turning out to be quite an expense and for someone like me who is struggling as it is, I am having a hard time swallowing the cost of the dress she chose.

I know I accepted the responsibility of being her bridesmaid, but is there anything I can say or do to let the bride know this dress is putting a financial strain on me?
--Breaking the Bank Beckie

To see DEARSUGAR's answer read more

Dear Breaking the Bank Beckie--

I hate to say this, but unfortunately you are SOL about the cost of the dress. Once you accept the role of being a bridesmaid, you are then committed to the responsibilities and expenses that coincide with the honor. Brides often times don't take other people's finances into consideration when planning for their big day, so it is always smart to weigh your pocketbook before making your decision.

If this dress is going to put you over the edge financially, skip out on one of her showers, or her bachelorette party. Opt for sharing a hotel room with a friend for her wedding weekend or do your own hair and/or make up.

Some retailers have a lay away program where you can pay off your dress over time, so research your payment options. Many people avoid using credit cards, but this is a classic case where they can be quite helpful. It is never fun to be stressed out about money so I hope this won't put a damper on your role as bridesmaid or put a strain on your friendship.

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You Asked: Can I Say No to Being Her Bridesmaid?

DearSugar — Tue, 27 Mar 2007 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar
I was asked to be a bridesmaid in a new friend's wedding. We are not all that close and I was completely taken aback when she asked me to do her this honor. I don’t know many of her friends and don’t know anyone else in the wedding party. While I am incredibly flattered and truly enjoy my new friendship with this girl, I am not interested in saying yes. Is there a polite way to decline such an offer? --Refraining Reenie

To see DEARSUGAR’s answer read more

Dear Refraining Reenie--

This is always a touchy subject and everyone has different views on saying no to being a bridesmaid. Being in someone's wedding is a great honor, but can also feel like quite a chore. Technically, you don’t have to say yes, but it is extremely important how you say no. Many people believe that declining such an offer is a sure fire way to end a friendship, but I don't always feel that is the case.

Being in a wedding is definitely expensive, so this could be your easy way out. Let the bride know how much you appreciate the invitation, but that you are unfortunately on too tight of a budget to commit to such a role. Since your desire to say no is no reflection on her marriage or her friendship, reiterate how happy you are for her and how much you appreciate the honor she extended to you.

One thing to remember is the sooner you decline her offer, the better. Dragging out the inevitable will not only make you feel guilty, but it will cut down on the amount of time the bride has to ask someone else. A nice gesture would be to ask if you could still participate on her special day by passing out programs, reciting a poem or offering to help plan her bachelorette party or bridal shower.

Hopefully your friend will understand and will take you up on your offer of participating in her wedding in another capacity. I am sure your emotional support will be greatly appreciated and you can use this time to get to know each other better.

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