TresSugar

Do You Talk Differently With Your Significant Other?

DearSugar — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 10:30:00 -0700

Did any of you see Saturday Night Live this weekend? If not, you missed a hilarious skit all about "girlfriend voice." Three guys gave each other a hard time about the way their tone changed when talking to their significant other, yet it didn't seem to prevent them from doing it every time their phone rang. I know that most of you think baby talk is worse than hearing a couple fight, but tell me, do you do it anyway? Do you talk to your boyfriend in a different way than you talk to everyone else?

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Do Tell: Are You Into Dirty Talk?

DearSugar — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 13:00:00 -0700

I know that most of you aren't fans of baby talk, but what about dirty talk? For some, it's easy to let your mouth run wild, whether it's talking out your fantasies or descriptively describing the act at hand, but knowing how to talk dirty in a way that makes it seductive is key in order for it to work! Of course we all like to hear that we're desirable, but do tell, are you generally into dirty talk? Does it turn you on or does it have the opposite effect? And if you're into it, are you the dirty talker or do you like to hear it from your partner?

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This or That: Baby Talk or Dirty Talk?

DearSugar — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 16:00:00 -0700

While visiting a friend a state away, you end up meeting a really great man. You guys keep getting to know each other even once you’re back home, and things start to turn more serious than just a flirty friendship. He’s moving within an hour of you in three months so you decide to just let things happen naturally, but you're growing more and more attached. The problem is you start noticing a pattern that you just can’t get away from. Would it be worse if . . .

This: Every time you get on the phone with him, you’re confronted with an onslaught of the most over-the-top, sickly sweet baby talk you’ve ever heard? The only time you can get him to stop is you start getting into a little sexy chatter.

Or…

That: Every time you guys get past the pleasantries, he falls into a dirty talk tirade that just seems to gain momentum as you guys go along? It wouldn’t be so bad if he kept it to the phone-sex encounters, but instead it’s just constant.

Well, which conversation style is worse?

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What's Worse: Baby Talk or Fighting?

DearSugar — Tue, 22 May 2007 14:45:00 -0700

Relationships take work -- they are filled with the good, the bad, and the ugly. All couples fight, and sometimes these fights happen in the heat of the moment smack dab in the middle of a crowded restaurant or an airplane. On the flip side, all couples love to love each other, even engaging in some serious public displays of affection.

While overhearing a lover's quarrel can be extremely uncomfortable, so can listening to a couple whisper sweet nothings into each other's ears. So what do you think is worse, overhearing two people fighting like cats and dogs, or a couple speaking baby talk to each other? It's a tough choice, I know!

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Awkward! My Married Friends Have No Boundaries

TresSugar — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 07:00:00 -0700

My friend just vented to me about her married friends who like to divulge details about their sex lives without realizing that they're sharing way too much! (Sound familiar?) Here she described her dilemma:

"My good friend just sent me an email telling me that she and her husband are 'trying' for baby number two. She went on to tell me that they've been 'working on it' for a month now, and she assured me that she will keep me updated. Why do all my married friends think that it's suddenly not awkward to talk about their sex lives when there's baby-making involved! Not OK!"

Do you have any advice for my grossed-out friend? Do you think she's overreaching, or is she justified to feel like this is TMI? (And if you have some awkward tales of your own, join our Awkward! group to share etiquette questions and stories with other readers.)

Grab Bag: Some Men Are Big Babies

TresSugar — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 12:00:00 -0700

Man tries to capitalize on the "all the single babies" craze. - The Frisky
French Vogue sounds clueless about how blackface models are offensive. - Jezebel
The interactive Proust questionnaire is a blast. - Vanity Fair
Men's nipples, 101. - Em & Lo
15 signs you're bad at dating. - Your Tango
How to talk to someone who's been diagnosed with breast cancer. - Glamour
From blogs to books: a timeline. - Urlesque
Studies confirm: more women than men believe in God. - Double X

Sh*t Happens

GiggleSugar — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 13:00:00 -0700

Someone is so excited about the rocket blasting across his television set, he just can't keep the fun to himself. So he's gonna gleefully reiterate - eight times - what everyone in the room can fully see for themselves. But he's got a slightly different way of stating the obvious . . .

Baby Says Frog . . .

GiggleSugar — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 11:30:00 -0800

Well, she tries to say "frog," but something (somewhat) similar comes out. I think she and this little dude should hook up - we'd get some interesting conversations outta that!

Cute Kid Can't Help But Be Offensive

GiggleSugar — Fri, 24 Aug 2007 14:00:00 -0700

This kiddo has an interesting way of saying "truck." He also has no clue that his parents are laughing at him and not with him-- which, by the way, seems to be the new trend in parenting these days. Am I the only one who's worried here?

Hump Day: Why Do I Get Dry Sometimes?

TresSugar — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 04:00:00 -0700

Welcome to Hump Day, TrèsSugar's sex advice column. Are you confused about sex? Do you have trouble having an orgasm? Is there something you'd like to try but you're worried it's too weird? Send your questions to TrèsSugar, and our friend Dr. Charlie Glickman from Good Vibrations will offer his sound advice!

Today's Question:

"I get really dry sometimes when my boyfriend and I are having sex. I know all about lubricants, but I'm having trouble guessing when I might need help." To read Dr. Glickman's response, read more

There are a lot of reasons why women experience fluctuations in how much they lubricate. For some, it’s just part of the menstrual cycle. Some women lubricate more at ovulation, while others say that’s when they’re driest. Lots of women also report that their vaginal lubrication changed when they got pregnant and again, some say that they became much wetter and others say that they got drier. So while we know that changes in hormones can influence it, there’s a lot of variation in how much and in what direction. It’s also worth mentioning that menopause generally reduces how much lubrication your body will produce.

Lots of medications and drugs also affect vaginal lubrication, even if it’s rarely listed on the bottle or box. For example, allergy medications are formulated to dry the mucous membranes in your sinuses, but they can do the same to the vagina. Anti-depressants, antihistamines, anxiety medications, smoking cigarettes or marijuana, and drinking alcohol can do the same. In general, if a medication or drug makes your mouth or sinuses dry, it could also reduce vaginal lubrication. Unfortunately, most doctors are unaware of these effects or they don’t feel comfortable talking to their patients about it.

I think it’s really unfortunate that we have this cultural myth that vaginal lubrication is proportional to arousal. Many women find that they can be totally turned on while being pretty dry and others might be quite wet while barely aroused. The best thing we can do is learn to separate the two things in our minds.

You say that you know about lubricants, but for the folks who don’t, here’s a little info.

There are pros and cons to the lubricants on the market, and it can take a little experimenting to find one that will work for you. You might also find that a lube that worked great for a long time isn’t working so well anymore. It’s kind of like shampoo or skin lotion - after a while, you might need to change brands as your individual chemistry changes.

Water-based lubricants can be thin and slippery, or they can be thicker gels. They rinse away really easily, making cleanup a snap, but they do dry out after a while. The glycerin-based lubes last a bit longer, but they tend to get sticky when they dry out. You can add a little water or saliva to freshen them up. While glycerin doesn’t cause yeast infections, it can make one worse if you get one for some other reason, so if you’re prone to yeast infections, avoid these lubes. The glycerin-free lubricants don’t get sticky, but they usually don’t quite last as long. They soak in like hand lotion, so adding water doesn’t work; you need to add some more.

Silicone lubricants don’t dry out (so if you spill some on the kitchen floor, be sure to wipe it up) and are hypoallergenic. They’re also waterproof, which is a plus if you want to have sex in the shower but it can make them a bit trickier to clean up and they sometimes stain sheets. They’re also hypoallergenic and have no taste or scent.

Some people like to use oils as sexual lubricants. If you want to give them a try, use something organic and vegetable-based, such as coconut or almond oils. Mineral oils like baby oil or Vaseline actually dry the skin since the body can’t absorb them or break them down. Coconut oil is solid at room temperature, so it doesn’t go rancid. Keep almond oil in the fridge. And never use oils with latex condoms, diaphragms or cervical caps. Oils will make them dissolve: a condom will break in about 30 seconds if it comes into contact with oil.

A few tips for using lubricants. First, keep the bottle near the bed. You’ll want to be able to grab it when you need it. Second, pump bottles make it a lot easier to add more without fumbling to get the bottle open. Third, if you accidentally get too much lube out of the bottle, don’t put the extra back in. You don’t want to contaminate the bottle with anything that might be on your hand. And lastly, many lube makers offer single-use packets or small bottles. While they cost more per ounce than larger bottles, you can stick them in a pocket or purse pretty easily, not to mention your carry-on bag.

So I think that the best thing for you to do is to keep lube handy and use it when you need it. It takes about 5 seconds to apply and it’ll make sex a lot more fun. And don’t stress about whether it means anything that you sometimes need a little extra slipperiness.

Don't forget to send your questions to TrèsSugar, and our friend Dr. Charlie Glickman will offer his sound advice!