TresSugar

You Asked: Can I Split Their Showers?

DearSugar — Mon, 26 May 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I have two daughters, one is getting married in September and one is having a baby in September. Would it be OK to combine their showers and have one big one as opposed to two smaller ones? - Curious Mom Melinda

Dear Curious Mom Melinda,

While it makes perfect sense to simply combine the two showers, I can almost guarantee that your daughters would have some hurt feelings if you went that route. Since each has their own exciting news to celebrate, sharing a shower could take away from their individual joy.

I know showers can be expensive, but each of your daughters deserves their own moment in the spotlight. If you keep the guest lists down to just close friends and family, and if you have the showers at your home or at a friend's home, it'll be easy to keep the costs down. At the end of the day and after all the hard work is behind you, I bet you'll be glad that you showered your girls separately. Congratulations to them and to you!

Source

Group Therapy: Too Many Showers and not Enough Money!!!

Wed, 18 Apr 2007 16:00:00 -0700

Hello! I have a question and I am wondering who else has been in this situation. I work in a large office that is mostly women. At any given time there are 3 women who are pregnant and another five getting married. My question is this: in each situation, there are co-workers who plan showers for these women, usually short, small lunches just to congratulate them. I do not have a problem with this at all. Problem is, some of them have stepped it up to a new level. Last week I got the latest e-mail invitation for a surprise baby shower for an expecting co-worker.

Click here to

It also said this at the end:
"As for gifts, you have 2 choices, give cash to X who will be shopping for a present or give gift card to X store that mom is registered at."

Now, I would love to be able to give a little gift to everyone, but I am engaged right now myself and every spare penny is budgeted...I really can't afford a shower gift every month! To make it worse, they tracked down all of us who hadn't paid and then asked us where our money was!!! Am I being a total Grinch, or is it a little presumptuous to assume everyone can contribute to these things?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

How many baby showers is too many?

Fri, 12 Jan 2007 07:23:23 -0800

I don't have babies of my own, so I hope this doesn't come off as rude, but I have a friend that is expecting her third child. I just received an invitation to her baby shower. I attended showers for the first two babies, but I'm beginning to wonder, is it proper etiquette to have a shower for each baby? Her babies are all very close in age, the first two are still toddlers in fact, so she has all of the necessities. Am I selfish for thinking this is too much? I keep thinking about that Sex in the City episode where Carrie attends a baby shower for a friend and loses her very expensive shoes & how in a single, childless woman's life there is no reason they reason parties and gifts & yet we are expected to fork out money & gifts for all kinds of showers! I will probably go to the shower and bring a lovely gift, but I know I will resent it. So, the question is...is it proper etiquette to have a shower for each baby? What if she has 6 babies?

2nd Baby Shower Etiquette

DearSugar — Tue, 23 May 2006 06:04:07 -0700

Dear Sugar
What is the etiquette for second baby showers? I have a friend who had a baby 18 months ago and is having another shower for her 2nd child. People I talk to are outraged that she has the nerve to have another shower. I don't think there is anything wrong with it, especially if she found out that the second baby is a different sex than the first. What do you think? Is there a time limit? What if her first child was 4 years old? Would that make a difference? Confused Caren

Dear Confused Caren
I've heard of these. They are called "Sprinkles" - baby showers for the second child that is a different sex. But I don't really agree with them. I think that it's pretty tacky to have another shower. How much can you ask of your friends? First you get married and there are engagement, shower and wedding gifts surrounding those events and then you have a baby shower. If someone offers to throw you a shower and you would like to celebrate the pregnancy then sure, go for it - it's understandable that you will need things for a newborn. But asking for gifts again is over the top. You've already got the basics from your 18 month old, so you are basically just asking for girly stuff this time around. I don't think that's right. Your good friends are going to give you gifts anyway. But remember, if you do choose to go, then you are obligated to bring a gift

Hump Day: Why Do I Get Dry Sometimes?

TresSugar — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 04:00:00 -0700

Welcome to Hump Day, TrèsSugar's sex advice column. Are you confused about sex? Do you have trouble having an orgasm? Is there something you'd like to try but you're worried it's too weird? Send your questions to TrèsSugar, and our friend Dr. Charlie Glickman from Good Vibrations will offer his sound advice!

Today's Question:

"I get really dry sometimes when my boyfriend and I are having sex. I know all about lubricants, but I'm having trouble guessing when I might need help." To read Dr. Glickman's response, read more

There are a lot of reasons why women experience fluctuations in how much they lubricate. For some, it’s just part of the menstrual cycle. Some women lubricate more at ovulation, while others say that’s when they’re driest. Lots of women also report that their vaginal lubrication changed when they got pregnant and again, some say that they became much wetter and others say that they got drier. So while we know that changes in hormones can influence it, there’s a lot of variation in how much and in what direction. It’s also worth mentioning that menopause generally reduces how much lubrication your body will produce.

Lots of medications and drugs also affect vaginal lubrication, even if it’s rarely listed on the bottle or box. For example, allergy medications are formulated to dry the mucous membranes in your sinuses, but they can do the same to the vagina. Anti-depressants, antihistamines, anxiety medications, smoking cigarettes or marijuana, and drinking alcohol can do the same. In general, if a medication or drug makes your mouth or sinuses dry, it could also reduce vaginal lubrication. Unfortunately, most doctors are unaware of these effects or they don’t feel comfortable talking to their patients about it.

I think it’s really unfortunate that we have this cultural myth that vaginal lubrication is proportional to arousal. Many women find that they can be totally turned on while being pretty dry and others might be quite wet while barely aroused. The best thing we can do is learn to separate the two things in our minds.

You say that you know about lubricants, but for the folks who don’t, here’s a little info.

There are pros and cons to the lubricants on the market, and it can take a little experimenting to find one that will work for you. You might also find that a lube that worked great for a long time isn’t working so well anymore. It’s kind of like shampoo or skin lotion - after a while, you might need to change brands as your individual chemistry changes.

Water-based lubricants can be thin and slippery, or they can be thicker gels. They rinse away really easily, making cleanup a snap, but they do dry out after a while. The glycerin-based lubes last a bit longer, but they tend to get sticky when they dry out. You can add a little water or saliva to freshen them up. While glycerin doesn’t cause yeast infections, it can make one worse if you get one for some other reason, so if you’re prone to yeast infections, avoid these lubes. The glycerin-free lubricants don’t get sticky, but they usually don’t quite last as long. They soak in like hand lotion, so adding water doesn’t work; you need to add some more.

Silicone lubricants don’t dry out (so if you spill some on the kitchen floor, be sure to wipe it up) and are hypoallergenic. They’re also waterproof, which is a plus if you want to have sex in the shower but it can make them a bit trickier to clean up and they sometimes stain sheets. They’re also hypoallergenic and have no taste or scent.

Some people like to use oils as sexual lubricants. If you want to give them a try, use something organic and vegetable-based, such as coconut or almond oils. Mineral oils like baby oil or Vaseline actually dry the skin since the body can’t absorb them or break them down. Coconut oil is solid at room temperature, so it doesn’t go rancid. Keep almond oil in the fridge. And never use oils with latex condoms, diaphragms or cervical caps. Oils will make them dissolve: a condom will break in about 30 seconds if it comes into contact with oil.

A few tips for using lubricants. First, keep the bottle near the bed. You’ll want to be able to grab it when you need it. Second, pump bottles make it a lot easier to add more without fumbling to get the bottle open. Third, if you accidentally get too much lube out of the bottle, don’t put the extra back in. You don’t want to contaminate the bottle with anything that might be on your hand. And lastly, many lube makers offer single-use packets or small bottles. While they cost more per ounce than larger bottles, you can stick them in a pocket or purse pretty easily, not to mention your carry-on bag.

So I think that the best thing for you to do is to keep lube handy and use it when you need it. It takes about 5 seconds to apply and it’ll make sex a lot more fun. And don’t stress about whether it means anything that you sometimes need a little extra slipperiness.

Don't forget to send your questions to TrèsSugar, and our friend Dr. Charlie Glickman will offer his sound advice!

Thirsty Baby Takes A Shower

GiggleSugar — Fri, 06 Apr 2007 03:00:00 -0700

This cute little kid is trying to drink out of a hose. He gets a few sips in, but mostly manages to give himself a fully-clothed shower. Ah, to be young and oblivious!

Man Lives on Plane to Overcome His Fear of Flying

TresSugar — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 10:00:21 -0700

The tragic news about the vanished Air France flight makes anybody's fear of flying seem rational, but one man recently determined that it was time to get over his. So what did Mark Malkoff do to overcome his debilitating fear of air travel? He decided to spend one month living on a plane, staying onboard while the jet is on the ground or in the air.

Some days Mark does up to 12 fights! I think his fellow passengers have more to fear, though - Mark plans on "showering" with baby wipes and dry shampoo. You can check out Mark in his new home in the above video.

Do you face any irrational fears in your daily life? Have you ever gone to extremes to overcome one?

Mindy Kaling Is House Poor

GiggleSugar — Sun, 02 Nov 2008 02:00:00 -0800

The Office's Mindy Kaling has a new house, but nothing to fill it with. What's the quickest way to get some gifts? Have baby shower! Even though you have no baby. . .

5 Wedding Traditions and What They Mean

DearSugar — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 09:00:00 -0700

Something borrowed, something blue, and something . . . . totally bizarre. Don't you sometimes wonder where our weirder wedding traditions come from? From throwing rice to wearing blue, lots of things happen at weddings that I've never totally understood. Mental Floss has a fun list of eight weird origins of wedding traditions. Here are five of my favorite back stories from MF's list of bizarre traditions.

Brides wearing white. Apparently, it wasn't until Queen Victoria donned a white gown that this virginal shade became the wedding-dress color of choice. Before that, a bride was merely expected to dress in her finest finery.
Dads giving the bride away. The tradition of fathers walking daughters down the aisle actually goes back to the days when dads used female offspring as bartering tools to pay off debts or make peace.

Three more fun facts, so read more.

Tossing the bouquet. This one is hilarious: In the past, newlyweds would just sneak off to a separate room after the ceremony to consummate their union, and the wedding guests would crowd outside the door. The bride tossing her bouquet started as a way to divert guests' attention.
Saving the top of the wedding cake. Some couples save the top of their wedding cake to eat on their one-year anniversary. But the original reason people saved part of the sweet treat was so that it could be served at the first baby's christening.
Throwing rice as the couple leaves. Initially, this tradition wasn't limited to rice; guests could also opt for oats and corn. Either way, the sentiment is the same: showering the newly married couple with good fortune and fertility.

Source

Come Story Telling with me!!! The Completed Story

DearSugar — Sun, 17 Jun 2007 10:00:00 -0700

I hope you all enjoyed this new feature as much as I did! Your wild imaginations made for a great story line! To read the completed tale you all helped create, read more

I buckled my seat belt, lowered the shade, and put my eye mask story short, they join the mile high club when he realizes that she's his first girlfriend with a major makeover. (I'm talking complete overhaul, from Susie Bookworm to Bunny McBoobie). Of course I don't find out about this until my wedding night, when I dump his sorry butt instead of having a night of romance and rapture....so I'm in Cancun alone and heartbroken, when I decide, screw Cancun, it's full of American tourists. I need to get away from everyone involved with my wedding day. That's why I booked this flight to Thailand. I'm dying to see the beaches where the movie the Beach was filmed. If only I could find Leo waiting there for me. Although I knew I should be using this time for some much needed self reflection, I again said screw that -- I need to start having some fun. I can't sit around and mope the entire time I am in Thailand, I need to LIVE! My first day on the beach, I cozied up at the bar at my hotel, ordered a Sing Ha when a Taye Diggs dead ringer said, "I don't mean to bother you but can I buy you a drink?"

Immediately, my mind floated to that movie with Claire Danes and Kate Beckinsale. If I said yes to this guy, would he later put cocaine in my backpack and watch me get arrested and thrown in a Thai jail? Then I remembered the second Bridget Jones. Can't be all that bad can it? I looked Taye Diggs' doppelganger straight in the eyes and said, "I'd love a sex on the beach." With a devilish smile, and a suppressed laugh, he ordered, and winking at the waiter, said, "don't keep this lady waiting!" I was so flattered, and a girlish wave of excitement came over me, and just as I was thinking about how the day I dump my fiance I meet a new man, my drink came, and my elbow knocked it off the counter and onto his shoes until his girlfriend walks up. and says "What the Hell is going on here" in the snottiest tone of voice known to man.

I was extremely embarrassed from the spilled drink and she took my flushed cheeks as a sign of hanky panky between us. She launched into a rant about how he never respects her and this is why they are breaking up for the last time. She then turned on her heels and walked off. He said to me "sorry you had to witness that" Well that totally killed the mood so I said, "yeah, me too, but you'd better go after her." Seeing his girlfriend's retreat reminded of my own recent retreat, and I didn't want to trade one liar for another. "Excuse me, I said" and carried my new drink onto the beach. I was ready for some alone time and a nice walk, but it wasn't in the cards. Within minutes, a little boy wondered up to me "you buy pearls from me" he said with a huge smile on his face and held up some poorly strung plastic beads. "how old are you?" i asked him. "special deal! just for you!" he says, waving the beads around as if they are mystical. "no beads" I say "but here's $20. go home now it's late". he considers the money for a moment and then runs off without so much as a thank you. "come back here!" i hear a woman call "you no good little thief!" she looks after the boy and says to me "did he sell you MY PEARLS!?" I play dumb "who?" she doesn't bite "I saw you talking to that little thief!" "oh he was only a boy" I say. she runs after him, screaming about her precious pearls. "thank you" I hear from the boy as he scurried off. I looked down at myself, my hair was a mess, I smelt like tanning oil from being at the pool all day and I definitely needed a shower. I decided to call it a quits and began walking back to my hotel room when I think my heart may have stopped.I mean an abrupt stop at what I could have sworn was the hottest man in all of Thailand. He was on his cell phone and had a bag over his shoulder; it looked like he was just checking in. It took me about 30 seconds to realize that I had been standing there staring at him like a fan to brad pitt. I immediately snapped out of it and began walking towards my destination (elevators) which coincidentally happened to be right by him. As I swayed over in the most feminine walk I could stir up...whisked my hair over my shoulder and got ready to flash a smile, I noticed. a gold band around his left ring finger. As I felt the crushing blow, he looked over at me and grinned. His teeth were shining white, which only made my disappointment grow. I hurried toward the elevators, and pressed the button that would summon the machine. I waited, shifting my weight from side to side, I looked over and the man with the ring stood next to me. I could smell his expensive cologne wafting over and I nervously pressed the button again. He leaned toward me. "Do not be swayed by the ring." He whispered in a heavy accent. "It is my grandfather's wedding ring. When he died, he left it to me. It's the only finger it fits on, deceiving I know but it let's me weed out the good girls from the bad ones.

After letting out a huge sigh of release, to myself of course, I knew I had to act fast. "I am glad you said something, I was beginning to think all the good ones were taken". Did I really just say that, I thought to myself, without even knowing this mans name? "My name is Phoebe by the way" as I reached out my hand He smiled widely, took my hand, and gave me a steady, firm handshake. "Hmm..." I thought. "Now, this seems like a real respectable man." As the elevator doors opened, he motioned his hand for me to go first. I smiled, and we entered a very crowded elevator, full of people that smelled like musty water. Suddenly, e whispered into my ear, "can I buy you a drink after I drop off my bags?" Without thinking twice, I replied, "meet you in the lobby in 30!" Before he had a chance to respond, the elevator doors opened on my floor, I winked a goodbye, and ran down the hallway to my room so I could jump in the shower and make a quick change. So, I'm in and out of the shower lickadee-split, running around the room furiously getting ready when I stop and think "this is too good to be true." Um, yeah, wait a second, that's exactly what it is, it's too good to be true. Something seemed a little off about that whole interaction. Oh well, cest la vie! I have nothing to lose. Just as I'm throwing on my shoes and praising myself for getting ready so fast, I see that the message light on the phone in my hotel room is blinking. Hmmmm, that's strange, no one knows I'm here. So I pick up the phone to listen to the message, and it is the wrong number. I transfer the message back to the front desk and head out the door. As I stroll through the lobby I see he is not there. I sit in a chair, again contemplating if this is a good idea. I just ran away from a big mistake minutes before I was to walk down the isle. All of my family is probably wondering where I am and what happened. I decide to stroll back to the lobby looking at the industrial and downtown scenery. Telling myself: I wish it wasn't this complicated, but i guess i'll be patient." While i was looking at the scenery, i finally spotted her walking with a midnight blue gown with cobalt blue heels that make me think of her as the universe in the night that glitter with stars. I was suddenly hypnotize but thought, wow I didn't realize Angelina Jolie is here at this hotel. I wonder if she is doing a photo shoot or baby shopping. As I watched her from afar, I felt someone touch my arm. I turned suddenly to see the guy from the elevator standing by my side. "You ready for that cocktail, Phoebe?" He says, his voice soothing, deep, and sexy. I smile and say, "Absolutely" only once i got halfway into the word I burped! Seriously? omg. I felt my face burning from the shade of red it is, and then he burps too. I immediately had to suppress a giggle. I said "Well, excuse us both" and I held is arm as we walked to the bar. I couldn't quit thinking he must be a nice guy to immediately come to my aid like that. But I must keep a clear head. we just met! I just left someone at the altar and these thoughts i am having about a total stranger are ridiculous. I let go of his arm as we take a seat. Immediately our eyes met and something about them told me he was kind. He smiled as he reached across the table to brush the hair from my eyes. "Thank you" I mumbled, unable to fully comprehend what was happening to me. "So, tell me your story Phoebe",I beamed inside and thought, ME...he wants to know about ME. Just then he started to tell me about his Thai dance troop. He asked if I had ever danced or worn a costume. I told him never and he said I looked like just the kind of girl to play the part of the monkey in his troop. He even ordered a banana drink for me. Just as I was ready to accept, my cell phone rang. It was so loud it made me jump. It was none other than my devious, once-fiance.

I saw a look of disappointment on my date's face as I said "Just one second. I'll be right back, Aaron." I answered the call and exasperatedly said, "What? What is it now?" The fiance from hell replied "Phoebe, I.. I need some help I think you had my return ticket in your bag. My flight home leaves later today and I can't find it anywhere." "Just like, you," I sniped, "only calling when you need something. And anyway, what if I do have it? How is that going to help you get out of town today?" "Good point," he said, "and Phoebe, I didn't call because I lost my ticket. I called to say I love you and I'm an idiot and, well." "That's all well and good, but it's over," I said. "Have a nice life, I'll leave your ticket at the front desk."

Jerk.

As I hung up the phone I realized, wait, he has no idea where I am so leaving it at the front desk isn't going to be doing him any good.. oh well, to hell with him, I need to move on, and the one I want to move on with is sitting at my table inside. I walked back to my table and sat next to my lovely stranger. "Is everything alright?" he asked with utter sincerity 'Everything is great! I am ready for that drink!' Then I proceeded to tell him a little about myself. I did not talk about the past few days because I had decided if this went any further it would just be a vacation fling.

After 4-5 drinks he suggested dinner. I agreed and we walked the 2 blocks to this fabulous seafood restaurant. he walk to the restaurant with Aaron felt so natural. Laughing, and walking arm and arm, it was picture-esque I suppose you could say. The warm night and lamp-lit sidewalks only added to the dream-like, two-block walk. We finally arrived at the restaurant. The ambiance was filled with the buzz of busy chatter, the clang of silverware to plates, and the exotic mingling of spices mixed in with oysters, prawns, and catfish. We sat down to dinner and began what ended up being a very pleasant evening. We danced under the stars to a live jazz band at "Chandra's"(the local hot spot) enjoyed each other's walk down memory lane, and finally shared a passionate, yet respectful display of affection until Aaron finally walked me to my room. No sooner had I opened the door when all of a sudden my cell phone rang again. It was the loser in Cancun that had no ticket! He seemed like he really missed me at this point but who wouldn't being in a foreign country alone and with a hurricane coming. No ticket, no passport, no wedding; too bad he was such a creep to me. Now he must be thinking I would be suckered into whatever was up his sleeve. I stared at my phone for a second and flipped it open, "Yes?" "Phoebe, come on. You gotta forgive me. I just need my damn ticket and you're being selfish not letting me have it."

"Oh well, I don't even know how to send it to you. Why don't you just buy a new one? I don't have time for this." I snapped then paused for a moment. "...And selfish? I'm not selfish. I'm not the one who went stir crazy and joined the mile-high club with some prissy, fake breasted airline stewardess!" The rest of the conversation was him babbling, and finally I told him I'd end this civilly. I told him I didn't want him trying to contact me anymore. And I hung up.

"Sorry about that again... although this is a lot to take for one night, I really hope my ex isn't changing your opinion of me. I had a wonderful time with you tonight, it was actually the right time in, wow, so long I can't even begin to pin point it, where I actually had fun! Thank you."

"Phoebe, I think your delightful, and no, this night only made me respect you more. Goodnight, I also had a wonderful time with you, can we do it again tomorrow night? I would love to see you again."

A rush of emotion fell over my entire body as I replied, "Absolutely, I would love to see you again. Sleep well and I will see you tomorrow."

Needless to say, I slept like a baby.....