TresSugar

Group Therapy: I Can't Stand My Best Friend's Boyfriend

Mon, 13 Apr 2009 04:00:00 -0700

My best friend and her boyfriend have been dating for two years now, and in the beginning we all got along just fine. We were actually friends before they started dating; I used to think he was a really cool guy. In fact, he came to me for advice when he developed feelings for my friend. But now he acts like a total jerk to me, and I'm at a loss as to why.

Whenever we're all hanging out in a group setting, he's always rude to me. He is condescending, makes snarky remarks and is even a little rough with me (i.e. patting me on the back rather hard, "playful" pushing, shaking my hand with the intent to bruise, etc.). My husband doesn't like him at all either and we try to limit the contact, but it's hard for me because I love my best friend to pieces, but I can't help that I hate her boyfriend.

Basically I'm asking what I should do about the situation. Should I keep my mouth shut, not say anything to my friend and hope that one day she breaks up with him? Or should I tell her about my problem with him? I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. Help!

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Group Therapy: I'm Not Head Over Heels For My Boyfriend

Thu, 22 Jan 2009 04:00:00 -0800

We've been together for five months but I'm not feeling head over heels in love with him even though he's sweet, cute, and charming. Whenever I did feel that way with past men, I would end up heartbroken and rejected. Now that I'm with someone where I don't get those butterflies, I'm wondering how I can get closer to him. Is something wrong with our relationship? Should I always be head over heels for someone that I'm dating? I really like him, it's just taking longer than usual to develop strong feelings for him, so is this relationship a lost cause?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To read more GROUP THERAPY, click here or submit your own question here.]

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Group Therapy: I Got an STI From My Boyfriend but He Claims He Didn't Cheat

Sat, 20 Dec 2008 10:00:00 -0800

A few days ago, my boyfriend found out he has an STI. He claims he hasn't cheated on me, but we've been together for two years. I went to the doctor and it turns out he passed chlamydia to me. I'm on medication to treat it, but I've been feeling horrible these past couple of days, both physically and mentally. As of now, I just want to focus on taking care of myself and on getting better.

I've confronted him numerous times and he still claims that he hasn't slept with anyone else. The doctors said it could have been dormant for a while, but he claims that masturbating may have caused it. I've never heard of that and quite frankly, don't believe him. He's been a great, trustworthy boyfriend so should I take his word for it or am I just being naive?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be read more GROUP THERAPY, click here or submit your own question here.]
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Group Therapy: I'm Torn Between Friends and Boyfriend

Sat, 01 Nov 2008 10:00:00 -0700

I'm always feeling torn between my girlfriends and my boyfriend. For example, tonight my friends are going to another friend's house for a Halloween party. I would really like to see everyone, but my boyfriend hates the host. I know he doesn't want to go, and I don't want to force him to, but then I feel like I'm choosing my boyfriend over my girlfriends. I haven't seen my friends in a couple of weeks, but in all honesty, I would much prefer to hang out with my boyfriend watching bad horror movies!
Most of the time I choose my boyfriend over them and I feel extremely guilty about it. I'm actually worried that they assume he's a horrible and controlling boyfriend. I love him and I know that's all that matters, but I love my friends too. How can I create a healthy balance between the two?

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Group Therapy: How Do I Deal With His Ex Situation?

Tue, 28 Oct 2008 03:00:00 -0700

My boyfriend and I have been dating for four months. He's nice, caring, and funny. We see each other almost every day and have yet to get into even a minor squabble, let alone an actual fight. Things are basically perfect. But here's the problem: his crazy ex-girlfriend is pregnant, and in all likelihood, it's his. She lied about having an abortion a few months ago, came barreling back into our lives, and is now well into her second trimester and drinking like a sailor at night, while shopping for baby clothes the next morning.

Thankfully, I am only secondarily involved in the situation. It's my boyfriend who really has to deal with her and the child for the rest of his life. But I just don't know how to manage all this. I have a very high-stress and demanding job and I am only 25, too young to take on such an issue. And frankly, I just don't want to. I didn't make the irresponsible choices they did, and I don't want to suffer for it. If I would end it when the baby comes, should I just end it now? I want to be there for him through this, but in the end, it's just going to become a more complicated situation. I just can't even imagine what my responsible boyfriend ever saw in this girl. What do I do?

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Group Therapy: How Can I Get My Boyfriend to Plan Something Romantic?

Wed, 10 Sep 2008 03:00:00 -0700

My birthday is coming up next month, and I've asked my boyfriend of over a year to plan something for just him and me. You'd think that this would be simple for a man to do - go to my favorite restaurant and surprise me with a nice present and a card - but for my man, this is an act of torture. For Valentine's Day and for our one-year anniversary, I asked him to plan something simple for us three weeks in advance. I even gave him ideas (a picnic at a park, a romantic nature walk, or fondue) and told him to ask his friends for ideas.

Two days before the event I asked him how his planning was going, and after a bit of prodding, he admitted that he didn't plan anything because he hated to. So, as usual, I set up a nice dinner for us and we went to the mall together so that he could find me a present that he knew I would like. Needless to say, I was disappointed. I plan everything we do. I set up camping trips with his friends; I plan bowling nights or clubbing nights, but he can't figure out how to make reservations to save his life. He grew up in another country where restaurants and reservations are not very common, so me asking him to plan something nice is like asking him to pull his fingernails off one by one.

I know it may sound a bit shallow or selfish of me trying to get him to take me out somewhere special, but it's really not. He could plan a walk on the beach with hot dogs for dinner and I would be ecstatic. I just want him to put in the effort. I don't think it's that difficult, and he is a smart guy. He just needs some help, and he's too embarrassed to ask his buddies. What can I say or do to push him in the right direction for my birthday plans? I know he's willing, so I want to make it really easy for him without having to do it myself. Any ideas would be wonderful!

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Group Therapy: I Need Some Bedroom Tips

Sun, 07 Sep 2008 11:00:00 -0700

I am a college student and have been dating a wonderful guy for over two years now. Up until about a month and a half ago, we were both virgins. It was something that was a very big decision for both of us, having grown up in very religious households, but we finally came to the conclusion that it was a step we wanted to take in our relationship. Here is my dilemma: While the connection during sex is good, the physical act of it isn't, specifically for me. This really frustrates him, almost to the point where he is feeling guilty. I was just wondering if any ladies out there have any tips for me. I know things aren't going to change over night, but how about a push in the right direction?

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Group Therapy: How Can He Get to Know My Mom?

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 03:00:00 -0700

I've been dating my boyfriend for over two years now, and things are getting more serious - he's my first serious relationship. He wants to get to know my mom, but neither of us know how to make that happen. Frankly, she doesn't like him, so she tries to limit their communication as much as possible. He can have a conversation with my dad, with whom he shares many interests, but I have never seen him and my mother exchange more than a couple sentences.

This unfounded dislike is one of the reasons my boyfriend and I both want them to get to know each other a little better. My boyfriend is a lot like my father in many ways, and my parents are still happily married after 25 years, so I think she could learn to like him if she'd give him a chance. But they have nothing in common. They share no interests and are two completely different people. My boyfriend is also a very shy, private person, so talking to people he doesn't know does not come easily to him. How can I help my boyfriend and my mom get closer?

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Group Therapy: My Boyfriend Used to Sleep With His BFF

Tue, 15 Jul 2008 03:00:00 -0700

My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly two years. My boyfriend's best friend is a bisexual girl, who he used to live with before we moved in together. About six months ago, we were out with his BFF and her girlfriend when the girlfriend informed me that she had been nervous to meet my boyfriend because she knew he'd been sleeping her girlfriend.

I had absolutely no clue that my boyfriend had a physical relationship with his friend, and I was shocked. It turns out that they were sleeping with each other for a while while they lived together. He says it was because they were both really depressed and didn't have anything making them happy, so they self-medicated by getting intimate with each other.

The whole thing just doesn't sit right with me. I've been incredibly down before but never wanted to start a physical relationship with a close friend. I've been hiding my particular issues with the situation because I don't want my boyfriend to know that I'm so insecure. Why am I still having such a hard time with this? I want to put it behind us. Is there an easy way to just let it go? I realize the past is the past and it happened before we got together, but it's still just really awkward. Any advice?

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Group Therapy: How Do I Help My Boyfriend?

Mon, 12 May 2008 03:00:00 -0700

I've been with my boyfriend for a couple years now and up until lately things have been fine. We're both in college and with finals, he has been under a great deal of stress. To make things worse, he has a severe case of ADHD, which makes it considerably more difficult for him to concentrate. At the beginning of this semester he decided to take an advanced class in his major. Unfortunately, this proved to be more than he could ultimately handle.

About two months ago, he started slacking on most of his work and has become so behind in the class that he has to take an incomplete. He has begun to take his frustration and nerves out on me. He is on edge all the time and has these outrageous outbursts. He's actually started to say very hurtful things to me. I am not the kind of girl who takes abuse, but he has never acted like this before in the 13 years that I've known him (we grew up together).

I care very deeply for him and I don't think that walking away and just leaving him will help. My main concern is for his well-being because there is obviously something that he is not coping well with. I really need some advice on how I should approach this. I'm just really confused right now. What should I do?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

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