TresSugar

Do Tell: What Makes Your Best Friend So Special?

DearSugar — Sun, 03 Aug 2008 10:00:00 -0700

Today is National Friendship Day, so to celebrate, I want to take this opportunity to let you all talk about someone else - your best friend! As you all know, I've known mine since kindergarten, and she's actually become more like a sister to me. She's the first person I go to with anything because no matter what, I know she'll support me, listen to me, and offer a shoulder to cry on. She's also one of the few people that I never get sick of, and we can laugh about everything, or nothing at all, at any given moment. I feel very fortunate to have her in my life, and I know with certainty that we'll be best friends forever.

I'm sure each and every one of you has someone you call your best friend, so tell me about him or her! On this Friendship Day, what is it about your BFF that makes him or her so special to you?

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You Asked: I Keep Turning My Friends Into Enemies!

DearSugar — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

Lately I've been feeling like I'm turning my friends into my enemies whenever they do something bad to me. I guess you can say that I don't know how to forgive and forget. I used to treasure my friendships so much until one incident in high school where my best friend ditched me for another friend. I know it sounds very elementary school, but it still hurts.

I've since let go of the "friends forever" belief and end up completely shutting people out of my life whenever I feel double crossed. Now my friendships are few and far between and I'm upset because I no longer have that special bond with someone. I really don't want this mentality to follow me through adulthood but how can I change the way I view my current friendships? - Overly Sensitive Sandra

To see DearSugar's answer read more.

Having a friendship go sour can be just as devastating as breaking up with a lover. The feelings of loss and betrayal are very similar so I completely understand your position, but just because one friend chose someone to call her BFF instead of you, it doesn't mean that all of your friendships will have the same outcome.

Turning your friends into enemies is a clear defense mechanism, but building walls and hurting someone else before they hurt you won't solve anything. People make mistakes, and your friends will probably hurt your feelings many times along the way, but that's what makes them human! I can almost guarantee that you're not perfect either so if you keep the lines of communication open with your friends, chances are you can work through whatever misunderstandings come your way.

I'm someone that cherishes my friendships like family, but I can tell you firsthand that all friendships have their highs and lows. Sure, it can hurt when you feel left out or feel second best, but remember, good friends will be there for you no matter what. Talk out your fears and try to give people the benefit of the doubt. It might take some time to build up your trust levels, but once you do, you'll be happy you did.

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Dear Poll: Does Your Best Friend Live Nearby?

DearSugar — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 13:00:00 -0700

Long-distance relationships are tough, but so are long-distance friendships! If you're lucky enough to have your best friend living in the same town, you probably get to see her pretty regularly. But it can be tough - and potentially expensive - when BFFs live halfway across the country or world. What's your situation?

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The How-To Lounge: Bachelorette Etiquette

DearSugar — Tue, 13 May 2008 07:00:00 -0700

One of the best parts about getting married is having a bachelorette party, but deciding who you should invite and what you should do can sometimes make what's supposed to be a carefree event feel more like a tedious chore.

To see my tips on bachelorette etiquette, read more

It's your party, so you can invite whomever you want! Some people assume that only the wedding party gets the invite, but friends and family members who aren't in the wedding are welcome too, just as long as they are invited to the wedding itself.
First decide if you want a relaxing or wild bachelorette party and make your reservations from there. To keep the prices down, four girls can easily share one room. Getting ready with your friends and goofing off at the end of the night are some of the most fun moments of a bachelorette party, so don't feel bad about packing the rooms tightly.
Since weddings are already so pricey, adding in the added expense of a weekend away might just be too much for some, so if you're the bride, don't take it personally if not all your friends can make it.
Give your girls plenty of time to plan for your bachelorette party. Some might need to start saving money months in advance, and booking far enough out will ensure your girls won't have any scheduling conflicts.
If some of the girls don't know each other, it's important to make sure no one feels left out. If you are the only common thread for a handful of the girls attending, perhaps you should share room with them over your best friend or maid of honor.
The most important part of any bachelorette party is to have fun, so enjoy your last weekend getaway with your girlfriends as a single woman!

To see all of our wedding coverage, check out IDoSugar.com.

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OMG BFF LOL: Two Mall Rats Talk Shopping and Wanting

TresSugar — Wed, 27 May 2009 07:00:00 -0700

Well, I guess this says something about the state of current girlhood in America, but it's not, um, pretty. OMG BFF LOL is a cartoon from artist Charlie White's exhibit The Girl Studies. It follows two girls who love shopping at the mall, and like, shopping some more.

In this episode, the two Barbie-like teens walk in and exclaim malls are like heaven - everything you could ever want on a never-ending path of tiled floors. But then the pessimist of the duo contemplates that the mall is much more like hell: everything you could want, but you can't have it all. Deep! My favorite quote? "I love to want."

At first, OMG BFF LOL just seems senseless and over the top, and then it seems like a hellish prequel to Sex and the City. Maybe the unending cycle of wanting-getting-wanting will die with malls?

Grab Bag: Road Trip With the BF 101

TresSugar — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 12:00:00 -0700

How to go on a road trip with your boyfriend without breaking up by the end. - Lemondrop
Would you let your mom pick your boyfriend? - Glamour
7 surprising fetishes. - The Frisky
Time magazine covers eco-friendly sex toys! - Em & Lo
Help! My ex-BFF is going to be my sister-in-law! - Double X
Technology and dating: some interesting rules to consider. - Your Tango
Poor Mr. Judge Judy. - Jezebel
Hilarious and horrifying: Levi Johnston to bare all in Playgirl. - PopSugar

Group Therapy: My Boyfriend Used to Sleep With His BFF

Tue, 15 Jul 2008 03:00:00 -0700

My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly two years. My boyfriend's best friend is a bisexual girl, who he used to live with before we moved in together. About six months ago, we were out with his BFF and her girlfriend when the girlfriend informed me that she had been nervous to meet my boyfriend because she knew he'd been sleeping her girlfriend.

I had absolutely no clue that my boyfriend had a physical relationship with his friend, and I was shocked. It turns out that they were sleeping with each other for a while while they lived together. He says it was because they were both really depressed and didn't have anything making them happy, so they self-medicated by getting intimate with each other.

The whole thing just doesn't sit right with me. I've been incredibly down before but never wanted to start a physical relationship with a close friend. I've been hiding my particular issues with the situation because I don't want my boyfriend to know that I'm so insecure. Why am I still having such a hard time with this? I want to put it behind us. Is there an easy way to just let it go? I realize the past is the past and it happened before we got together, but it's still just really awkward. Any advice?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

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Good Idea or Bad Idea: Befriending a BFF to Get the Date

DearSugar — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 14:00:00 -0700

The other night out with a friend, I was approached by a guy who was friendly and talkative. In fact, he was so relaxed that I could tell right off the bat that he wasn’t interested in me. All it took was one glance at the googly eyes he was making at my friend for me to know that he was befriending me as a way of getting to her. I was happy enough to play along, and by the end of the night she was totally excited to have a date for the weekend.

If you’re into dating strategies this seems like a good one, but I'd rather not chance giving some random guy the wrong impression when all I really want to do is talk to his friend. What do you think? Is befriending his BFF to get a date a good idea or a bad idea?

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DearSugar Needs Your Help: My BFF Is an Egomaniac!

DearSugar — Sat, 14 Jun 2008 09:00:00 -0700

DearSugar and Over Her Heather need your help. Her best friend's ego is out of control, and Heather is fed up! Their conversations are now all one-sided, and she's starting to resent her. How can she break the cycle before her friendship is ruined?

Dear Sugar,

My best friend and I have been, well, best friends since we met in college seven years ago. We've been through a lot together – everything BFFs do. In the past few years she's had a fairly tough time financially and emotionally (let's just say she's had a lot of bad luck), and I have been fortunate enough to be in a position where I can help her - whether it's with gas money, offering her a place to stay, or simply giving her emotional support. She's not just my best friend, she's like my sister.

At the beginning of this year, I moved back to my hometown, and life has been fairly quiet. I'm actually very content for the moment, but I don't do anything social during the week, as all my friends live in the city – I only see them on the weekends. I speak to my best friend a couple of times a week, but we're usually together every weekend. I find myself going to visit her far more than she comes to visit me, and when I do see her (or even just speak to her on the phone) she is always talking about herself! Maybe it's something that I've just started to notice, but it's really starting to get to me. She'll do the obligatory, “So how was your week?” and then as soon as my two minutes are up, she'll tell me about her week blow-by-blow.

I feel like she thinks I don't have any problems or maybe my life isn't interesting enough, but I'm really starting to resent her for it, and I find myself not wanting to talk to her or see her at all. On top of this, she recently got a new boyfriend so you can imagine what most of our (or rather, her) conversations are about. I feel myself closing her off more and more, and when we do speak, I don't even bother to tell her about my day anymore - it's like I'm just there to listen to her. I don't want things to continue this way, but I'm angry with her. I don't know how to handle this, so I would greatly appreciate any views you might have.

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This or That: Your BF or Your BFF Forgets Your B-Day?

DearSugar — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 09:00:00 -0700

While you’ve never been one to make a huge deal out of your birthday, you’ve always liked to celebrate it with loved ones. This year, life has been so hectic that you don’t even realize that it's that time of year again, but you find yourself actually looking forward to celebrating. Unfortunately, things turn out less festive than you expected when the closest person in your life completely forgets the big day. Would it be worse if …

This: You wait for your best friend to call all day in hopes that she’ll take you out for a bite or at least come over for a drink, but you never hear from her? You’ve been friends since high school, and if anyone other than your parents should remember your birthday, it’s her!

Or …

That: After waiting for a mention of your birthday from your boyfriend all day, you assume he has something planned, but instead, the day has just slipped his mind? You’ve both been busy, but it’s upsetting that you had to actually remind him on your birthday what the day was.

Which is worse?

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