TresSugar

This or That: Boring or Arrogant?

DearSugar — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 16:00:00 -0700

Your friend begs you to come on a double date as her wingman with a guy she’s crushing on. You hesitantly agree, seeing as how you know nothing about the friend her date is bringing. When they meet you guys at the restaurant, you’re pleasantly surprised - the friend is a total looker - but then he speaks. Would it be worse if the guys is . . .

This: A total bore - his voice just drones on relentlessly? He’s nice as can be, but you’ve never been so bored talking to someone.

Or . . .

That: Completely arrogant and overly opinionated? You spend the entire night arguing with him about politics and relationships.

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Turn On or Turn Off? Arrogance

DearSugar — Tue, 27 Nov 2007 13:00:00 -0800

No one likes insecurity. It can be a real downer in a relationship and oftentimes the smallest little things end up becoming blow-out fights when one person is more insecure than the other. While insecurity can be a total turn off, is the flip side any better? I happen to like confident men but others find cockiness to be a less than attractive quality. So ladies, what I want to know is: Do you think arrogance is a turn on or a turn off?

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Politicians, Narcissism and Cheating - Oh, My!

TresSugar — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 06:00:00 -0700

There's been no shortage of politicians in the news who cheated on their wives (Sanford, Spitzer, Clinton - we're talking about you), and the television show The Good Wife is even dramatizing this all-too-familiar story. Most social scientists and psychologists are not surprised; many of the traits that are required for political leadership are prevalent in narcissism: ambition, risk-taking, and charisma. You don't need to be a narcissist to be a political leader, but it doesn't hurt.

So what is narcissism exactly? We all have self-love on some level, but in the '80s, the American Psychiatric Association argued that it can become pathological enough to be considered a personality disorder. They claimed that one percent of the population has NPD (narcissistic personality disorder); it's since been revised by The Journal of Clinical Psychiatry, which said that 6.2 percent of the population has NPD. To find out about NPD, read more

According to the DSM-IV, here are the traits of Narcissistic Personality Disorder:

"A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

1. Has a grandiose sense of self-importance
2. Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty or ideal love (megalomania)
3. Believes they are 'special' and can only be understood by, or should associate with, people (or institutions) who are also 'special' or of high status
4. Requires excessive admiration
5. Has a sense of entitlement
6. Is interpersonally exploitative
7. Lacks empathy
8. Is often envious of others or believes others are envious of him or her
9. Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes"

Most of us will never date or marry a narcissistic politician, but some of us will have the misfortune to date narcissists, who have a tendency to cheat. "Infidelity," says Stanley Renshon, a political psychologist at City University of New York and who writes about psychology and political behavior, "is a byproduct of narcissism."

Do you know any narcissists or have you ever dated one?

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Top 10 Quotes From The Quotable Douchebag

TresSugar — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 04:00:00 -0700

The douchebag is everywhere. No matter how much we want to ignore him, he pops up with his arrogance, stupidity, and Ed Hardy shirts! Since he doesn't seem to be going anywhere, he might as well amuse us. Which brings me to The Quotable Douchebag: A Treasury of Spectacularly Stupid Remarks, bravely compiled by Margaret McGuire. The book not only has a pretty great explanation of how literal douchebags came to describe real-life douchelords, the quotes are incredible and hard to believe. Brace yourselves. The following quotes are just the tip of the doucheberg . . .

View Slideshow ›

Group Therapy: How Do I Deal With His Arrogant and Cocky Bragging?

Mon, 14 Apr 2008 03:00:00 -0700

I have been dating an amazing guy for the last 10 months, however just recently, I've started to realize just how cocky he is. Sure he is a successful and incredibly attractive guy, (at least to me) but is it really necessary to brag about everything? He's constantly letting me know just how many girls stare at him at the bar and he's always going on and on about how great of an athlete he is. Just today he was comparing his ex girlfriends to my ex boyfriends - bragging about how he's dated models. I'm not jealous at all but I can't tell if he's trying to make himself look good in front of me or if he's trying to prove that he's better than me all together. It's like he's in constant competition with everyone around him. I love him to death but this constant bragging has got to stop. It's ruining this relationship for me and really changing my views about him. Has anyone ever been in this kind of situation or have any good advice?

Girl Crush du Jour: Elisabeth Moss

TresSugar — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 08:00:00 -0700

It can't be easy playing a repressed character, but the women of Mad Men, in addition to walking around in some pretty form-fitting period clothes, must also express themselves from an early '60s version of womanhood which was restrictive in a different way.

Which brings me to Elisabeth Moss, who plays Peggy Olson, the lone female copywriter in a testosterone-saturated office full of arrogant ad men. Playing the game - while performing femininity as it's expected - Peggy keeps her cool and holds her own against the big boys. January Jones as the miserable Betty Draper may get more press, but Elisabeth's character intrigues me more! I'm girl crushing big time.

Do Tell: What Macho Traits Do You Wish Would Go Away?

TresSugar — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 08:30:00 -0700

We've heard about the he-cession and how the economic downturn has affected men's mental health perhaps even more than it has women's.

One writer goes further and says that all of this bad news for men is just paving the way for the death of macho as we know it. Macho arrogance got us into a lot of this global financial mess, he reasons, and its exit stage left will get us out of it. Furthermore, power dynamics are either shifting from men to women or equalizing in the public and private sphere into something more egalitarian.

I would love it if macho men stopped being homophobic, communicated better, respected women, and felt comfortable (gasp!) showing their emotional sides rather than trying to prove how tough they are. What macho traits would you be happy to see die off?

Front Page: Levi Johnston Weighs In on Palin's Resignation

TresSugar — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 08:00:33 -0700

Levi Johnston has offered his theory as to why Sarah Palin resigned as governor: money. He says the governor was stressed about finances and that he heard her say it would be nice to take advantage of offers for a reality TV show and a book. - New York Daily News
French tourists have been voted worst in the world, as hotel owners find them bad at foreign languages, cheap, and arrogant. - Reuters
A runway at JFK was closed today due to 78 crossing turtles. - LA Times
China has banned prayer for the Muslim Uighur population, hoping to stop ethnic violence. - New York Times
A young Spanish man has died at this year's Running of the Bulls in Pamplona, Spain. - BBC News

Dear Poll: Does High Self-Esteem Equate Cockiness?

DearSugar — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 09:00:00 -0800

Last week I asked you to tell me if you have high self-esteem, and some of you that answered yes feel as though your confidence is easily confused with cockiness. I think that's a common misconception - that just because you're sure of yourself you're automatically arrogant or rude, when in fact, those two characteristics are completely different. So to all of you self-assured women out there, tell me, is your confidence often confused with cockiness?

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You Asked: Why Do We Fight So Much?

DearSugar — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My husband and I have been married for nearly four years now and lately it seems like all we do is fight. Everything turns into an argument, and most of the time I have no idea why. I can't seem to trust him or anyone else not to hurt me. He says that I only listen to half of what he says, and even that half gets misinterpreted. I'm sure that I listen carefully and that while I definitely have trust issues, I'm not misinterpreting. He's a very arrogant man who has trouble admitting when he's wrong. The problem is that I don't know who's the problem here: am I being overly-sensitive or is he just being a jerk? How do I learn to trust him so that I can be more rational about this?

- Caught in Conflict Carol

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Caught in Conflict Carol,

Though I certainly can't say which came first, my best guess is that you and your husband's arguments have become cyclical. Meaning that his arrogance has led to your insecurities, which only further communicates to him that he's always right, in turn, only making you feel less trusting, and so the conflict continues. It shouldn't be a matter of determining who's in the right or wrong - it sounds like you both have significant grievances - but figuring out how to stop this cycle of fighting before it gets worse.

It's time to decide if you guys are ready to make a commitment to end these disputes. If so, then you have to stop playing the blame game because it's not going to get either of you anywhere. Instead sit down and communicate what it is about his language that makes you feel insecure; try to use specific words and phrases. When he says something that hurts you, repeat it back to him as you understand it, and let him explicitly say whether or not that's what he means to say. Even though you may not be misinterpreting things, it's quite possible that what he's saying is not what he actually means.

Finally, you both need to work on apologizing to one another. Though you can't force your husband to admit when he's wrong, you can start by doing that yourself. And instead of telling him when he's wrong, let him know that a simple apology would mean a lot to you. If none of these changes in communication work, consider talking to a therapist to find other avenues for you both to work through your concerns. Good luck!

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