TresSugar

What Change Would You Still Like to See in the US?

TresSugar — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 12:00:00 -0800

Whether you make it to the polls or not, today is election day and marks one year since Americans elected Barack Obama as president. If you're curious how Obama managed to win, you can watch the documentary By the People: The Election of Barack Obama airing tonight on HBO. The film includes behind-the-scenes campaign footage and interviews with staff, volunteers, supporters, and opponents.

During the campaign, we heard a lot from Obama about "change." Among his accomplishments so far? There's the Matthew Shepard Hate Crimes Prevention Act, the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act, the protection of wilderness through setting aside federal land, legislation that allows the federal government to regulate tobacco, and a new defense bill that cuts pricey weapons programs. Still, supporters are waiting for some big-ticket change items, like the closing of Guantanamo, the repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell, the end of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, and real healthcare reform.

What change would you like to see?

Classy Ladies: 20 Actresses Who Are College Grads

TresSugar — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 11:00:00 -0700

When Emma Watson arrived at Brown University earlier this month, the paparazzi were ready. They snapped up pictures of what looked like her freshman orientation, while tabloids made up stories that she arrived by helicopter, which she later denied. But I believe her. A chance to be normal is a common reason for celebs to put their careers aside and start college. What's not the norm? Graduating. Check out these 20 actresses who have.

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The Significant Objects Project, Or, How to Sell Stuff on eBay

TresSugar — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 10:00:00 -0700

What makes an object significant, and possibly valuable? Some writers wagered that it's the story behind the object, and they set out to test their theory.

The Significant Objects Project pairs writers with an object and asks them to write a fictional story about it, with the belief it will then become significant to someone. Significance, in this case, means that someone would be moved to buy the object on eBay.

If you'd like to read the ~~description~~ story that accompanied the smiley face mug's auction on eBay and to find out its final price (it started at one dollar), read more.

The auction for this smiley face mug significant object started at $2 and ended at $32.08. Perhaps the price went up because of Ben Greenman's story, excerpted below?

"This object is best known from its appearance in the 1939 film No News From The Navy, a comedy starring James Wilton as a hapless midshipman who cannot set aside his seafaring ways, even when he is confined to dry land as a result of an injury. Wilton’s character (who is called, simply, “Sailor”) competes for the affection of a young woman named Evelyn (Mary Hannan) despite the opposition of her father (Gordon Howard) and a larger, determined suitor (Kenneth Lopp). The film is a second-tier comedy, but there is one classic scene. in which Sailor shaves before taking Evelyn out on a date. He is clearly accustomed to shaving aboard his ship, and as a result, he is constantly attempting to regain his balance, despite the fact the floor is level and stable. The critic Leonard Folsom has written that “The unheralded Wilton has a scene that combines the physical complexity of a Chaplin solo with close-ups of inexpressive expression that rival the finest moments of Keaton.” At the beginning of that scene, Wilton uses this smiling mug as his shaving mug, and while he sets it on the shelf above the washbasin midway through, it remains, as Folsom writes, 'an oddly compelling focus of the film so long as it is onscreen, enormous in its diminutive size, menacing in its cheer.' "

To find out how other significant objects fared on eBay, click here.

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Hump Day: My Boyfriend Is a One-Minute Man

TresSugar — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 06:00:00 -0700

Welcome to Hump Day, TrèsSugar's sex advice column. Are you confused about sex? Do you have trouble having an orgasm? Is there something you'd like to try but you're worried it's too weird? Send your questions to TrèsSugar, and our friend Dr. Charlie Glickman from Good Vibrations will offer his sound advice!

Today's Question:

"My boyfriend has premature ejaculation problems, and it's a little frustrating for me. As far as I know, he doesn't have any health problems. Is this psychological? Can I help him fix this?" To hear Dr. Glickman's response, read more

One of the challenges when talking about premature ejaculation is coming up with a common definition for it. Masters & Johnson defined it as when a man ejaculates before his (female) partner at least half of the time. Others have tried to define it as when he orgasms within two minutes of starting to have intercourse. That kind of definition works better in some ways, especially since many women don’t orgasm from intercourse. Ultimately, the “problem” of premature ejaculation rests on whether it causes concern for either person and since you’ve said that you’re finding it frustrating, that’s good enough for me.

There are a lot of potential causes of premature ejaculation, from the physical to the psychological. It can be caused by anxiety and stress, hormonal imbalances, prostate health issues, and relationship difficulties. With all of these possible reasons, some of which need a medical exam to detect, there’s no way for me to tell you what’s causing it for him. Having said that, there are some tips that I can offer you. Bear in mind that these assume that there aren’t any medical factors complicating the situation.

First off, anxiety is a common cause of both erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation. Unfortunately, worrying about whether it’ll happen can make it happen, creating a self-fulfilling prediction. One of the best ways to address that is to widen your definition of what you consider sex and pleasure to be. If you can let go of the focus on intercourse and enjoy the buffet of sexual options, the worry tends to decrease. It can be really helpful to talk about how you might make that happen when you’re not having sex or just afterwards. If he’s feeling embarrassed about the situation, it’s probably going to be a lot easier to have the conversation when the clothes are still on.

Another factor that can influence when a guy ejaculates is what position he’s in. For many men, being on top seems to make him orgasm more quickly, while lying back and being straddled can make things last longer. While I’m not aware of any actual research on this, I’ve heard stories from enough men to suggest that you give it a try and see what happens.

Still another reason that some men ejaculate more quickly than they or their partners might like is that they don’t know how to work with their sexual energy. Modern tantra and other similar practices offer many men a lot of useful tools and tips for lasting longer. While this approach might not be everyone’s cup of tea, I think it’s worth looking into. Check out Mantak Chia’s book The Multi-Orgasmic Man for a really interesting and easy-to-read take on this. He also has a book for women and one for couples.

Also, some men report that one of the best ways to last longer is to be on the receiving end of a little more foreplay. Actually, I dislike the word “foreplay” since it implies that everything else is just a lead-up to “real sex.” But leaving that aside, many of us are familiar with the idea that lots of women prefer/enjoy/need some warm-up before intercourse. What you might not know is that a slower approach can be a great thing for lots of guys, too. Men’s sexual arousal isn’t just about getting an erection; ramping up can increase how much sexual energy he can maintain. Or to put it another way, just because some guys can hit the ground running doesn’t change the fact that a little warm-up makes it a lot easier. So try extending how much time you give oral sex, hand-jobs, kissing, whatever. It can help him relax and increase his arousal, both of which reduce anxiety and can make it easier for him to last longer.

To get to the last question that you ask, there are some things you can do to help him but he needs to be willing to deal with this situation in the first place. A lot of men feel ashamed of early ejaculation, even though a lot of men experience it, at least sometimes. One of the best things you can do is to talk about it with him at a time when you’re not having sex. Right after it happens is probably not ideal since he’s having whatever feelings this brings up for him. And yes, men have feelings, even when (or especially when) they don’t know how to show them!

Do Tell: What's the Best Part of Being Single?

TresSugar — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 07:00:00 -0700

It's National Singles Week! Each year, the third week of September is carved out to recognize "singles and their contributions to society."

If you're single, you might think it's patronizing to have a week set aside to remind everyone that people of your same relationship status contribute to society. Is a reminder really necessary? But since now is the official time to celebrate being single, tell me: what's the best part of not having a significant other?

Also! In honor of all you fabulous single women, we've created a new group on the TrèsSugar Community. Join All the Single Ladies to keep the conversation going!

America: A Country For Rude People

TresSugar — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 14:00:00 -0700

High-profile incidents of rudeness have dominated the news cycle over the last week. The president of the United States can't give a speech without being heckled, Serena Williams lost her cool during the US Open, and yes, Kanye West acted like a "jackass" by interrupting Taylor Swift's VMA acceptance speech.

In today's New York Times, columnists David Brooks and Gail Collins weigh in on the decline of American manners. Specifically, conservative Brooks suggests that Kanye's outburst is a turning point for America's future, equivalent even to the Battle of Gettysburg (seriously, David Brooks?) and a sign that American society is in decline.

Putting aside the possible implications, do you think Americans are getting ruder?

Stranger Than Fiction: Policewoman Moonlighted as Prostitute

TresSugar — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 14:00:00 -0700

Claiming that she couldn’t survive on her policewoman’s salary, Victoria Thorne, 29, became a $170-hour call girl for the Notorious Girls escort agency in Sunderland, England, for years before being caught. Not being particularly discreet about this second job, Thorne posed in her underwear on the agency’s website.

In addition to flouting the law she was supposed to uphold, Thorne also accessed confidential police files to get information on Notorious Girls’ rivals. After a months-long investigation, Thorne was arrested and sentenced to 15 months in jail.

You hear about the occasional rogue police officer who confiscates, say, a cocaine stash from dealers, only to be caught later selling the stuff for profit. I wonder if Thorne’s case will be viewed on par with something like that - or if the sexual nature of her criminal behavior will bring harsher reproach from her fellow officers.

Aside from her rifling through sensitive police files and the fact that prostitution is illegal (yeah, I know, that's pretty bad) - do you think prostitution is as bad as drug dealing?

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I Hate to Ask But . . . Should Sarah Palin Step Aside?

CitizenSugar — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 07:42:35 -0700

We are t-minus four days (including today) from the Vice Presidential Debate starring Joe Biden and Sarah Palin, and the anticipation is mounting like a bull moose in season. And stacked equally as high as that anticipation? Criticisms waged against Palin's performance thus far.

From the skewering "Bono, King of Ireland" sketch on SNL ripping her Katie Couric interview to conservative columnist Kathleen Parker's call late last week for Palin to excuse herself from the race, the idea is in the wind. Here's Parker's reasoning:

My cringe reflex is exhausted. . . Only Palin can save McCain, her party, and the country she loves. She can bow out for personal reasons, perhaps because she wants to spend more time with her newborn. No one would criticize a mother who puts her family first. Do it for your country.

Added to that view is the revelation this weekend that some would look askance at - the proximity Palin puts to humans and dinosaurs - then the noticeable absence of Palin post-debate, and the tour of moms and coffee shops the campaign has dispatched her on. Is the campaign having second thoughts as well?

Whatever happens, Palin might have something exciting to look forward to on Nov. 4 - JC Penney has a registry for Bristol and Levi with their wedding date listed as that very day. Should that be the only big event for Palin that day?

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Do, Dump, or Marry? Eric Dane

TresSugar — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 07:00:00 -0700

Call me a perv, but I never thought twice about McSteamy until I saw the naked video he was in with his wife and fellow naked buddy.

Good taste aside, this guy is pretty hot. Premature salt 'n' pepper action, arched eyebrow, and the hint of a leer. (Rrrreow!) You probably know what my answer is - what'll it be for you?

The Slow-Sex Movement: An Introduction

TresSugar — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 11:15:00 -0700

You may have heard of the slow-food movement that started in Italy to counteract the rise of fast food, promote locally grown produce, and encourage meals made and eaten with care. A similar movement is taking hold in the sexual arena: the slow-sex movement. It borrows ideas from many Eastern practices like Tantra and Buddhist mindfulness but with a modern twist.

No, the slow-sex movement doesn't advocate having sex very, very slowly (although that could be one method of engaging in it!). Rather, it seeks to remind people in a pornified world, where the pressure for an ideal body or the "right way" to have sex, has taken them away from the foundation of sex: connection (with your partner and your own body), intimacy, and pleasure. (Based on some of your responses to our recent posts on orgasms - sexual pleasure can be particularly difficult for women.)

I recently had the opportunity to sit down and talk to one of the most vibrant (and controversial) voices of the slow-sex movement - Nicole Daedone, who runs OneTaste, an urban retreat center in San Francisco. (There's also a branch in New York City.) At OneTaste, women and men can learn about mindful sexuality through classes, lectures, or living at the center. The New York Times describes it as a "co-ed live-in commune dedicated to the female orgasm." Residents engage in morning "OMing" sessions in which women - naked from the waist down - lie in curtained rooms while fully clothed men stroke them to orgasm.

These mindful sex "research partners" and their practices could be easily laughed at or dismissed, but put your preconceptions aside and read the series of interviews with Nicole I will post in the next few days. I can't wait to hear what you think of it all!