TresSugar

Get Benjamins For Your Bling by Selling Your Breakup Jewelry

TresSugar — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 06:00:00 -0700

Did you just wash that man right out of your hair? Are you simply not the sentimental type? Well, if your ex doesn't take back the jewelry he gave you (he'd have to pry it out of your cold, dead hands, right?), then you should go to Outofyourlife.com and sell them your breakup jewelry! Those sassy talking dogs in the following ad might be onto something. Do you keep, give away, or sell your "breakup jewelry"?

Website du Jour: When Love Breaks Down

TresSugar — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 02:00:00 -0700

"Before there were blogs, there were zines," writes the blogger behind When Love Breaks Down, a bitter but hilarious breakup blog with a twist. The breakup happened more than 10 years ago, and the blog is based on pages ripped from a zine the writer published back in 1998.

Each post features a page from the zine in all its cringe-inducing glory, complete with modern-day commentary, like this annotation on the entry above:

I really thought once you had a kid, you would grow up. Or at least have a conversation about leaving your family, at least a conversation, before you just up and do it. Before you just cheat and leave. I mean, that’s Lifetime movie plot, not real life.

Zines were totally the blogs of the 1990s; everyone was doing it! To learn more about the back story, keep reading.

Word du Jour: Fakeup

TresSugar — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 15:00:50 -0700

Beware the fakeup. Though it comes in many forms, a fakeup is most easily defined as a fake breakup, or a breakup that doesn't take.

Some couples are repeat offenders - you know the people I'm talking about. They break up frequently and in dramatic fashion, but you just know they're going to get back together. (Note: In these cases, it's best not to badmouth the recent ex, since he or she probably won't be an ex for long.)

Some breaker-uppers cut off all ties and move on, while others have a tendency to sleep with their exes. It's tempting for sure, but hooking up with your ex can often precipitate a fakeup and lead to a misguided reconciliation. Often, after several fakeups, the repeat offenders call it quits altogether.

Then, there are couples who fake up but genuinely seem to make it work the second time around. This type of fakeup is different from the first and not as much of a fake out. How about you? Have you ever been guilty of a fakeup? Do you know couples who fake up a lot?

Word du Jour: Breakover

TresSugar — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 10:15:00 -0700

For some reason, the urge to wash that man (or woman) right out of your hair can also involve cutting or coloring your hair or getting a new shade of lipstick. Whatever it is you do, sometimes you need a breakover (breakup makeover).

Perhaps, you're declaring that you are a new person without the dead weight and splitting with your split ends symbolically represents that. The key, I would imagine, is to keep your breakover minimal. If that shade of neon orange on your lips isn't quite you, you can always rub it off and return to red. Blond skunk stripes? Not so much.

Have you ever gotten a breakover? What did you do?

What Is the Lamest Way Someone Broke Up With You?

TresSugar — Fri, 15 May 2009 13:00:00 -0700

It sucks when someone breaks up with you, but the mode in which they do it can ease the blow and at least show you that person cared - or wasn't a total chode who wasted your time.

Alas, some people are too chicken to do it in a respectful manner, so they slip out the back, Jack, make a new plan, Stan . . . by texting, emailing, or just up and disappearing. Gorgeous Isabella Rossellini recounted once the way eccentric filmmaker David Lynch broke up with her - by calling her and saying, after years together, "I don't love you anymore." Whoa!

What's the lamest way someone broke up with you?

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Group Therapy: How Do I Tell the New Guy That I'm Fresh Out of a Relationship?

Fri, 20 Feb 2009 04:00:00 -0800

I am newly single after dating someone for two years. He broke up with me two months ago, and while I'm sad about it, I know it was for the best. I recently met a guy who seems really nice and we have a date scheduled for next week.

I did not intend on meeting someone else this soon or jumping back into the dating scene just yet, but this guy seems great and I'm actually looking forward to going out with him. If the first date goes well, I would be open to dating him, but I would want to take it slow because I don't want to have him be my rebound. I feel compelled to tell him that I just ended a relationship (normally I don't believe in discussing past relationships so early on, but I feel that this is a different case since it is so recent) but how should I go about it? Or should I even say anything at all?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To read more GROUP THERAPY, click here or submit your own question here.]

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Group Therapy: I Wanted to Cheat but I Couldn't

Tue, 11 Nov 2008 04:00:00 -0800

My boyfriend and I have been together for three years. I love him so much, but my love for him has changed. I am not physically attracted to him and I know that we will probably break up, but I am prolonging the inevitable. I often flirt with other guys, harmlessly, because I am not getting the attention I need at home and this gives me something. I never expect anything to come from it, but recently something did. A guy I had been flirting with made a move. He sent me a racy text message. I could not believe it and it took me a while to respond, but I did. We sent texts like this back and forth for about a week. We finally decided to hook up. We set a date that would work for my situation, and that whole week it was all I could think about - I could not wait!

The day came and we decided to get a room. I have never done anything like this before but the idea seemed so hot. On the way there I realized how nervous I was, and for the first time I started having doubts. After we kissed, I knew I couldn't go through with it. I knew that I needed to leave. I am now left completely sad about my life. I really don't want to break up with my boyfriend but I can't keep living my life like this. And I guess I figured if I could just have a fling it would keep me at peace for a little while, but that wasn't right either. I don't think I can bring myself to leave him, so what should I do?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

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Group Therapy: I Don't Know How to Date

Sun, 12 Oct 2008 11:00:00 -0700

I have been in two long-term relationships in the last several years, one of which ended about six months ago. When I met my last two boyfriends we just clicked immediately and started dating - there was no drama or games involved. My most recent relationship was a very hard breakup, but I am definitely to the point where I am ready to date again and move on with my life. I go out a lot with friends, I live in a big city, and I am a fun, attractive person. I have met and hung out with several guys, but it seems like they are only interested in partying and hooking up rather than dating or a relationship. It definitely seems like they are interested but they never take it to the next level where we go on an actual date. I like to go out and have fun with my friends, but I am interested in something more serious. It seems like everyone I know has dates lined up or are in a relationship. Am I giving off the wrong vibe somehow? What am I doing wrong?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

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Group Therapy: My Boyfriend Gave Me an Ultimatum

Wed, 08 Oct 2008 03:00:00 -0700

A while ago I had an affair with a married man. He and I cut it off and are now very good friends. I lean on him for a lot. I am currently in a relationship of almost two years, and I love my boyfriend very much - we started dating after I ended the affair. I never mentioned the history I have with my friend to my current boyfriend, and he only knows that our friendship has been a good one. But recently my boyfriend gave me an ultimatum: my friend or our relationship. I chose my relationship. My boyfriend suspected there was more to my friend than meets the eye and he wanted him gone. He made me show him IM and email correspondence my friend and I had written to each other and now he wants me to dissolve our friendship entirely.

Before this he had been hurt because my friend had helped me out in a big way, and because we spoke on the phone nearly every day. He also has a problem with the fact that my friend is married and may have other motives. I don't dispute that, but when he asked me to cut things off there was nothing going on. I do not intend to give up my friend. How do I handle this without jeopardizing my current relationship and losing my friend too? Boyfriends come and go, but friends last forever. I don't want to dump my friend and then lose my boyfriend later. What should I do?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

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You Asked: He Doesn't Think He's Good Enough

DearSugar — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 17:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

After two weeks of being distant, my boyfriend of a year and a half asked me to go on a break. He told me that he loved me but he needed to do this because I deserve better and he has nothing to offer me right now. I told him I didn’t care for all of that material stuff, but it makes him feel like less of a man. He’s having a hard time getting a job, which is mainly why he’s feeling like this. He assured me there was no one else but that he doesn’t want his negative attitude to damage our relationship.

We are both in our 20s, and just a few months ago we were talking about marriage. He said he needed this break to work hard to get me the life I deserve and need in the future. He’s always had a tendency to push people away when he gets overwhelmed and while I understand his reasons, I can’t help but feel sad. He said that I could still call him, but I decided to give him his space to let him think. Do you have any advice?

-Trying to Be Patient Tara

To see Dear Sugar's answer read more

Dear Trying to Be Patient Tara,

I think you made a great choice in deciding to give him space and not call; it's certainly not the easy choice, but I do think it's better for both of you in the long run. While it's obvious that you love each other, I do think that if you get back together, you need to discuss his tendency to push people away when he gets scared. This is not an uncommon issue, but it's one he needs to work on. Regardless of the hardships in his life, he can't just take a break when he feels down and out; this is especially important if you guys do decide to get married.

In the meantime, try to focus on yourself. This is a situation that needs time to work itself out, so try to maintain your distance from him. Make sure to figure out your own needs - one of which may be a man who is dependable emotionally. Lean on your friends and family for support and when/if you do get back together, tackle this problem head on otherwise you'll be dealing with the same issues later on down the line. Good luck to you.

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