TresSugar

Dear Quiz: "O" My, the Mighty Orgasm

DearSugar — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 12:00:00 -0700

Obviously we all have a lot to say about orgasms, and why shouldn't we? They're amazing. But I wonder what you really know about this particularly complex and pleasurable ability of our bodies. Take this quick quiz and let's find out!

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Dear Poll: Do You Like Your Ears Nibbled?

DearSugar — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 13:00:00 -0800

As I'm sure we all know, the female body is covered in erogenous zones like the back of your neck, inner thighs, or even your ears. It's those extra-sensitive places that when touched just the right way, can really get a girl in the mood. However, not all women enjoy attention in the same areas; in fact, one woman's hot spot may be another woman's off-limits zone. Ears seem to always fall into one of these extremes; either you love to have them sucked and nibbled or you can't stand it. So which side do you fall on?

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Sex Can Hurt

DearSugar — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 08:00:00 -0700

Sex is supposed to feel good - we can all agree on that. The thing is though, in order for a woman to get sexually aroused, she's got to be into it emotionally. She needs to feel loved and wanted, and if that's not happening, usually the woman won't get excited, and if she's not excited, her lady business won't create the natural lubrication that's so necessary for making sex feel good.

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That's the whole purpose of foreplay - you've got to warm up the car before you take it for a spin! All that kissing, touching, eye contact, and exchange of loving words arouses women so they're ready for intercourse. If a woman is dry, sex will be painful for her. Also, if you are on hormonal birth control or allergy medicine, vaginal dryness can be one of the annoying side effects.

Whatever the reason for your dryness, there's a personal lubricant out there to help. Astroglide feels very much like what your body creates naturally, but you may feel embarrassed picking up a bottle with a name like that. KY also makes a lubricant that seems less about sex, their Touch Massage 2-in-1 warming and tingling products, that can be used all over your body. Whatever you choose, you'll be happy that you did - it'll make your experience so much better if you suffer from vaginal dryness.

Dear's Advice: Some condoms contain spermicidal lubricant, but I'd steer clear of these - they can cause painful irritation for some women. Look for the condoms that contain only the lubricant without the spermicide.

What Happens During a Female Orgasm?

DearSugar — Thu, 21 Jun 2007 08:00:00 -0700

For those of you who have had the pleasure of having an orgasm (pun intended), you know that it is a sweet and satisfying sensation like no other. All women are different - some are quick to orgasm, while others need to be warmed up for quite a while. When it happens though, your entire body and soul feels utterly amazing.

So do you ever wonder what exactly is happening when you are about to reach your climax? Here's the deal:

Once a woman becomes sexually aroused, her heart begins to beat quicker, and she breathes faster. She'll tighten various muscles all over her body. Her breasts will enlarge slightly and her nipples will become erect. Some women's faces, necks or chests will become flushed. Also, her clitoris enlarges.
She'll notice that her vagina will have created a natural lubricant that will make sex much more enjoyable (if you're too dry, sex can really hurt).
Her labia (lips) will flatten out and open up. Inside, her vagina will lengthen and widen (preparing for you know what). All this happens because blood rushes to the pelvic area - called engorgement - and creates a pleasurably warm sensation in that area (you know what I'm talking about).

We're just getting started. Want to find out what happens next? Then read more

As arousal continues, everything becomes even more enlarged and all the changes mentioned above become more pronounced. Yet the woman's clitoris actually retracts under the hood and gets 50% shorter right before she climaxes.
When the woman reaches orgasm, her skin will flush and muscles all over her body will continue to contract. Blood pressure, heart rate, and breathing rates will continue to rise.
In the vagina itself, she'll feel rhythmic contractions in the outer part of the vagina, in her uterus and anus. These intense pulses happen about once ever second. Mild orgasms have 3-5 pulses, and intense orgasms have 10-15. Wow!

Did you Know? The muscle contractions you feel in your uterus when you have an orgasm actually have a purpose - they help to suck semen higher up into the vagina, making it easier for sperm to swim to your egg and help you get pregnant!

Constantly Aroused? You Might Be Suffering From PSAS

DearSugar — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 09:00:00 -0800

Feeling aroused is a wonderful and welcomed feeling, especially when it happens with someone you're about to get it on with, but for some women, being aroused for hours, days, or even weeks is more of a condition than a blessing. This disorder is known as persistent sexual arousal syndrome (PSAS) or persistent genital arousal disorder (PGAD). Check out this clip from Grey's Anatomy to see what I mean.

To hear more about this condition, read more.

This unique syndrome is not a result of being an extremely sexual person, and it's usually unrelated to sexual desire. PSAS is a fairly new condition, only identified in 2001, and women that have it can experience hundreds of spontaneous orgasms a day, either with sex or without, but the feeling of arousal never subsides. It can be triggered by vibrations from a plane or a car, or it can have no trigger at all. Women experience a range of feelings from tingling, to throbbing, to full-on intense When Harry Met Sally outbursts. Most women think it's unbearable, but unfortunately, since not much is known about what causes this condition, there's no known cure for it. Have any of you ever known someone with this disorder?

Stranger Than Fiction! Man Marries Video Game Character

TresSugar — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 11:00:55 -0800

This past Sunday a man known as "Sal9000" and his fiancé Nene Anegasaki vowed to stay together until death, or a power outage, do them part. You see Sal9000's new wife Nene happens to be a video game character in the addictive Nintendo DS game Love Plus. A priest, live audience, MC, and friends of the happy couple were also present at the event, and the bride's virtual maid of honor even gave a speech. A slideshow recounted how the couple met and teased Sal for being quite the player before he met Nene - he had lots of other video game girlfriends. The whole event was livecasted, and Boing Boing put together the video below so we could all witness this unique wedding.

This story might be the first time I've heard of someone marrying an anime character, but I have read about those who "marry" other inanimate objects. The term "objectum sexuals" describes people who feel attraction, arousal, love, and commitment for objects. One woman even held a ceremony in Paris and married the Eiffel Tower. Talk about nontraditional weddings.

Nudie Mag Wants to Show Men in All Their, Ahem, Glory

TresSugar — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 10:00:21 -0700

It's hard out there for a magazine full of naked men - or, maybe not so hard. I was already skeptical about Filament, the recently launched erotic periodical for women. Now the magazine is wondering whether it should print photos of males who are clearly aroused.

Filament aims to be artful and appealing to women, setting itself apart from Playgirl. But if it prints images of erections, does it cross the line from art into pornography? See what Filament has to say about the matter.

I Can't Get Aroused

DearSugar — Sat, 26 Aug 2006 13:51:07 -0700

Dear Sugar
I can't get turned on. I've been dating this super cute guy who I have tons of fun with for about two months now, but every time we kiss/make out/touch I don't feel anything at all.

It's really weird. I've tried relaxing and thinking of sexy things that have turned me on in the past, but nothing seems to work. It's not just this guy, but this has happened with other guys as well. I'm afraid to have sex. I've never masturbated because I don't ever get the urge to since I never get turned on. I feel horrible and abnormal. What Could It Bea?

To see DEARSUGAR's answer read more

Dear What Could It Bea?
Don't feel horrible or abnormal, you are not alone. In fact, according to the The Journal of the American Medical Association, a whopping 43% of women between the ages of 18 to 59 suffer from some type of sexual dysfunction.

I would ask you if you have ever been turned on by a member of the same sex, and maybe that is what is confusing you or making you feel less sexual, but that doesn't seem to be the case. You could very well have SAD - Sexual Arousal Dysfunction. If I were you, I would talk to a physician about this...you've got nothing to be embarrassed about.

Sexual dysfunction is medical jargon that best describes those who have a: lack of or minimal desire for sex, arousal problems, or those who have trouble reaching orgasm. If you aren't getting blood flow to that area or any genital lubrication that could also be the problem. These issues can be fixed with meds or with
vaginal jellies, so don't let it get you too hot and bothered!

Hump Day: Where's My G-Spot?

TresSugar — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 10:00:00 -0700

Welcome to Hump Day, TrèsSugar's sex advice column. Are you confused about sex? Do you have trouble having an orgasm? Is there something you'd like to try but you're worried it's too weird? Send your questions to TrèsSugar, and our friend Dr. Charlie Glickman from Good Vibrations will offer his sound advice!

Today's Question:

"I have decent enough sex with my boyfriend, but I don't always have an orgasm. I've heard that if my G-spot is stimulated, not only will I have a better chance of having an orgasm, but that it will be more intense. Is this true? Where is the G-spot?"

To hear Dr. Glickman's answer, read more.

Let’s start with a little anatomy.

The G-spot is a relatively small patch of tissue that you can find by inserting a finger into the vagina and curving towards the belly button (upwards if you’re on your back). Many women report that the G-spot is much easier to find if they’re already turned on because it engorges with blood. In fact, some women and their partners find that the G-spot can go from impossible to find to quite prominent during arousal. So start off with something that definitely works for you and then try adding G-spot explorations.

The G-spot surrounds the urethra and some folks find that stimulating it can feel sort of like needing to go to the bathroom. You may find it helpful to go to the bathroom before starting out so that you’ll know that your bladder is empty. Also, some women have discovered that G-spot play can result in female ejaculation. While scientists disagree about female ejaculation, we do know that it’s not urine and is chemically similar to men’s prostatic fluid. This makes sense, since the G-spot and the prostate are quite similar. If you’re concerned about it, put a towel down first so you can relax and enjoy the ride.

As far as whether G-spot play will rock your world or not, I can’t make any promises. Some women adore it and would never choose to have sex without it. Others find it uncomfortable or say that it just doesn’t do anything for them. As always when it comes to sex, your mileage may vary so don’t get stressed out if it doesn’t do much for you.

OK, so how do you actually do G-spot play? First, it may be easier if your boyfriend is the one wielding the fingers. It can be a bit awkward to try to reach it yourself. Some popular techniques include the “come-here” motion, making circles, tapping, stroking, or the “windshield wiper” movement. It may also be more fun if he’s pleasuring your clitoris at the same time, perhaps with his other hand or his mouth. Or you could use a hand or a vibrator on your clit.

If you want to use a toy for the G-spot, try something with a curve or a prominent head since those shapes makes it easier to hit the spot. Here are a few popular ones. Or you might enjoy one of the ”Rabbit” style vibrators.

For more detailed information about the G-spot, I’m a big fan of the DVD The Expert Guide to the G-Spot as well as the book Female Ejaculation and the G-Spot.

If you’re looking for ways to increase your chances of having an orgasm during intercourse, you might find that some G-spot fun as a warm-up improves your odds. Even if G-spot play doesn’t result in an orgasm for you, if it increases your pleasure and arousal, that will probably make it easier to have an orgasm when doing something else. Or you could have a G-spot orgasm before having intercourse, if that works better for you. You could also see if using a vibrator or your fingers on your clitoris during sex does the trick. After all, 70 percent of women report that they need some clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm, so you’d be in good company.

Hump Day: Why Do I Get Dry Sometimes?

TresSugar — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 04:00:00 -0700

Today's Question:

"I get really dry sometimes when my boyfriend and I are having sex. I know all about lubricants, but I'm having trouble guessing when I might need help." To read Dr. Glickman's response, read more

There are a lot of reasons why women experience fluctuations in how much they lubricate. For some, it’s just part of the menstrual cycle. Some women lubricate more at ovulation, while others say that’s when they’re driest. Lots of women also report that their vaginal lubrication changed when they got pregnant and again, some say that they became much wetter and others say that they got drier. So while we know that changes in hormones can influence it, there’s a lot of variation in how much and in what direction. It’s also worth mentioning that menopause generally reduces how much lubrication your body will produce.

Lots of medications and drugs also affect vaginal lubrication, even if it’s rarely listed on the bottle or box. For example, allergy medications are formulated to dry the mucous membranes in your sinuses, but they can do the same to the vagina. Anti-depressants, antihistamines, anxiety medications, smoking cigarettes or marijuana, and drinking alcohol can do the same. In general, if a medication or drug makes your mouth or sinuses dry, it could also reduce vaginal lubrication. Unfortunately, most doctors are unaware of these effects or they don’t feel comfortable talking to their patients about it.

I think it’s really unfortunate that we have this cultural myth that vaginal lubrication is proportional to arousal. Many women find that they can be totally turned on while being pretty dry and others might be quite wet while barely aroused. The best thing we can do is learn to separate the two things in our minds.

You say that you know about lubricants, but for the folks who don’t, here’s a little info.

There are pros and cons to the lubricants on the market, and it can take a little experimenting to find one that will work for you. You might also find that a lube that worked great for a long time isn’t working so well anymore. It’s kind of like shampoo or skin lotion - after a while, you might need to change brands as your individual chemistry changes.

Water-based lubricants can be thin and slippery, or they can be thicker gels. They rinse away really easily, making cleanup a snap, but they do dry out after a while. The glycerin-based lubes last a bit longer, but they tend to get sticky when they dry out. You can add a little water or saliva to freshen them up. While glycerin doesn’t cause yeast infections, it can make one worse if you get one for some other reason, so if you’re prone to yeast infections, avoid these lubes. The glycerin-free lubricants don’t get sticky, but they usually don’t quite last as long. They soak in like hand lotion, so adding water doesn’t work; you need to add some more.

Silicone lubricants don’t dry out (so if you spill some on the kitchen floor, be sure to wipe it up) and are hypoallergenic. They’re also waterproof, which is a plus if you want to have sex in the shower but it can make them a bit trickier to clean up and they sometimes stain sheets. They’re also hypoallergenic and have no taste or scent.

Some people like to use oils as sexual lubricants. If you want to give them a try, use something organic and vegetable-based, such as coconut or almond oils. Mineral oils like baby oil or Vaseline actually dry the skin since the body can’t absorb them or break them down. Coconut oil is solid at room temperature, so it doesn’t go rancid. Keep almond oil in the fridge. And never use oils with latex condoms, diaphragms or cervical caps. Oils will make them dissolve: a condom will break in about 30 seconds if it comes into contact with oil.

A few tips for using lubricants. First, keep the bottle near the bed. You’ll want to be able to grab it when you need it. Second, pump bottles make it a lot easier to add more without fumbling to get the bottle open. Third, if you accidentally get too much lube out of the bottle, don’t put the extra back in. You don’t want to contaminate the bottle with anything that might be on your hand. And lastly, many lube makers offer single-use packets or small bottles. While they cost more per ounce than larger bottles, you can stick them in a pocket or purse pretty easily, not to mention your carry-on bag.

So I think that the best thing for you to do is to keep lube handy and use it when you need it. It takes about 5 seconds to apply and it’ll make sex a lot more fun. And don’t stress about whether it means anything that you sometimes need a little extra slipperiness.

Don't forget to send your questions to TrèsSugar, and our friend Dr. Charlie Glickman will offer his sound advice!