TresSugar

The Benefits of Long Distance

DearSugar — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 08:00:00 -0700

Though I've mentioned the environmental concerns related to a long distance relationship, I know that being able to physically see the person you love is extremely important. Feeling like a major facet of your relationship is out of your control can be very frustrating, and missing someone is always a struggle. Together, these can make long distance relationships difficult, which is probably why they get such a bad reputation.

But there are plenty of healthy, happy, and successful couples in long distance relationships. So why not look on the bright side and come up with some perks to doing the distance thing? I've listed mine below. What are yours?

You get to have more time for yourself.
You're never the friend who's always with her boyfriend.
You might miss out on nightly sex, but when you do have it, it's really great.
You can actually keep up with your plan to eat healthy and work out more.

To see the rest and share your own, read more.

There's always something to look forward to.
You may not have a lot of time together, but the time you do have is extra special.
You have the whole bed to yourself!
You actually get to miss each other.

Source

You Asked: My Friend With Benefits Doesn't Make an Effort

DearSugar — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 14:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I had a horrible breakup not too long ago, and so I'm not currently dating right now. I'm OK with being single, but the one thing that I am not a fan of is the lack of sex. I started up a sex-buddy relationship with an ex of mine that I'm still really good friends with because we're both unattached, but I never see him! Our schedules are hard to coordinate and I don't feel that he makes the effort. I read your rules on casual sex, but I don't know how to talk to him about our lack of sex or even if I should since we're not in an actual relationship. I would think that he would be jumping at the chance for hot sex with no strings attached! Should I confront him about this or am I better off just leaving it alone?

- Sexless Stacey

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Sexless Stacey,

It's true that the general idea behind a friends-with-benefits situation is that you actually get to have sex when you want, but it's also a situation centered on convenience - yours and his. By broaching this subject with him, you're automatically redefining your relationship and venturing out of the casual and into the emotional. If you want this guy to just be your sex buddy then you have to accept the flippant nature of that relationship. But instead of dealing with all of that, why not give yourself a hand and use a vibrator! I know it's not the same as having sex, but the perks are unbeatable - it comes with absolutely no drama and it's available whenever you want it!

Source

Handle This: Your Friend With Benefits Is Seeing Someone on the Same Night

DearSugar — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Although your friends warned you about a friends-with-benefits situation, you did so anyways, and so far things have been going well. The sex is satisfying and you are both very respectful of the other, or so it seems.

One night when you have plans to meet up with your special friend for a lustful night, you decide to go grab dinner and drinks with girlfriends first. You’re totally shocked when you see your guy leading another woman out of the very same restaurant. You don’t care about dating other people, but to think of him seeing her on the same night that he plans on seeing you is just too strange. How do you handle this?

Source

You Asked: Friends With Benefits

DearSugar — Mon, 08 Oct 2007 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I have been in a "friends with benefits" relationship with this guy for a year now, but lately he's been acting differently and I think he may be sleeping with other women. I asked him about it and he said he has slept with other women but it hasn't been recent.

I don't believe him, because recently I've found evidence of other women being at his place (another woman's hair on the bathroom floor, another woman's business card on his living room floor, and a condom wrapper in the trashcan, which he claims was used by his cousin who came to visit him).

I can't help but feel angry and betrayed. I feel it was a very selfish thing for him to do and also that he put not only his but also my health at risk. He says he doesn't want things to end, but I'm not sure if I can ever be with him again. I do want to be with him, but I don't want him to think it's OK to sleep with other women while he's sleeping with me. It's just too risky. I desperately need some advice. What should I do?

-Feeling Betrayed and Angry Amanda

To see Dear Sugar's answer read more

Feeling Betrayed and Angry Amanda,

I'm sorry to break this to you, but a "friends with benefits" relationship does not mean it is monogamous unless you both agree on that ahead of time. I would be upset if the guy I was sleeping with was sleeping around too, but you really don't have the right to be angry with him since you never made your expectations clear from the start.

Having a friend that you fool around with is just that, and nothing more. It sounds like you're ready for this this guy to be your exclusive so you've got to tell him that. Since he still wants to be with you, you need to discuss some rules about how you want your new relationship to be so neither of you end up angry or hurt. Tell him you don't want him dating or sleeping with anyone else but you, and that you will do the same. Tell him that before you have sex again, you should both get tested for all STIs, to make sure you're both healthy. Lay down whatever other rules you want, and I'm sure he'll have a few to add himself. If he likes this new arrangement, then it looks like you've found yourself a boyfriend.

Source

Good Idea or Bad Idea: Becoming More Than Friends With Benefits

DearSugar — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 09:00:00 -0700

We’ve had many discussions about friends with benefits here. Though many of us think they’re a recipe for disaster, I’m sure an equal number of people find themselves in the midst of one right now. Understandably, the opportunity for emotions to grow is certainly a point against such relationships. But what if you want emotions to get in the way? Some might say that as soon as you find yourself wanting more, you should hightail it out of your “friendly” situation. But maybe it's the perfect opportunity for something to develop, especially if both people feel it. What do you think?

Source

Good Idea or Bad Idea: Having Friends with Benefits

DearSugar — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 09:00:00 -0700

The debate continues: can guys and girls just be friends? So far, the votes are split evenly down the middle. With 50% of you saying no, men and women can't be friends, it got me thinking about friends with benefits. I have a pretty strong point of view on this topic but I wanted to throw it out there to all of you. Do you think it's a good idea or a bad idea to mess around with someone you only consider a "friend?"

Source

Group Therapy: Do Friends With Benefits Really Work?

Thu, 10 Jul 2008 03:00:00 -0700

I recently hooked up with a friend, and pretty much knew that he wasn't interested in starting a relationship with anyone because he recently just got out of one. But of course, like you would imagine, my feelings for him afterward grew. It took me a few weeks to actually get over it, but it was a pretty amazing night. Recently he started asking if I wanted to hook up again, and I want to, but I'm not sure I can handle it. I've never had a relationship like this before. Will I be able to manage it? How do you keep your emotions out of it? Does it ever work or does it always end in disaster?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

Source

Say What? Dustin Hoffman on Why He Loves the Library

TresSugar — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 04:00:00 -0800

At the Library Lions Benefit for the New York Public Library, Dustin Hoffman told New York magazine why he loves the library.

"It's the first place I ever got laid."

Seems like as good of a reason as any! Ever get busy between the stacks? Tell us below - log out to be anonymous!

Do Tell: What Are Your Rules For Casual Sex?

TresSugar — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 08:30:40 -0700

I never noticed the similarities between a friends with benefits relationship and a temp job, until I watched this adorable little vid explaining how to have casual sex. It presents a pretty solid set of rules that can be applied to both temp jobs and FWB arrangements, including "don't leave anything there" and "don't expect special treatment on your birthday." Hilarious, but also great advice.

Have you ever been in a friends with benefits relationship? If so, what rules and tips would you offer for others getting into the temping game? Or would you just recommend people avoid it completely?

Grab Bag: Should I Date My Friend?

TresSugar — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 12:00:00 -0800

To date a friend, or not to date a friend. - Lemondrop
I'm sick of bankrolling my friend's bad choices. - Double X
Do men care what women wear? - Em & Lo
Teen cluster suicides in California forcing a community to do some soul-searching. - Jezebel
Should I confront the other woman? - Your Tango
Are you supportive of your boyfriend? - Glamour
Ruh roh - she wants more from her friend-with-benefits. - The Frisky